Chapter 118 #2
“Do you not like the teacher?” Gu Fei asked again.
Still, Gu Miao ignored him.
“Er-Miao.” Gu Fei looked down at the floor. “Gege knows you’re unhappy. And when you’re unhappy, it makes me unhappy, because I can feel your pain. Can you try to feel mine too?”
Gu Miao finally opened her mouth and said, “No go.”
Again with that line.
No go.
Gu Fei closed his eyes.
Gu Miao’s condition was probably a lot milder than some of the other kids’. She might not be able to fully comprehend some things, but she certainly had her own thoughts on a lot of subjects. Like now, for example.
No go —that was her thought.
Despite not really understanding what happened, she must’ve already known that Cheng-ge, who delighted in playing with her on her skateboard every day, was gone.
And he hadn’t been here for a very long time.
She certainly didn’t understand the relationship between her brother and Cheng-ge, but she could sense her brother’s emotions.
Gu Fei lifted his eyes back up to look at her.
She was worried and afraid—that her brother would leave too.
No go.
Gege will not go.
Gege is not going anywhere.
Gege will always be with you, right here.
A year ago, Gu Fei might’ve said these words without a second thought just to console her. This time, however, he didn’t speak. His heart ached intensely for Gu Miao, but for the first time, he didn’t say anything to soothe her.
Gu Miao started screaming. She dug her fingers into the doorframe and screamed.
Gu Fei wrapped his hands around his head and closed his eyes. Her scream crowded out all other sounds from his ears and did the same for his mind.
He didn’t know how much time had passed, but the sound of knocking eventually broke through the screams, and Gu Fei slowly loosened his hands around his head.
“Hey, Er-Miao!” It was a neighbor calling from outside. “Er-Miao, are you home alone? It’s all right, don’t be scared. Auntie will call your brother for you!”
It was their downstairs neighbor, the one Gu Miao had used to eat with all the time when no one was home to make her food.
Gu Fei stood up and went to open the door. “I’m home.”
“Is everything all right?” the auntie asked. “She doesn’t usually scream for this long.”
“Mm-hm, it’s okay. I’ll talk her down in a bit,” Gu Fei said.
He closed the door and turned to look at Gu Miao, who was still screaming, and slowly walked over to her.
Gu Miao had been digging at the doorframe this whole time. By now, the tips of her fingers were pierced through with splinters she had ripped from the wood. Beads of blood pooled on her fingertips.
“Er-Miao.” Gu Fei pulled her hands away. Gu Miao didn’t resist, but the screaming persisted. Still holding her hands, Gu Fei tried to crouch down, but his legs suddenly gave out under him. He had to kneel on one knee to maintain his balance.
“Er-Miao.” He pulled Gu Miao into a hug and patted her gently on the back. “I’m sorry.”
Gu Miao put her hands around his neck. Finally, the screaming gradually subsided, until it eventually faded from Gu Fei’s ears.
“What a great set of pipes you got, Er-Miao,” Gu Fei said softly. “Screamed for so long and didn’t even get hoarse.”
***
“Will it leave a scar?!” Jiang Cheng asked, staring tensely at Zhao Ke’s hand.
“Depends on your constitution.” Zhao Ke held a peeled bandage between his fingers, ready to paste it on. “Though I think it might leave a little mark.”
“What mark?” Jiang Cheng asked, glaring.
“Well, there’s ink in there that won’t come out.” Zhao Ke stuck the bandage on Jiang Cheng’s forehead. “Once the skin on the outside heals, it’ll probably retain the pigment.”
“That’s right,” Lu Shi said from his perch behind his desk, still staring at his computer screen. “Also, black ink like that will probably change color at some point and turn green.”
“Like your girlfriend’s tattooed eyebrows?” Jiang Cheng asked.
Lu Shi turned to face him. “My girlfriend got the semi-permanent kind. It won’t change color.”
“Oh.” Jiang Cheng nodded and pressed his hand against the bandage.
It stung a little. He had no idea how the tip of a pen could be so powerful.
He must’ve been too drowsy; the moment he dozed off, his head had pitched forward with immense momentum.
He didn’t even wake up immediately when the point jabbed into his skin.
His head had continued to droop until the tip carved a line above his eyebrow. That had jolted him awake all right.
“A word of advice, Jiang Cheng,” Zhao Ke said to him quietly. “This is not how you become an expert in a subject. It takes time, and you have to take it slow, step by step.”
“Mm,” Jiang Cheng answered.
Zhao Ke bent down and added in a low voice, “You’re stuffing those psychology textbooks down your own throat like you’re force-feeding a duck, but tell me, do you really understand all of it?
Those cases you’re reading, with their treatment plans, do you understand those properly?
Why were two cases that look the same treated differently?
The same mental condition may manifest in different ways, and different illnesses may present with the same symptoms… ”
“Ahhh.” Jiang Cheng sighed as leaned back against his chair. “Okay, I got it.”
“My sister is free next week. I already asked her for you. You don’t need to be in such a hurry.”
“Okay.” Jiang Cheng nodded. “Thanks.”
He was indeed anxious. He’d been anxious ever since he found out that the therapy program Gu Miao was going to wasn’t really working.
Gu Fei told him not to blame everything on himself, but these were the facts: He left, and Gu Miao became very upset when she found out, so much so that she no longer responded to him.
He wanted to help Gu Fei, and he wanted Gu Miao to get better.
He wouldn’t be able to stand it if his desire to pull Gu Fei out of the muck actually sank Gu Fei even deeper into despair and fatigue and led Gu Miao, who had been adjusting better before, to worsen.
He had no idea how much Zhao Jin could help, or whether she’d have any clue what to do. He only wanted to be more precise at describing Gu Miao’s condition when he talked about her case, and to better understand what the professionals he consulted had to say about it.
He only wanted to do everything in his power.
His usual academic workload already kept him busy enough.
Finding time between studying for his courses and tutoring to read psychology textbooks was tiring; of course it was.
But he was happy to do it. And that kind of desire wasn’t uncommon—despite his earnest advice to Jiang Cheng, even Zhao Ke had his moments, though the two of them expressed it in different ways.
Jiang Cheng’s willingness to scrounge up enough time to study a completely new field for Gu Fei wasn’t that different from Zhao Ke’s willingness to suck it up and join a knitting club with only one other guy in it.
He got a message from Gu Fei.
- Got time for video call?
Jiang Cheng hesitated for a moment, then picked up a mirror nearby and checked his face. The bandage was rather conspicuous, but even if he ripped it off, it wasn’t as if he could make the mark disappear.
I ran into the doorframe. Jiang Cheng decided that was what he would say.
He walked out of the dorm room with his phone and sent Gu Fei a video request.
Gu Fei quickly accepted. As soon as both of their faces appeared on the screen, Gu Fei said, “What happened to your face?”
“I ran into the doorframe,” said Jiang Cheng.
“…How do you run into a doorframe?” Gu Fei blinked in surprise. “Was it your dorm room door or some other door?”
“My dorm.” Jiang Cheng laughed. “I stumbled and somehow bumped my head on it.”
“…Did it break the skin?” Gu Fei reached out his hand.
The gesture turned Jiang Cheng’s heart to mush. He smiled. “Are you trying to touch me?”
“Yeah.” Gu Fei chuckled. “Poked the screen instead.”
“It won’t be much longer.” Jiang Cheng thought about it for a moment. “I’ll go back on the January 1 long weekend.”
“Don’t bother,” Gu Fei said. “It’s only three days, and with the time spent on the road, you won’t even be here for all of two days.”
Jiang Cheng tutted. “So you don’t wanna see me?”
“I’m trying to not miss you too much,” Gu Fei said. “It was hard enough to get used to it. If you come back for a flash visit, I’ll have to get used to it all over again.”
“It’s the same with me.” Jiang Cheng laughed. “All righty, we can bear with it for a while longer. And I can see if anyone wants to take me out to eat on January 1.”
“Hm?” Gu Fei paused for a couple of seconds before his lips curled into a smile. “Oh! O- ho .”
“I’m telling you, it may just happen,” Jiang Cheng said in a hushed voice. “Our school has an anonymous confession page on WeChat, it’s the funniest thing. There are all sorts of confessions on there.”
“And you’re in some of them, right? People want to take you out for dinner?” Gu Fei laughed.
“Mm-hm,” Jiang Cheng said. “I only found out about the account when Zhao Ke told me about it the other day.”
***
The U of R Confession Wall.
Gu Fei thought it was a little silly of him to look up the account immediately after Jiang Cheng told him, but he couldn’t help it.
At first he’d just wanted to take a cursory look around as a window into his boyfriend’s daily life. If it wasn’t possible to see each other in person, it might satiate him somewhat to see things related to him. It would make the distance seem a little closer.
He was surprised, however, to see Jiang Cheng’s name immediately.
[confession] I sit behind you every evening, watching you bow your head, watching you look up, your profile, the silhouette of your back—until every word in front of me turns into you. Yes, I’m talking about you, Jiang Cheng! You’re really not going to look back even once the whole evening?!
Gu Fei chuckled. It was pretty funny.
He continued scrolling. It was another couple of pages at most before he spotted the invitation.