Chapter 31 #2
Looking back at Reed, I notice the shot in his hand.
He shifts slightly, and I let out a nervous laugh and ask, “You’re not going to have—” I cover my mouth with a wince, amused and a little mortified for assuming he was double-fisting two shots for no reason. “That was for someone else, wasn’t it?”
He gives me a tight-lipped smile.
“Okay, quick, you take that shot, and I’ll just snag you two more,” I tell him, fanning my hands forward, encouraging him to take it quickly so I can fix what I just interrupted.
But it’s the way he looks at me that has me glancing at the shot glass again.
I don’t have a chance to question him, though.
Out of the corner of my eye, Andi looks like she’s about to fall over and onto the floor.
Brushing past Reed, I rush to stand next to her, crouching slightly so she focuses on me.
“Andi, honey, are you alright?” I ask.
“Dr. Crowne?” she mumbles, almost slurring my name.
The band hits a louder chorus, the electric guitar riff is the cue everyone needs for the entire bar to join in. Stevie is on stage with the mic in hand, while Jo kicks her legs out, making the shot swing soar. I don’t see my mother or Birdie, at least not in this crowd of people.
“Andi, I think you might have had too much,” I try shouting over the noise.
“Where are your friends?” And then she looks past me, eyes glassy and dazed with slow drawn-out blinks.
I swallow roughly, knowing in my gut where she’s looking.
What the fuck, Reed. When I turn slightly, peeking over my shoulder, Reed’s stepping up beside me.
He leans in close to me and says, “You remember what it’s like to have some fun with the TAs, right, Professor?”
A stone-cold chill runs from my spine and out through my limbs. I instantly feel sick at his words.
“What did you just say to me?” I shoot to my full height, hands still bracing Andi’s shoulders as I search Reed’s face.
But the man looking back at me doesn’t seem like the one I thought I knew.
The softness and kindness aren’t there. Instead, he stares, his mouth tilting into a smile that instantly makes me want to punch him and run.
When I hear Stevie over the microphone calling out shots, it stirs up something she said on one of her podcasts—something that stuck with me, and I couldn’t figure out why it hit me so hard when it did at the time.
“The easiest way for someone to take your control is to manipulate your power to say no.”
My mind scrolls through what I know of Andi that I somehow missed. Thinking about what I witnessed at Birdie’s tarot table during the Full Moon Festival, even Andi showing up at family dinner . . . All of the behavior never would have pointed me to look at Reed the way I am right now.
Hands quivering with adrenaline, my mouth dries.
This isn’t going to happen.
My stomach recoils the moment I wonder if it’s happened before?
“That was not tequila,” I say to him, laughing out loud. “Or they poured the cheapest tequila I’ve ever tasted.” My lips pucker from sucking on a quarter of lime.
He smiles at me, a charming, warm smile that I’ve always liked.
He’s a good guy, but I don’t want to settle.
And I don’t want to cross that line with him ever again.
It was nice for him to be here, to support me during this keynote I’d been so nervous to deliver, but I wasn’t expecting to see him tonight.
“I don’t think you’ll ever understand how much your friendship means to me,” I tell him, gesturing between us, trying to make it clear that while we’re enjoying a laugh and a drink, that line won’t be crossed again.
But my fingers and arm suddenly feel heavier as I move them.
Bitterness still lingering on my tongue, I swallow, blinking slowly.
Reed curls a piece of my hair behind my ear, and then stands from his stool. I didn’t like that he did that, but I don’t move fast enough to pull away. He leans into me and quietly says, “Friends? You don’t mean that, Professor, right? Or am I misreading things?”
Am I misreading things . . .
I stare at him, eyes wide open, in the middle of my family’s rowdy bar, paralyzed by the memory of the symposium night I’ve shoved down. It’s all flooding back into focus now.
“I’m not sure how I feel about that,” he continues, taking the empty glass from my fingers. “Why don’t we finish this in my room.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and then open, trying to focus on him.
“We’re away from campus. No one will know.”
I try thinking clearly, despite the haze. “You’ll need to close the tab and give me your key,” I say as I give him a placating, tight-lipped smile.
I don’t wait around. Something isn’t right, so I head right for the door.
At the time, I didn’t comprehend it. I barely remember it. I didn’t ever want to go back to that night and what came next.
I wander outside, more drunk than I should be, lightheaded, hazy. The brick wall feels cool on my back as I lean against the side of the building, trying to get my bearings.
“This is a beautiful turn of events,” someone says to me, but I don’t recognize their voice.
“I saw your picture when I walked by and thought, ‘Professor Crowne, I wonder how someone could be that intelligent and beautiful.’” As I try to focus on what he’s saying, this tall and lanky man, and I don’t like the way he walks closer.
Too close. “You weren’t who I planned for tonight, but how do I pass up an opportunity like this? ” he asks.
It isn’t fear that billows around me now, it’s a vibrating anger that travels through my veins and has my hands shaking as I focus back on this moment.
“Andi, honey, let’s go to the ladies’ room, maybe splash a little water on your face.” I need to get her away from the noise and crowd, away from him. She isn’t drunk. She’s been drugged. I know what it’s like, what it looks like. And the culprit hovers behind me.
Instead of Andi standing and moving with me, it’s Reed’s hand that wraps around my elbow, gripping it tight as his body pulls me away.
“The fuck? Let go of me!” I try shouting, just as the band ticks higher.
My mind races as I try to shove him away, but the grip he has on my arm moves, twisting it in a way that if I don’t move with him, something will snap.
I blink hard, trying to see through the pain, and can barely gain traction as he drags me toward the long hallway that leads to the back exit.
“Ow, fuck, you’re hurting me. Reed. Let go of me! ” I yell, but he doesn’t react at all.
He turns his body, his back toward the crowd, blocking anyone from seeing what he’s doing. That’s when he shifts me, and I feel a sharp object pressed at the base of my spine. I freeze, no longer trying to pull out of his grip. No. He leans in, his hot breath against my ear as his threat registers.
“Shut your fucking—” He sniffs out an exhale against my ear. Every part of me wants to recoil and shove away from him—thrash and scream, but if I move, I don’t trust he won’t hurt me. In a more collected tone, he says, “We need to clear up this misunderstanding.”
Tears I didn’t even know had swelled, fall down my cheek as I try to keep my focus locked on Andi for as long as I can. “Andi!” I try shouting. But it’s too loud in here. She starts to slump forward as I’m pulled down the long hall that runs the length of the bar and toward the back.
How didn’t I see this? Anger and terror fight and churn in my stomach. Be smart. Do not panic now.
I don’t remember much of that night—the all-consuming terror that followed drowned out the origin of it. “It never should’ve been that easy,” I say to myself, even more confused. It never should’ve been so easy to take me like the monster had.
If Reed hadn’t drugged me, I might have had a fighting chance. I fell from the grasp of one monster and into another’s. I try sucking in a breath as I frantically look around.
“We both know you’re not a fighter,” he grits out.
All I can think is, Yes, I am.
“You said we’re friends, how much my friendship means to you,” he says against my ear. “Were you lying, Professor?”
My body seizes at the way he says it, my skin crawling.
“Don’t you remember how friendly we were? I didn’t even need to coax you; you were so eager for it,” he says, dragging me, jamming the tip of a sharp object into the skin at my back.
There’s no alarm when he shoves the door open. Goddamnit.
I try yelling again, but nothing comes out. No. I open my mouth again, my breathing labored, willing myself not to shut down. Stay present. A hollowed-out feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. I promised myself this would never happen to me again. Never again.
I eye the fire extinguisher on the opposite wall and lean my body in its direction.
The weight shift throws him off enough that I hit the wall.
You’re a fighter. But he rights me quickly, even more pissed off now.
Yell, goddamnit! The grip he has on my arm shoots a blinding pain across my chest, making more tears fall.
Be brave. I grit my teeth and try seeing through the pain. I won’t go quietly, never again.
Open your mouth and scream!