Chapter 13 #2
“Not.” The bridge of my nose burned, spreading to the corners of my eyes, and before I could stop them, a few tears escaped. “Am I that abhorrent?” My voice cracked under the weight of his rejection.
I hadn’t meant to reveal just how deeply his dismissal cut, but there it was, my insecurity laid bare alongside the carved soap. I always guarded my vulnerabilities, but I was practically begging him to tell me I was worth fighting for.
He sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “How many times are you going to make me explain this to you? I. Do. Not. Want. To. Be. Intimate. Get it through your thick little skull.”
Ouch.
“But the other night—”
“The other night was a mistake. I apologize. Now give me my bag.”
I shook my head in defiance. “If Becca could hear—”
At the mention of her name, Nico stalked forward, and I was left with no other choice but to back up. My ass hit my desk, and I gasped as he placed his hands on either side of me on the desk, trapping me.
Bringing up Becca in the middle of a conversation about intimacy was a low blow, but his logic of continuing to suffer was incredibly flawed. It pissed me off and made me want to smack him in the head with his bag.
We might not have been having sex, but we were so far into the intimate zone they should erect a statue of us with a plaque that lamented that he hadn’t touched me the way I craved.
“You have no idea what it’s like. So don’t you dare stand here and tell me what Becca, my Becca, would have thought of this.” His voice dripped with anger and sadness. He reached for my shoulder and took the bag off my arm.
His footfalls were heavy as he went to the door.
When it came to Becca, I tried to control my emotions for Nico’s sake. But I was tired. He’d lost his mate, but sometimes he forgot I not only lost Becca as a best friend but also a piece of him too. “You know I promised her to take care of you and make sure you move on.”
He stopped, his hand squeezing the doorknob. “I have.” He walked out, slamming the door.
The dam that had been keeping the tears at bay broke, and I crumbled to the floor, my legs no longer able to support my weight. Or maybe it was everything I’d lost and continued to lose.
The soap caught my eye through my tears, the acorn design now unrecognizable. With shaking hands, I scooped up the crumbled pieces. So stupid. So fucking stupid to think a soap carving would fix anything.
I hurled the fragments at the wall, watching them shatter into smaller pieces. The smell of cedar and fruit filled the room, mocking me with its cheerful scent.
I scooted against the foot of the bed, the cool wood against my spine doing nothing to soothe the burning ache inside me. Exhaustion set in, and my eyelids fluttered closed.
I squeezed water from the cloth and refolded it to place on Becca’s forehead. Her face was deathly white, and her skin was clammy.
Her mouth twisted in pain as she sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth. “When will Nico be here?”
I took my best friend’s hand in mine and squeezed. Nico was on a hunt, and our messenger had left to find him. There had been no signs that the baby would come early, otherwise, he wouldn’t have left.
“I’m not sure, sweetie.” I looked at the midwife, who lifted the blanket to examine Becca’s progress.
She shook her head subtly while Becca wasn’t looking, and my heart dropped to the floor. We had already tried to turn the baby, so it wasn’t breech, but it had been impossible. The midwife’s husband had taken to the skies to find a doctor in the closest village, but that attempt was futile.
The nearest village was hours away by air, and if the doctor didn’t have a fast mode of transportation, it could take days. That was if a doctor agreed to come out to our location.
“Can you tell him something for me?” Her breaths were getting shallower.
Tears blurred my vision, and I nodded. “Anything.”
“Tell him I love him and that he needs to move on, even though it’s going to kill him.”
I nodded and gripped her hand. “I’ll make sure of it.”
“Promise me you’ll take care of him?”
“I promise.”
“Don’t c-c-cry.” The soft, masculine voice caused my eyes to fly open from the memory, and my head snapped in his direction.
A man stood near the wall, next to my armoire. He was tall with brown hair and brown eyes, and he was dressed simply in pants and a shirt that matched the stone of the castle walls. His hands were balled at his sides, and he was looking at the floor, not at me.
He wasn’t a threat, but with my position on the floor and my emotions making me vulnerable, my brain had different ideas in the seconds it took to process that a strange man was in my room.
I screamed.
He held up his hands in front of him and tried to speak, but his words were coming out in single sounds.
My door burst open. “What’s going on?” Amari scanned the room, searching for what had caused me to scream.
I lifted my arm to point to where the man had been, but he was gone. I’d literally looked away for an instant when Amari had come in. It was as if he had vanished into thin air or maybe gone through the wall.
“There was a man in here.” It sounded crazy hearing it since the man definitely wasn’t in the room any longer.
Amari walked around the room, sniffing. He must have been standing guard in the hall to get to the room so fast. Had he heard me and Nico’s fight and watched him leave?
“It’s a house mage.” He seemed confused by the idea.
“A house mage? But I thought they no longer existed?” Another casualty of demons not being accepting.
“Just because we haven’t seen them for a while doesn’t mean they don’t exist anymore. Kind of like the witches. I’m sure there are still plenty out there.” Amari squatted down in front of me, lifting my chin up with a finger. “Why are you crying?”
“Nico left.” I sniffled, and he wiped his thumb across my cheek, getting rid of the tears.
Amari sat down on the ground next to me, and before I knew what was happening, he pulled me into his lap. It was a surprising move from the gruff feline.
“He loves you.” He wrapped his arms around me and put his chin on my head. It was such an odd sensation coming from him after everything that had happened between us.
“If he did, he wouldn’t have left.” I melted against him, unable to resist his comfort. “Why are you being nice to me? Was my pussy that good?”
He made a sound in his throat that almost sounded like a purr, but maybe I was imagining things. Amari wasn’t the type to purr.
“I’m drawn to you.” His fingers began playing with my hair. “Being inside you only made it worse.”
How long had it been since I had been held like this? New tears fell, and he made comforting noises but didn’t say another word.
I didn’t like to cry, but there was something about being back in the castle when my family was gone. My mother, my father, Taylor. All gone. Reve was at least still alive, but he wasn’t here, which was worse.
“Why are you drawn to me?” I bit my lip, knowing the answer already. It had to be the magic swirling around inside me. It did something unexplainable to him and took his curse away, at least for a short time.
“You’re pretty feisty. I like that.” He kissed the top of my head and then shifted me on his lap so he could look at me. “It’s probably a little bit of the magic too. I guess we’ll find out if a horde of demons comes knocking at your door.”
“Let’s hope not.” I could hardly handle the three demons surrounding me as it was.
Amari stood with me in his arms and set me on the bed against my pillows. “You should get some sleep. It’s been a long few days, and tomorrow you have to deal with those council assholes.”
I laughed and snuggled down into the pillows, needing a shower and food, but I was too exhausted to move. “Thank you.”
Amari leaned over me and kissed me gently on the forehead. “Goodnight, Samara.”
He walked to the door and opened it. The light from the hall showed his broad shoulders and narrow waist. He turned and looked at me, his green gaze glowing in the dim light. Panther shifters had amazing eyes.
“Your squirrel didn’t leave. He’s in a room down the hall.” He shut the door gently behind him.