Chapter 23
CHAPTER
TWENTY-THREE
Florian
I don’t have a boyfriend. But I do have a pretend boyfriend.
It’s not the same thing. Obviously.
But I am too selfish to tell Mateo that I don’t need him. I don’t want to envision a life where he does not play any part of it, even a fake part.
“Nothing will change,” Mateo says. “I’ll still be here.”
“I suppose,” I say. “You were always only my fake boyfriend. I just didn’t know it.”
“Yes,” Mateo says eagerly. “Yes.”
I wince.
I am so embarrassed. How could I have thought this beautiful man was mine? What signs were there that he was bewildered and bemused by my enthusiasm? What did I miss?
Everything. I missed everything.
I frown, and his eyes turn soft and worried. I force a smile on my face. It’s wobbly, and Mateo looks uneasy.
He will regret spending any more time with me.
I stand up.
He looks at me with concern, and my cheeks heat again.
He must think I’m so pathetic. I am a hockey player. I should not need Mateo by my side the way a child might want a stuffed animal in his arms.
Someone knocks on the door, and Mateo heads to it gratefully as Jason enters the room.
Jason averts his gaze. Did he see me fall off the treadmill?
“See you at lunch?” Mateo asks brightly.
“Yes.”
I leave the massage room like I remember leaving all those weeks ago. That day, I’d been running. I want to run now too.
I return to the gym, then climb onto one of the stationary bikes, in case I accidentally do something silly like collapse again.
Finn and Noah are on one side of me, and Vinnie and Evan lift weights together on my other side.
I force my gaze forward.
Mateo
Florian knocks on my door at precisely 12:55, so that we can be at lunch at exactly 1 PM.
“Hello, Mateo,” he says.
His demeanor is formal, even for him, and my smile is too wide and bright, even for me.
We walk down the hallway to the lunchroom. This time, Florian does not take my hand, and when I step closer to him, his entire body stiffens.
It is… well, it is not wonderful. It is awkward and strange. The man whom I cuddled with is gone, and he has been replaced with a robot who only tolerates me.
I shouldn’t have lied to him.
But he is so incredibly understanding, and he seems to want this pretend relationship, despite everything, so that is what we do. We walk into the cafeteria.
“Hi, Florian!” Finn says cheerfully. “Do you need any help? I can show you around!”
“Mateo is showing me around,” Florian says. “Mateo is my boyfriend.”
“That’s right!” I say extra enthusiastically.
Finn’s gaze moves from Florian to me. His lips twitch. “I am aware.” He steps back. “I’ll leave you to the meal exploration.”
Florian gives a curt nod. He looks like he’s about to collapse. Maybe food is a good thing to give him.
Florian picks up a tray, then hands it to me. He then picks up a tray for himself.
“Excellent boyfriend move,” I say.
He smiles slightly, though his eyes have a terrified expression I hate. Florian and I take various food items, then we join Finn and Noah at a dining table.
Finn and Noah grin at us.
“It’s so wonderful to meet another couple,” Finn says. “You should totally come for dinner!”
Florian attempts what I think is a smile.
“You can tell us all about your secret romance,” Finn says.
There is no pink in Florian’s skin, only white and green.
“He swept me away,” I say. “We were secretly dating!”
Florian looks sad.
“Not secret now,” Noah says.
I shovel some food into my mouth. So does Florian.
Finn and Noah launch into the story of how they eloped in Vegas, and when Florian’s plate is empty, and we exchange a glance, I am soon making excuses.
Florian and I escape to the massage room. This time he does not go inside.
“I’ll, uh, go back to the gym,” Florian says.
“That’s a lot of training for your first day,” I say. “I have massage appointments all afternoon. You could go back to your apartment.”
“Oh.” He looks down. “I suppose I could.”
“Do you want me to come back to your place tonight? Before the dinner with your family?”
“You do not need to come,” he says.
“Oh.” I step back. “Are you sure?”
“People generally do not like to meet with in-laws,” he says, his voice formal. He frowns. “Not that my family are your in-laws… I mean, I know I never thought we were married.”
“I know what you mean,” I assure him. “At least you didn’t think we married, like Noah and Finn did. That would have been—”
He stares at me.
“More dramatic,” I say, even though getting amnesia then announcing that you’re gay and you are dating a team staff member definitely counts as dramatic.
Florian hesitates, then gives another one of his short, militaryesque nods.
“I don’t mind seeing them,” I say.
“It is your free evening after a long day of massage. You do not need to spend your free time with me.”
“Oh.” My heart feels like it’s shattering, which is ridiculous, because Florian and I were never together. This is not a breakup. No.
“But we’re still together?” I blurt out. I inhale. “Officially, I mean.”
“If that works for you…”
“It does,” I say. “Definitely.”
He nods and my not-real-boyfriend looks a fraction less distressed.
I always knew that Florian would remember, or at least, always hoped he would recover his memory. I want to shake away his distress, to have it disappear in the same way that people come to me with aches and pains and have them vanish.
I want it so badly.
But instead, the door shuts, and I am alone.