12. Chapter Twelve
Chapter Twelve
I t’s been too long. Way too long. This can’t be the normal amount of time it takes to break into someone’s home. Everyone would get caught if that were true.
I look at my watch, but the time tells me it’s actually been about eight minutes since Tobias and I parted ways. Not the forty-five that it felt like.
Kasia thought there would be a good chance her ex wouldn’t be at home right now, because it’s a Thursday night and he normally goes ‘bowling’ on Thursdays. Which sounds like it’s code for getting drunk and doing meth, but bowling might also be involved.
She was right. We scoped the place out, and confirmed that he’s not here, at least. It’s a long single-wide on an unincorporated lot, so the neighbors are far enough away that we were able to get in on foot without being noticed. It seems like he values his privacy.
Which isn’t surprising, but plays in our favor right now. I’m crouched in the yard behind a lean-to that might pass for a utility shed, watching to make sure he doesn’t come home. If he does, I’m close enough to make it to the building under the cover of dark, bang loud enough for Tobias to hear, scramble around the back, and then hopefully get both of us the fuck out of here.
Not that I made a single solitary part of this plan. It was all him. It didn’t even take him long. He dropped the whole thing in these fluid, unhesitating sentences full of technical jargon that I only half-understood. It was so impressive; I forgot to check my enthusiasm for a skill he only has because of the crimes he’s been forced to commit.
Is he really not done yet? How hard can it be to find a laptop?
I wait and wait and wait. It’s so dark out here that my eyes keep playing tricks on me, making it seem like a figure is emerging out of the tree line. Every minute that passes, my heart rate continues to mount, and I swear I can feel my individual blood vessels tightening in my body.
This is absolutely the last time we do something like this.
Never again.
Every sound that hits my ears is tires crunching over cold earth until my brain realizes it’s not. Over and over and over again, while I picture what would happen if we got caught. If Jorden tried to beat the shit out of Tobias. If he wasn’t alone when he came home, and we were so outnumbered, I couldn’t even hope to protect him.
If—shit, what if—Jorden is even more of a scumbag than I thought and has connections to the Banna?
That’s the thought that chills me right down to my bone marrow. Hot to cold in an instant, like I got dipped in liquid nitrogen.
I can feel my thoughts begin to race out of control, just like my pulse. It’s so overwhelming that I barely notice the noise behind me, and Tobias is forced to tap me on the shoulder.
Whipping around, I move so fast I clearly startle him. It’s not enough to wipe the grin off his face, though.
Grin . He is full-on, gleefully grinning. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever seen it before. He looks gorgeous even when he’s miserable, but this is something else. I’m choking on relief and unfettered anxiety and this sudden wave of adoration for him, which I still don’t know how to address, so I don’t think it through and let myself throw my arms around him.
“Whoah,” he says, but doesn’t pull away. After a few seconds, he relaxes into my too-tight grip and puts his arms around my waist. “Are you okay?”
“We’re never doing this again. That was terrifying.” I blow out a breath, leaning back to look at him but still not letting go. “I don’t like it when you’re in danger.”
He raises his eyebrows, looking a little confused but still smiling.
“Technically, we were both in danger. And we still are, because we’re standing at the scene of the crime. But it’s cute when you go all protective on me, Gunnar.”
He’s teasing me a little, but there’s also sincerity running underneath it. I pull him back in and hold him tight, squeezing him hard for just a moment until my body is satisfied that he’s okay. Tobias doesn’t seem to mind. He presses his face into my shoulder, in the same spot he always finds, like it was made to fit him perfectly, waiting until I get myself under control.
When we pull apart this time, I take a big step back, so I’m not tempted to keep clinging to him.
“Ready to go? You can call the cops on the way. Unless you wanna hide in the bushes and watch it all go down.”
I shake my head. “No way. We’ve been through enough mortal peril for one day. My heart can’t take it. There’s a reason I’m going gray this young, and it isn’t because I’ve lived such a stress-free life.”
Tobias snorts but acquiesces, and together we head away from the trailer. He’s still limping, but it isn’t worse than before, which was another worry I had about this expedition. He doesn’t object when I wrap an arm around his waist so he can lean on me, though.
We walk through the woods toward the car as he tells me what he found. And while I’m glad he found it so we can hopefully get this guy arrested, it’s even worse than I thought.
One normal laptop sitting out that had Instagram chats with teenage girls open. One not very well hidden but encrypted laptop that probably had the really bad stuff. And one very, very well-hidden hard drive that he obviously didn’t bother to encrypt because of that, which Tobias hooked up to the regular laptop and found a horde of photos of underage girls.
All disgusting. All of which he relates to me with a sad but matter-of-fact expression. He left the pictures open on the one laptop, left the other laptop next to it and then left the door open with everything in plain view, so the cops can come in when they get here.
Sav even gave me a burner phone to make the 911 call with, which I would not have thought of. Clearly, I’m not cut out for this.
By the time everything is wrapped up, we’re back in the car and on our way home. We should feel happy. We got away completely unharmed. Not even any close calls. But Tobias’s grin is long gone, and instead of being elated, I feel like something’s missing.
All that adrenaline and frenzy from earlier is floating around inside me, and it’s as if it has nowhere to go. There was no big dramatic chase sequence or a fight to end the situation. One minute, I was on the edge of a heart-pounding panic attack. Then everything was just… fine?
It doesn’t make sense.
I’m in a daze when we get back to the bar, but not so much that I can’t keep an eye out for Eamon. Sav and Kasia both promised to call if they saw him. I circle the whole place three times in the car before actually pulling into the parking lot, and even then, surrounded by dead space, I can see the nerves that Tobias is trying to hide.
It was the same when he left the apartment earlier—for the first time in days—to hustle into the car, despite us checking the surroundings as many times as possible. No one acknowledged it. It makes sense to be scared.
“Ready?”
He nods, stealing a glance at me. I see him reach for the door handle, but before he can, I grab his other hand to pull his attention back to me.
The atmosphere has completely shifted from earlier when he was so elated for once. I hate that, but at least he’s not bothering to hide from me. That feels like progress.
“I know it’s pointless to say, ‘don’t be scared’, because you can’t control it, and being scared is a logical thing to feel after everything that’s happened. But no matter how scared you are, I need you to remember that I’m here. I’m here, and I will do anything I can to make you feel less scared. Whether that’s actually physically protecting you, or just falling asleep on the couch with you and your awful movies. Whatever it takes. The fear will pass, but I’ll still be here.”
I don’t know how I expected him to react. I wasn’t planning what I was saying. The words just tumbled out of me. But Tobias’s mouth twists, and he seems to go through a convoluted series of emotions before he speaks or moves.
Instead of saying anything, Tobias slowly and carefully shifts in his seat and leans toward me. My hand is still resting lightly on his arm, but he’s careful not to dislodge it.
He moves closer and closer until there’s a fraction of the space left between us, and he still doesn’t stop. Before I have the chance to breathe, Tobias slides his other hand against my neck, his skin cool and soft compared to where I’m overheating with stress. He leaves it resting there as he closes the last few inches, and then he kisses me.
It’s tender. Closed-mouth, but there’s a heat behind it that would never let me mistake the kiss for anything other than what it is. Time seems to unspool as my body relaxes into it, all his softness leaning into me.
He’s the one who breaks away, but he moves just as carefully and deliberately as he did when he came closer.
His voice cracks a little when he starts to speak.
“I know you’re going to think that was about some kind of misplaced gratitude or hero worship. I know you’ve been tying yourself in knots over it. Which is dumb, but also not. You’re a good person. But I need you to hear me very clearly when I tell you that I didn’t kiss you out of gratitude. I am grateful, but that’s not why I kissed you.”
Tobias is still hovering close to me, and he smells like spearmint and my soap that he’s been borrowing. It’s simple, but it’s still intoxicating enough to threaten to distract me.
“I kissed you because I’ve wanted to for a very long time. And the more time I spend with you, and the more you say things like what you just said, the more I realize that I deserve to do some of the things I want to. I’m not going to feel guilty about it and neither are you. Got it?”
I nod slowly, feeling like I’m in a trance. Like the brief taste of him was enough to work its way into me and send every part of my body slithering to a slow stall.
“Good. Now let’s go inside.”
He holds my hand for the short, tense walk across the parking lot. We go upstairs using the back entrance, my head whipping around the entire time to make sure we’re not being watched. As soon as we make it inside without incident and the door is locked, though, the tension bleeds away.
“What do you want to do now?” I ask because we’re standing awkwardly in the middle of the apartment, close enough to but not touching, hovering in each other’s orbits like satellites about to collide.
“Kiss me.”
It’s a command, even if it’s soft-spoken. All my doubts from before are still in my mind, but they’ve grown quieter and quieter the more time I’ve spent with him.
He was right, after all. Worrying about taking advantage of him is one thing. Depriving him of his own autonomy, especially when he’s shown how fiercely protective he is of it, would be unforgivable. If he wants me to kiss him and I want to kiss him, I can’t decide against it because I think it’s better for him in the long run.
I have no idea what he really needs. I can only be here for him when he asks for it.
This time we’re standing, so I have to step close before leaning down to kiss him. It makes me want to curl around him protectively, so I don’t fight it. Within a few seconds, he’s wrapped up in me, and his warm mouth opens under mine with a hint of desperation that I undeniably return.
My hands roam over his back, not pushing any boundaries, but exploring the smooth planes of muscle hidden under his clothes. Like I’ve done before, I lean over, looping one arm under his ass before hoisting him up into my arms with his legs bracketing my hips.
Tobias makes a small squeak of surprise when I do it this time. It’s an incredible sound, and I want to devote a serious amount of energy to making him repeat it.
With him on my front like a koala, still eagerly swapping messy, breathless kisses, I stumble over the few steps to the couch and then drop us both onto it.
This couch is beginning to feel like the origin point of everything that’s ever changed between us. I’ll never be able to replace it now.
Once we’re there, we can both sink into it. We alternate between frantic, intense kisses and languid making out. It’s all glorious, and it seems to go on forever. I’ve been hard from the start, which I’m sure Tobias can feel underneath him. I’m careful not to move too much or grind into him, though, because I don’t want to push.
I touch him everywhere that seems safe—his back, his arms, his face and his incredible, strong thighs that are straddling me, over and over. He pushes into the contact every time. It takes him longer to get hard than I did, but before long I can see his erection tenting his borrowed pants. He doesn’t really acknowledge it, so I don’t either, but the longer we continue to tongue-fuck each other’s mouths, the more I feel him writhing under my hands.
Eventually, he’s rocking his hips into me. Delicately, not enough to be considered grinding, but more like an afterthought. Like his aching cock is seeking friction.
I break off the kiss for a second—both of our mouths spit-slick and swollen—but hold him in place by the back of his neck so he knows I’m not going anywhere.
“Can I touch you?” My eyes flick down to the tent in his pants. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. There’s no rush. But if you want me to, I’d like to. It doesn’t have to go any further than that.”
Tobias is panting, his eyes flicking from side to side for a minute while he seems to gather his thoughts.
Finally, in a single breath that turns into a whine, he says one word.
“Please.”
Arousal pulses through me just at the thought, and I have to be very conscious not to grind up against his ass where my own erection is lying snug against his crease. It’s an incredible tease, but I also know without a doubt that it’s a line not to cross, no matter how distracted I get.
Instead, I focus on him. I kiss him deeply, not wanting him to get in his head, and begin to rub his cock through the fabric. There’s already a damp spot, and he’s completely rigid against my palm. His cock is slender, like him, and average length.
I tug down his pants and briefs in one movement, not removing them all together but enough that I can reach him. His entire length is a blushing pink color, cut, and fits perfectly in my hand. I wrap my fingers around him and stroke him a few times, slowly and gently, to get a feel for his reaction, only to have his hips buck as he moans into my mouth.
Keeping the slow pace, I’m a little shocked when Tobias breaks off the kiss. It’s not to pull away, though. There’s already redness crawling up his cheeks, and he’s digging his fingers into my shoulders like he’s clinging to me, but his mouth is hanging open to pant. His eyes are half-closed, thin lines of honey-brown gazing at me from under dark lashes.
“Does that feel good, baby?” I ask, when he still doesn’t say anything.
Tobias nods, then gasps when I roll my thumb around the head of his cock before continuing to stroke. He’s so hyper-sensitive, it’s like every touch is setting off a chain reaction in him, and he’s already overwhelmed.
“It’s been—” he pants in between words, “—a long time.”
I steal another quick kiss, his lips already parted for me, and then lean back to watch him come undone.
It’s beautiful. He doesn’t move a lot, like he’s trying to keep himself small, still. But everywhere his hands are on me, I can feel the intensity in his touch. His fingers dig into my skin through my shirt, refusing to lean more than a few inches away.
“Take this off,” he breathes.
I comply quickly, whipping off my shirt and then going back to stroking him. I can see that lust-drunk gaze roaming over me, taking me in, and I don’t quite resist the urge to flex while he watches me.
Tobias makes a quiet moaning sound, one that draws out with the rhythm of my hand. I lean in closer to his mouth, as if I could steal the moan from him.
“Still good, baby?”
“Yes,” he says. “Don’t stop.”
I don’t. I keep the pace steady but gentle, and he continues to groan and mutter soft curses. His hips fuck up into my grip and his cock continues to weep over my fingers. Gradually, he seems to get closer to the edge. His breathing gets harsher, and I can see his muscles tense, while his length keeps flexing in my hand, like he’s right on the cusp of coming.
“Fuck,” he mutters, but it’s more tense than dreamy this time.
“It’s okay, Tobias. There’s no rush.”
I keep jerking him but use my other hand to cup his head. He opens his eyes to look at me, then screws them shut completely.
“It’s hard…” he whispers. “I wasn’t allowed to…” I see what he’s getting at, even if he’s not saying it. And I have to shove away the surge of anger that threatens to overtake me. “It’s hard sometimes now.”
He said enough. Consciously unclenching my jaw, I keep my hand moving softly over him and cradle his head as I lean in to whisper in his ear.
“You’re here with me now. None of that matters. Nothing matters. You can take as long as you need. Now be a good boy and relax for me.”
His eyelids fly open again at that, and I’m close enough to see his pupils dilate and his mouth move a little like he’s about to say something.
I don’t give him the chance. I kiss him again. Shallow, just lips against lips as we both pant and sigh, but distracting him.
“That’s my good boy,” I whisper directly into his mouth, feeling him shudder in return.
Letting go of his head, I move my free hand down to tug at his balls. They’re tight, right up against his body, so I gently roll them around my palm and enjoy the feeling of him falling apart in response.
His breathy moans become sharper, so I pick up the pace of my strokes a little, although still with a loose grip. With one hand on his cock and one on his balls, I continue to work him while I whisper in his ear.
“You’re doing so well, baby.”
Another gasp .
“You’re close. I can feel it. Let go for me. Be a good boy and make a mess all over my hand.”
Sharp nails dig into the skin of my back as he starts to cry out—short, loud little cries in time with my strokes.
“Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah—”
His muscles tense, and then his body quivers over mine as wetness finally pulses out of him. It starts so slowly; just one long, arduous, bow-string-tight arch of his back with a cry, but then his hips are jerking and he’s releasing more and more cum into the air.
It coats my fingers and chest in long stripes, while Tobias continues to shudder and contort himself through it.
“That’s it,” I keep whispering. “Such a good boy. You’re doing so well. Don’t stop.”
I’m not really jerking him anymore, but I keep touching and stroking the hot skin of his cock until he finally pulls away from me with a gasp. He’s a little wild-eyed, looking around him, so I pull him close and press his head against my neck the way he likes.
It doesn’t take long for him to get on board. The shuddering continues, although he squeezes me so tight I can barely feel it. For a second, I think he might be crying. But he doesn’t make a sound. Just heavy breathing as his body gradually comes down.
Minutes pass. Then more minutes. I fall into a contemplative space that feels like it’s outside of time. My own erection waned, which I don’t care about right now. I’m content to stroke and tug at the strands of hair curling around his ears and rub the overheated skin of his back, one of my hands shoved up inside his t-shirt.
Eventually, he leans back to look at me. His eyes are dry, but he looks worn out and dazed.
“Are you okay?”
Tobias bites his lip, looking smaller than I’ve ever seen him. But not scared. Not anxious or exhausted or overwhelmed. Just… soft. Like he’s allowing me to hold him.
It’s perfect.
He nods, though.
“You?” he asks, his voice raspy. “Did you?”
I shake my head. “I can do that later. It’s fine. Right now, I want this.”
Tobias doesn’t argue, thank fuck. He shifts back into the position he was in before, but his posture is more relaxed this time. His fingers trace their way through my chest hair as he tucks his head under my chin and places the occasional kiss on my neck.
Yeah, I’m fucked. I could never come again, and this would still be all I wanted.
Absolutely fucked.