Chapter 14
fourteen
ORION
Once we’re at the Twisted Rigging , Haley heads for the galley and one of the ice chests she brought. I hand her a roll of plastic wrap and she wraps the fish before placing it in the cooler.
“There’s plenty here. I’ll be too exhausted to cook when we get back, but how would you feel about having everyone over tomorrow to grill it?” she says while washing her hands.
“Did you just ask me if I want to throw a party at my place?”
“I’d offer my place, but it’s tiny. Carina has enough on her plate. She did Christian’s party. Plus, we’re dying to see what you’ve done with the house.”
“Sure, my place works.” My home is my sanctuary, but it’s built for entertainment too. I want to fill it with friends. “You’ve known her forever? You were little kids running around the beach together?” I ask. Carina has told me a little about her friends. I want to know more. Even if we’ve been getting along today, we haven’t talked nearly enough and I’m a little afraid if we do, we’ll end up fighting.
“Yep, she used to come every summer and winter break. She was making a sandcastle by herself and I asked if I could help. We were ten. From then on, it was cartwheels in the sand. The Lawsons—you bought their house—used to let us watch movies at their place when it was raining. They had grandkids so they had an awesome video game setup.”
I can’t imagine even tiny Carina playing video games or not being productive all the time. “Where were your parents?”
“My mom was glad for me to be out of the house, so she only had to entertain my little brother and sister. Carina’s parents were around, I guess. They worked.”
The conversation cuts off because we hear everyone else moving around the deck.
“Let me get lunch started.” Haley pulls food from the small fridge. Carina comes down and sets the table. We had planned on a beach picnic. But we’re sunbaked and need a break.
Haley lays out the food. “This is cold avocado soup, summer melon salad, and fried chicken.”
“Fuck me, this is delicious.” I moan taking my first sip of the soup.
Haley blushes a little and Carina rolls her eyes. We’ve gathered around the table in the galley. It’s a tight fit with six of us. But I won’t complain with Carina pressed up against me.
“Do we have to eat in silence, or can I put on music?” Bristol asks.
No one has the energy to make idle conversation. I want a nap and a beer, but I can’t drink if I’m sailing. “Sure. There’s a Bluetooth speaker system.” I point next to where she is sitting.
She’s able to connect her phone, and the familiar piano chords of an Ashley Ferris song play.
“You’re just fucking with me now,” Christian says to his sister.
Our eyes pass between the two of them. Bristol smiles mischievously and explains. “He promised to get Autumn and me tickets to her concert in Tampa but wasn’t online when they went on sale. They sold out.”
“I was four minutes late!”
“They sold out in three! Autumn warned you!”
“Hey! No fighting on the boat,” I say firmly. If the rule applies to Carina and me, then it applies to everyone. They grumble under their breath in the way only siblings do.
Bristol notices the same books Carina did on her first time here. I answer the same questions. No, I haven’t circumnavigated the world. Maybe one day. But today, it’s not some hypothetical partner I would do that with. I’m wondering what it would be like to be with Carina that long of a time. But she refuses to meet my eye when I talk about it.
We finish eating and Carina jumps up to help with the dishes, surprising no one. I stare down Alex until he offers to do them instead. She looks a little lost for a moment.
Everyone reapplies sunscreen and heads into the water or back to the beach, leaving Carina and me sitting on the stern with our feet dangling in the water. Again.
“You okay?” I ask her. “You look tired.”
“You should know better than to tell someone that,” she asserts.
“Normally, yes. But we’ve been out here all day, and you’re a little pink. The cabin is free. Take a nap.” I’m annoyed with her and with her friends. When she was spraying sunscreen on her back, she turned down my offer of help and struggled for a full minute before Haley jumped in. I hate that no one thinks to help her.
“I’m sweaty and covered in seawater.”
“We do have a shower on board.”
“I don’t have a spare change of clothing.”
Everything is difficult with her. But I refuse to back down. “I do. There are some T-shirts and shorts in the drawers of the main cabin.” She looks like she might give in. “But you wouldn’t wear that because you only wear Nebula Athletics.” Maybe it’s a mistake to needle her when I want her to give in. But I can’t help myself.
She glares at me, then back at the horizon. “It wouldn’t be fair to everyone else if I took up an entire cabin.”
“I’d offer to share, but I know how you feel about that.” Why won’t she admit that rest is an option? “Have you ever once put yourself above anyone else? Isn’t self-care important?”
“I’ve done things for myself,” she says.
“Yeah, once. And you bolted out of here like you were on fire,” I blurt.
“Please, you didn’t want me to stay.”
We said it was a one-time thing—but that didn’t mean we couldn’t linger. I won’t argue about it anymore. “Whatever, Carina. We’re on the boat. Let’s not fight.”
“Right. I’m going for a swim.” She stands abruptly, and for once I don’t watch as she removes her cover-up.
I shake my head and join the others on the beach.
An hour later, she’s a little redder when we finally pack everything up and head back to Wendell Beach.
Bristol helped me sail on the way out, but as we sail back, Carina steps up. I don’t know if she’s trying to prove something to me or if she’s genuinely curious and wants to learn. I explain everything as I do it, and she doesn’t fight me once. Not even when I correct her and say they aren’t ropes, but lines or sheets.
“The saying is ‘showing the ropes,’” Carina says out of genuine curiosity.
“I don’t know what to tell you, princess. English is weird.”
“I don’t get you two,” Alex says.
“What do you mean?” Carina asks. She looks up at the mainsail with a little bit of pride, having helped me raise it.
“You’re the calmest person ever, and then he shows up and you’re a raging ball of fire. Now, you’re back to your usual self.”
Her eyes flare at the suggestion she is the calmest person ever.
I don’t know what to tell them. She thinks she needs to hide herself from her closest friends. The risk of exposure too great for even them.
At the same time, I’m confused about how I get this piece of her no one else does. I haven’t done anything to deserve it, but I’ll do everything to protect it.
I like her when she’s on fire, and I have no doubt if I protect that flame, even when it’s flickering and faint, it will turn into a raging bonfire. I want to see her alight.
I attempt to catch Carina’s eye, but she won’t look at me.
“I need more sunscreen,” she says and heads down to the cabins.
“What’s her problem?” Alex asks.
I look to Haley for an answer. They’ve known her longer than I have. They should be the ones to fix this. I’m already frustrated enough with them.
Christian answers. “She’s under a lot of pressure right now. It can’t be fun for you to also expect her to behave exactly one way.”
“Are you saying I hurt her feelings? She could have said something,” Alex says. “She’s never gotten upset before.”
“Christian’s right,” Haley says. “But she doesn’t make it easy or let anyone in.”
I can’t believe they talk about her like this. They’re good people and I’m sure they’re great friends, but they only see what they want to see. They see the perfect version of Carina and engage with that.
Alex rolls his eyes. “I’ll apologize if it makes you feel better. Maybe she should get laid. It might unwind some of her tension. I don’t think it’s happened for her since Hamilton.”
“Would you know?” I ask. “When was the last time you asked her about her life?”
He opens his mouth but quickly shuts it. This is the same man who would have banned me from his restaurant for a perceived slight of her, but doesn’t know her well enough to know what a real one is.
Bristol is contemplative. “She lets me talk and talk about the other customers and my trips. By the time I’m done sharing, she’s done with her drink or food. I don’t ask about her.”
“We’ll do better,” Haley promises. Her eyes narrow as she looks down and then at me.
“I’ll go talk to her.” Alex heads below deck after Carina.
“I thought yoga helped with stress,” Christian says.
“She can’t be everything all at once.” I want to follow Alex to make sure he properly grovels and doesn’t give a half apology.
“Is there something going on with you two?” Haley asks.
“No, it’s nothing,” I answer, wishing I was confident in my ability to lie to them.
“She’s different around you.”
“Maybe it’s you she’s different around,” I suggest.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I don’t know.” I remove my hat and run my hands through my hair before replacing it. “She’s overly concerned about what you think of her. She doesn’t care what I think of her.” I could spend a lifetime figuring out Carina Webb and it wouldn’t be enough.
A few minutes later, Carina and Alex come up, a fake smile on her face. It takes all my restraint to not pull her into a hug. I want to be alone with her and get the honest check-in she won’t give her friends.
God, I miss the way she feels against me.
We get back to the marina without any more drama, the sailing easy as I demonstrate to Carina a few maneuvers I don’t necessarily need to do. The sun is heading toward the horizon and we’re exhausted. If I wasn’t responsible for driving people, I’d hang back here and sleep. It would be one more night in the bed I shared, however briefly, with Carina.
“I’ll help you,” Carina says.
“It’s fine. I’ll be a minute.” I turn to Alex and Haley. I have to take care of the sails before I can leave. “If you wait five minutes, I’ll be ready to drive back.”
“I have space,” Christian says to them. “I can swing by your cars. It’ll be a little faster.” They agree and walk down the dock to the marina’s parking lot.
“I’ll just walk,” Carina says. “It’ll be cramped enough without another sweaty body.”
“Carina, wait five fucking minutes and I’ll drive you.” I’m not letting her go. I want five minutes alone with her. Even if we don’t talk, I want to be around her.
“You don’t?—”
“For fuck’s sake, I will tie you to this boat. You’re already sunburned. You don’t need any more UV exposure. Why didn’t you wear a hat anyway?”
“I don’t make them.”
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I murmur. “You’re exhausted. Let me do this. It doesn’t have to be hard.”
“I’m not exhausted.”
She’s such a little liar. “Well, I am, and I don’t want to fight with you.”
“Fine.” She looks defeated, like she didn’t want to lose this argument on its principle but has nothing left to fight me with.
Five minutes later, we walk to my SUV in silence, arms brushing like they did earlier. I open the passenger door for her.
“Carina,” I say weakly. I’m not sure what more I have to say other than her name.
“I’m fine,” she says, the mask she wore for her friends gone. She buckles her seat belt and then looks at me, clearly wondering why I’m standing with the door open. “If you’re going to stand there, can you at least turn the a/c on?”
I want to reach for her, to touch her, to kiss her. To convince her to finish what we almost started in the water. I stand there, frozen.
“Orion.”
The firm way she says my name jolts me back to the moment. Right, it’s hot and she’s melting into my seats. I close the door and make my way to the driver’s side.
At my house, I pull into my garage and turn the car off. We sit in the silence for a moment, knowing it’ll be hot as fuck in no time. But I’m not ready for this to be over.
“So,” I start. “Today was interesting.”
“In what way?”
I turn to face her as she keeps her eyes forward. I look at the wall of the garage to see if there is something for her to complain about, but it’s just a wall. “I learned three things.”
“Really?” It kills me that there is no fight in her voice.
“First, we can get along.”
“We already knew that,” she says.
“Nope, we have been fighting since you left that night. And please don’t argue with me about that. Second, we definitely want to fuck each other again.”
“That doesn’t mean it will happen.”
“Right. You have lots of reasons why it’s a bad idea.”
“You agree with those reasons.”
Our lives are intertwined. Neither one of us is looking for a relationship. For me, at least not before I feel settled. I remember this was important to me. Having her in my arms again makes me want to reconsider. Not everything is as catastrophic as she thinks.
“Third, you like fighting with me,” I state.
“Excuse me?” She finally turns her head to face me.
“You like fighting me. You like that I fight back. You like that I don’t expect you to be the perfect ideal you’ll never live up to.”
“I’m not perfect,” she whispers. I can’t tell if she’s speaking to herself or to me.
“I know.”
“I’m supposed to be. They think I am.”
“Perfect is boring. You’re not. You like that I’ve seen you. That you don’t have to hide from me.”
“I like fighting with you,” she finally admits with a long exhale.
“Well, I’m right next door whenever you need some verbal sparring.”
“You mean that?”
“Why not? You clearly have tension to work through, and you don’t want to fuck it out.”
She suppresses a laugh. She probably does want to fuck it out. “So, we’re what, frenemies?”
“That’s a dumb word, but sure.” I unbuckle. “It’s better this way. No chance of misunderstanding each other.”
She gets out of the car and grabs her bag. “Whatever. I’m sure this is a momentary blip on my part anyway.”
Something tells me she doesn’t want to believe that.