Chapter 6
The library is colder today. I don’t like it.
I flip somewhat mindlessly through the pages of the book in my hands. I’ve read them all at this point, but I’m convinced that a second or third time through will reveal something I haven’t seen before. Some of the pages are folded to mark certain ideas, but none of them mean anything to me right now.
Because she’s distracting me.
My eyes drift to the mirror against the wall where the yard below is reflected through the window. Part of me is tempted to see how close I can get to the window without feeling the consequences so I can see her more clearly.
And that alone concerns me.
I don’t risk things. Not for some random girl who’s found her way onto my property, disrupting my rare bit of peace and quiet. But I find myself curious as I stand and move closer to the glass, watching the woman furiously stomping across the grounds.
The woman—I almost never take the time to know their names—is talking to herself in the sunlight, bunching her dark hair in her hands. I’ve seen her try to escape by climbing the fence, picking the gate lock—she even attempted to force the front gates open earlier with a large branch.
It was my entertainment while I ate my breakfast in the dining room.
I’ll admit that this woman is interesting, but I stand beside the concerns I shared with Mildred. This one is volatile. If provoked, she might actually try to knife me at dinner next time. And while I don’t want her here, I don’t want a repeat of Leeta either.
My body goes tight, resisting thoughts of Leeta”s stay at the manor. I could have one hundred women come through this place and not remember a single one, but I”ll never forget Leeta. Even if I wish I could.
A smile finds its way onto my face as the woman outside walks to the small lake, throwing rock after rock into the shores. Ripples stutter across the water and she finally plops down on the grass, falling back to stare up at the sky.
I briefly wonder what she’s thinking, and am surprised that it’s my mother’s voice I imagine hearing. Must be the fire. They both have plenty of it.
But that realization only causes my mind to worry, wondering where my mother is and if she’s okay. Then my feelings turn to shame.
Because I’m positive that she would be disappointed in me if she could see me now.
She used to say I had an unlimited amount of untapped potential for greatness. But she also said that no one gains weight from eating sweets. How much could her words be worth, really? But deep down I know they mean everything. So many of them are still ringing in my ears…
Five years ago…
“Tell me he didn’t do it,” Mother says to me the moment she walks into my room. She’s usually so unflappable, but Orrin has been scaring her lately. Why, I couldn’t say. He seems the same as always to me.
“What who did?” I answer distractedly, holding up two shirts as I stare in the mirror, trying to decide which Carissa will like best. She seems to smile more when I wear blue, but other women frequently compliment me when I wear red. I shrug and toss the red aside. “For the dowry,” I mumble.
“You don’t know?” I turn at the horror in Mother’s voice. She can be a worrier at times, but never scared.
When I look at her now though, I don’t see the formidable woman who handled two teenage boys without a hitch, or the woman who has the court eating out of the palm of her hand. No, this woman looks like a ghost, and it makes my skin chill.
“Tell me,” I say, giving her my full attention.
Her eyes water and I fight against the instinct to cringe. Mother never cries. “It’s Orrin. He wanted to punish one of the guards for abandoning his post, so he set the man’s house on fire. Alistair…” she clasps my arm, “A child was found in the ashes. Please, I need you to tell me that Orrin didn’t know the child was inside. It’s bad enough that my son would burn a house down as retribution, but to kill a child…I can’t…”
I toss the blue shirt aside, folding my mother in a tight hug. She sobs against my shoulder as my mind spins.
Orrin has been aggressive since we were young. More competitive, more intense. In the past few years, he’s done things my mother will never find out about because I’m afraid it would shatter her. But to kill an innocent child on purpose?
I wish I could tell her it wasn’t true. No body, no crime. But if I know Orrin, it might be…
“Let me talk to him,” I say, rubbing her shoulders as her crying calms. “I’ll get to the bottom of it, okay? But I don’t want you to worry.”
She looks up at me, unconvinced. “I don’t want you to provoke him, Alistair,” she warns, her blue eyes commanding. She’s a beautiful woman, not even forty yet, her light brown hair still full of color in its braided updo. I hate to see someone so young and bright filled with so much anxiety. I vow to ease as much of it as possible.
“I won’t. Now why don’t you go have some lunch and I’ll see what I can find out.”
She agrees and the moment she’s gone, I seek out my brother. It’s something I’ve made a point not to do, especially since he took over Father’s role…
I find my brother in his office, looking over a map with greedy eyes. He looks so much like Father with his dark hair and angular features that I have a hard time looking at him. But his eyes he got from Mother. If only he got her passionate sense of righteousness or Father’s patience. If he had, we wouldn’t be in this mess.
“Brother,” I greet, stopping a few strides away from his desk. It’s not that I think my brother would harm me, but if for some reason he saw me as an obstacle…he might.
“Alistair,” Orrin smiles, “To what do I owe this rare pleasure?”
“I’ve heard a rumor that I wanted to verify.”
“Is it about that maid? Because she died of natural causes,” he snaps, palm hitting the desk.
I try not to recoil at his admission of being blamed for an innocent’s death. My brother is cruel and selfish, but his cruelty has always been contained to those who get in his way. How could a maid, or a simple guard be an obstacle to him?
“No, it’s about the fire,” I hedge, buttoning the sleeve of my shirt and feigning self-centered indifference. It’s not difficult. I slip into the mindset on a daily basis in order to survive the dark, evil environment my brother has turned our home into.
But while Orrin is a terrible leader and an unkind man, I do not have the means to fight him. Nor would I. I don’t want his position or responsibility. I would only drop them both, letting them shatter.
Orrin narrows his eyes at me. “Mother put you up to this, didn’t she? She’s been getting nosier lately. She doesn’t approve of my methods.” He paces at his desk, and I berate myself for not thinking to bring a weapon. “She’s becoming a problem, and I don’t have time for problems.”
“Don’t worry about Mother,” I interrupt with a lazy smile. “I’ll keep her distracted.”
“You would be willing to do that?” Orrin asks, stopping to study me.
I shrug and roll my eyes. “I may not be good for much as far as you’re concerned, but I can handle Mother.”
He seems to mull it over, his features hard. But as I stare him down, I notice that the expression doesn’t quite match the detached look in his eyes. “Good,” he nods. “Keep her busy and away from my business. I don’t want her to become an obstacle.”
I agree and leave the room as quickly as possible without arousing suspicion. But once I’m free of Orrin’s office, I all but run back to my mother. I need to get her out of this place and away from Orrin. She’s too curious for her own good and Orrin will not tolerate it much longer.
I may not have any interest in taking down my brother, but my mother is all I have. I will not lose her to him.
And I didn’t. Orrin may be single-handedly ruining everything my father built, but he can’t ruin my mother if he can’t find her. And as I watch my unfortunate looking new housemate, I think I’m glad that Orrin hasn’t found her either. Fire like that would be squashed beneath him, and I rather enjoy watching hers dance unpredictably.