Chapter 33
All For You
Cool air hits my face like I have just stepped inside a freezer.
I blink my eyes rapidly to find myself lying on a rustic leather sofa in Jagger’s office at The Precinct, the air-conditioning unit blowing cold air on me.
I sit up in a rush, remembering the last thing I saw before I passed out. Blood, a lot of it.
I regret the fast movement immediately when my head spins.
With my head in my hands, I take some deep breaths to steady my nerves.
I’m okay, I’m safe, I tell myself on repeat, not wanting to pass out again.
When I raise my head, Cruz is right in front of me.
He was sitting in a chair just to my side, but he stands.
His clothes have been freshly changed from what he was in when we left this morning, and his hair is damp.
With a soft smile, he comes toward me and drops on his knees, taking my hand in his. “Little darlin’.”
I flinch away, not wanting his hands on me after what he just did. I understand why, I really do, but it doesn’t mean I’m okay with having the same hands that caused all that harm on me.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, his voice soft, caring. The Cruz I have come to know, my Cruz. But I can’t understand how he can be both the vicious man who inflicts pain for fun and the man I find before me, the one with so much love for me in his stormy eyes. It’s not possible, is it?
I rub my head, wondering if I hit it on my way down, but I think Asher caught me.
He was right there, and I wonder where he is now and how long I was out of it.
Normally when I pass out from the sight of blood, it’s not long before I come to.
“I’m fine,” I mutter, not feeling any pain in my body.
But I can’t focus on Cruz, not really. Instead, I stare off to the far side wall.
The window is black again. Whatever is taking place in the room next door is finally blocked from my view.
I’m relieved, knowing I don’t have to see any more of it.
That man is dead because of me, and the thought is sickening.
I feel Cruz’s eyes on me, but I can’t look at him. “You gave us a scare.” His hand comes to mine as he tries to lace our hands together.
My body goes all stiff. I’m not sure how to act around him for the first time. Normally, I melt into him, unable to help it, but I just can’t.
“Look at me, little darlin’,” he whispers.
“I can’t, Cruz.” The words tremble out because I don’t want to hurt him, but I can’t be near him right now.
His hand comes to my face gently, stroking his thumb down the side of my face tenderly.
Then he moves me, so I’m forced to look at him, his hands lacing into my hair as he holds me.
His stormy eyes show the chaos inside his brain.
Violence lights him up inside. How could I be falling for a man like this?
“I knew you shouldn’t have been here for this. Fucking Jagger.”
“Maybe it’s best I knew the truth,” I whisper, but even I know my voice sounds far away, like I’m not really in the room with him right now. It was too much for me.
“Not when you’re looking at me like I’m the monster.” He sighs heavily, and I feel his pain.
“We’re just so different, Cruz. I mean, I understand why. I know you’re trying to fix things, but the way you do it… I don’t think I can ever wrap my head around the delight you take in others’ pain.”
“Not others. Heartless motherfuckers who…” he growls out before pulling away from me. He gets to his feet and paces, running a hand through his long hair as he goes. He shakes his head and huffs out a laugh. “You want to know who Silas Vance is?”
My brow furrows. “Who is he?”
“The fucker who tried to rape you for not going into the private suites with him? His fucking brother.” He practically yells it, anger coming over him that makes me flinch back into the sofa.
I have been trying to block that awful memory from my brain, but it’s still crystal clear. His face when he attacked me, the feeling of the knife slicing through his skin and his face afterwards when the boys had killed him. Another man dead because of me. My stomach rolls at the thought.
“You want to know what I do when I’m not fighting, little darlin’?
I rid the earth of scum. That’s what I fucking do.
” He stares back at me, an emptiness in his expression I have never seen before.
“When you got off that bus and stumbled upon us in the alleyway, we were just taking out the trash. Those two men, both serpents, had been linked to a string of crimes, including raping girls who worked at Sloane’s club.
They deserved every fucking thing we did to them for the pain they caused.
You can look at me like you hate me all you want, but I will never stop trying to save you and other innocents.
” He turns and storms from the room, slamming the door as he goes.
Fuck. I swing my legs over the side of the sofa and run my hands through my hair, trying to get my emotions under control.
I don’t know how to navigate this, any of it.
That was a lot of information to learn in one morning.
I hated them for keeping me in the dark, but this is all a lot to process.
And the worst part is that man’s brother is still out there hunting for me.
Someone always will be until my papa gets his way.
The idea of going home and having to marry some new man who he has selected for me makes me so angry my whole body stiffens ready for a fight.
I won’t do it. I have the prospect of an exciting life here, a career of my own, and if it comes to it, I will stick up for myself this time.
There is no way I will marry this person no matter what my papa’s threats are.
“Harsh, flower,” comes Jagger’s voice from behind me.
I flinch when I realize Jagger is in the room with me.
I didn’t know Cruz and I had an audience for that argument.
Great. When I look over my shoulder, I find him at his desk.
He’s now wearing a black T-shirt, different from the one he wore when he came in.
“Why did you want me to see that?” I whisper, having to force my voice out.
“I would say you damn near broke the poor boy’s heart.
” He stands and strolls toward me, hands in his pockets.
“The truth isn’t always pretty, but you have gone and ingrained yourself in this world.
I thought it was time for you to see our reality.
So instead of hating me when I stop you from working at my sister’s club, you can make some informed choices of your own.
Take back some of the control you so desperately crave. ”
“You could have just told me how bad it was, or Dante—why didn’t he call me when he found out about this?”
The lines in his forehead deepen. “Your brother has no idea about all of this. When the boys tracked down the serpent piece of shit this morning, we thought it best to keep this to ourselves.”
The way he says it fills me with unease. Why would he keep my brother in the dark? Unless he doesn’t trust him, but I know that’s not true. They are working with him to keep me safe, right?
His head tilts to the side as if he’s studying me. “Would you have believed me if I did?”
I stare back at him, knowing I wouldn’t have.
He’s right. I had to see this, hear it for myself.
I knew my papa was controlling and wanted me back in Italy to marry me off again, but I never thought he was the man I heard on that call.
He sounded almost detached from me being his daughter. I blink back up at him. “No,” I admit.
“You needed to see how much danger your papa has put you in. You could keep running, if that’s what you want, never really knowing how truly terrifying your reality is until they catch you.
But something tells me there is more fight inside you than you’re letting on.
And maybe it’s time you stopped running and demanded your life back. ”
I think Jagger sees something inside me that’s not there.
I’m not strong; it’s why I ran in the first place.
I was too scared to fight for what I wanted and to stand up to my papa.
Truth is, I have always been a pushover.
That’s why Valentine got away with treating me like he did.
“You heard what he said on that call, Jagger. The wedding is already booked, and if I don’t go home, he will only find some other prick to hunt me down and drag me back there in the worst way. ”
“We won’t let that happen.” He takes my hand, pulling me up to standing. He towers above me, but today I don’t feel so small against him. “You won’t let that happen. This is your life. Decide to take it back,” he demands like it’s an order.
The way he says it makes my heart kick up a beat.
No one has ever made me feel like he does right now.
I wish I could see myself through his eyes.
I know he’s right, and I want more than anything to be the woman he thinks I can be.
I’m just not sure that I can. If push comes to shove and my papa is standing in front of me demanding I do as he says, I will crumble.
“I need to hear you say it, flower.” He sounds vulnerable, unlike bossman Jagger.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Say what?”
“That you will fight just as hard for yourself as we will.” Fear flashes in his eyes. I don’t understand what it means, but for the first time since I have known this man, he looks shaken.
“I’m not going back there.” My voice is soft and holds no confidence, even though I’m desperate to show him I’m the girl he wants me to be.
His eyes narrow, and his hands move from holding mine to gripping my face. “Promise me.” His tight grip on me makes me shake.
I blink back at him, not sure how to give him what he wants, because I’m now positive this is more than a promise I won’t go back home. “Jagger,” I whisper his name.
His fingers press into my cheeks as he grips me tighter. “Look what you’re doing to me, flower,” he whispers, and I think he’s about to kiss me, but right before he does, he pulls back and stalks from the room just like his brother did, leaving me alone, staring at the closed door.
My heart is in my throat, my head thumping with confusion.
I may have thought I could live with them and avoid this tension, but I was so wrong.
There is so much more going on here than even I want to admit.
The worst part is I’m breaking all my rules.
I know today hurt so much because I’ve fallen for all of them, and I know there is no way I can run away from this.
This is my life now, and I have to stay and fight for what I want. The boys included.