49. CHAPTER 49
CHAPTER 49
ARI
S team wafts from the paper cup that Officer Diedrick—Rick, he said to call him—hands me. “It tastes like poison, but it’s hot and it’s strong,” he says, sitting down next to me in the uncomfortable hospital chairs.
“Thanks.” I bring the cup to my lips and slurp a small sip, cringing. “You’re right. It does taste like poison.”
Ethan is in surgery. The doctor told us the upper penetration missed his liver but the lower one nicked his kidney, which is why he lost so much blood. He ended up needing a transfusion, but the doctor assured us he’ll be fine.
By “us,” I mean me and his mom—and Fonz, Sophie, and the Millers. I’ve already seen all of them and answered whatever questions of theirs I could and accepted their hugs and tears. And then I left them in the waiting room while I went in search of some air and space.
The police contacted Lena, but I haven’t heard from her.
I’ve already been examined. I have a sprained wrist, a butterfly bandage on the side of my chin, a goose egg on my temple, many bruises and lacerations on my arms and back, and I feel like I was run over by an eighteen-wheeler.
The doctors had to sedate Ethan as soon as we arrived because he wouldn’t let me out of his grasp and they needed to treat us separately. Now I’m taking this time while he’s knocked out, hiding in the patient area, to just … breathe. If I was worried about his nightmares and his overbearing need to protect me before, I’m outright horrified about how this evening’s events are going to stoke that fire.
“I’m surprised you remember me.” Officer Rick’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts. Turning toward him, it’s like I’m seeing him the way I did several years ago. Taking in the strong, sharp line of his jaw and his light hair.
I put the godawful coffee on a side table and place my hands on the seat on either side of my thighs as I nervously kick my feet back and forth. Without looking at Officer Rick, I answer him. “You’re linked to a memorable day in my life, so I’m not sure I could ever forget you. Especially not now. Now you are linked to two very memorable days in my life.”
He shifts in the seat next to me, leaning his elbows on his knees and holding his paper cup between both hands. “It was a memorable day for me, too—back then.” I turn my head to look at him. “Not sure why. I mean, yeah, I was young, new to the force, but I had been on domestic assault calls before. For some reason, you stuck out to me. Ethan did, too …” He trails off, lost in thought. “I dunno, there was just something so tragic about it all. Your upbringing, your stepmom’s pathetic response. And the way that seventeen-year-old kid looked at you like you were his whole world.”
He sips his coffee, grimacing. “When the dispatch came through tonight, I wasn’t sure it was the same address, but once I pulled up I knew it was the same place. I’ll never forget that house. And when I saw you standing in the garage, I couldn’t believe it. And then when I heard you say his name, and I realized it was Ethan, too …” Officer Rick chuckles. “I think I might have gotten goosebumps.”
“That was probably just the smoke.”
“Nah,” he says, taking another sip of coffee. “Holy shit, this is terrible.”
His phone chimes, and after discarding the coffee, he pulls it out of his pocket and scrolls through something, then clears his throat. “Firefighters recovered the body.”
I swallow, pull my lips between my teeth, and nod. “That would be a dead body, right?”
He nods.
A quiet moment passes before I speak again. “Thank you, for not going back inside. I know that was—”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he interjects, tipping his head to look me in the eye.
I give him a tight smile as we stare at each other for a moment before his phone chimes again. He looks at it and curses under his breath. “I’m sorry, I need to go. You OK waiting by yourself?”
“Yeah.” I stand along with him. “I’m sure they’ll be done with Ethan soon, and if I’m not there when he wakes up he’ll lose his mind.”
Officer Rick laughs. “Give the guy a break. He’s head over heels. He can’t help it.”
I grin. “I guess I’m pretty lucky.”
“You both are.” His phone chimes again.
“You better go.”
He hesitates a minute, then reaches into his shirt pocket and pulls out a card. “You ever have any other problems, you call me, OK.”
I take it, but give him a look. “You have seen Ethan, right? I mean he’s pretty much my personal bodyguard.”
“Seriously, the guy could play for the NFL. I thought I was going to pull every muscle in my body dragging him across the driveway.” He moves his shoulders around for effect.
I smile, thinking about my big guy. “Well, thanks again.”
He stretches his arms out, and I take the hint and walk right into them, and he embraces me tightly. “This may not make sense to you, but tonight was oddly healing for me,” Officer Rick says.
Dude, I understand better than you will even know.
I have to wait just long enough to start getting nervous before a nurse comes and tells me I can go be with Ethan.
When I step in the doorway of his room, I stop dead in my tracks as I take in the sight of him. His face is jacked. His broken nose has a splint over it, one eye is swollen shut and somehow already deep purple, and the other eye has a bandage over the eyebrow. He's still unconscious, and I decide to take this time to rest, too. Pulling up a chair, I take his hand in mine and place my head on the side of the bed.
***
Fingers massage my scalp.
“Seriously, Mom, I’m OK.” That’s Ethan’s raspy voice.
A sniffle. “I can’t believe I almost lost you.”
“You didn’t, Mom. I got knocked around a bit, but I didn’t almost die. It’s going to take much more to get rid of me.” They’re trying to be quiet, probably so as to not wake me.
Ethan’s fingers slide against my scalp and through my hair again.
“Your father would have been proud of you for fighting that monster tonight.” Ethan’s fingers still as his mom continues. “I know he was a hard man to understand, and he was never one to share his feelings, but he was proud of you for always looking out for others. For Ari.”
“He hated that I was always protecting Red.”
“No.” His mother sniffles again. “Ethan, he tried to keep you away from that house because it was his way of protecting you . Where do you think you got those qualities?”
Silence hangs in the air as I try to blink my eyes open, and Ethan’s fingers start to move against my scalp again. “He had a terrible way of showing it.” His voice is still raspy.
“Oh, absolutely. He was the worst at showing his emotions.” I hear Connie blow out a breath. “I’m glad you didn’t inherit that from him.”
“Is that your way of saying I’m needy?”
“No, honey, you give so freely of your love and it’s one of my favorite things about you.”
“Mine, too.” I finally find my voice, and it’s also scratchy.
Ethan’s hand stills and his eyes dart to me, fierce and fiery at first, then they soften. “Red.” He turns the hand of his that I’ve been sleeping on, so it’s cupping my face. “How do you feel?”
I close my eyes, breathe in, and exhale. “Like a Justin Bieber fan who got thrown into the mosh pit at a System of a Down concert.”
Ethan barks out a laugh, then winces and grabs his side. “Owwww. Oh shit!”
I push myself up and his hand drops from my face. “Sorry!”
He shakes his head slightly. I think he’s grinning, but it’s hard to tell because his face is so busted. “Don’t ever stop being you, Red.”
“Alright, I’ll leave you two alone. I know it’s been a long night.” Connie steps over to me and gingerly pulls me into a hug. “Thank you.”
“For what? Almost getting your son killed?”
“I didn’t almost die!” Ethan rushes out, then coughs.
“No.” Connie holds me tight. “For always being the light to my son’s darkness.” I give a sad smile because I don’t know what else to do. “Alright, I’ll be back later. Need anything?” She slings her purse over her shoulder.
“Yes, food. Lots of food.” Ethan rubs a circle over his stomach. “I’m not eating green Jell-O, I’ll tell you that right now.”
Connie smirks. “I’ll see what I can do.”
I return my gaze to Ethan as she leaves the room and see his arms outstretched toward me. “Come here.” I shuffle over to him and sit on the edge of his bed, on his uninjured side. “No, come here.” He tries to pull me down toward him, but I resist.
“No, Ethan, you had your side stitched up in two places. I can’t lay with you.”
“The hell you can’t.” He starts to push up into a sitting position.
“Stop it!” I break into a coughing fit.
“OK. OK,” he concedes. “Just let me look at you.” When I think I’m done coughing, I lean over him, placing one hand on either side of his body. He cups my face, turning it this way and that. “Anything broken?”
I shake my head in his hands, and he trails fingers down my arm, gently touching the stabilizer on my wrist. “It’s just a sprain.” He nods. I gingerly lay my upper body over his, and he lets out a breath as my head settles on his chest.
After a beat, I hear his hoarse voice again. “Is he dead?”
I nod against him.
“How do you feel about that?”
“He tried to kill you, Ethan. I’m glad he’s dead.”
His hands roam across my shoulders and back, and the back of my head. I know he wants to hold me closer and it’s killing him that he can’t, but tears are leaking out of my eyes and I don’t want him to see them.
“Ari, please lay with me. I know you’re crying.”
I shake my head against him. “You’re hurt.”
“I’ll do it.” My head snaps up at the sound of Fonz’s voice, and I see him striding over to us. I get up and pull out of Ethan’s grasp to let Fonz see his best friend for the first time tonight.
Fonz sits on the edge of the bed, swings his legs over, and slides right up against Ethan, who laughs—then winces and coughs—before bringing an arm up and around so Fonz can snuggle into his side. Fonz carefully drapes an arm and leg over Ethan the way I often do.
“Are you serious right now?” I bark as loudly as I can without hurting my throat.
“Mmhmm,” Fonz hums into Ethan’s chest. “He’s like a dog with anxiety. He needs one of those weighted blankets to feel safe.”
Ethan chuckles, then breaks into full laughter and coughs. “Hey, you had your chance, baby.” He glares at me with his good eye.
“One word, four syllables.” I hold up four fingers and dip them as I speak. “ Co-de-pen-dent .”
“Yep,” both guys answer at the same time.
“Give me a break, Ari,” Fonz grumbles into Ethan’s chest. “You’re not the only one who loves this ogre.” At the sound of his voice breaking at the end, Ethan and I make wide eyes at each other. Well, Ethan makes one wide eye.
“Dude, I’m OK,” he says softly, rubbing Fonz’s back affectionately just like he did mine.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, Fonz. I was just trying to lighten the mood.” I step over and put a hand on his leg. “He’s your best friend, of course you were worried. He’s lucky to have you.”
After a while, Fonz clears his throat. “I’m just upset because if you guys die, I can’t afford the tax bill on that house all by myself, and I don’t want to move back home.”
“Can’t you just move in with Matt?”
Fonz shrugs. “I mean, I’d love to, but I’m not sure my asshole could handle his stamina every night.”
“Wow,” Ethan says at the same time that I shriek, “Oye!” and cover my eyes.
A knock at the door causes all three of us look over and see Lizzie standing in the doorway. As Fonz climbs off the bed, I’m about to ask how she heard about the fire so fast, but Ethan speaks up. “Bet that police radio scanner was lighting up tonight, eh?”
Lizzie pulls her shoulders up guiltily. “I had no idea it had anything to do with you guys until just a few minutes ago. I heard the calls going out for a structure fire, and when they called for backup for a fully involved fire I called Monty, and we got to the house at about the same time. He got some active shots. I talked to the firefighters. It wasn’t until the coroner provided the name Axel to me that the wheels started to turn.”
Ethan clears his throat. “You, uh, looking for a quote?”
Oh, shit, I didn’t even think about that. “You’re writing an article.” I say it as a statement.
Lizzie cringes. “Yeah, I am. But I’m not asking for a quote. That’s not why I’m here.” She steps further into the room and up to the bedside, placing a hand on Ethan’s upper arm. “I’m here as a friend … And as a friend, I gotta tell you, Ethan, you look like that guy from The Goonies right now.”
Fonz barks out a laugh, then looks over at Ethan. “I love you, Chunk,” he quotes the movie.
“Seriously, though,” Lizzie continues, “you both look horrifying, and soon I’m going to need someone to fill me in on what happened. In the meantime,” she speaks to Ethan, “I’ll tell Cherise to call that freelancer to take over for you for the week.”
“Thanks.”
Lizzie smiles tightly. “Well, I’ll get going. Let me know if you need anything, OK?”
I walk over to give Lizzie a hug. “Knox wanted to come,” she says quietly. “But we didn’t want to bombard you. He sends his love.”
As she leaves, more tears threaten, so I head for the bathroom. “Ari,” Ethan calls, but I ignore him as I close the door behind me and lean against it. I breathe deeply in and out. In … Out …
It’s too much. Axel’s death. Ethan’s pain. The reminder of the state I was in only a few years ago when I stepped in front of Knox’ truck and the unexpected friendships that came from that encounter.
No. Nope. Now is not the time for a breakdown. Instead, I summon up an old mantra I haven’t had to recite for quite some time.
Do not cry. Don’t you dare cry.
I run the water, splashing some on my face before taking several deep breaths and exiting the bathroom. When I do, Fonz is gone.
Ethan has his bed inclined all the way, and his heavy gaze finds mine. “It’s OK to be sad,” he says quietly. “I know he was the only dad you knew growing up. And I know I always gave you hell for caring about him, but that doesn’t mean I was right. It must hurt. And it must hurt that Lena hasn’t even checked on you, even though she’s got to know by now what happened.”
I bring my hands up to cover my face as a sob breaks free—mantra be damned—and hear Ethan shuffling on the bed. “No, don’t.” I force out as he slings his legs over the side and I hurry over to him—and right into his open arms.
He wraps around me as I settle between his legs and cry into his shoulder. “Shhhh.” He strokes my head. “It’s OK. We’re OK. We’re going to be alright. That’s all that matters.” He rubs a circle on my back. “As long as we’re here, and together, nothing else matters. Just breathe, baby. Just breathe.”
I sob and sob, my chest shaking and my lungs straining to suck in air, and Ethan holds me tighter, which must hurt because I feel him jerk against me. “You … and me,” I get out between heaves. “It’s you … and me.”
Ethan continues to stroke my hair and back. “No, Ari. It’s you and me … and Fonz, and the Millers, and Sophie, my mom, and my dysfunctional work friends—our friends. That’s our family. You hear me? Fuck Axel, who is rotting in hell right now. And fuck Lena.”
I sob even more, and I feel Ethan’s chest shudder, too.
“I wish I could love you enough to make up for all the people who never showed you how much you deserved to be loved,” he says.
And then I completely fall apart. “You do, Ethan. You always have.”
It doesn’t take much more convincing to get me to lay down with him, and when I do, Ethan falls apart right alongside me. Maybe it’s the adrenaline from the night’s events. Maybe it’s goddamn trauma. Maybe it’s just pure exhaustion.
After a while, I whisper, “You awake?”
“Yeah.” He kisses the top of my head and shifts his leg wider so mine falls further between his.
“How did you know? That I was at Axel’s.”
“I was at Fitz’s, talking to Lena.”
I stiffen. “Why?”
“I asked Lizzie for help finding your mom.” He must feel the tension radiating off me because he continues in a rush. “She did some research and found out the house you grew up in is in Lena’s name. Long story short, she found a name linked to some paperwork, and I went and asked Lena about it, and she admitted to knowing the name of your birth mother. Lena said she hasn’t spoken to the woman since she relinquished her parental rights, but she gave me the last known address.”
I’m quiet for a moment.
“I’m sorry, Ari. I don’t mean to drop this on you now, of all times. But I can’t lie to you.” Ethan rubs my arm some more. “Red? Please, talk to me.”
I remain still.
“Are you upset?”
I think about it. “Honestly, Ethan, I’m just over all of it. I don’t need to know anything else. I just want to go home. To our home. And move forward with you. I want to look forward to our future together, and I don’t want to look back anymore. I’m just …” I lick my dry lips. “I’m done.”
Ethan wraps his arms around me and squeezes tight. “Then that’s what we do, baby. That’s exactly what we’ll do.”