Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
RENLEY
The need to avoid him this morning is so overwhelming that I sneak down the stairs of the house, turn the corner to see if Aunt Kitty is downstairs, and when the coast is clear, move toward the front door and slip my shoes on.
I know. I freaking know. I’m about to sneak out and walk without him again.
But come on, how am I supposed to face him after last night?
I’d like to say that I’m mature enough to go on a walk with a man who just cupped my breast, but I’m not.
I’m a weenie.
I’m not equipped to handle this, especially since there’s only been one other person in my life who has touched me like that, and he never made me feel the kind of excitement that Theo has made me feel.
Not even close.
But do you know what’s really grating on my nerves? How when I saw him last night, I actually felt my heart leap in my chest. I was so excited to see him.
And I hated that.
I hated that he made me want to hug him, kiss him, wrap my legs around him.
I hate that I wanted to ask him more about his trip, what he thought of Boston, if he recommended particular sights to see, even ask what he and Rupert got up to. Although, I’m not sure I really want to know…I’m invested, it seems, in his life.
How did that even happen?
How did he immerse himself in my life so quickly that I feel this much overwhelming excitement when he walks into my candy shop?
This is why I need to walk by myself. Get my head on straight. Figure out how to handle all of this.
Sorry, Theo, but a girl needs to think.
I open the front door and slowly sneak out, being sure to close the door quietly. Then I head down the porch steps—
“Told you she’d leave,” Theo says, popping up from the bushes, scaring the ever-loving crap out of me.
“Holy…fuck,” I say, gripping my chest just as Aunt Kitty pops up as well.
“I thought I taught her better to keep her word. Where did I go wrong?”
“What the hell are you two doing?” I ask, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Making sure you didn’t leave Theo high and dry.
” She attempts to move past the bush but gets her pant leg caught in a branch, sending her straight to the ground.
“Confound it,” she says, shaking her leg.
“Get off me, you branch.” She rattles, shimmies, and then pulls away, rolling like a loose log across the lawn until she’s completely free.
“You okay?” Theo asks.
“That branch had a vendetta and I wasn’t about to be a part of it.” She stands and brushes off her tracksuit jacket. “Now, go on your walk with your man—”
“He’s not my man.”
“He is and don’t try to walk out on him again. I’m watching you,” she says, pointing to her eyes with two fingers and then at me. Then she snaps her fingers and says, “Rupert, on the double.”
Groaning, Rupert crawls out from under the bush, only to collapse onto the lawn. “It’s too early.”
“Don’t you dare give me that. The sun has risen, which means we’re on the clock. Now get up or I’ll start riding you myself.”
Rupert lifts his brow. “You know I’m not opposed to that.”
“Okay,” I say. “Don’t say creepy shit to my aunt.”
With that, I move past them and start toward the sidewalk. I can’t be a part of whatever is going on with my aunt and Rupert.
“Think you’re going to go on without me?” Theo asks, coming up to me.
“That was the plan.”
“You know, that hurts after the rules I sent you.”
“You never got my revisions; it said in there if you kiss me, the next day I’m allowed to go on a walk without you.”
“I never would have signed off on that.” He pauses and then asks, “Just out of curiosity, what does it say about what happens after I feel you up?”
I glance at him, that ridiculously hot smile of his stretching from ear to ear.
“It says you’re supposed to go back to England.”
“Yeah, that’s not happening. Nice try though. I think it should say, ‘If Renley allows Theo to cop a feel, then she should return the favor.’ So anytime you want to cup me, feel free.”
“That will never happen.”
He scratches the side of his face. “For some reason, I don’t believe that.”
“Believe it. Whatever happened last night is a distant memory. Just a lapse in judgment, something that won’t happen—”
He snags my hand and twirls me around until I’m under the tree where I found him pretending to be hurt. He presses me against the tree trunk and then lifts my chin.
“A distant memory?” he asks, his body inching up against mine. “So you’re telling me that when I’m this close, it doesn’t have an effect on you?”
I try to hold back my gulp, my shakiness, my need for this man.
“It doesn’t,” I answer, my voice feeling shaky.
“It doesn’t?” His nose runs across my cheek, his lips a whisper away from mine.
“No,” I breathe heavily.
“Okay.” He moves in even closer, his lips barely dancing across mine. “Then don’t kiss me. I dare you not to.”
“Easy,” I say, which is a big fat lie. My body thrums with my stupid need for this man.
Why?
Why am I like this?
Why does he make me want to throw all caution to the wind, forget about the worst-case scenario, and just live in the moment?
I’ve never been that person.
I’ve always been cautious and calculated.
I’ve made sure to protect myself, because that’s what I needed to do to survive in this town.
But with him, it’s like all of that fades away, and my mind and body allow him to take over.
He cups my face, his thumb caressing my cheek.
“Easy? You think you can keep yourself from kissing me?”
“Mm-hmm,” I say, even though I know it’s seconds before I give in.
“Okay.” His mouth glides across mine again before he says, “You’re so beautiful, Renley.
Not sure how many people have told you. I’m hoping not a lot because I’m a jealous man.
I want to be the one who tells you just how beautiful you are because that feels sacred, like something that should be shared just between us.
I want to be the guy who makes your heart thump, who gets to whisper things into your ear.
Things like…”—he brings his mouth to my ear as his hand falls to my waist, pinning me against the tree—“things like if Tilly didn’t interrupt us, my mouth would have sucked and licked every last inch of your trembling body.
I was fucking hungry last night, and all I wanted was to taste you. ”
Goosebumps spread over my skin, down my legs, and up my arms, coating me in a delicious feeling of being wanted…needed.
Keeping his lips right next to my ear, he continues, “And it would have been hard to hold back, to maintain any sense of control, because you’re all I think about, Renley. I would have begged you to end this misery and let me finally have a taste, let me spread your legs and own you.”
Oh my God.
No one has ever talked to me like this before.
No one.
And now that it’s happening, I don’t know what to do with myself.
“But you don’t want that, right?” He kisses my cheek, my jaw, and then moves over to the other ear.
“You don’t want me sliding my hand up your shirt, touching you, caressing you.
You don’t want my lips, my tongue, my infatuation.
You don’t want my cock, despite how I would have killed to bury myself deep inside of you. ”
“Jesus,” I whisper, my hands falling behind me, to keep them from touching him.
He runs his nose over my cheek and then brings his lips right in front of mine.
“Tell me right now that you don’t want me, Renley, but you have to look me in the eyes. Tell me you don’t want any of that.”
Come on, you can do this.
Easy.
Just a little lie. Wouldn’t be the first time.
Gathering as much courage as I can muster, I look him in the eyes and I open my mouth to say that I don’t want any of the things he’s offering, but nothing comes out.
It’s easy, Renley, just say, “I don’t want any of that.”
But every time I attempt to say something, it feels like the words get stuck in my throat.
“That’s okay, Gossy, it’s hard to lie, especially when you have to look someone in the eyes.” He connects his forehead with mine, not letting me break contact. “I want you. I want this. And I want you to give me a chance.”
Then he pushes away from the tree and holds out his hand.
My chest is heaving, my head is spinning, and I’m pretty sure if he touched me, I’d explode from the amount of heat built up inside me.
I stare at his hand.
“We’re going for a walk. Come on.”
He’s going to act like he didn’t just turn me on. Like he didn’t just press me against a tree and talk about driving his cock inside me.
Not able to process any of this, I push off the tree and avoid holding his hand, instead starting to walk and forcing him to have to catch up to me.
“Okay, going to act like you don’t want to hold my hand, that’s fine.”
“I’m not acting. I actually don’t want to hold it.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re annoying me,” I say, picking up my pace, my heart still thumping, my legs trembling beneath me.
“How am I annoying you?”
“By breathing.”
“Ahh, so you want me dead then.”
God, he’s so frustrating. Why is this my life? One drunken night and this is what I have to deal with.
Taking a deep breath, I turn to him and say, “Listen, did I kiss you last night? I did. Because you’re a good kisser and I guess it was a weak moment.
I also allowed you to do other things, which was also a weak moment because I’m a woman with needs after all, but that doesn’t change anything.
Okay? You’re you and doing God knows what with your summer, while I’m me and I’m trying to open a business that means everything to me.
We are on two different paths and I think we just need to accept that. ”
“Why won’t you just have fun for the summer? Let your hair down?”
“Because I have a job to do.”
“You realize you can do both, right?” he asks. “You can have fun and you can open a business. It doesn’t have to be either-or. But you’re so dead set on pushing me away and not allowing yourself to breathe while you’re taking on a huge project. You’re going to burn out.”