Chapter 12
Every Breath You Take
When I wake up, I find Cruz leaning against the headboard of my bed, watching me.
His stormy eyes look almost lost. I blink up at him, trying to get my foggy brain to wake up properly.
But I feel strange, out of it and groggy, like I have been drinking when I know I only had one vodka with Paige at the bar.
Cruz is still in last night’s clothes; his black T-shirt is ripped around the collar.
And when I look down, I realize, so am I.
That thought sends a shiver over my skin and sickness to the pit of my stomach.
My dress is also torn and has a splatter of blood staining it. I don’t want to think of whose.
“Morning, little darlin’,” he says, his voice filled with exhaustion as he brushes a long strand of hair out of my eyes delicately.
“Morning,” I grumble sleepily, feeling like I could sleep for another couple of days. My body is achy and sore all over. “Did you sleep?” I ask, because from the bags under his eyes and the fact he is still dressed in his jeans, his body over the covers not under, implies he hasn’t.
“Someone had to take care of you guys.”
I don’t have any memory of getting into bed last night or what happened after the first few minutes of the car ride. My job was to keep Asher awake, but I must have fallen asleep myself. I sit up in a rush. “How’s Asher?”
“I’ll live,” he murmurs sleepily from somewhere in my room.
I lean over Cruz to find him on the floor.
Three of the sofa cushions are made into a bed for him, tucked up with blankets, pillows, and all.
His eyes are still closed, and he looks peaceful.
But there is a good bruise on his handsome face and a bandage just under his eye.
That’s what Cruz meant by you guys. He must have sat up all night watching over us.
“Did you see the doctor? I’m so sorry I fell asleep. I didn’t mean to I…”
“You were exhausted, don’t apologize. He’s going to be fine. Doc looked him over. A minor concussion, he just needs to take it easy for a few days. He also ended up with a couple of stitches, so he won’t be so pretty anymore.” Cruz laughs.
“Still prettier than you,” Asher grumbles sleepily.
“How did I get into bed?” I ask, wishing I wasn’t so out of it last night.
“You’re light as a feather, it was hardly a challenge.”
“You should have woken me up.” I catch sight of my hand.
Dried blood stains my skin and is etched under my fingernails.
My stomach lurches, the feeling of stabbing that man resonating through me as if I just did it.
I suck in a breath, trying to stop the sickness from taking over.
Flashbacks of all the awfulness of last night come back to me.
I don’t think I will ever be able to rid my brain of the horror.
The creepy touch of his hands on me, knowing what he was about to do.
“You really should have woken me up. I have slept with some guy’s blood all over me. ”
“I tried to wash your hands, but you were out of it. Doc said you needed to sleep it off.” Cruz looks me over. “You okay?”
“What happened to that man?” I whisper, not sure I really want to know the reality of how the Iron Strykers dispose of dead bodies when they need to.
“Not for you to worry about,” Cruz says softly, with something close to pity in his voice. But I know it’s for me and not my attacker.
“Don’t do that,” I snip back.
“Do what?” He looks puzzled.
I stare at my hands. They tremble terribly.
My body is in some kind of shock still, and I know I look weak to them.
I freaked out after it all went down, but who wouldn’t?
It doesn’t mean I want to be sheltered. “Keep shit from me. He was lying there dead. I stabbed him. He was shot as well. There was so much blood, all over the parking lot.” My eyes rise to meet his.
“Are the cops about to knock down our door?”
Cruz takes my hand in his. “I wasn’t trying to keep anything from you, little darlin’.
I just didn’t want to stress you anymore.
The motherfucker who touched you has been disposed of.
Nothing will come back to implicate you in any way; we have ways of making things disappear.
And Mal knows how to wipe any surveillance we need him to.
Then a clean-up crew comes in, and Sloane’s parking lot will be sparkling new in no time.
It will be like last night never happened. ”
“But it did,” I whisper. I can still see him lying there. I can still smell the metallic tang of blood in my nostrils. It makes me gag. Swallowing, I try to stop the bile from rising again. My reaction last night was bad enough. I don’t need to vomit all over the place again today.
Cruz cups my face tenderly. “You have to forget about it, Daisy. Shit like this will mess with your brain, but you can’t let it.”
I swallow the lump in my throat. “How? Every time I close my eyes, I feel his hands on me. Feel the jarring stab of metal piercing flesh as the knife sank deep into his skin.”
He smiles at me. It’s soft and caring, a warmth in his eyes as he brushes his thumb over my cheek.
“Some things we can’t forget, but over time, the memory will become less vivid,” he explains like someone who has way too many haunted memories of his own.
“I’m so proud of you for stabbing the fucker. ”
Asher leans up on the bed. “So am I. How did you even find that knife?”
I shrug, having no idea myself.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t stop him. You never should have had to fend for yourself, princess.” He reaches for my hand, and I slip my fingers into his, giving it a squeeze.
“You couldn’t have known he would come out of the shadows and knock you out cold. It was your knife that saved me, so don’t go guilting yourself with what-ifs.”
His head drops, and I know it doesn’t matter what I say, he is. “If something had happened to you, I never could have forgiven myself.”
“Well, it didn’t. I’m safe thanks to whichever of you shot him.
” With a heavy sigh, I pull out of both their grips on me and throw my legs over the edge of my bed.
I’m feeling way too emotional to dive any deeper into any of this right now.
“Going to take a shower,” I mutter, turning away from them before I completely break down.
“Daisy, you see why you have to quit now, right?” Cruz says from behind me, his voice deadly serious.
I turn back, biting my bottom lip to stop the tremble.
He looks fiercely determined about this, and I’m not even surprised.
I know how it looks. I nearly ended up just like his mother, and I knew this would bring all sorts of shit back up for him.
But I’m not her. I blink back at him, not sure what to say without sounding like an unsympathetic bitch, but I’m alive, and I can’t live my life in fear of what might happen.
Besides, I need this job, and after how much I made last night, I’m not walking away now.
“You have to agree with me, Asher, the job is too dangerous for her.”
Asher looks to me then to Cruz, and his mouth opens then closes again. He’s stuck in the middle.
I need to defuse this bomb before it goes off. “Please, Cruz, don’t start this again. I’m not letting one awful experience ruin this for me. I promise I will be more careful from now on, get straight in Asher’s car, and I will be fine.” I say the words with more confidence than I feel.
Last night has shaken me up in a way I never thought it could.
But I also know that women work at that club day in and out with no trouble at all.
Lightning couldn’t possibly strike twice in the same place.
The man who did this to me is gone, dead.
He can’t hurt me again. I try not to think about the fact that he has a wife and family who will probably never know what happened to him.
That thought will haunt me more than anything else.
From now on, when I’m working, I don’t ask questions.
I treat the men as though they aren’t even human, don’t think of them at all.
Just focus on the money. Paige was wrong on this; that will be how I survive.
“He’s dead, Cruz, this won’t happen again.
” I move across the room toward the bathroom.
“You have to be fucking kidding me.” Cruz moves quickly to stand in my way. “I won’t let you go back to that place. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe.” His eyes lock with mine, dark and deadly serious.
I shove at him, needing space. I can’t have this argument right now, not when I’m about to burst into tears. “It’s not your choice to make,” I throw over my shoulder as I hurry to the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
“I will lock you in the apartment if necessary,” he calls through the door, and I know he’s not kidding.
My bottom lip trembles, and the tears I was trying to hold back spring free, scrolling down my cheeks. I turn the shower on and hop in, while steam fills the air. I’m still in my clothes; pretty sure I will have to throw this dress out, anyway. Or burn it. It’s ruined.
The warm water soaks me all the way through, and I let it wash away my sadness.
With a shaky hand, I squirt body wash into my hands and scrub at them, trying to remove the stain.
My eyes might be too blurry to see straight, because it’s not budging.
Crimson coats them, sinking under my nails and seeping through my skin.
My heart races. I keep scrubbing, feeling sicker by the second.
My head spins, and I crumple to my knees, the hard, relentless tiles doing nothing to soften my fall.
Tears take over, choking out of my throat as all-out sobs wrack my entire body. I pull my knees up to my chest, still scrubbing at my hands, trying to wash away this awful feeling, guilt mixed with fear. A man died because of me. His family is without their papa.
A knock sounds at the door. “Daisy, are you alright?” comes Cruz’s concerned voice through the door. Should have known he would be lurking there like a creeper.
“Leave me alone, Cruz,” I sob back.
The door bursts open, and he’s in the shower with me in no time, his shirt already off. He drops to his knees and pulls me into his chest, stroking my dripping hair. “You’re okay,” he tells me, his voice soft and caring. Sweet even, after he was just so angry with me.
“I can’t get it off. The blood,” I cry, showing him my hands.
He takes my hands in his, scrubbing over them. “It’s gone, little darlin’, there is no blood left.”
When I glance back down, he’s right, my hands are clean. But I’m not sure I will ever feel clean again. I stabbed a man, and it might not have been my violent outburst in self-defense that killed him, but he died because of me.
He gets to his feet and holds a hand out for me to take. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up and out of these wet clothes.”
I should fight him on it, tell him to piss off and that I can take care of myself, but right now, I’m not sure I can. So, I place my hand in his.
He pulls me up to standing. Gently, he peels my wet dress off me. “Turn around, little darlin’, let Cruz take care of you.”
I do as he says, and he unclasps my bra, letting it fall to the tile floor below.
He squirts body wash on a washcloth and glides it over my skin gently.
Then his hands move into my hair. He washes, massaging gently as he goes.
I’m half in a daze and half in disbelief that this man is even capable of this kind of careful caring for me.
But it’s like when it comes to me, he is a totally different person from who he is for everyone else.
When he’s done, he shuts off the water and wraps me in a fluffy towel, pulling me into his body with his arms wrapped around me tightly. “I will never let anything bad happen to you again.”
I step back, staring up at him. “You can’t make promises like that, Cruz.”
“I can do anything I want.”
I sigh heavily. “Life happens. Sometimes bad things happen as well. You can’t be with me all the time, and even if you are, like Ash was last night, you can’t control what others might do.”
He doesn’t respond to that comment, he just keeps staring deep into my eyes.
Then he drops his lips to mine and kisses me softly.
“I will never let anything bad happen to you again,” he repeats himself.
And I know I’m over my head with him. He won’t listen to me, and I understand what Asher was saying; he’s like a dog with a bone.
Silence hangs heavy in the air between us. I don’t know what else to say to make him see this from my perspective, because no matter how bad last night was, I’m not backing down.
He gives me another quick peck and then pulls back. “Now I think it might be time for breakfast. Will we have cereal or something more exciting today?” he asks, his voice all cheery as if he’s already moved on.
I stare back at him. “We can have whatever you feel like,” I mutter back, his fast change of tune so jarring I’m not sure what else to say. But something tells me I haven’t heard the end of this. Cruz has decided I’m his to protect, and he’s determined to make sure I am, no matter what I want.