Chapter Seven
Amber
I really thought about calling into work.
After all the shit that happened with Eddie, the last thing I want to do is work a full eight-hour shift selling bath products to rich women with a scent hoarding complex, but if I have any hopes of buying my dream wedding dress, I have to work as much as possible.
My job is super easy, but all I can think about is Eddie, and my mind seems cluttered and unable to focus.
I work in the mall at the local Bath Salts and Perfumes store.
With Christmas, just on the horizon, the shop is usually flooded with desperate shoppers looking to find that perfect present for a loved one.
One of my closest friends, Mallory, also works there.
She’s my study buddy at school, and my workplace confidant.
Besides the twins, Mallory is one of the few people I actually trust. We both want to be nurses, and hopefully whenever we are done with our clinicals, we’ll be stationed at the same hospital, and hopefully on the same ward.
We have at least another year of school before that happens.
So, for now, we’re just cashiers, making a few extra bucks for Christmas.
“Alright, spill. How was your trip? Did you get to relax like you wanted to?” she asks as we stock the shelves with our new Christmas collection of Snow Apple, and Snowflake Sprinkles scents.
I give her a look that says, “don’t ask,” but she doesn’t listen.
“What happened?”
I hold up my hand, showing her the missing ring, and frown. “I think Eddie broke up with me last night.”
She grins, her dimpled cheeks dotting all cutely. I wish I had deep dimples like her.
“It’s not supposed to be a good thing.”
“Eddie is a jerk. He constantly treats you like crap. If he broke up with you, then it’s really a good thing.”
I sigh and continue stocking the shelf.
“I know you two have been together forever, but sometimes a break, or a break-up, is exactly what a relationship needs in order for it to be healthy. Your relationship with Eddie was one-sided. All he cared about was his needs and wants, he didn’t care about yours.”
Nodding, I open another box of lotion, handing her a few bottles.
“That’s what Poppy told me, but it’s my fault we broke up in the first place. If I hadn’t cheated on him in Vegas, we would still be together.”
Mallory drops the bottle of lotion in her hand and looks over at me with her mouth hanging open.
“You cheated?” There’s no disguising the shock in her voice. Everyone knows I’m not a cheater. I’m just not the cheating type, and the fact I let a night of fun in Vegas get the best of me is totally out of character.
“With who?”
I shrug my shoulders.
“I never caught his name. I woke up in a strange hotel room next to a man that who can only be described as Adonis himself. Well, Adonis with an Australian accent.”
“You slept with an Australian man?”
“Yup.” My head rests against one of the walls and I let out another sigh, this time it’s longer and more exasperated. “The sad part is, he was so damn sexy, and nice. God, he was nice and sexy.”
“Describe him. I want details. Don’t leave anything out. I’m living vicariously through you here. We both know guys don’t date me.”
Mallory never dates. She says it’s because she’s always so busy, but I think it has to do with the fact she’s self-conscious about her weight.
She’s not exactly fat, but she’s not quite skinny either.
I think she’s cute as hell, but I know she doesn’t see herself that way because she’s always putting herself down.
Her hair’s too short, her makeup isn’t right, her clothes are too tight, and she needs to lose weight.
The girl’s five two with heels on. It’s hard to maintain a healthy weight when your practically pint-sized.
I don’t think she sees how many heads she actually turns, because she wouldn’t be single if she did.
She’s got that cute girl next door look, with her curly brown hair, and that sort of nerdy gamer girl look.
If she put herself out there more, she’d reel in a guy real quick.
Hell, if she wasn’t constantly hiding behind her glasses, and showing off them dimples, we’d have a line of male customers waiting to make their move.
I tell her all the time that she should invest in some contacts to show off those killer slate gray eyes of hers, but she says the idea of touching her eyeballs gives her the heebee- geebees.
“I don’t really want to get into it, Mallory. It’s best not to remember that night.”
“C’mon, Amber. Just some details. I want to picture this mysterious Australian that turned you into a bad girl.”
“Ugh, I’m not a bad girl, Mal, I just had a momentary lapse of judgment. I’m pretty sure I was drugged.”
“You said he was hot though, do hot guys actually drug girls?”
“I don’t know. All I know is I don’t remember anything about that night.”
“But you saw him in the morning, didn’t you? What did he look like with bed head?” She mocks my glare with one of her own. “C’mon, Amber, tell me please.”
“Fine, he was hot, okay? I’ve never seen anyone hotter.
I swear there were so many muscles on his body he could’ve been a model for our Anatomy class.
And his hair, don’t get me started on how fucking sexy long hair is on a guy.
Longer than Eddie’s. Oh, and he had these moss-colored eyes.
Like Spanish moss. They were unreal and really unforgettable.
I’m gonna have those eyes locked in my brain for years to come. ”
“It sounds like he was really hot!” she exclaims while placing another bottle on the shelf. “So did you get his number?”
“He called me last night. It was really noisy wherever he was so I only caught bits and pieces of the message but his number came up on my phone.”
“Are you going to call him?”
“No, I deleted it last night. I’m going to try to get back with Eddie. He’s the one I love. He’s the one I want to be with for the rest of my life.”
Mallory rolls her eyes as she cuts open the next box.
“Why would you want to put yourself through all that again?” She opens a bottle of Snow Apple and smells it, letting out a content sigh. “This one is my favorite. I think I have eight bottles put away to buy just for myself it should last me until the New Year.”
“You use lotion way too much.” I can smell it on her, there’s an overabundance of apple wafting off her skin. Though, I have to admit, Snow Apple is one of my favorite scents too.
“I work in a perfume store, being a lotion whore is bound to happen.” She starts to grab another bottle, but stops abruptly, her eyes widening. “Speaking of Eddie.” Pointing behind me, she motions to the door. “He’s um, right over there.”
After whipping around, I find him standing by the door, motioning with his head to come talk to him.
“Can you cover for me?”
She nods.
“Thanks, Mal, I owe you one.”
One of his hands is hanging loosely by his side, the other is shoved into his pocket. He looks miserable.
“Hey,” he says, giving me half a smile. “Can we talk?”
“Um sure. I just can’t be gone too long.”
He nods. “It won’t take long.”
He leads me outside, both of us sitting on a bench by the door. There’s a cool breeze in the air, one that plays with the hair sticking out from beneath his ball cap.
“About what happened in Vegas—”
He cuts me off before I can say anything else. “Do you love me, Amber?”
His question throws me off. “Of course I do.” He recoils after I touch his hand, trying to comfort him. At first, I think it’s because he’s still upset, but then I realize it’s because it’s bruised and probably broken. “Eddie, your hand!”
He tucks it back in his pocket, wincing just a tad. “It’s fine. Look, Amber, I’m sorry about how I reacted last night. I was slightly drunk, and I’ll admit, a bit surprised by what you said.”
“I know, Eddie. I’m sorry. I never meant for any of it to happen, you have to believe me.”
He smiles, but only a little. “I’m trying. It’s just hard. The idea of another man touching you absolutely kills me inside.”
“I’m sorry… I wish I could say something else, but I’m sorry is all I have.”
“Do you even want to marry me, Amber? Did you fuck him because you have cold feet or something?”
“Of course I want to marry you, Eddie. I wouldn’t have said yes if I didn’t. It’s just—”
“Just what?”
He won’t even let me finish my sentences.
God, that is so Eddie.
“I’m tired, Eddie. Tired of you treating me like crap. Tired of you always putting your needs first and never my own—”
“I don’t—”
“Please let me finish,” I say sternly, desperate to communicate my feelings. I’ve been holding them in so long they feel super glued to my esophagus.
“Fine, by all means, keep going.”
“See, that’s what I mean. Sometimes you say things that piss me off.
Things like that. It’s like you’re totally dismissing my feelings.
I tried to talk to after you told me about Jinafer, and instead of it bringing us closer together, it seemed to tear us apart.
You changed after that, Eddie. When we first met you would go out of your way to make me smile or laugh.
You’d do these cute romantic things that really made me feel special.
Like when you used to pretend to be the Count from Sesame Street, or take me on romantic dates all the time.
When was the last time we did something spontaneous?
When was the last time you asked me what I want or needed?
Everything’s always about you and what you want.
It’s like you don’t even care about my needs. ”
“That’s not true, Amber. I always take care of your needs.”
I laugh mockingly at him, shaking my head in disbelief.
“Yeah, you would think that, wouldn’t you?
Don’t you get it, Eddie? Everything is always about you.
What you want. What you need. We go the places you feel like going.
Hang out with your friends all the time but not mine.
And don’t even get me started about our sex life—”
“Our sex life is perfect,” he argues.
“It sucks, Eddie. Our sex life sucks. Sex is supposed to be fun and exhilarating, but we always do the same positions, half of the time you’re drunk off your ass, and the worst part is, once you get off, you’re done. Fuck my needs and if I finished, too.”
“What the hell are you talking about, Amber? You always finish.”
“No, Eddie, I don’t. There’s this thing that girls are really good at. It’s called faking it. I’ve learned how to perfect that shit the last few years. I haven’t had a real orgasm for the last three years.”
His brow crumples. “You’ve been faking it!”
“Every girl fakes it, Eddie. Don’t act like you couldn’t tell.
Or maybe you just didn’t notice. You’re so busy doing your own thing, you don’t even pay attention to what I want or what feels good to me.
Face it, Eddie, we’re in a rut, and maybe that’s why both of us cheated.
We both know that this is going nowhere if shit doesn’t change. ”
“I’m not in a rut. Maybe you fucking are, but I sure as hell ain’t. You know, it kinda sounds like you want to break up or something?”
“I’m not saying that… I just need things to change. I need you to respect me, to meet me half way in this.”
He gets up off the bench and starts pacing.
“You know, I came all this way to apologize for how I acted last night. I even stopped by your place before I got here, and Pippa told me you were at work. But she also warned me that I shouldn’t even bother trying to make up with you.
She said that you already had one foot out the door.
I didn’t want to believe her, but I can see it now. ”
“Pippa doesn’t know what she’s talking about.
I love you, Eddie. I want this to work, but shit has to change.
I can’t continue pretending like everything is okay, when it’s not.
We didn’t even really talk about Jinafer after it happened.
You just expected me to accept it, and for me to just forget what you did.
But I haven’t forgotten, Eddie. There’s not a day that goes by where I’m not thinking about it. ”
“It happened over a year ago, Amber, and I haven’t done anything since then. Why can’t you just let it go?”
“The same reason you won’t be able to let the Vegas thing go. It’s about trust, Eddie, and neither one of us trusts the other right now.”
He slips off his hat and runs his fingers through his hair. He always does that when he’s frustrated or about to blow.
“Do you want to be with me?” he questions, his tone getting even more irate and annoyed.
“Yes, of course.”
“I don’t believe you. If you wanted to be with me, you wouldn’t have cheated.”
“I could say the same about you.”
His glare slices through my heart. Instead of responding, he just crosses his arms, staring at me like he’s waiting for an apology.
“This isn’t fair. Why is it okay for you to cheat but not me?”
“Because you’re mine, Amber. ONLY MINE!” His voice vibrates through the small corridor we’re in, grabbing the attention of a couple in the parking lot. “I don’t want some other dude’s dick inside of you. You’re fucking tainted now.”
“Oh my god, Eddie, stop being an asshole. I made a mistake. It’s the same fucking mistake you made at that party. We both are equally fucked up, but at least I’m trying to be a grown-up about it. You’re over here acting like a toddler throwing a tantrum.”
His eyes flash wildly, and for a second, I think he might swing on me. Thankfully, he doesn’t.
“Toddler, huh? Me being upset makes me a fucking toddler?”
“Well, you’re over here throwing a double standard tantrum, and all up in your hypocritical feelings.”
Yeah, that comment definitely sealed my fate.
“Fuck you, Amber. We’re through. It was a mistake even coming here.”
“Are you really going to fucking walk out on me like this again?”
He smirks evilly. “I’m just giving you what you need, Amber. And it’s obvious what you need isn’t me.”
Then he’s gone, running out of my life for the third and final time. Every bone in my body goes rigid, paralyzing me to the bench as he climbs on the back of a Harley and races out of the parking lot, leaving me there in a puddle of my own misery.
Somehow, I knew this was coming. I guess it was kind of inevitable in a way. There’d been so many signs leading up to this moment that none of it caught me off guard.
Except for one very trivial thing…
When the fuck did he start riding a motorcycle?