Ten
Jace
Ice cream drips down Nate’s chin and it takes all my resistance to keep me from hopping over the table to swipe it up with my tongue. Trying to remind myself we aren’t alone and all walls are down out here, I push a napkin toward him. “You got a little bit of white stuff right here.” I tap my chin.
His cheeks tint a pretty pink and he quickly swipes the napkin over his face, dropping his spoon into the cup. “Not that I mind having white stuff on my face, but this isn’t exactly the right kind or the right place,” he says quietly, leaning forward.
That earns him a laugh from me and I shake my head, lifting my spoon to my mouth. I asked for three scoops today, instead of my usual one, Nate convincing me that’s good because I’m supporting a local business and helping keep them open. His pros always outweigh the cons with the way he words things. Enjoying two Cokes a day is okay because it prevents Dad going into a sugar-induced coma, and eating second helpings of Mom’s food means it’s less she has to put away in color-coded Tupperware.
Tossing a gummy bear into his mouth, he rests his face on his closed fist, the sun from outside making his freckles more prominent. He really is my favorite view, no matter where we are. He’ll point out how beautiful our surroundings are, and I’ll only agree because he’s standing in the center of it all. The best sight to wake up to is him, with his light brown hair mussed, sleep lines on his face, and long lashes touching his pale cheeks. He’s been sneaking into my room through our shared bathroom for weeks now. After a long day, I curl up under my covers, my instincts to hide in the closet nowhere to be found as I wait for his warm body to press against mine.
I stay in bed because he’s there, and I’m here around all these other people for the same reason.
“So, wanna go to Barton Springs after this? Take a dip in the water and let me remind you why you love swimming with me?”
My smile mimics his, and not because I’m trying to copy him but because everything he does is so damn infectious, passing right along to me without me always realizing. “What about the drive-in?”
“That’s not until later tonight, and you love the water. Well, you love watching it. Being in it is so much better.”
“I don’t know. That’s too many public places in one day. Are you sure you’re going to be able to keep your hands off me?” I quirk a brow.” Everyone we know will probably be there.”
He rests both elbows on the table, running a foot over mine. “We can always go to the dog park area. Hardly anyone goes there. Mostly old people.”
I snort. “As fun as swimming in dog piss and slobber sounds, I don’t know if I’m in the mood to feel like Jack and Rose from the Titanic. It never matters how hot it is outside, that water’s freezing.”
He rolls his eyes, slurping the remaining ice cream from his spoon. “Fine. How about somewhere more remote instead, but still with water? I mean, small fish sometimes nibble at your feet, but that’s the price you pay when you’re so picky.”
I bark out a laugh. “Where is this remote place? And don’t tell me it’s somewhere you’ve been with Rick or Gabe.”
“No. Actually it’s where my mom used to take us for family picnics and walks. You know, before she met her new husband and moved to a whole different state to start a new family.”
As much as I know his mom’s absence has bothered him, he doesn’t talk about it often, but when he does, I listen. It’s one of the things I’ve become good at after trying to run in the opposite direction from how I was raised. All the men I ignored and turned my back on as a child suffered and ended up in worse places than our basement. In worse hands than my dad’s.
“You had a lot of happy memories there together?” I ask, trying to quiet the thoughts in my head.
“Yeah. At least, I thought so at the time. It wasn’t until the last time we went that I really noticed the strain between her and my dad. They didn’t love each other anymore and that’s fine, you know, but I didn’t think it would lead to her no longer loving me.”
Lips turning down, I reach for his hand, not giving a fuck who sees. He needs this. He needs me. Not only as a listening ear but as a means of comfort. The tension in his face lessens, confirming the small move is helping. “I’m sure that’s not the case. Sometimes parents have a shit way of showing they care but that doesn’t mean they don’t.” I was referring to my own mom. Only her.
“Yeah, maybe.” He nibbles at his bottom lip, squeezing my fingers. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to be such a damn Debbie Downer on our first date.”
My eyes widen, my heart making a strange pitter-patter sound. “This is a date?”
A blush runs over his cheeks and he glances down at our joined hands. “I mean, it feels like one.”
My heart smiles and I stroke the inside of his palm with my thumb, tracing an invisible star. “Then it is. And if you really want to go swimming, then we will.”
His eyes brighten. “So you’ll let me take you there?”
“Yeah. Sure. Why not? How far away is it?”
“That’s the thing.” His face contorts. “We can’t walk there. We have to drive. It’s about twenty minutes away.”
A knot lodges in my throat and he winces. I look down and yank my hand back in mortification when I realize my nails were digging into his skin.
“Or we can just forget it altogether. There’s also a swimming pool that . . .”
“We’ll go.” I give him a gentle smile. “I want to go there with you.”
“You sure?” His eyebrows shoot up and he’s wearing a look of uncertainty on his face. “I don’t ever want to make you feel like you have to do anything you don’t want to.”
Not wanting to do all these things with him has never been the problem, and I want to show him they aren’t. “I’m sure, little brother. Will you please share your favorite spot with me?” He doesn’t have to say what the place means to him for me to know. It’s a fond memory he wants to relive with me, and I’d love to recreate with him.
His eyes soften. “Okay. We can grab our bathing suits and towels from the house on the way there.”
“Don’t you still have towels in the car from the lake trip? Ones we never used because you forgot to get them out?”
“Yeah, but we can’t get into the water fully dressed.”
“Who says we have to?” My lips pull into a tight grin and his turn up ever so slightly.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Shooting up from his seat first, he tosses his trash in the bin by the front door, holding it open for me to follow his actions. We stroll down the road, heading for our house, our arms knocking together, and as soon as we’re in front of the garage, he drags me inside and pins me to the nearest wall. Smashing his lips to mine, his hand slides between us, groping my cock.
“Keep doing that and the only place we’ll be going right now is inside and upstairs,” I murmur against his lips.
“We’ll have plenty of chances to do that later. I want to kiss you in places other than this house first.”
Liking the sound of that too, I push him toward the car, glancing around us. “Let’s make that happen then.”
“Lets.” Jingling his keys, he gives me one quick peck on the lips before slipping into the car. I follow suit, focusing on his excitement instead of being in a place I was never allowed in.
“Cars are for picking up our guests and delivering them to their new homes. That’s all. They aren’t for joy rides. ” My dad’s words sting my ears and I tug on my seatbelt, more at ease when Nate slides his hand into mine.
“It’s not too late to change your mind.”
I shake my head quickly, forcing a smile. “No. I’d rather connect riding in a car to you than to him. I don’t want to keep letting his words and memories hold me back from things.”
“I don’t want that for you either. The asshole stole so much from you. Let me help you take it back.” His smile is warm, settling something alight inside me.
We’re mostly quiet on the long drive, listening to music and occasionally singing along to the songs playing. We stop to grab food and I tell him to order me the same as him, but it’s not until the bag is resting in my lap that the scent of curly fries has my stomach rolling. My fists ball around the top of the paper sack, my breaths painful as they push their way past my lips.
“Feed me a fry, will you?” Nate says, but I’m too far into this state of paralysis to fully take in his words, my body stiff against the seat as I clench my teeth.
“Jace?” He shakes my shoulder, pulling into the nearest parking space. “What’s happening? Is it the car? We can get out and walk around for a bit.”
I shake my head frantically, staring down at the food in my lap, needing it away from me as fast as possible but not remembering how to use my hands.
“What is it then?” Panic causes his words to shake. “Tell me what’s wrong, baby.” He pulls at my chin, those blue eyes resembling clouds in a storm.
“The food.”
He takes one look at where my gaze is falling and quickly grabs the bag, tossing it outside, no fucking questions asked. The windows roll down and the air already feels less heavy and thick.
“Better?”
My lips press tightly together and I nod, finally able to breathe solely through my nose, the scent no longer strong enough to make my head spin.
“Want to talk about it? Only if you want.” His fingers are so soft against my cheek. I lean in closer, closing my eyes and allowing myself to land in my safe place. Nate is a fluffy cloud in a world full of sharp knives and teeth. One I’m afraid I’ll end up draining so much, he’ll no longer be able to float.
“I . . . That was a reward.” It’s funny, I didn’t think anything was worse than breaking the rules, until I was reminded of my dad’s rewards when I made him proud.
“A reward?”
“Yeah . . . he never called it that, but I can tell that’s what he meant it as.” One of those good memories I was talking about, until they no longer were. “For after I . . .” I swallow the thickness in my throat. “After someone made it to their new home safely. I didn’t know the name of the restaurant, he didn’t tell me. He’d just hand me a plate with the food already unwrapped. But it was the same place, I remember the smell. He was a manager somewhere, that’s all I know, and he’d smell of grease when he got home from work. I think it was his cover job.”
Nate’s eyes sink, misting over. “Oh, Jace. I’m so sorry. If I had known—”
“How could you? Even I forgot. I’ve been trying to shove those days down as far as they’ll go.” Everything forced down is meant to come back up eventually, though.
“I just . . . I hate for this to be linked to today. Maybe we can go home and have a do-over, and I can do better tomorrow. Maybe—”
I press my fingers to his lips, hating that he feels like he’s to blame. “I don’t want a do-over, baby. I want this right here, with you. It’s my favorite way to move forward. You did nothing wrong. I’m the one ruining our day together.”
“No, you’re not. These are just small bumps in the road while we’re moving forward. We can try to make them less rocky, though. How about tacos?”
A smile slowly spreads across my face, and how is he so damn perfect? Because they really are small bumps in the road when he’s traveling with me, and I feel like over time I really could crush them until they disintegrate into nothing.
“Tacos sound perfect.”
The light returns to his eyes and he steps out of the car to throw the food away in the trash can across the way, distancing it from me along with the awful memory of my dad, leaving Nate as the only thing in my periphery.
When he returns, he immediately starts driving again, turning the music back on and holding my hand. I watch his mouth move around each word of every song, taking in the sunshine bouncing off his cheeks and brightening his smile. His hand moves from my hand to my thigh, sliding closer to my groin, and I’m already looking forward to driving more places with him. How can I not if they all lead to this? To his sneaky, flirty glances at me, and to him massaging my cock with promises of what’s to come when we exit this car.
As soon as Nate parks in a discreet area covered by trees, he climbs into my lap, sliding my seat back. Smashing our mouths together, he slips his hands up my shirt, rocking his erection into mine. With drawn-out gasps and pants, we meet each other’s thrusts, rutting against one another like two animals in heat. Our clothes restrict us from going too far, and right when I feel as if I could burst at any moment, Nate frees both of our cocks. His soft skin rubs over mine, tiny shock waves of electricity scattering from his skin to mine. The friction is too much and not enough at the same time. Spitting between us, his fingers hook around us and he bounces in my lap, ducking his head as he tugs us both at the same time.
“Fuck,” he whispers, lowering his face to mine and sliding down my lap. He releases his grip, and as I’m about to ask what he’s doing he presses his head to mine, dragging my foreskin forward. Stretching me around him, he rubs our tips together, and my head spins out of control. The discomfort quickly turns into something world-shattering as he moves his fingers faster, pushing harder into me.
My vision blurs and my balls draw tight. All feeling drains from my legs and arms as I cry out in pleasure. He comes right after me, body convulsing and losing all coordination.
“That was so much better than I thought it would be,” he says between chuckles.
“That . . . I was not expecting that.”
“I . . . I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
My forehead rubs over his and I tuck a strand of hair behind his ear. “Not at all. It felt a little weird at first, but I’m sure you thought that about my fingers too the first time.”
“It still feels kinda weird sometimes, but fuck do I love it. I think I’d like your cock too.”
I nearly swallow my tongue. “Jesus. Who even are you lately? Such a filthy mouth you’ve developed.”
“Just be glad you’re not in my head.”
I laugh, pressing a brief kiss to his lips. “I kinda wish I was now. You never have to censor yourself around me.”
“No? You might regret saying that soon.” He smirks, tucking himself into his pants and sliding back into his seat.
“Let me be the judge of that.” I zip up my own pants after wiping myself off the best I can with napkins from the food bags.
He hands me some wipes from his glove box to clean my hands after he’s done, then we grab everything we need from the car, including the food, and start our short hike to what he says is the best spot here. Many rocks and a short trail later, we reach a waterfall, and Nate lays out our towels. We eat, watching the water, and somehow it manages to be both loud and quiet, the splashing and splattering sounds mixing with a gentle breeze of wind.
I’m really glad he chose to come out here rather than return to the house. He was right about us not needing walls to kiss and hold hands. Out here we’re free in all ways. I don’t feel trapped or suffocated and I can reach for Nate whenever I want. No limitations. The best of both worlds. A group of people join us by the water, before floating out on inner tubes and paying us zero attention.
They don’t know who we are, so can’t hold any kind of judgment, and it’s nice to finally get to enjoy kissing Nate around others—for what we have to be as real to them as it is to me. I’m not making this up. This isn’t some dream. Nate’s not only mine to me and him, he’s mine in their eyes too. We’re not just some dirty little secret out here.
His fingers tugging at mine drag me from my thoughts. “Come swimming with me.”
Without another thought, I let him guide me forward, the cold water shocking to my skin at first. Shivering next to me, he pulls me deeper, our feet still touching the bottom when we reach a small waterfall. Looking from me to the steady stream, he smiles. “Want to go under with me?”
With my gaze following his, I hesitate for a moment, and then say, “Yeah. Might as well while we’re here, right?”
He squeezes my hand tighter, taking a deep breath. “On the count of three, then. You can’t let go of me no matter what, though, okay?”
“I wouldn’t dream of it.”
“One,” he calls out, keeping his eyes on me. “Two.” His chest moves quickly, his nails poking into my palm. “Three.” He rushes forward and I hold my breath, tightening my grip on his hand as we’re submerged in water. The heavy pressure squeezes me at first, cold and pricking at my skin, then just as it gets to be too much he steps back, tugging me with him, and we both gasp for air. Laughing, he gives his hair a shake, droplets going everywhere, and I duck, still holding his hand. I hold it as he spins us around in the water, while he takes us back under the fall, and when he’s ready to lay out in the super-shallow end.
Head tilted back and face flushed, he closes his eyes, soaking up the sun’s warmth, and I lean in closer to him. He’s my sun, and the risk of being burned from getting too close has never been more tempting. People come and go while we stay where we are, chatting about nothing and everything at once.
“If you could pick anywhere in the world to go, where would it be?” He opens his eyes, flashing me a smile.
“Here.” I tug him closer to me, nearly pulling him into my lap and he snorts.
“No. Really. The sky’s the limit. Money isn’t an issue and you can literally visit anywhere for an entire week.”
I twist my lips, pretending to give it more thought. “Still here.”
“Is that your final answer?”
“Yes. Right here and right now.”
“Then it’s mine too.”