Chapter 29
Chapter Twenty-Nine
THEO
Why am I so nervous?
This is ridiculous.
But ever since she said she’s working on new rules, I’ve been pacing back and forth, waiting for her to slip something into my mailbox. It’s been hours. So many hours of waiting, and frothing, and waiting while frothing.
And sure, it really hasn’t been hours and I’m unclear on how to make myself froth, but I can’t take the anxiety. What if she wants to end all touching?
Sorry, lady, your nipple pressed against my palm last night and that’s a feeling I can’t erase. No, madam, it’s there forever.
No touching will not be agreed upon—of course if she really asks for it, I’m a dignified man, not some plonker who thinks he can take advantage of women. If she says no, then it’s a no.
But please, fuck, don’t let it be a no. I feel like I’ve made so much progress, and even with everything up in the air, I wouldn’t be giving myself a fair shot to explore the idea of what it would be like to…I don’t know, have a fling and then get engaged.
God, how fucked up is that sentence? Have a fling and then get engaged? How about date her, you twit.
The door opens and my heart thumps loudly as I look up to find Rupert walking in, wiping his brow with a sweatband on his wrist and drinking what seems to be a freshly squeezed juice.
“It’s going to be a scorcher today. Phew.” He sips his drink and looks me up and down. “Why are you just standing in the middle of the living room?”
“Waiting for something from Renley.”
“Oh.” Rupert reaches into his pocket. “She gave this to me like half an hour ago to give to you and I forgot about it when Kitty promised me her freshly squeezed lemonade.”
“You arsehole,” I say, snatching it from him. “You should have brought it to me right away.”
“I got distracted.”
Grumbling, I grab my phone and go to my room, shutting the door. I send a quick text to Renley letting her know that Rupert just gave me the rules and that he never should be trusted to transfer information. I lie back on the pillow and then open up the letter.
Dear Theo,
As I stated before, here is what I’m proposing for the new rules.
I need to do this for myself, because there are goals I want to accomplish and even though I know I need to add fun to my life, I don’t want to get sidetracked from those goals.
And you have intentions that I’m still unclear about, and well… I need things to not get complicated.
So let me know what you think, and when you’re done, I’ll meet you at the candy shop.
RULES FOR THEO AND RENLEY
Rule Number One: Renley and Theo will not date anyone during the summer months while Theo is still in Cape Meril.
Rule Number Two: Theo is allotted unlimited visitation rights to Renley, including the walk in the morning.
Rule Number Three: Renley is allowed to cancel morning walks with Theo if she needs to work out her thoughts, because before Theo arrived, her morning walks were always her thinking time, and he needs to understand that and give her space if she needs it.
Rule Number Four: Theo is allowed to flirt with Renley. Renley is allowed to ignore such flirtation. If Renley is not amused, that’s a him problem, not a her problem. Winking is allowed.
Rule Number Five: Theo is not allowed to propose to Renley. They are on two different paths, and marriage is not an option for them.
Rule Number Six: Renley hopes that Theo helps her with her candy shop, because she understands what it means to feel proud of something.
Rule Number Seven: Theo and Renley need to practice healthy communication. Meaning she will answer his texts, but he needs to also be upfront and honest.
Rule Number Eight: The candy shop is the most important thing in Renley’s life right now and she can’t be distracted from pursuing her goal of making it a success. Theo needs to know that the candy shop comes first.
Rule Number Nine: Renley has a tough time forming bonds with men given her relationship with past men in her life.
She has a hard time trusting them and giving them a chance to have any part in her life.
Theo needs to know her reluctance is not against him, but from having to mend the scars left on her heart—not really a rule, just an understanding.
Rule Number Ten: Renley doesn’t want to be hurt by Theo.
Rule Number Eleven: Renley and Theo should just be friends.
Okay, that’s it.
Renley
I read that last rule over and over a few times, not liking the way it feels. Just friends?
No, I don’t want to be friends.
I…hell, I don’t know what I want.
I don’t want Neil’s daughter, that’s for damn sure. But I don’t want to pressure Renley either. And the more time I spend here, the more I don’t want to go back home. I don’t want to go back to being the person who didn’t really feel much, who was numb most of the time.
But I don’t know how to go about fixing the problem that is my fucked-up life. I don’t know how to—
“Knock, knock, it’s me,” Rupert calls from the other side of the door before opening it. “Hoping everyone’s clothes are on.” His eyes are covered as he walks in.
“I’m in here by myself.”
“Yes, but with a secret letter from your not-so-lover. I wasn’t sure if you were in here trying to make love to it.”
“I’m not fucked up like you are, so no, I’m not.”
He flops back on my bed. “You catch me one time making out with a magazine when I’m a teenager and you hold it against me for life.”
“Your sweat made the letters transfer onto your skin.”
“It was a fashion choice,” he says and then rolls to the side, propping his head up with his hand. “So what did the letter say?”
“She’s suggested new rules.” I hand him the letter and I watch his eyes fly across the paper until he sets it down and blows out a long whistle. “That is…not what you probably wanted. Just friends? How did you go from kissing to just friends? Lamar is not going to be happy about this.”
“I don’t know. I told her what I wanted this morning—that I want her—and this is what she comes back with. What the hell do I do now?”
“Well, is this what you want? I know we’re here because we don’t want Neil’s daughter anywhere near you, but come on, mate, is that why you’re really here?
Or is it because you’re running away from a life you don’t want, you’re looking for freedom from the grasp your father has on your life, and you see this as an escape to do just that?
You say you want to propose, but would you really? ”
I rub my hand over my forehead and blow out a heavy breath. “I don’t know. I believe I’m possibly desperate enough to go through with it. Just stubborn enough to prove my father wrong, just frantic enough to flip my world completely upside down.”
“But with Renley? It’s clear that you care about her.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I could do that to her, get her involved with the mess that is my life.”
“So then what are you doing?”
I look out the window at the giant oak trees, the leaves bobbing in the light breeze. “Avoiding the inevitable while growing feelings for someone who would never fit into the life that’s carved out for me.”
“And how strong are those feelings?”
Good question. Am I physically attracted to her? Hell yes. Do I admire her tenacity, her drive, her knowledge about so many things, and her sense of honor? Equally yes. Could I imagine having her in my life beyond the summer? If I was to stay here, then yes. But…
Rule Number Eight: The candy shop is the most important thing in Renley’s life right now and she can’t be distracted from pursuing her goal of making it a success. Theo needs to know that the candy shop comes first.
In all my pushing, my kisses, and urging for what I want…have I listened to her desire to stay focused only on her shop and not be distracted? Not really.
I want her, and I can acknowledge that she is possibly the first thing that I haven’t been able to simply have. But rule number nine?
Rule Number Nine: Renley has a tough time forming bonds with men given her relationship with past men in her life.
She has a hard time trusting them and giving them a chance to have any part in her life.
Theo needs to know her reluctance is not against him, but from having to mend the scars left on her heart—not really a rule, just an understanding.
Given that my immediate response to that is “Who the fuck hurt her?” even though I have a good guess, it’s pretty clear that she means more to me than a quick summer fling.
But does that mean there’s a future for us?
“Despite what I feel for Renley, what I want is different from what I’m required to do.”
“But are you?” Rupert asks.
“What?”
“Come on, man, is it taking over your father’s role that really scares you? Or is it the fact that you have no idea what you would do with your life if you didn’t?”
Fuck.
He’s reading me like a goddamn book right now. And sure it’s fun with Rupert, we fuck around a lot and get into trouble, but this right here, this is why he’s my best friend, because he can see through the bullshit and laughter to my very core.
He’s right.
From a very young age, I was taught about duty and obligation.
I was told what my life would be, what was required from me.
And I accepted my fate. I sat back, put forth very little effort, and fucked around to the point that I’m sitting on a blank résumé and a lack of accomplishments.
“What the fuck am I supposed to do?” I ask.
“I’m fucking thirty years old with no real-life experience besides parading around different social engagements.
Sure, I went to university, but I learned nothing that I could apply to real life.
I’ve been molded to take over my father’s title one day and that’s it.
So if I were to turn away from that life, cut it out, that means I’d have to try to fend for myself, and I don’t know what that’s like.
I don’t know where I’d go or what I’d do. ”
“So you would rather live a numb life than a life in fear?” Rupert asks.
“Where the hell is this coming from?”
Growing even more serious, he sits up. “I followed you here not because you ‘forced’ me, but for a few reasons. Because we’ve been stagnant in our day-to-day.
Because I wanted to spend more time with you other than drinking in your cottage.
Because I’ve noticed your lack of enthusiasm for life.
You’ve grown so…numb and it’s worried me.
Coming here, I told myself I’d protect you and not let you do anything stupid, but…
instead of doing something stupid, I’ve seen you step away from the fog that’s been clouding you.
I’ve seen you smile, have fun, and enjoy someone who is showing you a different way of life. ”
I nod, my mind drifting to Renley and how I’ve found joy in being around her.
How even though this town is full of a bunch of stuck-up arseholes, I still like it.
I like this house. I like that I go on walks in the morning with a beautiful girl.
I like that life feels more simple, less stressful, that I can be whoever the fuck I want to be when I’m here.
If I want to spend an evening vacuuming floors, I can do that and have a good time doing it.
“Theo.” I glance over at Rupert. “You and I both know that you don’t have to follow in your father’s footsteps.
Setting aside duty and obligation, we know that if you were brave enough, you could walk away.
It would mean denying a purpose in your life and losing contact with your father, because he’d disown you.
It would mean not receiving your entire trust fund, but even getting half of it would situate you for life.
It would mean having to start over, from scratch, somewhere else.
But it also would mean earning the freedom you’ve always dreamed of, that has been taken away from you. ”
I drag my hand over my mouth, the consequences of such a decision weighing heavily on my chest. I’ve only ever known what’s to be expected of me.
I’ve been trained for it. So dismissing that notion is terrifying.
Not to mention, the thought of leaving my whole family behind is frightening.
I might not get along with my father, or my mother for that matter, but losing them forever?
Is that something I’m ready for? There’s always a piece of me in the back of my head that has thought maybe one day my father could look at me and be proud.
But that would require me to do everything he wants.
Take the title.
Marry the girl he wants me to marry.
And zone out, go through the motions, and never experience life the way that I am right now.
The thought of it actually makes me sick.
Everything about this makes me sick. The decision between choosing duty and service to my family and choosing the need for freedom, the urge to run and scream and do whatever the hell I want…
“You don’t have to decide now, but when you go to meet Renley later, think about how it feels to be around her. How it feels to have someone offer you something so far out of your comfort zone. Don’t settle for what’s familiar when unfamiliarity can offer you so much more.”
He pats my leg and gets up, stretching his arms over his head. “I’m going to have a shower. I have a set of interviews I want to conduct with Kitty and I need to be camera ready. Catch you later.”
He shuts the door behind him and I sink deeper into my bed.
Hell, he’s right. Everything he said is so fucking right, but that doesn’t make it any less terrifying. I’d be giving up everything I’ve known about my life and what I’m supposed to be.
I stare at the handwritten rules.
But I could be giving it up for something so much more.