Chapter 4 #2
I wanted to feel Grace’s body under mine more than I’d ever wanted to with anyone else, I wanted to taste her, hear my name on her lips, but I feel like I’d push her to do that when she was obviously comfortable with the idea.
The only logical conclusion was that this wasn’t a soul bond, no matter what weird hopes I’d harbored that perhaps it could have been.
“From what I’ve heard, what’s been hinted at, the feeling is supposed to be quite all consuming,” Grace agreed uncomfortably, twisting the ring on her left hand again. The stone appeared to be an opal, it was the same unique color as her eyes.
“Right, so it’s probably not that,” I sighed.
“Probably not,” she murmured, glancing up at me before returning her gaze to the candle. “But…”
“But?” I pressed.
“I want to, you know ,” she whispered conspiratorially, eyes wide. The pale turquoise in them sparkled almost silver when they caught the light.
“You want to what?” I asked, leaning forward and resting my elbows on my knees. There was still enough space on the couch between us to fit another person, but it didn’t feel that way.
It felt like there was barely enough oxygen in the room for the two of us.
“I want to kiss you,” Grace hissed, like the idea was mortifying. This girl was a brutal hit to my ego. I kind of liked it.
“I want to kiss you too, but we’re probably thinking of different lips,” I replied drily, suppressing a smile.
“Riot!” Grace squeaked, clapping both hands over her face. Why was she so fucking cute? Since when was cute so attractive to me? If I didn’t get to keep her—soul bond or otherwise—then the goddess was playing a cruel trick on me. “Do you mean…actually, never mind.”
“You sure? I don’t mind elaborating,” I teased, sitting back on the couch and crossing my ankle over my knee.
“I’m sure you don’t,” Grace said, shaking with silent laughter as she peered at me through spread fingers. “I can’t believe you said that,” she added, voice muffled by her palms.
“We can start with the mouth, if that helps,” I replied with a shrug.
“Um, that won’t be necessary,” Grace mumbled. “I mean, I want to. But there are rules around that kind of thing.”
Rules? What kind of rules were there for kissing?
There was a long moment of pause where Grace stayed in the same position, and I raised a questioning eyebrow at her as she groaned dramatically. Cute. So fucking cute. “I’ve committed to the face hiding thing now, and I don’t know how to stop without being awkward. Why am I always so awkward?”
Shit, I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d laughed, but the sound escaped me for a moment before I could rein it back in. For a second I hated myself a little less, because she felt so good and pure that I almost believed it could rub off on me.
“Don’t overthink it,” I advised her seriously.
Grace pulled her hands away and tucked them under her thighs, shooting me a disbelieving look. “You may as well tell me not to breathe or blink. Overthinking social interactions is a core function of my being.”
“You’re kind of delightful,” I murmured, marveling at her. “Did you know that?”
Grace blinked at me, her face flushing again. “I’m fighting the urge to hide again.”
Did she not receive compliments often? That seemed insane. Maybe there were rules around that too.
“Back to the, um, me-wanting-to-kiss-you thing,” Grace said shyly, shifting her gaze back to the coffee table. “That’s not a normal thing for agathos.”
“You guys don’t kiss…?” I asked slowly. “I assumed that with all the lovers, there’d be a lot of kissing.”
“Maybe. I mean, I assume so. Between bonded.” Grace cleared her throat. “Sugar, I am not explaining this well. Okay, so agathos are only meant to experience, er, desire with their soul bonds.”
What in the sex-controlling-cult fuck was that about? Their goddess was the worst.
“So you’ve never experienced sexual attraction before?” I asked, struggling to keep the incredulity out of my tone.
“Not…not like this,” Grace settled on. She looked uncomfortable, so I didn’t push even though I sensed there was more to it than that.
“That seems like a pretty big point in favor of us being soul bonds,” I pointed out, running a hand through my hair as Grace’s eyes followed the movement.
“It does. But you being a daimon is a pretty big point against it,” Grace replied softly. Maybe it was my imagination, but Grace almost looked as disappointed as I felt.
What did that mean? What was I supposed to do now? Get up and leave?
That was probably the smart thing to do. I didn’t want to though. Everything in me rebelled at the idea of just walking away. Of leaving Grace here alone, living on the outskirts of what she should probably consider enemy territory.
What was for certain was that we were no closer to an answer than we had been when we’d started this conversation. Sex might give us answers, but that was definitely not on the table.
“Do you want to watch a movie or something?” Grace mumbled into her lap.
I got the impression she needed a minute to clear her head, but maybe she also wasn’t feeling ready to say goodbye just yet.
“I had planned on watching a movie before bed, before Rae called. Maybe Freaky Friday. You probably don’t want to watch that though, I’m sure I could find something more… ”
I should have probably jumped in to reassure her that I didn’t care what movie she picked, but I really wanted to hear what she thought I’d like.
“More serious? Like a documentary or something?” Grace settled on, looking at me like she wasn’t sure if I was going to be offended or not.
“A documentary, huh?” I asked, lips twitching.
Grace bit her lower lip as she tried to suppress a smile, eyes sparkling with amusement, and fuck, if I thought she was beautiful before it was nothing compared to when she smiled.
“You seem like you’d like documentaries. Maybe about rock stars. Or true crime,” she added, sounding like she was trying not to laugh as she turned on the television.
“Well, now I’m a little embarrassed to admit I like both of those things,” I said drily. I was rewarded with a breathy laugh that sank into my bones, burrowing into whatever passed for a daimon’s soul. Goddess, Grace was exquisite. “For tonight, Freaky Friday sounds good.”
Grace glanced at me, giving me a beaming smile as she navigated to the movie. “It must be so nice to be able to lie.”
I hadn’t thought much about it, but fuck it must be terrible not being able to lie. The soul bonds sounded kind of cool, but maybe being an agathos wasn’t all sunshine and roses after all.
“It comes in handy,” I replied, settling in on the couch as the movie started. “You really can’t lie at all?”
Grace shook her head. “Honesty is one of Anesidora’s virtues. We’re designed to model it by example,” she added sheepishly.
Huh . That idea didn’t sit particularly well with me.
“Since we have this mysterious connection and all, maybe we should get to know one another a little,” I suggested, keeping my voice deliberately casual even as I sweated a little internally waiting for her answer.
If she said no, if she wasn’t interested in exploring whatever this was, it would sting, which was an alarming thought.
I honestly couldn’t remember the last time another person had the capacity to hurt me.
I didn’t give a fuck what my dad thought.
My human mom had succumbed to her addiction years ago, but she’d been in the throes of it my whole life, and I’d barely known her even when she’d been “raising” me.
It was foreign and sort of unpleasant to crave someone’s approval, even though there was nothing unpleasant about Grace.
“That’s a good idea,” she replied, tucking her foot under her knee and angling herself more towards me on the couch. “I’ve never met a daimon before.”
Her eyes widened so fast, it was comical. I was guessing she hadn’t meant to say that part aloud.
“I’ve never met an agathos either,” I said, suddenly feeling that strange urge to reassure her again. “Though your revelation is a little more surprising, considering where you live.”
“Well, I’ve only been here six months, and this part of town is predominantly human.”
“You weren’t worried at all when you moved here? Wasn’t your family concerned?” I was concerned, and I’d just met her.
“Not as much as you’d think,” Grace replied carefully.
“I’d always been told that daimons wouldn’t care in the least about me unless I provoked them.
” That was true. We mostly didn’t give a fuck about anything.
“Besides, I think my family were a little relieved, though they’d never admit it.
Maybe not that I came to Milton specifically, but that I left Auburn. ”
I let out a low whistle. “Auburn, huh?”
It wasn’t particularly shocking—Auburn was the nearest big agathos settlement—but shit, Grace was really slumming it living here.
There wasn’t a single home in Auburn for under six figures, and the whole place gave off a distinctly Stepford Wives vibe that only a lot of money and cult-like leadership could achieve.
“I dread to think what kind of ideas you’ve come up with about me already,” Grace said with a tentative smile, slumping back against the couch.
“None, actually,” I replied, surprising both of us. I had a lot of ideas about what Auburn in general was like, but I hadn’t applied any of them to Grace. None of them fit her. “Why don’t you tell me the things you want people to know about you?”
The look she gave me was so startled, I briefly wondered if she’d misunderstood the question.
“Um, well I guess I’d like people to know that I have two little brothers, but I’m closest with my cousin, Mercy.
I have a Bachelor’s of Social Work that I did remotely, and I’ve worked at Hope House since I was 18, but I started there full-time after I graduated.
I love rom-coms. Hate peanut butter. Love matching loungewear sets. Hate heels…”
She tilted her head to the side thoughtfully like she was coming up with more things, totally oblivious to the way she’d just put me under her spell.
There was something happening to me. There was an unfamiliar, fluttery feeling in my stomach, while at the same time my chest tightened and my brain turned to mush.
It was bizarre and addictive at the same time.
She was just so… kind. And entirely unaware of how sweet she was.
I mean, the peanut butter thing wasn’t ideal, but no one was perfect.
“Are you close with your parents?” I asked, wanting to know every single thing I could learn about this mysterious woman.
Grace wrinkled her nose thoughtfully, tilting her head to the side. “I have one dad out of the four that I’m definitely closer to. My mother and I don’t get along.”
“That’s a lot of parents,” I said with a low whistle, slightly mind blown at the concept. “I only have one parent, and he’s hard work most of the time.”
“Your mother?” Grace asked sympathetically.
“Dead,” I replied with a shrug, subconsciously pulling out my lighter. It was the one thing I had from my mom, and while I wasn’t a particularly sentimental guy, I’d grown attached to this thing.
“I’m sorry,” Grace said softly, some of the nervous tension in her posture relaxing the longer we spoke. “Um, same question for you. Riot, what do you want people to know about you?”
“The less the better, probably,” I replied drily. Where to begin? With the homelessness or the drug dealing past? The options were endless.
Grace gave me an assessing look—a glimpse of the woman she probably was when she wasn’t filled with nerves—before her face softened into a small smile. “You think about it while I make some popcorn then.”
Fuck the consequences. I was going to keep her.