Chapter 2 Sloane
Sloane
“We’re proud of you, honey,” Mom says the second I set my suitcase down in the entry of my family home. Everything feels so familiar and yet completely different.
Four years of living on campus is over with. The same four years that were supposed to be the best time of my life. I think not. If anything, I wish I could rewind to senior year of high school and live that year over and over again. That’s the last time I think I was truly happy.
Sighing, I think back to last night when I officially moved out of my dorm room. I can’t believe I made it through college and graduated. If it wasn’t for the support of the school and my father’s influence I’d probably have to go back next year to finish.
“You’re proud that your grown child is back to live in her childhood home?” I don’t know why I’m being snarky, because I’m happy to be home. It’s the first time in a long, long time I feel safe.
“Sloane.” Mom sighs, rubbing my shoulder.
“I’m sorry.” I groan, leaning into her. “I just need a little time to settle in.”
“There’s no rush, sweetie.”
Mom and Dad have been nothing short of lifesaving. When I blew up my life two years ago by pushing away the one woman I’m convinced was, and still is, my soulmate, Mom and Dad flew out and made sure I ate, showered and generally survived until the pain subsided enough for me to be left alone.
It’s safe to say I’m not the girl who left home four years ago. Sometimes I barely recognize myself, but I’m able to feel snippets of my previous, happy self with the help of my therapist.
“Let’s get you set up,” Dad says, shutting the door behind us. He takes my bag and heads down the hall to the backyard.
“Um, I know it’s been a while but I’m sure I didn’t sleep in the garden when I lived here before.”
Dad chuckles, looking over his shoulder at me. “We have a little surprise for you.”
Stepping outside, I take in the garden and find myself looking forward to a few days of relaxing by the pool.
I’ve been told to relax for a while. My therapist says I need to decompress, and I agree.
I have four years of anxiety, stress, and heartache to filter out before rebuilding my life.
This time, though, I won’t—or I’ll try not to—put so much pressure on myself.
I have my bachelor’s degree in sports therapy, and I’m sure it’ll be useful at some point, but for now I plan on using my privilege for a little longer.
My parents are happy I’m home and on the way to being happy again.
They’re not bothered if I spend six months or even a year getting back on my feet… mentally.
“We realized you’ve had four years of freedom, and you might not be super happy to be sharing your space with us again.”
“Mom, I’d never say that.”
“You don’t have to, Sloane. You’re twenty-two years old. I remember being that age, and there’s no way I would’ve wanted to share space with your grandmother.”
I chuckle. “Okay, so are you making me sleep by the pool?”
She rolls her eyes and draws me into her side as we continue walking. Dad stops outside of the pool house.
“Welcome home, baby,” he says, placing my bags on the ground. Opening the double doors, he ushers me through. Tears immediately spring to my eyes as I take in the newly refurbished pool house. They’ve had it completely remodeled to function as an open-plan apartment. It’s gorgeous.
“Oh my god, guys. What did you do?”
Mom is beaming as I walk around, open mouthed, trying to take it all in.
“Do you like it?” Dad asks.
Spinning on my heel to face them, I can’t stop the little squeal from leaving my mouth. “Like it? I love it! Oh my god!”
Mom and Dad laugh, taking a step towards me and pulling me in. That’s when the waterworks start. I’ve been so overwhelmed for so long, it’s great to have nothing to worry about. Knowing Mom she’ll have had the fridge stocked, so I won’t even have to worry about grocery shopping.
“Have a look around. We’ve got the landscaper coming tomorrow. We’re having a separate entrance added in for you.”
“Wow, that’s…you really don’t have to do that. This is way more than enough,” waving my hand about the pool apartment.
“Nonsense, honey. You need to be independent.”
The pool house is set far enough back in the yard and surrounded on three sides by conifers that it’s practically invisible from the main house.
A private driveway would be the icing on the cake.
I’ll practically be living in my own place but will have the safety of my parents.
I’m far enough down my recovery to know I need them close by.
“We’ll leave you to it for a little while, sweetie. If it’s okay with you, we’d love to have a family dinner tonight. To celebrate graduating, and…” Mom chokes on her words.
“Mom,” I choke back, holding her closer.
“Sorry, sorry,” she replies, chuckling and wiping away her tears. “I’m just so happy to have you home.”
After we’ve spent a little more time crying and hugging, Mom and Dad leave me alone. The silence usually unsettles me. I always had to have music or the TV on in my dorm room to stay relaxed, but here…here the silence and smell of home calms me immediately.
The bedroom is large and bright. The room’s double windows look out onto the pool, which is reflecting the sun, making the backyard look like an oasis.
Mom has done a great job transforming the pool area into a paradise, and now I get to look at it every day.
Much better than staring out of my dorm room and seeing nothing but cars and pedestrians looking pissed off at life.
My phone buzzes on the kitchen island. Still, after all this time, my first reaction to my phone buzzing is excitement that Eden may have messaged me. It takes zero point two seconds for my brain to remind me that the notification isn’t from her, and it never will be.
Swallowing my disappointment, I grab my phone and swipe at the screen. It’s not Eden, but it is the closest person to her…Jenna.
For a reason I can’t quite figure out, Jenna has been the only person from my old life who is still in contact with me.
After I ghosted my best friends, I never expected Jenna to seek me out and practically force a friendship on me.
If anyone had the right to never speak to me ever again—not counting Eden—it’s Jenna.
But she’s been nothing but perfect. Jenna knows I’m back in town and is already on her way over.
We haven’t seen each other since Christmas.
She came and visited me at school, which blew my mind.
We have weekly calls, where she checks up on me and we talk about cheerleading, which she does fantastically.
Jenna became the captain of Holcroft’s squad and received a full ride to college on a cheerleading scholarship, starting in the fall.
The only thing we don’t talk about is Eden.
It’s not a rule, but I don’t think either of us wants to cross into that territory.
I have no idea if Eden knows her sister is talking to me.
I can’t imagine she does, and that makes me feel worse.
“Well, look who’s back in town,” Jenna calls from the door.
Turning, I take in my friend. It hurts a little to look at her because she is the spitting image of Eden, although that’s where the comparison ends.
Where Eden is all black jeans, hoodies and punk hair, Jenna is bright colored skirts and vests and smooth long hair.
“Jenna,” I breathe. She winks, skips over and hugs me to within an inch of my life.
“It’s so good to see you, Sloane.”
Pulling back, I hold her at arm’s length and look her over. She’s grown into a strong young woman. I bet she could bench press me now.
“You look fabulous, Jenna!”
She flips her hair. “I know.”
We laugh together and I feel another knot of anxiety unfurl. Leading Jenna to the bedroom, I gesture for her to sit down as I start to unpack. If I don’t do it now, I’ll still be living out of my suitcase in a month.
“How did you know I was home already?”
Scooting up my new massive bed, Jenna fluffs the pillow and leans back. “Your mum, obvs,” she replies. “We’re regular old besties now.”
Turning from the closet, I cock my head to the side. “You message with my mom?”
Scoffing, Jenna rifles through my open bag, checking out my clothes. “Of course. Sloane, you’re like my best friend.”
Jesus Christ, today is just going to be all about snot and tears. “Jenna,” I stammer.
She waves her hand like she’s swatting away a gnat. “No need to get sappy.”
Snorting, I shake my head. “Sorry, I won’t do it again.”
We remain quiet as I work through my bags. When the last pair of panties is safely in my chest of drawers, we head outside and settle by the pool. Mom waves at us through the window, miming the action for drink. We give her two thumbs-up.
“Oh, it’s good to be back.” I sigh.
“I concur, I’ve missed your pool,” Jenna retorts.
“Brat.” I laugh. “So, what’s on your agenda for summer?”
Instead of a reply, I’m met with silence. Turning my head from the sun, I face Jenna, who is rubbing the back of her head. My heart twinges. It’s another thing she’s inherited from her sister.
“Jenna?”
She huffs and swings her legs until she’s sitting up facing me. “Okay, we need to talk about the elephant in the room.”
Mimicking her, I sit up. If we’re going to do this I need to be prepared, and lying down feels too vulnerable. My blood pressure surges because I know where this is going. “O-okay. What’s up?”
“Eden is here. She moved back to town a few months ago. She’s sharing an apartment with Bella. Becca is practically living with them too.”
The air feels like it’s been sucked from my lungs. Not only is Eden close by, but so is Becca. I really messed up with her, too.
“Sloane, are you going to say something?”
I try to organize my racing thoughts. Closing my eyes, I take measured breaths and center myself. It took me a while to master the technique, but now I find it an effective way to stop myself from spiraling into an anxiety attack.
Blowing out a steady flow through my mouth, I open my eyes, feeling my heart rate lower. “We’ve never talked about it.”
Jenna shares a small smile. “I wanted to stay as neutral as possible. You’re my best friend, and Eden’s my sister. It’s not an easy situation.”
“Why aren’t you angry at me, Jenna? I broke her heart. You should be pissed, not being a friend.”
Leaning forward, she takes my hand. “Sloane, I know you two are made for each other. I’ve known it since high school.”
“We haven’t been together for two years,” I point out.
“And neither of you have moved on.”
Swallowing, I tamp down the spark of hope trying to reignite in my chest. I’d give anything to take back what I did two years ago. If I thought for a moment Eden would forgive me and take me back, I’d do anything.
“Eden…Eden has tried,” Jenna begins. “She’s dated on and off over the last year or so.”
I hate thinking of another woman touching Eden, but I have no grounds to be jealous…not after what I did.
“Have you dated?” she asks.
“No.”
Jenna twitches her lips as she summons the courage to ask me whatever it is she wants to ask.
“Did you cheat on her with Alex?”
I rear back. “No! Of course not. Shit, is that what she thinks?”
Shrugging, Jenna jiggles my hand. “I think it crossed her mind after you stopped messaging. Alex was the first person Eden ever felt jealous of.”
“God damn it, I screwed everything up.”
“Hey,” Jenna begins. “This isn’t a pity party, Sloane.
This is a meeting of the minds to see how we go forward.
Eden might live in her own apartment, but she comes home a lot.
At some point she’s going to find out you’re back.
I don’t want either of you to hurt anymore, so we gotta figure this out. I want you both in my life.”
“Jenna, I’m not sure what you want me to say.”
“I want you to say you’ll talk to her. Becca, too.”
“Everything okay, sweetie?” Mom asks, carrying out a tray of lemonade. “You look pale.”
“Eden’s home,” I say.
Mom drops to the deck chair and sits next to me. “I thought I saw her the other day,” Mom murmurs into her own glass of lemonade.
“I know it’s going to be hard,” Jenna says.
“It’s impossible, Jenna! I’ve pissed off ninety percent of the people who did nothing but love me. How the hell do I make that right?”
“One day at a time, sweetie,” Mom says. “Maybe start with Becca.”
Becca. My best friend in the whole world.
When I was in the worst of my anxiety, I pulled away from her too.
She called and texted nonstop, but I was in such a dark place I couldn’t do anything but hide away in my room.
Alex was the only one I let in, and that’s because she’d show up at my door and wait until I let her in.
I know how that must have looked to Eden.
No wonder she questioned my fidelity, but I never once crossed the line.
Like Kiera back in high school, I knew Alex wanted more from me, and yes, she flirted, but I made it clear the only person I was interested in was Eden.
Even after I asked for a break and eventually stopped communicating, I never had an interest in anyone but Eden.
I’ll admit I made a mistake, though. Six months ago I had way too much to drink and slept with Alex.
It broke our friendship because I wouldn’t give her what she wanted afterwards.
I was so guilt-ridden because I felt like I’d betrayed Eden all over again.
The day after, all I wanted to do was call Becca and ask for her advice.
Of course I couldn’t, and it compounded my depression.
Like with Eden, I would love another chance with Becca. I miss my friend deeply. I promised myself I’d rebuild my life brick by brick if necessary, and for that to be true, Becca and Eden must be a part of it.