Chapter 12 #3
“The Elders believe this is what Anesidora wants for Grace,” Valor responded, speaking to Mercy rather than me, which only drove my irritation higher.
“That this is a rare opportunity to bring the Eutychia gift to areas where agathos do not usually live. You would not stay in one place forever, Grace. The Elders would be happy to move you around to different locations—”
“—I don’t want to leave—” I protested, but Valor continued on as though I hadn’t spoken.
“—and you would have the opportunity to travel far more than most agathos get in their lifetimes. They are being tremendously generous with you,” he added with a pointed look.
“By taking away my choice?” I asked, baffled.
“ Choice? ” Mother hissed. “They are choosing to see your defects as a potential blessing rather than the curse it is. Your choices are irrelevant. We live to serve. ”
I blinked rapidly, forcing back the hot rush of tears. It wasn’t anything Mother hadn’t said before, and I knew my single status caused her a lot of embarrassment in the community, but it was difficult to swallow that she’d rather I just be sent away.
“Of course, if you do feel the call in future, that would be respected,” Earnest said with unusual gentleness, considering how formal he normally was. “Think of it as a way for you to spend your time in the interim.”
I could feel myself panicking, my mouth opening and closing like a fish, as I tried to think of a legitimate way out of this that didn’t involve me shouting that I may have already found a soul bond.
Just the idea of being sent half a world away from Riot made my throat constrict, the ache in my muscles intensifying to the point I thought I might gasp out loud from pain.
I couldn’t leave him. I wouldn’t.
In the past, despite whatever questions or concerns I may have had, I’d always conceded in the end. I was afraid of being ostracized. Afraid of drawing even more negative attention to myself than I already had. Just afraid .
I’d met plenty of people at the shelter whose decisions were motivated by fear—fear of leaving, fear of staying—and I’d never judged them for it. Fear was a legitimate motivator, and one that I knew firsthand.
But I’d judge myself forever if I let fear of speaking up drive me away from Riot. I’d never forgive myself if I did nothing to stop it.
“My answer is no,” I said firmly, startling Creed and Earnest. My heart pounded triple time in my chest, and my palms were getting grossly sweaty as I fought to stop the tremble in my hands.
Valor and Mother frowned, while Chance’s mouth twitched in what may have been a suppressed smile.
“I have bought an apartment in Milton, I have a job I care about, a life there. It isn’t reasonable to uproot me on a whim—”
“This isn’t about fair ,” Mother spat. “This is about serving where you are needed, selfish girl.”
“I am needed where I am,” I replied with absolute confidence, impressed that I kept the shake out of my voice. “I will not leave.”
Chance’s smile became strained, eyes filled with sympathy. “You know we are all at the Elders’ beck and call, Grace. If they believe Anesidora wants you elsewhere, they are within their rights to move you.”
I’d defended the agathos’ way when Riot had criticized our lack of choice. I’d told him it was a gift, and that Anesidora didn’t make mistakes. I didn’t think I’d ever regretted something so much in my life. They were really ready to just rip me out of my own life, just like that.
“That being said, I’m sure we can request an extension for you,” Chance added, giving Valor a hard look. “You’ll have things here that need to be sorted out. Selling the apartment, wrapping things up at the shelter…”
“So it’s just a done deal then,” I said weakly, looking between them. “It’s been decided.”
“The Elders asked Constance today to give her recommendation.” Mother’s voice rang with finality, and a chill spread through me from the inside.
Today? Of course they asked her today, the first time I’d ever taken a day off work.
It was all just so… unfair. More than unfair, but my brain was running through too many worst case scenarios to find the words to articulate my anger.
Mostly, I just wanted to cry, which annoyed me. I wasn’t sad, I was furious , but my anger often manifested in the form of tears just to be extra humiliating.
Mercy grabbed my hand under the table, and I vaguely registered that she was squeezing it, but I mostly felt numb.
“We’ll ask for an extension,” Valor replied eventually, his voice gruff.
A lesser man would have withered under the glare my mother sent him at the smallest of accommodations he’d made for me.
“But the Elders have already voted, Grace. They feel your place is in outreach. They are giving you a future.”
I was pretty sure I’d found my future all on my own, and the words burned on the tip of my tongue, desperate to get out, but I held them back, reminding myself the risk was too great.
I wouldn’t insist on the future I’d discovered for myself if it meant putting Riot’s in jeopardy.