EPILOGUE SAWYER
E PILOGUE
SAWYER
I stare at Fallon, the most beautiful person in this entire chapel. She’s dressed in white lace, her chestnut-brown hair curled into soft waves and my ring on her finger to let everyone know she’s mine—and I can’t think of anything other than how goddamn lucky I am.
And as everyone stares up at the altar, the pastor droning on with some marital diatribe that goes in one ear and out the other, I connect eyes with the woman who has brought me so much joy.
“With the power vested in me by the beautiful state of California,” the pastor says, finally finishing his monologue, “I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
I smile.
Fallon smiles back at me.
And together, we watch as Jaz and Roarick seal their marriage with a kiss. The whole town of Canoodle—Tank’s motorcycle club included—cheers while Roarick dips Jaz backward in her stark black dress, putting on a show for everyone.
When they come up for air, they both hold their hands up, triumphant. The pastor introduces them as Mr.and Mrs.Roarick Walsh, and a song by Cat in Heat plays as they walk down the aisle.
Their relationship started off slowly, built on a foundation of meticulously chosen memes, until it grew into weekend visits.
Those weekend visits turned into my brother making more frequent trips up the mountain, which then morphed into daily visits as they both went back and forth, until one day when Roarick pulled me to the side and said he had fallen in love with the tire slasher.
It was after I’d married Fallon in an intimate ceremony next to Sully and Grandma Joan’s bench that Roarick told me he was going to propose.
Strange as it is to say, I couldn’t imagine him with anyone else. They’re a menace to society in the best way possible.
As they travel down the aisle, I move toward the center and hold my arm out to my beaming, pregnant wife. She grips me gently, and I press a kiss to the top of her head as we walk down the aisle, the town still cheering. When we pass Sully, I give his shoulder a squeeze.
He’s aged drastically in the last year. It got to the point that we needed a full-time nurse to help us with his care.
Because he thrives in this town—where he’s lived his life and loved his Joan—we expanded the back cabin where her fathers stay, converting it into a three-bedroom ranch with a small kitchen and living space for Sully and his live-in nurse.
With all the extra help, we’ve been able to expand the cabins and add a few more to the property in the very back, past the horseshoe pits; and, as my greatest accomplishment, we added a pool. Trust me when I say summers will never be the same.
Thanks to the success of Runaway Groomsman , Movieflix signed me on for three more screenplays, a seven-figure deal that absolutely helped pay for that pool.
The next project will take place in Greece.
It’s about a girl who falls in love with a local while attending her sister’s wedding. Total Mamma Mia! vibes.
To keep Sully busy during the days, my parents—who are obsessed with Fallon, by the way—helped move my kayak up to the Cove, where Sully and I work on it together every day.
We took it for a test float the other day in the pool, to see how it would hold up.
The kayak floated, but according to Sully, it needed much more work. Typical.
As for Annalisa, well, the damage was done to her career, and she ended up leaving show business to escape the pressure.
She moved to upstate New York, where she’s helping an old friend with her wedding-planning business.
A small town called Binghamton. Never heard of it, but given the wedding she threw for her and Simon, she has pretty flawless taste, and her friend, Georgie, was more than happy to help her out.
Ahh... and Simon. What’s he doing, you ask?
He’s currently the spokesperson for erectile dysfunction and the happy pill that man needs in his life.
Whenever the commercial comes on the TV, Fallon and I turn it up so we can hear our favorite part: “Blurg, why isn’t my penis getting hard?
There’s got to be a better way.” Cut to the magic pill. Kills me every goddamn time.
In other news, Faye finally got the nerve to ask out Tank, and he immediately said yes because, as he put it, he likes a little freakiness in his life.
Rigatoni Roy won so many accolades from the town for his portrayal of Edna Turnblad that he’s now reprising his role every July 28 in his restaurant—pantyhose and muumuu included.
Izaak and Kordell invested in some properties in Phoenix and were featured in Architectural Digest .
Izaak announced he could die a happy man.
And of course, because I’m a man of his word, both Izaak and Kordell were granted their cameos.
Agora was hired full time at Beggar’s Hole, where she’s carried on the tradition of berating customers, just the way Jaz likes it.
And Minnie, well, she’s come to work for us full time, which has really helped give Fallon and me the time to build a cabin of our own, on the far right side of the property, nursery included.
In case you were wondering—because I know you are—we’re having a baby girl, and yes, her name will be Joannie.
And last but certainly not least, Jaz never adopted that pet.
When Miss Daphne Lynn Pearlbottom’s term came to an end, she attempted one more shot at reelection with a dazzling display of sequined fascinators, but no amount of glittery headpieces could beat the unexpected entry that rocked the town to its core.
Beefy 2.0, a.k.a. Beefinator—the great-grandchild of the beloved late mayor—appeared out of nowhere and kicked that cat right to the curb.
Which brings me to this, the age-old question I’m sure you’ve been chomping at the bit to find out.
.. was there EVER a color chosen for the mayor’s kitchen?
And the answer is, yes... Beefinator chose a sunshine yellow.
Town conspiracy theorists argue that was the color Beefy had wanted all along.
I think that about covers it...
Oh wait, there is one more thing. You have to be wondering, What about Sully and Joan?
How did their epic romance finally materialize?
That was a story I was gladly told one early morning while sharing a seat with Sully on his bench.
The fog was lifting off the lake, the air was eerily quiet, and I asked him how long he’d waited for Joan after he’d apologized.
It took him a whole year from that moment to finally cross over from friends to lovers.
It happened on a rainy night, after she’d driven up the mountain to yell at him for not visiting her over the weekend.
He asked why she was so mad, she stuttered with her answer, and then finally she said.
.. because she was in love with him. Sully said he experienced the most life-changing kiss in that moment, as the heavens parted and rain soaked them to their core.
But the torrential downpour didn’t stop them; instead, they continued to kiss until it was pitch black and they were trembling.
That moment, that instant when he captured Joan in his arms, he said that was when his life had truly started.
I felt that confession to my very soul. On the day of my wedding, Sully gave me a watch; it was once his but it wasn’t working.
I pointed that out to him, and he told me that the moment I kissed Fallon, he turned it back on, because up until then, time stood still, and now that Fallon was mine, our lives could truly begin.
And that, my friends, is what they call in showbiz an epic, full-circle epilogue.