Chapter 21
twenty-one
ORION
Princess Carina
Can you come to Paradise tonight?
Me
I have a sunset charter.
Princess Carina
What time will you be back?
Me
About 9.
Why?
Princess Carina
It’s a secret.
Me
I’m not playing games.
Princess Carina
Fine. Haley hit 1 million subscribers (it’s a big deal).
I’m throwing her a surprise party at Paradise.
Me
Warning would have been nice. Someone else could have done this charter.
Princess Carina
It’s fine. Don’t worry if you can’t come. It’s my fault. I was trying to keep it as quiet as possible so she wouldn’t find out.
Me
Will it be on when I’m back?
Princess Carina
It should. This is a big deal for her. It sounds silly if you’re not focused on content creation. But this is a major step in her career.
Me
I believed you the first time you said it. If you say it matters, then it matters. I will do what I can to be there. I’ll text you when I get to the marina.
My body aches with how much I miss Carina.
I feel like I fucked up in the end with her. I should have pushed a little more, told her I wanted her again. Not anyone, just her.
I think I see what’s happening with her, but I’m missing a piece of the puzzle. Something she hasn’t told me that will make this skittishness understandable. It’s been two days since I’ve been inside her, and the short text exchanges aren’t enough. We’re coexisting in the same space but not sharing anything.
I make it back to the marina on the Coastal Dragon on schedule. It’s full dark at this point, and the charter guests are a little tipsy and looking for a bar to continue their night. I point them in the direction of a seafood place by the pier. I haven’t been, but it’s a go-to recommendation from the rest of the crew. It also happens to be in the opposite direction of Paradise. Carina’s party will be in the locals’ section, but I’ve encountered guests after charters enough to avoid it at all costs.
I text Carina to tell her I’m on my way and hop in my car before I get a response. I have a spare T-shirt in my passenger seat and change quickly. I drop off my car at my place without bothering to go inside and walk down the beach to Paradise, the few lights from the houses guiding me.
It’s never worth it to drive there. Parking is terrible, and I don’t get to drink as much as I want. Not that I’ll be drinking much tonight since I have an early morning fishing charter. I understand this is important for Haley, and I want to be a supportive friend. I’m not solely going because I miss Carina like I miss the sea when I’m landlocked.
When I enter Paradise, the locals’ section is taken over for the party. A band plays and a few people dance. Usually that’s reserved for the upstairs level. A server I haven’t seen before passes out plates. Carina sits at a table with her head close to another woman I don’t recognize. She doesn’t see me until Haley taps the table in front of Carina, and she looks up.
The other woman says something I’d bet is, “Is that him?”
“You made it,” Carina says when I’m close. Her shoulders drop down like she’s relaxed after clenching them for hours.
Was she waiting for me?
She’s so beautiful. Her hair falls in waves around her shoulders. She’s wearing more makeup than I’ve seen before. And I want to wrap my arms around her and kiss her.
She’s wearing a dress. It has flowers and ruffles, and I don’t think there’s a built-in anything holding her in place. “You’re wearing clothes,” I say, ignoring everyone because none of them matter when Carina is wearing a dress.
Carina blushes and adjusts her skirt. “I’m always wearing clothes.”
We both know that’s not true. “Maybe. Can you do yoga in it?”
“It’s vintage, so it’s an exception to me only wearing Nebula,” she says. “I can do yoga in anything.”
I don’t think she’s drunk, but she’s a little tipsy. She’s happy. So I’ll take her fighting spirit and match it.
“Handstand, now,” I demand, pointing to a spare bit of floor where she might have enough space.
“Oh, fuck off.” She laughs and takes a sip of her drink.
The other woman shares a look with Haley. “I’m Sienna, by the way. You must be Orion.”
I shake her hand. This is Beckett’s fiancée. “I am. I’ve heard a lot about you. I didn’t know you were in town.” I should ask her about Boston. We can talk about the neighborhoods we frequent, but I’m still so focused on Carina, I can’t think about anything else.
“All part of the surprise,” Carina says, a pleased smile on her face.
“Right, congratulations, Haley.” I turn to her.
She waves me off. “Really, no one needed to make a big deal of this.”
The other women launch into a clearly repeated argument of how awesome she is. I flag a server to get a drink.
“You should try the Southern Captain Potion,” Carina says.
“The what?” I ask.
“It’s the special for the night,” Sienna says. “I’m pretty sure Alex uses a random name generator.”
The name is nonsense. The server lists the ingredients and I pass, opting for what has become my usual.
I shouldn’t be annoyed, but I am. I don’t understand how Carina will let me into her body but won’t share anything else with me. Not this party and not that her friend is visiting. I know how much work she does for her business. These side projects must be killing her. When does she get to rest?
She must be barely holding herself together.
“How long are you in town?” I ask Sienna. After my sister’s wedding I know better than to ask a bride about wedding planning. If she wants to talk about it, I’ll give her the opportunity and smile along with everything she says. If it’s a source of stress for her, then I don’t want to bring it up and kill the mood.
“I leave Sunday night to be back at the university on Monday morning,” she answers. “Any chance you have time for a boat trip?” Carina elbows her. “What? He’s coming to my wedding. I can ask him for a sail.”
“I’m fully booked,” I say. “If I had known in advance you were coming…” I give Carina a bit of side-eye. I shouldn’t be so pleased that I did come up in conversation with Sienna, since Carina had been adamant I wasn’t worth bothering her.
Sienna laughs. “Carina barely told me I was coming for this. She’s the absolute best person at keeping secrets.”
I notice the blush across her cheeks. Do her friends notice it? Do they think it’s the alcohol?
“We don’t really have time,” Haley says. “We’ve almost scheduled every minute of the next three days.”
“We’ll be inseparable,” Carina says. “Oh! We should have a sleepover at my place! Like in college.”
“Yes! It’ll be fun!” Haley agrees.
Sienna grimaces. “As fun as that sounds, I haven’t slept in the same bed as my fiancé in weeks.”
I look around the bar for Beckett. He’s in a corner booth sharing a scorpion bowl with people I don’t know. He looks like he’s trying to drink the whole punch himself. I can’t tell if him giving Sienna space with her girlfriends is noble of him or if he’s wasting his chance to be with his fiancée. If I’m ever able to convince Carina to be with me, I’ll need to be pried away from her side with a crowbar.
“We’ll do it the week before the wedding,” Carina suggests. “One last girls’ night.”
I wonder if she has feelings about her friend getting married and her perpetual single status. She’s always insisted she’s not concerned about finding someone to date. But everything she says is filled with layers of the lies she tells herself.
“Are you taking him suit shopping?” Sienna asks, nodding toward me.
I could be intruding on friend time. Maybe I should have said hi and congratulations and moved on. But they’ve made space for me around the high top and the server has dropped off my raspberry and rum cocktail.
“No,” Carina says. “He claims to have a bespoke suit that can be worn on the beach.”
Sienna and Haley look me up and down.
I answer their unspoken question. “I never know when I have to fit in with rich people.”
“Interesting,” Sienna states. “So have you two been hanging out a lot?”
I’m saved from whatever explanation of half-truths Carina wants to tell by Christian clapping me on the back. He pulls me away to introduce me to some other locals. I expect the conversation to turn to boats since that’s what it usually is around me. People asking if they can come out on my sailboat or wanting to compare boats. As if the size of one’s boat is some sign of the size of one’s masculinity.
I’ve put that toxicity behind me. I’m more than happy to discuss the mechanics of sailing or destinations with someone who is interested. Usually in these situations, people only want something from me. I didn’t mind Sienna asking. She’s one of Carina’s best friends. And since I’d do almost anything for Carina, I’ll take her friends out for a sail if it will make her happy.
The conversation touches on boats for a second before turning to rum. According to Christian, I have a refined palate and can tell these guys exactly what is wrong with their opinions. A fair amount of pirate jokes are tossed in, and Christian gives me a side-eye. I get the feeling he doesn’t like these guys any more than I do, and only brought me over so he didn’t have to talk to them by himself while they complain about a whiskey brand they think is too politically active. He ends the conversation by informing them he’s friends with the owner.
We join Autumn chatting with some of her teaching coworkers. It looks like Carina invited everyone on the island.
I am thoroughly impressed with everything she has done. Everyone is entertained and celebrating what Haley has accomplished. Truly, no one knew what was happening until they absolutely needed to. I haven’t seen much of Carina in the past week, except for the time we spent on my boat. I would have thought I would have noticed her planning this.
That hits me too—I want to have noticed she was planning this. I want her in my space as she does it. I have a home office I haven’t used yet. It faces the sea. She could work from there in her lounge pants and crop tops, planning her shenanigans. I could simply exist around her.
I keep an eye on her and who she’s talking with, and I can’t pretend I don’t see her walls up around these people. The people she gathered to celebrate her friend. They should know everything about her. Not me. I just got here.
I watch Beckett steal Sienna away. I expect them to make an exit, but he leads her to another corner. They look cozy together. She’s smiling, so I dismiss some of the skepticism I’ve had about him. Eric, the fisherman Haley is dating, pulls her to the dance floor. I met him earlier and almost asked about the good fishing spots. But something about him made me stop.
“Is he good for her?” I ask, sliding up next to Carina.
“What do you mean?” she replies, her straw resting on the corner of her mouth.
I want to wrap my arms around her and shout to everyone about how amazing she is. As if they aren’t fully aware.
“I don’t know.” I can’t put my finger on what rubbed me wrong about him.
“It’s not serious. Why? You want to make a move on her?” She pushes back from the table, crossing her arms and pouting.
Fucking hell. I should take it as bait. Pretend she’s trying to get a rise out of me. She was so happy a second ago, and now she’s hurt.
“No, I wouldn’t do that to you,” I say.
“It’s a small island. Everyone is someone’s ex. And we never hooked up so it’s not even an issue.”
The outright lie to my face is new. I roll my eyes. “If I’m going to date anyone, which I’ve told you is not something I’m looking for right now, it would be someone who gives me shit as good as I give to them.” It’s a lie that I’m not looking to date right now. I don’t really want to date Carina. I want to settle down with her. Anchor with her. Build a home with her.
“Haley never gives me shit,” Carina says.
My watch vibrates with an alert reminding me to leave. I want to stay and figure out what’s in Carina’s head right now, but I can’t and still be fresh for the morning fishing charter I have. I want to take care of her and get her to stop taking care of everyone around her, just for once. She’ll be the absolute last person to leave this bar tonight. If she’s not, I’ll fucking give her my house.
“Good night, princess,” I say, standing up to close out my tab at the bar. I should ask her to come home with me. She looks at me like she might want me to, but I can’t.
She’d say no anyway.