CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE FALLON #2
And then Peter came and sat with me again.
He didn’t ask about Sawyer, and I didn’t tell him.
Instead, he told me about a spinach-artichoke dip recipe he’d made last week, only he used way too much spinach and the whole thing turned into a green brick.
He left it in his trash, which was ransacked by raccoons. He was happy at least someone ate it.
They’ve all kept me busy, but in the back of my mind, all I could think about was Sully.
“Hey, Fallon,” Peter says, pulling me from my thoughts. I glance up from my phone, where I’ve been mindlessly playing some brick game. “You can come back.”
I launch out of my seat and hurry to Peter’s side.
He gently places his hand on my back. “Sully’s doing okay.
You were right about him hitting his head.
He has some bruising that’s spread pretty drastically, but as you know, that happens with our older patients.
We’re monitoring the head injury more carefully.
There’s no internal bleeding, which is a great sign, but given his condition, we’re taking extra precautions.
We scanned his body, looking for fractures, and he came out clear. He’s a sturdy man.”
That makes me smile in relief.
“His hand is bandaged up and looking good. There’s a lot of bruising as well, but thank God his granddaughter was a nurse—you did all the right things to ensure he was safe and taken care of as you drove him down the mountain. He’s very lucky to have you.”
I shake my head. “He’s not. This wouldn’t have happened—”
Peter stops me in the hallway and grips my shoulder, his caring eyes looking in mine.
“This was an accident. Do you hear me? You can’t protect him every second of every day.
As a caregiver to someone with Alzheimer’s, this is going to happen.
Frankly, the fact that this is the only occurrence in the time he’s been in your care is astonishing.
You should be very proud. I’d like to talk to you about the rugs I know are in your house, though.
I think it might be smart to remove those, to avoid any other slipping. ”
I nod as I try to catch my breath.
“Hey.” He tilts my chin up. “He’s okay. You’re okay. Everything is going to be fine. We’ll keep him here for the next couple of days, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything, but he’ll be going home with you.”
I nod again as tears stream down my cheeks. Peter pulls me into a hug, and I wrap my arms around him, burying my head into his chest.
There’s nothing romantic about the hug, not one single spark lights up in my heart, but I need it all the same, the comfort I’m missing with Jaz watching over the cabins and my dads on their way here. I’m grateful for Peter.
I pull away. “Thank you, Peter.”
“Just doing my job.”
I shake my head. “No, thank you for being a friend when I needed one the most.”
His expression softens. “I’ll always be here for you, Fallon. We’ll always have a piece of each other in our hearts, no matter where life takes us or who enters our lives.” He doesn’t mention Sawyer, but I know he’s curious. A conversation for another day.
“Thank you. Can I see him?”
“Of course.” Peter guides me down to Sully’s room. “He’s sleeping right now, but you can go in there. The nursing staff has set up the room for you to stay overnight.”
“Thank you so much,” I say as we reach Sully’s room.
Peter opens the door for me. “I’ll give you some alone time. Ring if you need anything.”
I give him one more hug before entering the quiet private room. The lights are dimmed, offering just enough light for the medical staff to be able to see what they’re doing when they come in to check on him. And cloaked in a white blanket, sleeping peacefully in bed, is Sully.
I know he’s okay.
Peter said he’d be just fine.
And yet seeing him like this pierces my already-shattered heart, and I break down as I walk over to his bed.
The nursing staff has already situated a chair next to him, so I take a seat and carefully grip his worn and weathered hand in mine.
His bandaged hand is propped up in a sling, and just like Peter said, there’s significant bruising around his head, which looks very alarming to the naked eye. Thank God I know better.
“Hey, you stubborn old man,” I say as tears rain down my cheeks.
“You realize you aged me about ten years today. My glowing skin is a pale green now. I hope you’re happy.
” I lean down and press a kiss to the back of his hand.
“I love you very much; I need you to know that. And I’m not sure how long we have together, but I’ll tell you this—I will care for you as long as I can, as long as I can keep you safe and with your people and your town.
” I press the back of his hand to my cheek.
“But... every single rug in the residence is going to be removed, whether you like it or not.”
I chuckle and heave a sigh of relief as I rest my head on the edge of his bed, clutching his hand, silently thanking Grandma Joan for watching over him.
I know Sully’s time is coming to a close; I realize he’s not going to get better. We’re just prolonging the inevitable, but I’m not ready to say goodbye either.
I need more memories.
I need the sweet smell of his soap to wrap me in a hug.
I need the comfort of his grumpy voice to cut through the silence.
I need to see him sitting at his bench, talking to his Joan.
And I need more of his stories, more of his love, more of... him.
Thankfully, I still have more time to capture all of that.
“Why don’t you go take a walk,” Dad says as he places a hand on my shoulder.
They arrived about an hour ago, in a complete tizzy, then called Peter into the room and made him repeat everything he’d told me. It wasn’t until he’d reassured them for the third time that Sully was going to be okay that they finally relaxed.
“Yes, you should probably stretch your legs,” Papa adds.
“Fresh air might be nice. There’s a bench just outside the hospital that looks comfortable.”
“Very comfortable,” Papa confirms as they exchange glances.
They’re being weird.
“What’s going on?” I ask.
Papa looks at Dad.
Dad looks at Papa, and then they both turn to me.
“Sweetie, Sawyer is sitting outside,” Dad says. “Apparently he’s been there for hours. I’m not sure what’s going on with you two, but I do know he looks absolutely terrible.”
As he should.
“Positively ghastly,” Papa adds with a shiver. “Like a shell of a man.” He takes a sip of his coffee. “Care to explain why?”
“No,” I answer, my heart aching in my chest at the mention of Sawyer.
There was nothing I wanted more today than to have Sawyer at my side, holding my hand, offering me a hug whenever I needed it.
I really needed him, and he let me down.
No, not only did he let me down, but he insulted me.
He questioned my love for him, and that hurts more than anything.
“Ah, I see,” Papa says. “You know, she gets that stubbornness from your side of the family.”
Dad raises his hand. “Guilty.” He then grows serious. “Whatever happened between you two, I can tell it’s hit him hard. And if he’s the one who screwed up, which I’m assuming is the case because men seem to have that bone in their body, you can tell he’s extremely regretful.”
I don’t say anything because I honestly don’t know what to say. Sawyer hurt me. Instead of being there for me, he stabbed me with an insult.
“He’s been out there for a while,” Papa adds.
Hours. I doubt he ever left. He probably exited the building and took up residence at his bench. Never once budging, because that’s the type of guy he is.
“I think I’m going to take a walk,” I say as I stand from my chair. “Do you guys need anything?”
“We’re good,” Dad says, offering me a knowing smile.
I excuse myself from the room, cell phone in hand, and pull up my text messages. I hover over Jaz’s name, but instead I click on Sawyer’s.
I don’t bother rereading his previous text message; instead, I type up a text.
Fallon: Sully is going to be okay. My dads said you’re sitting outside. The best thing you can do for yourself is leave. I can’t even begin to think about you right now. Please just go home.
I send the text and continue to walk down the hallway to the elevators. When I press the down button, my phone buzzes in my hand. I brace myself.
Sawyer: I’m so glad he’s okay. I’m so sorry, Fallon, that I fucked this up. I want you to know how much I love you.
I stare down at his text, my pulse picking up, my heart bleeding for this man. I want nothing more than to go outside and run into his arms, but the bruise on my soul is eating me alive. And I need to find out what the hell happened.
When I reach the cafeteria, instead of grabbing something to eat, I find my favorite table in the back—I used to sit here every day because it rests under a large indoor tree, offering peace in the hustle and bustle of the hospital.
It reminded me so much of the Cove. I take a seat and dial up Jaz’s number.
“Oh my God, how is he?” Jaz says in a panic.
“He’s okay,” I say. “Lots of bruising, but nothing is fractured or broken. And he’s all stitched up. They’re keeping him for monitoring, but hopefully he’ll be out of here in a day or so.”
“Thank Jesus,” she says in relief. “Christ, I’ve been a goddamn wreck over here. I don’t know how you’re handling it.”
“My dads are here now, and Peter’s been a real help, along with the nursing staff. I’m really grateful.”
“I’m glad.”
Then silence falls over the phone.
“Sawyer showed up.”
“I knew he would,” Jaz says, a bite in her tone.
“What happened, Jaz?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“He did, but I want to hear it from you.”
She clears her throat. “Maybe this isn’t the best time.”
“I need to know because honestly, the interaction I had with him was less than ideal, and it’s going to eat away at me if I don’t find out what’s going on.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
“Okay.” I can hear her shift around. “When I arrived, he was grabbing the key to cabin one. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was checking on it before Margaret O’Hare arrived—which, by the way, the freaking potato of a woman just checked in.
I didn’t think much of it. I was passing the time with sharpening my switchblade when I heard you call up for help.
So, I ran to get Sawyer and saw him with Annalisa through the window of the cabin.
She was taking her sweater off, and he was gripping her hips.
Pure rage took over my body. I ran back to the residence to help you get Sully in your car, and once you drove away I slashed his tires.
When I went to go confront him, she was pressing a kiss to his cheek and taking off.
She gave him that stupid blue shoe that he left behind. The whole thing was despicable.”
“Hold on.” I pause. “So, in the time between getting Sully into the car, you’re assuming that Sawyer had some sort of... affair with Annalisa?”
“I mean, the evidence is there.”
I think back to all the late-night conversations I’ve had with Sawyer, the multiple times he said he was over Annalisa. How he couldn’t even fathom getting back together with her after everything she’d put him through. And I believed him.
I still do.
Because if anything, Sawyer has been sincere from the very beginning.
And despite the way he treated me today, he told me he loves me.
“Jaz, I’m not sure what you saw is what you think you saw.”
“What do you mean? They were touching; they were in a cabin together. Why would he bring her into a cabin?”
“From what he told me, he knew I was having a rough morning with Sully, and he didn’t want to make it worse.”
“Uh-huh, and you believe that?”
I think about it. Even though I feel absolutely wrecked by his words, the way he treated me, accused me, I know deep down that he was telling the truth.
“I do.”
“Seriously?”
“Jaz, you know I love you, deeply. But I also know you’re still struggling with how Brad treated you. And even though you say you’re over it, I think you’re still upset over catching him with another woman—you might be projecting your feelings onto Sawyer.”
There’s silence on the other end of the phone.
“You there?” I ask.
“God damn it, Fallon. You know I don’t ever like to be wrong, but I think... I think I messed up.”
“It happens to the best of us.”
“I’m so sorry. I hope I didn’t ruin anything for you two.”
I shake my head, even though she can’t see me. “No, Sawyer did that on his own.”
“Wait... what happened?”
I glance up at the tree stretching overhead, its small, dollar-size leaves providing much-needed life in such a sterile environment. “When he got here, he saw Peter consoling me, assumed the worst—you two are very much alike in that aspect—and accused me of turning to another man.”
“What an idiot.” I can hear the disappointment in her voice. “Then again, we knew he had idiot potential by the way he came storming into town with one shoe and the desire to forget.” Normally a comment like that would make me laugh, but I just feel dead inside. “What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “He really hurt me. He didn’t even ask how Sully was—just started accusing me. It was embarrassing and humiliating and... God, he broke me down. I thought we were stronger than that, you know?”
“I do.” I can practically hear her thinking on the other side of the phone. “From personal experience, though, as someone who’s been hurt like that, sometimes you sort of... black out, when you assume the worst and say things you don’t mean.”
“I can understand that,” I reply. “But I just can’t get over the fact that he assumed the worst. I thought we were in a much better place than that.
And what about the countless hours we spent getting to know each other?
He should understand my character at this point to know I would never do something like that.
” I wipe away at a stray tear that came out of nowhere.
“And the worst of it is, he’s the first man I said ‘I love you’ to, and despite it all.
.. I still love him. Ache for him. Wish he was here. ”
“Then tell him that.”
“I can’t,” I say, holding back a sob. “I’m too shattered, Jaz.”
I tilt my head back, attempting to keep my tears in place, but it’s no use—they free-fall down the side of my face as the pain of his words blisters my heart...