Chapter 22 Lainey
LAINEY
I stood in front of my closet and pulled out three different shirts, agonizing over what to wear, before throwing them all on the bed and grabbing the first one I'd picked. My hands were shaking. I was being ridiculous.
When Kade and I had argued three days ago I’d pretty much ended things, but I had forgotten that I still had his credit card.
I hadn't used it since then, but it wasn't much good anyway.
The last time I'd tried to use it, it had been declined.
He might've come looking for it at some point, or maybe he would cancel it and cut his losses, but I felt bad.
I wasn't the sort of person to let any kind of relationship end on such hostile terms. We weren't particularly close, but Kade deserved more respect than for me to tell him off and ignore him as he marched out of my bakery.
So I pulled on my jeans and told myself I was just doing the right thing. I had to return the card before his parents realized I had it and try to clear things up. Be the bigger person.
The trip from Boulder City to the Atlas Casino in downtown Las Vegas took about thirty-five minutes in peak traffic.
I wasn't even sure if he'd be there, but it was the only place I had to look for him. I spent the entire drive agonizing over what to say and how to say it. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression because regardless of how I felt, I knew my assessment was correct.
I didn't belong in his world; we were incompatible.
But I also didn’t want to be harsh or rude to him.
He'd been kind enough to help me financially with the bakery and the fundraiser supplies; the least I could do was return his card with dignity and thank him.
I just had to ignore the tiny voice in my head that kept begging me to plead with him and force him to see that I wasn't really trying to get back together with Brandon.
What good would it do? Our worlds would just collide in worse ways, especially if his parents had anything to say about it. And once Kade found out I was keeping a pregnancy secret from him, or the tabloids found out and blasted it across the entire city, my world as I knew it was over.
This was for the best. I had to back out quietly and graciously, and hope to God that was the worst of this situation behind me now.
Music hit me the second I walked through the doors at the Atlas.
The place was flooded with wealthy people in expensive suits and dresses, a huge contrast to my neat jeans and sweater.
I didn't belong here, not now and not even when I was wearing that ridiculously expensive, gaudy wedding dress.
This was Kade's world, and I wasn't a part of it.
I had to remind myself I was visiting and I'd never have to come back.
I walked through the place hoping to find a security guard or staff member. I felt lost until a bouncer took pity on me wandering around and stepped in front of me.
"Can I help you?" he asked, flexing his muscles as he gripped his hands together in front of his waist. He was clearly trying to get me to look at him, and I almost rolled my eyes.
"I'm looking for Kade Kingston." I pulled the card from my purse. "I need to give him something."
The man eyed me cautiously for a second while looking down his nose at me.
Then he spoke into his radio to call someone, and a man in a suit appeared about ninety seconds later.
He was taller, a bit younger, and definitely had more authority.
The name badge he wore said security, and I cowered when he spoke.
"I'm Gavin." He shook my hand. "You're looking for Kade?"
"Yes," I mumbled, nervously glancing around. I knew Kade was a celebrity of sorts, and I had no way of knowing if he had his own personal security or if these guys would let me see him. But the man in front of me studied my face. He scowled at me, but there was recognition in his eyes.
"Follow me," he grunted, jerking his chin up at the bouncer, who backed off. Though they both eyed me as he started walking away.
I followed him up a set of stairs in a scurrying stutter-step to keep up.
My heart hammered and I kept thinking I should turn around.
This was a mistake. Kade probably wanted nothing to do with me again.
He was so angry when he stormed out of the bakery, and then that strange man stood there with me as if he had to protect me.
He waited until Kade drove off squealing his tires, and only when I told him I had to lock up and go home did he finally leave the bakery.
I never tried to call Kade and apologize. I just let it be what it was. He never called or texted me either.
Gavin led me to some sort of private party room, deep in the bowels of the casino, past the thumping music and slot machines, past the bar and into a more private area. It was quieter, but I wasn't sure I liked that.
Then I saw him.
He was sprawled on a couch with women everywhere.
One had her hand on his chest. Another whispered in his ear.
Empty bottles covered the table and when he laughed at something one of them said, his eyes were unfocused.
That wasn't my Kade. The guy I fell for would never have been the sort of jerk to let women paw at him.
But maybe I'd been wrong the entire time anyway.
I knew who Kade Kingston was when I let him take me up to his room upstairs in this very casino.
I just convinced myself the entire world saw him wrong.
It made a shiver of discouragement snake its way up my spine, but I knew it was for the best. It would make it easier to do what I had to do if I saw him for who he really was, not who I’d fantasized him to be.
I stopped walking. Gavin looked back at me but I couldn't move. I stood several yards away staring at him, while Gavin approached and interrupted the little party Kade had going on.
"Kade," Gavin grumbled loudly. "You have a visitor."
Kade's head turned. His eyes found mine and for a second everything stopped.
I watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed.
Then he squirmed a little, and his eyes widened, but it was the way his face blanched that got me.
He was shocked, maybe embarrassed that I was standing there in front of him.
Then he sat up so fast one of the women nearly fell off the arm of the couch beside him. She flailed her arms around in a comical motion to balance herself and then scowled at me.
"Everyone out."
"What?" the blonde pouted at him. "But we just—"
"Out. Now! All of you." Kade's eyes never left mine, though he did flick a wrist at his security guard friend.
I watched every one of them file past me with hostile looks and I wanted to disappear.
They were all prettier than me, wore more expensive outfits, had their nails done and their hair was perfect.
I was just me—boring, not wealthy, no makeup.
I felt ashamed as Gavin walked past me alongside them and gave me a look that almost seemed to be a warning.
I felt bad. It seemed like Gavin was standing up for Kade, as if maybe they were friends and he knew that Kade and I had been at each other's throats.
"Lainey." He stood and swayed. "What are you doing here?"
I walked toward him and held out the card toward him. Every bit of my practiced speech seemed to evade my conscious thought. "Your card was declined. I, uh… I came to return it."
He stared at the card in my hand. "You drove all the way here for that?"
"I didn't want your parents thinking I was still using it." I set it on the table. "They already think I'm a gold digger."
"My dad locked it." He laughed but it sounded wrong.
Then he licked his lips and sighed hard.
The silence between us was really awkward now.
It'd never been this way before. Even when it was mildly awkward, there was still a comfortable feeling to it.
This time I couldn't make eye contact because the little girl inside of me was screaming for him to somehow wave a magic wand and make every obstacle that stood in our way vanish.
"Well, now you have it back," I said plainly, "and I should, uh.
.. I should go. Thank you for helping with the bakery.
" I turned to leave but his hand caught my wrist. I stood facing away from him, trying to hold myself together.
I was pregnant with this guy's baby and he was a gazillionaire. I couldn’t keep pretending I had any right to be with him, no matter how much of a fairy tale dream come true I prayed for.
My head dropped but he gave me a tug.
"Don't go," he said, pulling me gently until I was facing him. "Please."
"Kade, you're drunk."
"I know." He sat back down and patted the couch beside him. "Sit with me."
I stared at him for a second knowing the right thing to do would be to leave, but after everything that had happened, I didn't want to. My heart still lived in a fantasy where things could work out despite all factual knowledge that it would not. So I sat down next to him, but I kept my distance.
"I'm sorry," I said. "For yelling at you. You didn't deserve that."
"Yes, I did." He rubbed his face. "I was jealous and stupid and I didn't listen to anything you said."
"I shouldn't have brought your parents into it." I sighed. "That was a private conversation I had no right to throw in your face."
"Everything you said was true." He leaned back and closed his eyes. "I don't stand up to them. I let them control everything and I didn't defend you."
We sat in silence. Music thumped through the floor.
What was I even doing? It didn't matter if Kade Kingston, celebrity playboy, wanted me or fell in love with me, or stood up to his parents to defend me.
We were fundamentally different. Kade had everything in life handed to him on a silver platter.
I had to work for everything I wanted, and I wanted to work.
I wanted a normal life. Not the posh luxury handouts men like him could give me.
Kade would never fit in my world. And I would never want to be boxed into his.
"I've been thinking about what you said," he continued. "Every day since you said it. You were right about all of it."
My throat felt tight. "It doesn't matter now."
"It matters to me." He opened his eyes and looked at me. "And God… those women are no one, okay? I didn't do a thing with any of them and I would never. Gavin just parked them up here to distract me. He was worried about—"
"You don't owe me an explanation." So this explained a lot.
I was right. Gavin was trying to help Kade out of a slump.
If he was to be believed, our argument really had affected him enough that his friend had thrown a gaggle of women at him.
I didn't know why I found that comforting—probably for the same reason he'd found it infuriating that I could hug my ex to say goodbye.
"Yes, I do," he grumbled, reaching into his pocket to pull out another card. "This is my debit card, my private account. Take it."
I shook my head and pushed his hand away. "I can't."
"Why not?"
"Look, I have enough to finish the order now. I don't need you to give me anything else." I pushed his hand gently until he finally withdrew, but his face fell and he blinked slowly. So he wasn’t wasted, but he definitely wasn’t sober.
He put the debit card back into his wallet and frowned. "How's the bakery?"
"Good. We're on track for the fundraiser.
" Now it was stiff again, a sad tension wrapping around me.
He cared enough to ask about the thing I was facing on my own now.
It made me sad that he was that sort of caring guy and the world didn't know.
Those women were probably here after his money, just the way he told me.
That was the way his life was, and it made me feel sorry for him that he didn't have true friends.
"Good, well I'm gonna tell everyone I know.
Push it to all my contacts in my black book.
I'll make sure that place is packed and they make a lot of money.
You'll be feeding the stars and they'll remember the name of your bakery.
" Kade's offer was very generous, something Brandon himself would never have been able to do to help.
"That would help." I smiled even though my chest hurt. "Thank you."
"Is that why you came? To thank me?"
"I came to return your card. And to make sure we're okay." I met his eyes. "I didn't want you thinking I hated you."
"Hey," he said, scooting toward me faster than I could back away, though I didn't try. His hand rose to cup my cheek, his thumb tracing the line of my lower lip. "I would never think that about you. You are the most perfect thing I've ever done in my life, Lainey."
The whiskey on his breath was thick, but when I looked into his eyes I could see he meant every word. This wasn’t a drunken confession. Kade really cared.
"Kade, I..."
"Stay with me, please." His thumb pulled my lip down and let it spring back as his fingers curled around the back of my neck. "You drove all this way. Give me a few minutes of your time."
I sucked in a breath to bolster my own courage to refuse him. I had to play on repeat over and over how stupid I would feel when his parents found out I was pregnant. If they thought I was horrible already, they would demonize me and vilify me then.
"I can't, please," I said, scooting back an inch, but Kade consumed that space and pulled me back to him at the same time.
"I need you, Lainey," he whispered, and I got the feeling he didn't mean sex. This man in front of me was desperate, as if his world was collapsing and I alone could save him.
"Your parents—"
"I'll give them something to talk about, won't I?" He licked his lip again, and his eyes dropped to look at mine. "My bed is empty right now, and I'd like to know if you'd join me in it, because the thought of spending one more second alone up there might just kill me."
My heart...
How could I say no to that?