18. Calliope
EIGHTEEN
calliope
The bed shook and shifted as he got off me so quick, I wasn’t sure that O hadn’t just clawed Xander’s ass.
“Xander? Can I come?”
He hadn’t said anything. He’d shaken his head. Okay. But I wanted words. Answers. What had just happened?
I scrambled to my knees, ignoring how my legs still shook trying to get close to the edge and reach his arm. He paused when my hand gripped his forearm, but he never looked my way.
“Xander?”
Still quiet.
“So you go all stupid-ass feral caveman on me and then silent treatment? I know I wasn’t a disappointment, because, well, you came back, you giant asshole. So what is it?”
Not that I wasn’t enjoying his naked backside, but I was really tired of him ignoring me. I looked around the room like something would come to mind. Like I’d figure out how to get him to talk.
Instead I just looked at all that ink. And beyond it the puckered skin of scars. And none of them new.
Instead of asking why or how, I played the stupid helpless female card.
“How are you going to make sure I’m safe if I’m here all by myself?”
I was fine. Probably. The security system had given me two nights of sleep, except my sleep had been filled with Xander. Sweat had soaked my bed a few too many times as I’d imagined this exact moment. Or, well, close. This was so much better.
It had all been better until it wasn’t.
So I did what I always did. I let him go.
“You know what? I’ll figure out my own invite. Go do you. But when you need someone to nurse your ego when you lose?—”
His hands were on my waist so damn fast I was pretty sure I had whiplash for real.
“You are to stay here. Something doesn’t feel right. So stay here.”
All I could do was roll my eyes as I put my hands on his. My fingers strained trying to get him to release me, and I resorted to digging my nails into his vice like grip.
“Look, if you’re going to be in danger, wouldn’t it be good if I was there to be a lookout or something? I have skills. Mostly with dead people?—”
He cut me off with a kiss, but it wasn’t the same as before. It wasn’t all masculine testosterone. There was something strange about the way his lips lingered on mine, not demanding but just feeling.
I didn’t want to like this. I didn’t want to like the way it felt to just be. Just be comfortable. Safe. He pulled away and moments ticked by as he just watched me and I couldn’t turn away.
“I need to go. Promise you’ll stay. Nothing has happened yet about Ripple, and I’m certain word got out that I fucked him up a little even before he disappeared. Things have just been too quiet in our world.”
I just nodded like a bobble head. Because something about what he said found chips in the walls I kept up around me. The ones that kept me from letting anything in. The ones that kept me in a place where I had nothing to lose.
“Fine, but I have to work tomorrow. Text after?”
Why was I listening to him?
I was still sitting up on my knees when I realized he was dressed and already heading for the door.
“Oh, hey. I made this for you. Or, well, I had Cas help me,” he called back from the other room.
I didn’t bother covering up, but I met him where he stood with a backpack in one hand and something metal in the other.
“It’s, uh, for you. That’s the knife from Ripple. The one he stabbed me with. The other stuff, the barbed wire, is from our territory as we try and clean up what we can.”
I’d seen some metal art at the reception, and Rylee had shown me some of the images of what she’d photographed, but this?
I blinked and blinked, trying to stop myself from feeling.
“This is for me?”
He nodded.
I reached for it and wrapped my hands around the base as I studied the details.
“The knife, it’s the stem of the flower? Cas needs a lot more credit for the shit he does.”
I looked up at Xander and caught a look I’d never seen before, and that was more terrifying than the black nothing.
“I designed it. He just helped me get it to reality.”
The metals weren’t just all silver. The barbed wire had to be painted to look the way it did.
“Did you…” I didn’t finish my sentence once I noticed the door closing.
He didn’t even say goodbye.
But he’d made me something.
I was so confused.
Something fuzzy ran against my leg and I jumped.
“Oh, shit. Sorry, O. I forgot you were here. Want some kitty food?”
He followed me to the little kitchen where the bag still sat.
“It doesn’t look like you and me will be going anywhere for a bit. Probably.”
I put the sculpture down as I fumbled around in the bags. There was a lot more than I’d realized. Cas even managed a small bag of kitty litter and a plastic tray. Right. That would be helpful.
I glanced back at the flower. It would never die. I liked that in a flower. But what if the man who made it might? My heart caught in my chest, and I had to brace myself against the counter. What in the hell was I thinking?
I was thinking maybe even if I thought this was all going to just be fun and games, in the end it wasn’t.
I was falling for him. I was falling for an emotionally unavailable man who just made me a gift.
“Here, O. Enjoy your cat food. I should maybe actually put some clothes on so I’m prepared for a night of nothing.”
The clock on the oven was slower than my will to live on a Monday morning. Fucking hell. Had it really only been two hours? My phone was still blank. No texts. I’d picked it up and put it back down more times in the last two hours than there were minutes. But why? I knew that everyone I could bother calling was at some fight I wasn’t invited to.
I typed a quick text to Rylee.
Me: Do you know if Xander is okay?
Rylee: I’ll text later.
What the hell did that mean? Text later? Was she allowed to go? Was it just me that wasn’t allowed in the inner circle? I blew out a breath and not even O cared what had me stressed out.
I looked down at my clothing and realized I was dumber than I’d originally given myself credit for. I’d gotten dressed in case Xander had… what? Come back begging me to come support him? But that was something a clingy little girl would do.
“I’m not clingy, am I, O?”
He’d gotten comfortable on the counter, right where I’d rested my forehead for the first few minutes of my pity party. It was a little sweet, at least he wanted to comfort me.
He meowed in response.
“Thank you. I appreciate your support.”
The screen for the motion camera turned on and a chime sounded right before there was a thudding knock on the door.
I pressed my lips together, trying to hide the smile. False hope bloomed inside my neglected heart. When had I ever hoped for anything? Never. Never had my mother ever given me something other than death to hope for. I’d never known love, and I doubted what I felt for Xander was that. But it was something.
My hand shook with nerves. It was dangerous to hope. Hope gave me something to live for. Something to lose. Something that would stop me from ever escaping here.
I breathed in and out. Xander could be my escape though.
“Xander, is the fight…” The words died on my lips as I reached the last lock and the door flung open, nearly hitting my face.
“Well, well. If it isn’t my favorite little puppet.”
I backpedaled.
“I thought you were?—”
He stepped in like he owned the place and so did two others.
“Where’s Ripple, princess?”
I swallowed.
“I don’t know.”
Ripple had his faults, but he was the safest of the little gremlins the Vipers sent after people. He’d at least kept the worse ones away. He’d always said I was his, and right now, maybe, I needed him back for that. Except the dead didn’t come back.
“You don’t know?” he asked.
I shrugged, buying me seconds to get the fear trying to choke me under control.
“No. Who are you?” I glanced from one to the other and then the third. They all had military-style cuts. They all had tattoos that covered their necks. The guy talking to me had plenty of lines on his cheek, like tally marks.
“Ripple never mentioned me? I’m his big brother. You can just call me J for now. I let you be Ripple’s little plaything, but he seems to have disappeared.”
I shrugged again and feigned confidence as I moved toward O.
“He’s probably at the fight or something,” I said.
I wasn’t trying to outmaneuver, more like just buy myself some time, but it didn’t matter. The guy, J, sidestepped and had a knife to my throat before I could take more than a single step.
“Word’s out that a Spector car with you in it was seen in our territory. Care to tell me the story behind that?”
I wanted to move or shake my head but bleeding out wasn’t in my plans for the evening.
“A Spector? They’ve come to the morgue. Just the same as the Vipers and any other asshole. I don’t really know what you want me to say.”
I hated that right then my heart hammered away, very much awake to the danger. When had I started to see danger? When had I started to care?
“I want you to tell me what you did, princess. You haven’t checked in since Ripple disappeared.”
I swallowed carefully, feeling the sting of the blade, certain I’d been nicked.
“Or maybe I’ve been checking in with a guy that’s missing?”
I hated lies. I’d done as much as I could to never be my mother. And technically, I wasn’t lying.
“Give us your phone.”
Shit. My mind raced. There wasn’t anything incriminating on there. Xander? He was listed under asshole. But then again, the couple of Viper contacts I had were similar in name.
I didn’t have to make the choice to show my phone or not though. They’d found it.
“Stay still,” J said.
“What else am I going to do with a knife to my throat?” I was a little worried I’d started to lose myself in the little twisted game of Xander. Flirting with danger almost seemed like a high. Even if my heart said one thing from fear, a conflicting adrenaline surge seemed to course through my veins all on its own.
They held the phone up to see my face, not caring if I wanted to let them in or not.
“Who the fuck is gherkin?” one of the guys asked.
That brought joy to me. I never thought anyone would ever see that.
“That’s Ripple. You know? A tiny little pickle?”
Something hard hit the side of my head and I swayed for a second.
“Bitch.” The voice sounded like J. The pain in my head wasn’t welcome, but the lack of a knife at my throat as he reached for my phone was.
“Fuck.”
I smiled even as I braced myself against the counter.
“See, told you. Checking in just like a good girl.”
I was certain I’d checked in right before he pissed off Xander, so I guess that was a win.
He threw the phone on the floor.
“Fine. Then I guess you just bought yourself an invite to the fight if you think he’s there and swear you have no idea where he is.”
He reached for me, but I had my wits enough to duck.
“I can walk, thank you very much.”
I needed to not say that if Ripple had been like this creep maybe he wouldn’t be dead. This guy might have been a bit scarier than his brother. But I wouldn’t let him know that.
“Bitch, you will fucking do as I say.”
I nodded because three against one? And Xander probably had zero clue what was going on. I was in Calliope survival mode.
“Whatever you ask. Just remember your boss likes my ability to make things disappear.”
His eyes were tiny slits as he watched me.
“Yeah. Go get dressed like you were planning to go to this thing.”
I looked at my leggings and T-shirt.
“What’s wrong with this?”
It wasn’t J this time, one of the other thugs snorted.
“The women don’t dress like that at these things. Ripple bought you some nice things, go grab one of those and some heels. Make everyone believe you’re a little Viper whore.”
My skin crawled at that last remark. I’d been kept out of so much of the Viper world, I really wasn’t prepared when it came knocking at my door.
“But I’m not one of your whores.”
I still had enough self-preservation instinct to step back toward my bedroom. But even then, when J followed me, I fought down the bile burning its way up my throat.
He followed me into the bathroom to the closet. He stood toe to toe with me in the dim little hole. He smelled of too much cologne trying to cover up the scent of weed, and… I sniffed. Gun powder.
“Did you shower before thinking this was a great plan, J?”
There was the knife again, but this time his grin stretched over his too thin lips, showing me all those rotting teeth.
“Vipers don’t have a dental plan, do they?”
I actually wanted to know because this guy needed it.
“Shut the fuck up, bitch.” His fingers twirled in a lock of hair that had slipped from the messy bun. In a blink, that knife sliced through, and he held up the newly freed hair, my hair, to his nose and sniffed.
“Princess, you are just as much of a whore as any one of the bitches that chase Viper dick. You think you have protection? Nah. Ripple just had dibs. Now put this on.”
He reached behind me and grabbed a small, and I mean small, midnight-blue dress that I’d never worn. It had indeed been a Ripple pick.
“I… I don’t think that will fit.”
He smirked.
“Fit? No one cares as long as you look like the slut we all know you are.”
I held my breath as he licked up my cheek.
As he walked away, the dead eyes that looked back at me were much different from the darkness in Xander’s.
Xander was scary because he had something behind those eyes that was dark and told me he knew exactly what he was doing. This guy? Well, he was scary because something told me there was nothing. And nothing might be more unpredictable than dark.
He stepped into the bedroom but the privacy that offered was subjective. I squeezed my ass into the closest the best I could and slipped out of my comfortable clothes, closing my eyes as I stretched out the fabric of the dress.
The one decent thing in this shitty life of mine was that I hadn’t been wanted or needed for my pussy. I had my dignity. Xander? For all his asshole tendencies, he had shown me he wasn’t using me for just what was between my legs either. Something was at war within him, and as much as I wanted to hate him for it, I admired it. I was attracted to it. Fuck, the darkness? The danger? The strange feeling that he saw me? Well, we all knew the bad choices that followed.
The thing about it? His actions were why I was hiding in my closet putting on this floss of a fucking dress. So maybe I should just hate him too.
I breathed in deeply and pushed all the feelings aside and repeated my mantra. I had nothing.
“I have nothing.”
I slipped off my bra knowing nothing was fitting under this thing. Luckily I hadn’t had underwear on regardless of it was laundry day or not.
The thin fabric of the dress slid up my legs and stretched across my thighs to my hips. I yanked down the skirt and was at least thankful it stretched pretty well and hid all the important bits below the equator.
The top was connected by the center of the waist of the skirt, both back and front, and I pulled it up and tied it around my neck.
“I have nothing left to lose,” I whispered to myself as I stepped out of the crap closet to see myself in the mirror.
Oh good lord. I yanked open a drawer of shit that had made it home from the morgue in my pockets. I was overjoyed when I found the medical tape. At least I felt a little more in control taping my breasts into this thing. I’d regret my choices later, but if I was able to tape my dress, then I was certain my breasts would stay put and maybe piss off one more Viper tonight.
“Bitch, you done yet?”
J stood in the doorframe, and that sickening crawl of gross slid over my skin as he leered at me.
“Nice. Ripple has good taste. Put your shoes on. We need to go.”
I did as asked and in record time. Nothing left to lose didn’t mean I was going to push and push and push. Not when, at the end of this murky looking rainbow of shit, there was Xander. He was at this thing.
“Let’s go, and leave your phone. You won’t be needing it.”
I swallowed and gave the phone on the floor a longing look. The sharp tip of the knife poked my exposed skin on my back as I slowed.
“Go.”
I followed without regard to anything. The only thing that snapped me out of it was the appearance of lights. Two? A car? No. Two single lights. Motorcycles. They were still far enough away that I doubted they’d hear me even if I screamed.
“Get the fuck in,” J said as he pushed down my head into the shitty beater.
Maybe someone would come for me. Maybe they wouldn’t. But I was still me.
“So now that we know the Vipers don’t have dental, I assume that means this is one of their luxury cars? You still might need a new one. I don’t think bungee cords and duct tape really scream success. Or does gang violence have different rules?”
I shut up as someone backhanded me, my eye stinging right along with my cheek.