Chapter 121
P ERHAPS IT WAS THE SHOCK of the camera hitting the pavement, or perhaps because Gu Fei had yelled at her using her full name for the first time, or both—Gu Miao fell off her skateboard and landed on the ground, her eyes wide with fright.
“How many times have I told you?!” Gu Fei walked up to her, not even bothering to check the extent of the damage to his camera. Irrepressible flames of rage flared inside him, climbing up inch by inch. “You can’t do that!”
There was no visible reaction from Gu Miao. She stared back at him with large, wide eyes.
“Why can’t you remember?!” Gu Fei bellowed again. “Why can’t you just remember ?!”
Silence.
This endless silence from Gu Miao suffocated him, making him feel as though he’d spent a long time locked in a soundless vacuum; he thought he could hear the blood coursing through his veins.
“Why?!” Gu Fei shouted. Almost all of his strength and fury exploded in this one word. He saw Gu Miao shudder visibly.
His whole life, he had never shouted at the top of his lungs like this, much less at Gu Miao. But his despairing rage had broken through his last line of defense.
Ever since he was little, he had made a habit of restraint and endurance.
He had always sealed himself off from others as he knuckled down and dealt with his lot in life.
Yet, in this moment, his pent-up emotions could no longer be constrained by reason.
He wanted to scream, to yell, to shatter something violently, to tear it apart.
Why?
“Why?!” Gu Fei could hear that his own voice was on the verge of breaking.
But it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough. All the anger and resentment, all the despair and grudging resignation he had bottled up inside him was like a trapped animal, and now a terrible howl rang out as it broke loose in a wild, desperate rampage.
“Is it my fault?! Is it my fault?” Gu Fei cried.
“The way you are now, the way I am—is it my fault? What did I do wrong?! Why should I have to carry all of this?! Why?!” He stared at Gu Miao.
“Tell me, Gu Miao—why?! Why should I have to live like this?! Why? Whose fault is it? Whose fault is it? ! ”
Gu Fei felt like he was about to explode. He turned and kicked hard at a piece of brick on the ground and it shattered, the pieces flying everywhere.
“Why does it have to be me?” Gu Fei kicked at the rubble again and again. “Why? Why? ! ”
Behind him, Gu Miao, who had stood frozen in place the whole time, began to scream.
“Aahh!” Gu Fei turned to face her and joined in. “AAAHH——!”
Sitting on the ground with her arms around her knees and her eyes squeezed shut, Gu Miao continued screaming at the top of her lungs.
“Yeah, scream! Go ahead and scream! Aahhh!” Gu Fei yelled. “I want to scream too! Go ahead! Gege will scream with you! AAAH—!”
***
“You’re tutoring today too?” Zhao Ke looked at Jiang Cheng, who was about to head out the door with his backpack. “I thought that was on the weekend.”
“Her mom introduced me to a classmate of hers. It’ll be Friday after school and Saturday morning.” Jiang Cheng stuffed a thermos of hot chocolate into his bag. “See you later. Save a spot for me in the library tonight. I can make it back in time—it’s not that far.”
Zhao Ke didn’t answer. Jiang Cheng waved at him before running out of the dorm. There was no time to eat, so he made do with two fried chicken drumsticks he bought on the way there, washing them down with his hot chocolate.
Gu Fei had said he’d lost weight. He knew it was true, but he hadn’t expected it to be so obvious that Gu Fei would notice with just a glance. When he went to weigh himself after, he discovered that he’d lost over ten pounds.
Tsk tsk.
Jiang Cheng decided to start eating midnight snacks. To be honest, he wasn’t very hungry at night, but if he didn’t put the weight back on, his boyfriend would worry.
Tutoring itself wasn’t particularly difficult for Jiang Cheng.
The annoying part was that the kids all had such personalities.
They all started off recalcitrant about having someone who was only a couple of years older than them as a tutor, and they were always looking for a way to knock him down a peg.
Take today’s student for example, wearing his displeasure plainly on his face. The message was loud and clear: You think you’re better than me? Going to U of R doesn’t mean you’re all that. Anyone can do it with enough question banks.
Jiang Cheng had no choice but to out-conceit him, meeting the challenge with his own: “Pick any question in any of your textbooks or materials, and if I can’t solve it, I’ll show myself out. Otherwise, you can shut up.”
When he left the student’s home after the tutoring session, he was right on time to make it to the library. On his way back to campus, he got a call from Xu Xingzhi.
“I have a few case studies here that are similar to the little girl’s,” Xu Xingzhi told him. “I’ll come meet you later. You can look over them while I ask some more questions and tell you what I think.”
“Okay,” Jiang Cheng answered readily. “Did all these cases have positive outcomes?”
“Not all treatments were effective. Therapy is a long process,” said Xu Xingzhi. “They’re also not exactly the same as the one you’re dealing with, but some of the details can give you a better idea on what to expect with this little girl’s situation.”
“All right.” Jiang Cheng nodded. “I’m almost there. I’ll meet you at the gate.”
Jiang Cheng hung up and sped up.
It seemed that Xu Xingzhi was willing to help.
They had been in constant contact lately, and Xu Xingzhi had asked a lot of questions about Gu Miao.
If he could be certain after today’s meeting that Xu Xingzhi could help, then he could finally break the news to Gu Fei. If there could just be some progress…
“Not all treatments were effective.”
Jiang Cheng’s footsteps came to a brief halt. If it didn’t work, he didn’t dare to think how much of a blow that would be for Gu Fei.
He quickly shook his head. He had been reading a lot of different psychology textbooks.
Gu Miao’s condition wasn’t actually the most serious when it came to the extent of her social isolation or her inability to relate to her external environment.
The biggest problem was simply the fact that she had never received proper, systematic care.
Even worse, she’d never even had a precise assessment of her condition and its pathology.
It was possible that she had missed the optimal time frame for intervention, but that didn’t mean it wouldn’t help to try now.
The fact that Jiang Cheng’s appearance in her life and his subsequent departure had elicited such a response from her was the best proof of that.
When Jiang Cheng arrived outside the gate, Xu Xingzhi was already there, half of his face buried in a scarf.
“Sorry!” Jiang Cheng jogged up to him. “When did you get here? You must be cold!”
“Only two minutes ago.” Xu Xingzhi glanced at him and pulled his scarf down a little. “Were you out having fun?”
“No time for that. I was tutoring.” Jiang Cheng smiled. “Have you eaten?”
“Nope. Are you buying?” asked Xu Xingzhi.
“Sure, my treat,” said Jiang Cheng. “I haven’t eaten either.”
“Sounds good.” Xu Xingzhi smiled. “Let’s go to the cafeteria…”
“No, no, let’s go there.” Jiang Cheng pointed up ahead. “I want a meaty meat pie. Zhao Ke said a new one just opened up there. They’re running a promotion—buy one, get one free.”
Xu Xingzhi nodded. “All right.”
Jiang Cheng stopped in his tracks after a few steps. He looked back at Xu Xingzhi. “I forgot to ask what you want to eat. Is there anything in particular you like? We can do that instead.”
“Meat pies,” said Xu Xingzhi.
The meat pies at this place were pretty good; they had a wide variety of fillings, too. The flavors were a good complement to the ones at Wang Xu’s place. Jiang Cheng took a bite of one and snapped a photo to send to Gu Fei.
- the kind of filling Jiuri’s place is missing! I’m going to sell this secret recipe to him when I go back for new year’s. mwahaha
When Gu Fei didn’t reply, Jiang Cheng checked the time. He figured Gu Fei was probably eating dinner or keeping Gu Miao company right about now.
“So…” He’d been thinking he should probably wait to mention it until after the meal, but Jiang Cheng was too impatient. “I can take a look at those cases now…?”
Xu Xingzhi smiled as he took out a folder from his bag and handed it to him. “I’ve printed them out.”
“Thank you.” Jiang Cheng took the folder with barely contained excitement.
Inside was a thick stack of case studies. He did a cursory flip through; there were almost twenty in total, including autism and post-traumatic stress disorder, among other conditions.
“The little girl’s presentation so far doesn’t seem like it’s limited to one specific issue,” Xu Xingzhi said as he ate.
“If I see her in person, I’ll be able to make a better judgment based on her behavior.
Details like her life before and after the injury, her daily environment, her relationship with her family and with strangers, and how she reacts to different things—I have to see for myself before I can pass judgment. ”
“Okay. I’ll discuss it with my friend.” Jiang Cheng nodded, but he hesitated after a moment. “So, his little sister’s case… You can help, right? Are you sure?”
“What?” Xu Xingzhi laughed. “We’re already here. I wouldn’t be talking to you about all this if I couldn’t help.”
Jiang Cheng was so overwhelmed that he nearly leaped to his feet. “Thank you! Thank you, Senior!”
“You’re welcome,” said Xu Xingzhi. “Were you waiting to confirm with me before you broach the subject with your friend? Afraid that he’ll be disappointed?”
“…Yeah.” Jiang Cheng was a little embarrassed. “My friend… He really does have it hard. I really don’t want him to be let down again.”
“Sounds like a very important friend,” Xu Xingzhi said, finger propped against his temple.