Chapter 14 #2
Would they physically restrain me if I refused to go?
No, I couldn’t believe they’d do that. Agathos weren’t violent by nature, and maintaining civility was of the utmost importance.
That was why I hadn’t considered it when Riot suggested running away.
It would be difficult, and I’d have to argue my case, but I didn’t think I was in actual danger from the Elders.
I was still outside ruminating on that and my conversation with Mercy when Riot got back, his concern scratching insistently at my skin. I’d take it though. It was preferable to the pain of missing him.
He moved up silently behind my chair, pausing for a moment before his hands cupped either side of my neck, smoothing down towards my shoulders. He stopped right at the juncture of my neck and shoulders, his long fingers spread over the bare skin of my collarbone, just barely nudging my shirt aside.
“Pretty roses,” Riot remarked quietly. “Unusual hobby for an agathos, gardening.”
I hummed in agreement, staring unseeing beyond the pots into the neighbor’s barren backyard. “It never used to be. Nature is Anesidora’s creation, after all. Most agathos seem to have forgotten that.”
“You’re definitely not most agathos.”
I’d heard similar statements my whole life, but they were usually a lot less reverent in tone. Riot was incredibly good and incredibly bad for my ego.
“It’s cold,” he murmured, thumbs brushing softly up and down my neck. “Come inside.”
I didn’t think the goosebumps that erupted over my skin had anything to do with the temperature, but I managed to nod my head silently in agreement.
“Are you okay?” Riot asked, guiding me to the couch and plucking the empty glass out of my fingers.
Why couldn’t I lie? What benefit was there to not being able to tell a little white lie to stop other people from worrying? He’d be able to sense the truth anyway, but it would be nice to at least pretend I was putting his mind at ease.
“I will be,” I replied with a tight smile.
“Talk to me.” It was a casual command, but Riot seemed to have a gift for demanding just enough control that I could just relax and stop overthinking for a moment.
Usually, I wouldn’t have elaborated, but when it came to him, I wanted to. I wanted to tell him all the thoughts I’d always been forced to keep to myself.
“I was thinking about the outreach thing,” I admitted. “But also my cousin, Mercy, has her emergence coming up.”
Riot dropped onto the couch next to me, close enough that our sides pressed together, and I leaned in against him, soaking up his warmth.
“What’s an emergence?” he asked, pushing his dark hair out of his face.
I probably should feel bad even saying that much.
The rites are sacred, and revealing them to a daimon would be seen as the height of treason.
At the same time, the more I question things in my head, the more I want an outsider’s perspective to make sure I’m not being crazy.
The more I want Riot’s perspective, specifically.
“It starts with an oral exam,” I explained, shuddering a little at the memory. I’d been so nervous, I was convinced I was going to vomit on the Elders who were administering the test. “They ask questions based on all the agathos’ virtues.”
“What kind of questions?” Riot asked, already looking vaguely appalled at the whole concept.
“Mostly they come up with scenarios where an agathos would need to assist a human and we explain what we would do or what kind of abilities would be best suited for particular situations. I didn’t do so well on some of the sections,” I laughed hollowly.
“What happens if you fail? It’s not like you can not be an agathos anymore,” Riot scoffed.
“Well, no,” I conceded. “It does impact your standing in the community though, and the kinds of positions you’re eligible for. I’m sure it’s one of the reasons my boss has never liked me. Even if I lived until 120, I would never be eligible to be an Elder because I tested poorly.”
Riot muttered something that sounded suspiciously like “what the fudge” under his breath. Except he probably didn’t say fudge .
“After the exam, they take the initiates into the altar in the basement for the rites, and Anesidora unveils our gift.”
“That sounds…” He struggled for words and I almost laughed at how polite he was trying to be when I could feel his horror brushing against my skin.
“Don’t hold back now,” I teased, poking him in the ribs.
“Archaic,” Riot said eventually, pulling my hand onto his thigh and linking our fingers. “Archaic, and culty, and creepy as fuck.”
“Well it is an ancient tradition, so archaic isn’t the worst descriptor,” I agreed, staring at our joined hands. My opal ring seemed to glint angrily at me in the low light, and for the first time since I’d been given it over a decade ago, I contemplated not wearing it.
Unfortunately, any agathos would spot its absence instantly, so that probably wasn’t an option.
“What does all this have to do with your cousin?” Riot asked.
I made an exasperated noise in the back of my throat, annoyed with myself for being annoyed with Mercy.
“Mercy’s emergence is coming up. She sort of said my poor results aren’t any comfort to her because she doesn’t want to be like me anyway,” I sighed, tipping my head back against the couch and closing my eyes.
“Well, she inferred it and I confirmed it. Which is a totally reasonable response to have, so I don’t know why I’m being all sullen about it. ”
“Because it’s total bullshit, that’s why,” Riot growled, startling my eyes open with the vehemence in his tone. “You are magnificent, and those test scores don’t say shit about who you are as a person. She’d be lucky to be like you.”
“You’re biased,” I replied, leaning up to kiss his cheek. He was biased, and I’d probably just made him hate my cousin which hadn’t at all been my intention, but his words had made me feel better.
Maybe I hadn’t tested well as an agathos, but I still tried to be a good one. There were many times I’d felt like I was a better agathos than Constance was—more generous with my gift, less elitist about who I helped—but none of that mattered in the eyes of my community.
Maybe their opinion wasn’t worth coveting.
Riot startled when the doorbell rang, and I patted his thigh as I stood. “I ordered in, hope that’s okay.”
He hovered discreetly in the background while I answered the door, and we worked together to get bowls and utensils and lay out the food on the small dining table.
I was definitely pretending again that we were just a regular couple and this was our normal life, but I couldn’t help myself.
It was a nice vacation from the inside of my head.
“So,” Riot began, loading up his bowl. “There was something I wanted to ask you about.”
Sugar, I really needed to tell him about my prayer to La Nuit. I doubted he was going to ask me about that, but that information felt like a guillotine blade hanging precipitously over my neck.
“Sure,” I replied weakly, picking at my vegetable chow mein.
“When you fell asleep on the couch the other night, and I carried you to bed, you told me you never remembered what you dreamed about.”
I blinked at him, startled by the random topic.
“That’s right,” I replied slowly. “I don’t think I remember a single dream I’ve had in my life.”
Riot hummed thoughtfully as he chewed his food, looking contemplative.
“I know that’s unusual,” I continued, a little unnerved by his silence.
“I don’t have bad dreams either, I don’t think.
My parents brought it up a lot when my brothers were born, in a joking way.
They said they’d never learned how to deal with kids having nightmares because I never had any.
” I smiled a little at the memory of Creed telling me that.
“Why do you ask?” I said eventually, curiosity getting the better of me. Riot had been quiet for a while, seemingly lost in his thoughts.
“You remember I mentioned a daimon named Bullet?” he asked, watching my face carefully.
“I’m unlikely to forget that name,” I replied, raising an eyebrow at him.
Riot’s lips quirked. “True. So, the Oneiroi line are probably the most powerful daimons, but they’re sort of cursed.
He is gifted visions of the future from the Goddess of Night—about himself and other daimons—plus he can use tarot cards to gain insight from the divine.
They’re sort of the closest thing we have to priests. ”
“That is powerful,” I replied, slightly awed. I couldn’t imagine having such a strong connection with Anesidora.
“He has one other ability,” Riot continued, frowning a little. “One I’d forgotten about until recently.”
“What’s that?”
“Dreamwalking,” he replied with a grim smile. “He can visit a person’s mind when they are sleeping and create a dream of his choosing. It’d be a more powerful gift, if the person could remember the details when they woke up.”
Riot was watching me closely and I fought to suppress the shiver of apprehension that ran down my spine.
“But he wouldn’t be able to visit an agathos, right? Our gifts don’t work on each other.”
“My Moros ability doesn’t flare to life around other daimons,” Riot pointed out.
“But Bullet’s gifts work best on other daimons.
The Oneiroi’s abilities are sort of the inverse of how most daimons work.
Theoretically, he wouldn’t be able to visit an agathos, but…
well, you’re not a regular agathos, Gracie. ”
Well, that was true, but surely I would know if someone had been popping into my dreams each night? The idea that I wouldn’t know, that I just couldn’t access those memories, was a little terrifying.
“I’ve always liked falling asleep,” I said quietly, pushing my food around my plate. “Whenever things were hard or I felt alone, sleep gave me comfort. I always woke up feeling…settled. Sometimes a little sad too, but mostly settled.”