Chapter 46 What’s Worth Dying For
WHAT’S WORTH DYING FOR
I waded in and out of consciousness, my body weightless as it drifted along a sea of clouds. Something hard jolted beneath me—a mairen. Then hands pulled me from the saddle. A male shouted, hauling me over his shoulder.
“Get Elwen. Now.”
Kairos. That was Kairos.
Gentle arms laid me down on a mattress, and I vomited. Crimson spilled over the white linen and kept trailing from my lips. Every inhale stuck in my lungs like sparks from a campfire. The world spun as two voices argued—Kairos and Elwen.
“She can’t breathe. Do something!”
“Step aside!”
Rough hands grabbed my neck, and magic slammed into me. Heat tore through damaged tissue, stitching, ripping, and rebuilding. I tried to scream but I choked on blood.
“I know,” Kairos said brokenly. “Stay with me.”
More blood bubbled up my throat, and I convulsed.
“Kairos, you need to move.”
“Fuck off.”
“Uther,” Elwen snapped. “Get him out.”
Heavy footsteps. Then a grunt of effort and the sound of bodies colliding. Kairos snarled viciously.
There was another impact, followed by a pained curse, and then soft hands touched my forehead and chest. Magic as cool as spring water slipped down, inflating my lungs. The agony melted as the parts inside me stitched, properly this time.
I blinked, my vision clearing enough to see the circle of faces hovering above me. Elwen. Lioren. Healers. All staring down with expressions I recognized from death watches. How close had I come?
A crack made me flinch.
Kairos had Uther pinned against the wall, grappling with him. Uther’s lip was split, his fangs bared, but Kairos wouldn’t let go.
“Stop!” Elwen shouted.
He didn’t seem to hear her. His chest heaved as he snarled in Uther’s face.
Then our eyes met, and he stilled. For a heartbeat, he just stared at me.
Then he released Uther and tore across the room, shoving healers aside.
They scattered as he dropped to his knees beside the bed, seizing my hand in his.
I tried to speak, but only managed a weak croak.
Kairos shook his head. “Don’t try to talk yet.”
Elwen leaned over me, her lip quivering. “Can you hear me?”
I nodded.
“Any sharp pains?”
I dragged in air. It hurt, but not like knives shredding me from the inside.
“Sore,” I whispered.
Elwen’s hand drifted to my abdomen, and I flinched. Her expression darkened. “The deal is worse.”
“How much worse?” Kairos demanded.
She pulled back the blanket slightly, and I looked down. Black veins spread from the rune like cracks in glass, spiderwebbing my skin. They hadn’t been there this morning.
“Gods,” someone breathed.
Elwen sighed harshly. “It’s progressing faster than we thought.”
Kairos’s grip on me tightened like he was trying to anchor me to the world through sheer force of will. Like if he held on hard enough, the deal couldn’t take me. But we both knew it could.
A healer pressed cold fingers to my wrist. “Pulse is steadying.”
Elwen’s hand flew to her mouth and she turned away fast. Even Uther blew out a breath.
“You scared the hell out of us,” Elwen said, her voice thick.
Blood trickled down Kairos’s face. I lifted my free hand—gods, it was heavy—and touched near the cut.
“You stopped breathing,” he said, wrecked. “I barely got you here.”
“The village? Did we save them?”
“Everyone’s fine.”
Relief crashed through me. “Uther’s family?”
Uther pushed off the wall, crossing to the bed. “Alive because of you.”
A murmur rippled through the gathered fae.
“Thank you,” Uther said roughly. “I owe you.”
I wanted to say he didn’t, but my eyes were already fluttering.
“Everyone out,” Elwen ordered. “Now. She needs rest.”
“Elle,” Uther started.
Elwen pointed at the exit. “Out.”
Uther glanced at Kairos. “That means you, too.”
“I’m not leaving her.”
Gratitude swelled in my heart, and a tear slipped down my cheek. Uther’s grim expression softened as he knelt beside me, his hand sliding over my head. “Get better soon, runebreaker.”
He stood and left. Lioren lingered in the doorway, his silvery gaze fixed on me. Then he turned and followed Uther.
I jolted awake as strong arms held me against an iron chest. Pale morning light filtered through the infirmary windows. Had I slept through the night?
“Kairos, she’s supposed to be resting.”
“She can do that in my chambers.”
“I know you’re protective of the girl, but this is ridiculous. Do you really think she’s not safe with your sister?” A tinge of hurt colored Elwen’s voice.
“I don’t doubt your abilities, Elle.”
“Good, because I’m the Master Healer of this castle, and I say that she stays.”
He growled. “If you don’t move out of my way, I will make you.”
He brushed past her as she muttered phrases like completely irrational and insanity, and Kairos bridal-carried me out of the infirmary.
We passed the corridor that led to the guest wing, approaching an obsidian door that swung open to dark walls.
The room was enormous. A hearth dominated one wall.
A war table sat near the windows, scattered with maps.
Shelves lined with leather-bound books and battle trophies—fangs, teeth, strips of hide.
Weapons everywhere. Daggers displayed like art. A massive axe propped in the corner that could probably cleave a man in half. The bed was a fortress, large enough for three people, draped in furs that ranged from silver-white to deep black. Animal pelts covered the stone floor.
He kicked the door shut and lowered me onto the mattress, piling furs over me. An old memory of my mother stirred, tucking me in blankets.
Something clinked.
“Here.” His hand slid behind my head, lifting it gently. Cool glass pressed against my lips. “Drink.”
Thick liquid poured into my mouth. Syrupy sweet but with a medicinal bite. I swallowed, and warmth bloomed down my throat, soothing the raw ache.
“More,” he said.
I drank again. Each swallow made breathing easier, and the fog in my head cleared, the room coming into focus. Then I finally saw him.
He looked awful, his armor streaked with dirt and blood. His face was drawn tight and the cut above his eye bled, a steady trickle running down his temple.
“Why haven’t you healed yourself?”
He shrugged. “I don’t care.”
“Kairos.”
His hand moved to my stomach. “Let me see it.”
I lifted the furs and raised my shift. The black veins were stark against my pale skin.
He hardened. “How bad does it hurt?”
“It throbs.” I touched the rune carefully. “I’m okay. I’m just tired.”
He stood there, bristling.
“Lie down with me,” I whispered.
“I can’t.”
“Please.”
“I don’t want to lie down,” he growled. “I want to go to Skaldir and carve Vaeris open. I need him to suffer.”
“But I need you here. With me.”
A war raged in his eyes. Then he sighed, unclasping his armor. Metal clinked as the shoulder plates came free. Then the cuirass. Each piece vanished into silver puffs of air. Then he ripped off his shirt and sat on the edge of the bed, gripping the mattress.
“Come here.”
He turned, lying down like the sheets were made of needles, and I snuggled closer to him.
“You scared me.”
My chest tightened. “I know.”
His hand found mine. “I can’t keep watching you nearly die.”
“I’m sorry.”
His forehead dropped to mine, and I felt him shake. “I was in Skalgard for so long, I was convinced I’d die there. Whatever I’d been before didn’t exist anymore. I was a weapon that didn’t even care who wielded it.”
My stomach knotted. I knew what it was like to stop caring. To become something numb and hollow just to survive.
“And then you showed up.” He stopped, swallowing hard. “You don’t notice how dark it’s gotten until something finally shines through it. Losing you would destroy me.”
The world seemed to tilt. This warrior who’d survived a century of torture and killed without hesitation was trembling because of me.
I’m falling for you.
My throat was too tight, the words trapped behind the fear of admitting how much he meant to me.
Not yet. I wasn’t ready.
How could I be? This was Kairos, a male who made me feel protected and exposed. Who could crack me open with a glance and see all the broken parts inside. Who I wanted so badly it felt like hunger, like madness, like something that would destroy me if I let it.
But I’d already let a male ruin me once.
I wanted to wait, to tell him when the world wasn’t burning. When the words weren’t tangled with panic and exhaustion and the echo of nearly dying. I wanted to choose the moment—not have it ripped out of me.
So I tucked my face into the warm hollow of his throat. His hand skimmed down my back, then settled over my hip, holding me against him. Beneath my ribs, the faerie deal rune twinged, a hot, poisonous reminder.
This golden peace couldn’t last.