Chapter 11
ETHAN
“Answer your phone, baby boy.”
I immediately deleted the text and blocked the sender—not that it would deter her at all.
“Is that your mother?” Dad asked.
“How’d you know?”
“I dunno. Maybe it was the cringe when you read the message.”
I groaned and chucked the phone on the table. My father had flown over to visit. He said the spontaneous trip was because he missed me, but I knew he had grown concerned.
It had been a month since I had cornered Alicia in her office, and I was a fucking nervous wreck, highly strung and snapping the head off anyone who dared venture nearby. And how could I forget that I was playing atrociously .
Alicia still accepted my gifts but refused to engage or even consider talking about us .
She remained strictly professional in our interactions, yet her indifference was steadily driving me crazy. I missed so many things about her—that body, her laugh. But what trumped them all was her witty personality.
Alicia didn’t know it, but she had unintentionally become my game day lucky charm.
Over the years, no matter her location, she would manage to find coverage to watch me play, bombarding my phone with ridiculous messages. I lived for her commentary. Her humour and nonsensical rants calmed my mind and spirit after a long day on high.
She believed our ritual was a frivolous joke, but to me, it showed her devotion. Alicia didn’t particularly enjoy football, but to know she’d sit through a whole game and dissect my sport gave me a certain comfort.
Being so thoroughly severed from her life in one fell swoop took a toll on my mental health and, in turn, my game.
It also didn’t help that Jake and his big mouth had started blasting his latest infatuation with Alicia around the team at practice.
“A girl with brains, money and a tight ass. Fuck, what more could a man ask for?”
I nearly killed him that day—they said the tackle was unwarranted and completely inappropriate. But what the fuck did they know? They were lucky I didn’t chop his fucking dick off for looking at my girl in the first place.
I was progressively losing my mind, and I didn’t know what to do. And now, with my mother thrown in the mix, I knew I’d get no reprieve anytime soon.
Which was proven by a new call lighting up my screen with another unknown number.
I growled, pressed reject and turned off my phone.
My parents got married young and had me soon after. With a fresh baby came the reality of caring for one—which was a responsibility my mother couldn’t live up to. She soon ditched town, relinquished her parental rights and divorced my father in one swift transaction.
Rudy Harris raised and nurtured me alone.
Which would have been fine if I stayed put and didn’t go searching for that elusive maternal figure.
I was thirteen when I found my mother, and she accepted me with a warm hug and false promises.
That was a hard period for my dad and me, but I eventually learnt that the only value I had to my mother was in what I could provide for her.
Audrey Collins, my mother, was a taker. She was always number one and only ever contacted me when she wanted something. After years of emotional abuse and manipulation, I finally found the balls to cut her off. If only that dissuaded her petty games.
Alas, my ignoring her always came back to bite me in the ass—usually a lot worse than if I just gave her what she wanted in the first place.
Her love was always conditional, and usually came at an exorbitant price tag—financially and emotionally. I tried to distance myself as much as possible, but she always found a way.
My mother was the only female who had a role in my life, and she had burnt me so many times I still had third-degree scars that never seemed to heal.
I was tarnished, fucking tainted from my warped view of what I thought women were. All because of the one person who was supposed to love and protect me above all others threw me away like trash instead.
Those toxic memories shifted something in my psyche, solely based on my own personal experience and logic. If my own mother can treat me so horribly, that must mean all women are highly manipulative and self-serving, right?
“Alicia isn’t her , son.”
My eyes whipped up to my dad, who settled in the seat beside me. We leant back and stared out over my expansive backyard with the ostentatious pool. Despite the extravagant plants and the manicured gardens, it all felt empty .
In all my years of growing up, my father never turned bitter or hateful. Audrey Collins had done a number on him as well, but he had overcome those demons in his own way. I wanted to demolish mine too.
I sighed. “I don’t know how to get through to Alicia, Dad. She’s acting the complete opposite to the woman I know. And every time I open my mouth, I just fuck it up even more.”
“You must learn how to communicate, son. You’re so used to people kissing your ass. And you’re also used to reacting to the fight, the confrontation.”
“I don’t even know when I’m doing it until I’ve flipped, and it’s too late.”
Dad placed a hand on my shoulder, the weight comforting.
“When you’re hurting, you turn into protective mode.
But the problem with that is you end up hurting those around you, which inadvertently means you hurt yourself.
You have to get over your superiority and self-entitlement.
Get on her level and be honest , Ethan. I promise the planet isn’t going to explode if you show and tell her how you feel. ”
I stayed silent, letting his words sink in, knowing he spoke with the utmost love and support.
“I know your mum took advantage of you and contributed to the way you process things, but you’re an adult now, son.
There’s only so long you can blame her until you have to take responsibility for yourself…
Tell the truth. Be vulnerable. If Alicia’s everything you say she is, fight for her, Ethan. ”
In our last meaningful conversation, Alicia asked me to leave her alone. That request absolutely gutted me.
I wasn’t lying when I said I couldn’t. I truly didn’t think I was able to.
I physically and mentally was incapable of being without her, and the revelation had me paralysed with so many mixed emotions.
The funny thing was, even though I didn’t want to admit it—especially to myself—I loved her too.
Maybe not so funny after all.