26. CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 26
ETHAN
“ K nock, knock,” Lizzie announces, and I turn to see her leaning a shoulder against the door frame at the entrance to of my office.
“You know,” I say without looking away from my computer screen, “you could just knock on the door. You don’t have to say ‘knock, knock.’ It’s a little creepy.”
“I told her the same thing.” Dee comes up behind Lizzie.
Abandoning the ad I was designing and swiveling around to face my coworkers, I lean back in the chair and fold my arms behind my head. “Alright, let’s hear it.”
“So … Ari,” Lizzie starts.
I look up at the ceiling. God help me . “Yeah, what about her?”
“She’s super cute!” Dee blurts out.
“Yep, that has not gone unnoticed,” I say.
“And smart,” adds Lizzie. “You should totally ask her to be your girlfriend.”
“What is this, high school?” I ask in frustration.
“Who’s asking who to be their girlfriend?” Monty’s face comes into view over Lizzie’s other shoulder.
I throw my hands up. “Not you, too.”
“Are we talking about the redhead that was here the other day?” he asks.
“Uh huh,” Dee says at the same time Lizzie answers, “Aren’t they cute together?”
“You two looked pretty comfortable,” Monty says. “You have history?”
“Yes, lots!” Lizzie squeals.
“It’s complicated,” I mutter, running a hand down my face. “Do you guys mind? I’m trying really hard to take my mind off Red for five freaking minutes so I can actually get some work done—”
“Red!” the girls squeak in unison, and Dee clasps her hands to her chest.
“Oh, brother,” Monty mumbles. “Look, Lizzie, the reason I came over here is to remind you we have that presser in ten.”
“Oh, shit! I have to prepare.”
She starts to take off and I yell after her, “Hey, take Dee with you.”
This is exactly why I stick to myself. I don’t need any new friends. I’ve got Fonz, and now I’ve got Ari back. And … well, that’s it. But that’s enough. I don’t need all these gossipy people butting their noses in my business.
Although it’s true that Lizzie and Knox had a disastrous few years, and they managed to come out on top. Maybe they can help Ari and me navigate our friendship.
Friendship. Ha! I’m just going to pack that thought away for another day.
Defeated, I stand and head out into the bullpen, resting my elbows on the top of Lizzie’s cubicle. “Hey.”
She looks up while shoving a notebook and pen into her bag. “Speak. I’ve got about three minutes before Monty comes to get me.”
“Two and a half,” he yells from his corner.
“So, maybe you and Knox could grab a drink with me and Ari,” I propose, a little embarrassed.
She shoots her eyes up at me. “EJ, Ethan—whoever you are—are you asking me out on a double date?”
I hang my head. “You know what, never mind.” I start to push away but she jumps up.
“Kidding! I’m kidding. Yeah, sure. I think Knox would like that.”
“Even though I punched him in the face?”
“Oh yeah, that’s old news.” She bats her hand in the air. “You free this weekend?”
“Uh, yeah, I am. Let me check with Ari and get back to you?”
“Sure. But full disclosure—Knox and I don’t stay out past ten. We’re old.”
She's slinging her purse over her shoulder as Monty approaches. “You ready, kid?”
Before Lizzie can answer, Dee yells from the front reception area. “Hey, I wanna come out with you guys!”
Monty shakes his head vehemently. “Don’t take her. She is wholly inappropriate.”
“Am not!” she yells.
***
Our first double hangout—I refuse to call it a date—was a success. The girls really hit it off, and Knox and I are more alike than I thought. During the week we met up again, that time allowing Dee to join us, and then Fonz and Sophie stopped by as well. It’s the weekend again, and it looks like tonight’s meetup is going to be an even bigger group, with Knox saying some guys from work might swing by, too.
I’m off today, so I’m helping Ari with the at-home exercises DeShawn assigned before we go out. This will be the third time we train together, and honestly, I love it. She’s getting stronger every day, and knowing even just a tiny bit of that is because of me feels awesome.
“Come in,” Ari yells when I knock on the door that leads to her apartment from the garage. The Millers converted the lower level of the house into a little apartment just for Ari. Some of the renovations were simple ones, like coating the old brown wall paneling with white paint, while others were more complicated, like putting in a little kitchenette in the back corner. But they really made it a peaceful space for her. It’s just one big open space, with a little island with white cabinets and black marble countertops that separates the “kitchen” area from the “living room,” where a small but plush sofa faces a flat-screen TV that hangs on the wall. A small coffee table in a natural wood color sits between them.
Behind the sofa is an accordion wall thing that is an attempt to separate her sleeping quarters where a double bed rests against the wall.
There’s a tiny bathroom off the back corner with a very close-quarters shower stall—which I’m sure was by design so Ari can get in and out easily. On the other back corner wall is a door to the stairs that go up to the main house.
As I enter the space, in my gray trainers and black T-shirt, I see Ari standing against the back of the couch, walking alongside it as she partially leans on it. She’s been doing that a lot lately—walking along things and leaving her crutches behind. I see them leaning against the wall in the kitchen.
“Look at you, Ariel , getting your sea legs back.”
“Har, har.” She acts offended but can’t hide the smile on her face.
I’m standing with my legs spread wide, arms crossed in front of me when she looks up. “What?” Looking down at her blue leggings and gray tank top, then back up at me, she asks, “Is there something on me?”
“No.”
“Then why are you smiling like the cat that ate the canary?”
“Am I?” I pull my brows together and raise a hand to my scruffy mouth to feel it. Yep, it’s stretched out like the Cheshire Cat. “Huh. I guess … Shit, Ari, I guess I’m just freaking proud of you.”
“Stop.”
“No, seriously, look how far you’ve come!”
“I said stop. You’re giving me a complex.”
I throw my hands up in surrender. “OK. But I’m still super proud.” Walking farther into the apartment and rubbing my hands together, I ask, “So, what’s it going to be today? Squats? Lunges? Deadlifts?”
“We’re going to start with lunges.” Ari pulls her hair back into a ponytail. “I don’t need any equipment for that. Just, uh … Just you, please.”
“At your service.” I walk right up to her. “How do you want me?”
She takes my outstretched hand and steps away from the couch, pulling me with her at the same time that she leans some of her weight onto me as we face each other. “So, I’m going to do some backward lunges, one leg at a time, and I need you to get into a forward lunge position in front of me, and I’m gonna brace my knee against yours.”
“Like this?” I bend one leg behind me and one in front.
“Yes, that’s good.” She mimics my position, bracing the inside of her front leg right up against mine. “I also need your hands.” I automatically reach out for her. “Here, let’s cross hands—like a handshake with each hand.” We clasp opposite hands. “Yes, good. Now, I’m going to lunge down until my knee hits the floor and then stand back up, but I need you to also pull me and stand up with me because I don’t have enough strength to do it on my own.”
“Got it.”
Ari blows out a breath and dips down, taps her knee on the floor, and I can sense the hesitation as her body wants to push up but her muscles fail her. “Push that knee against mine,” I say, as I help pull her to a standing position, our faces only inches apart. “Good. That’s good. Again?”
She nods, her face cast down.
We descend again, and again I pull her up. “Am I doing too much? Am I supposed to make you do it yourself?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “This is hard enough. If you weren’t helping me. I’d be on the floor.”
“OK. No problem. I got you.”
“Just one last lunge on this side.”
“Alright, let’s do it.”
We dip back down, and again I pull her back up, but this time I feel her knee push into mine much harder, and I know she’s fighting like hell to get those legs working.
We do the other leg, and Ari has to stop to catch her breath. Seeing she’s a little shaky and sweaty, I grab a bottle of water from the fridge for her.
“Thanks. OK, next—”
“Don’t you want to rest for a minute?”
“No.” She re-caps the water and sets it aside. “If I stop I lose momentum.”
I nod in understanding, because I’m the same way.
“Now, we do squats. But this time I’m not going to use the bench, which means I need to sit back on you. Is that OK?”
“Yep. Just tell me what to do.”
“I’m going to hold on to the couch.” Ari turns to face the furniture. “And I need you to stand right behind me. Right up against me.” I walk up behind her and place my hands on her hips. “Closer. Like you’re Velcroed to me.”
I step closer, firmly grasping her hips and pulling her toward me. I have to dip a little bit to nestle her into me. Her shoulders and back are cradled into my chest, her ass rests against my groin, and the backs of her legs press right up against my thighs. A dry swallow snakes down my neck. “Like this?” I whisper, my lips at her ear.
“Yes, just like that.” She breathes, then clears her throat. “Now, I’m going to squat down while holding onto the couch, but just like the lunges, I can’t complete the movement on my own. So, I need you to squat with me and essentially let me sit down on you, and then push me back up as you stand yourself. Make sense?”
“Yeah. Let’s try it.”
My hands resting on her hips, I feel Ari push into me as she starts to sit, and I slowly begin my own descent until we are all the way down in a full squat, with Ari’s ass in my lap and her legs draped over mine. I pause for only a second, then push with my legs to bring us both back to a standing position.
“That good?” I ask in a strained voice.
“Yes, perfect.” Her voice is velvet soft.
“So, another?”
“Mmhmm.”
We do several more, and then on the final squat, when we stand, my hands slide up her hips a little, bringing her tank top up a few inches and exposing some of her skin—and I can’t help myself, I trail my fingertips along the surface.
With my face practically nestled into the crook of her neck, I hear her breathing pick up. My nose runs along the line of her shoulder and up her neck, and she sighs.
“Ari.” My breath skates over her skin and she whimpers.
“You’re giving me goosebumps.” Her voice is shaky.
I bring one hand up to her shoulder and slide it down her arm to feel them myself, chuckling as she shivers at my touch. I pull back slightly to look at the pale, exposed skin on her back that I’ve been tickling with my fingertips and freeze when I see a little grouping of scars.
I know exactly what those are. Those are fucking burn marks. Cigarette burn marks. My stomach drops to the floor and my teeth grind, and with all the willpower I can muster, I take a step away.
“Ethan?” Ari looks over her shoulder at me.
My eyes quickly dart back up to hers. “Sorry. I, uh, I got carried away.” I lean in and kiss her shoulder, then back away again. “Why don’t you shower and then we can get going, huh? We can get a table for the gang.”
She frowns, then nods. “Yeah, of course.” Ari walks along the edge of the couch, then reaches for me, and I help her shuffle over to the bathroom. “I can take it from here.”
I close the door with a soft click. Pacing a few times in front of the couch, my mind spins out of control. Trying to just push all my questions aside is useless, so I walk back over to the bathroom and crack the door. Without looking in, I yell, “Ari?”
“Yeah?” she answers over the sound of the shower.
“I forgot something at my house. I’m gonna run back there before we head out. You think Soph can give you a ride and I’ll meet you there?”
There’s a pause, and then, “Um, yeah. Of course.”
“OK. I’ll see you in a few. I’ll be right behind you.”
“K.”
I pull the door shut and run out of the apartment. The drive is a blur, and Fonz’s car in the driveway when I pull in is a welcome sight.
“Fonz!” I storm into the house. “Fonz!”
“Yo!” I hear from his bedroom. “I’m in here.”
Fonz turns to look at me as I stalk into his room, and he asks, “Why do you look like you’re about to strangle a puppy with your bare hands?”
I clench my fists at my sides and blow out a breath toward the floor, then raise my head. “Axel didn’t smoke.”
Fonz pulls his brows together in question before realization dawns across his face.
“I was wondering how long it would be until you saw those.” While running a hand through his shoulder-length hair, he sits on the bed. “How much did she tell you?”
“She didn’t tell me shit. I didn’t ask her. I didn’t tell her I saw them.” Fonz nods in understanding.
“Who was it?”
He blows out a breath.
“Who the fuck was it!?”
“Who do you think?” Fonz yells back at me.
Pacing again, my hands clasp behind my head. “I thought Sean was just a deadbeat boyfriend. I didn’t know he … What did he do?” I stop and stare at Fonz, but he won’t look back at me. “Fonz, so help me God, I need to know. Wait, is that why you punched him?”
He shakes his head. “No. I punched him way before that.”
“Why did you punch him?”
Fonz is quiet for a moment before looking up at me. “Ethan, there’s a reason you left this all behind once. You sure you want to know all the details?”
The truth hurts, but what he’s saying is fair. I take a deep breath. “Tell me everything.”
He looks up at the ceiling as the words tumble out. “I punched Sean because he took Ari’s virginity and he wasn’t very delicate about it.”
All the air leaves my lungs. Of course, I figured they were sleeping together, but I never thought about how he was with her. “What—” I have to stop and clear my throat. “Did he force her?”
Fonz shrugs and purses his lips. “She said he didn’t. She has always been adamant that she consented. I do believe he talked her into it, or guilted her into it, but she claims it wasn’t forced. But I do know he didn’t take care of all of her needs to make sure it was comfortable for her.” Fonz looks at me with sympathy in his eyes.
“That piece of shit motherfucker!” I turn and kick the open door so hard it dents. “What the fuck is wrong with him?”
Fonz is quiet as I stalk back and forth, pulling in strangled breaths of air. He looks at me again. “Should I keep going?”
Oh, God, there’s more.
“Wait … Just, wait.” I take a seat beside him on the bed. “How much more is there?” Fonz just looks at the ceiling again. “Ari was still with Sean until the accident, and there’s no way in hell she was sleeping around, so he had to be the only guy to lay his hands on her. Right? I mean, other than Axel.”
Fonz cringes but doesn’t look at me. “Sean liked to share her.” I drop my head into my hands. “Well, maybe share isn’t the right word,” Fonz continues.
“Stop.” The word barely leaves my lips.
“He liked to pass her around to a friend or two.”
“I said stop!” I jump to my feet, take a step and sink to my knees, bringing my elbows to the floor like I’m praying. “I can’t … This can’t …”
“I’m sorry,” Fonz says. “I never wanted to have to tell you this.”
“Have I heard the worst of it?”
A second passes before he answers. “The burns are the worst of it, as far as I know.”
“When? When did that happen?”
There’s another pause. “The night of the accident.”
The world tilts. Of course she jumped out in front of a fucking truck after that. Dragging myself up to sit on my heels, I’m too ashamed to even turn to look at my best friend. Tears burn the back of my eyes, but they don’t come out. They just stay there and hide.
“I left her.” It’s barely a whisper from my lips. “I just left her there in that shithole.”
“Don’t,” Fonz says, and I hear him get up from the couch.
“I fucking ran out of town like a bat out of hell and left her to fend for herself.”
“No, you didn’t, Ethan. She went to foster care, and you did what you thought was right. And in case you forgot, you ended up in the hospital with a busted hand, had your scholarship to play baseball deferred, and almost got arrested trying to help her.”
I shake my head at the words he’s spewing at me.
“Ethan, you didn’t make her stay. She could have stayed with the Millers all along. She chose to stay because she always thought Axel loved her. And Sean was just an opportunist who came along—”
“He wouldn’t have been able to if I had stayed.”
“No, but you also wouldn’t have gone into the Army and—”
“I don’t give a shit about any of that.” Pushing myself off the floor and running a hand down my face, I turn one way, then the other. “I have to … I’ve gotta hit the bag downstairs for a bit. Or go for a run. Or both. Ari and the gang will be waiting for us, but I have to get rid of some of this … this … this burning! Gah, Fonz, it’s burning me up inside!”
Concern flashes across Fonz’s face as he comes toward me. “Ethan, calm down—”
“No.” I pull away from him. “I’ll be downstairs. I just need thirty minutes, OK? Just text Ari and tell her we’re running late.”
I run out of the room and down the stairs and start hitting the boxing bag. I don’t even wrap my hands. I want this shit to hurt.