Chapter Ten
Eddie
Fuck, this is so wrong.
I should tell her… I need to tell her.
But it’s been almost a month since I’ve seen her smile that way. She looks so fucking happy, and god, do I miss her. When I saw that guy manhandling her the way he did, I lost it. Wesley and Rich couldn’t even hold me back as I sprinted across the parking lot, ready to kill.
The bastard deserved more than a few cheap punches.
He deserved a shallow grave and his skull crushed beneath my boot.
But hearing Amber’s voice soothed the rage inside me.
I didn’t want to disappoint her, and I knew if I went any further, she would’ve walked away from me forever.
I don’t know if I could ever handle that.
Now I’m following her around like a lost puppy, longing for her touch, missing everything about her.
There hasn’t been a day since we broke up that I haven’t thought about her.
The amount of inner turmoil I’ve put myself through since that night Pippa seduced me has been straight up hell.
She wasn’t too happy with me the next morning when I jumped out of bed, groggy and feeling like shit, while being angry and pissed off that she took advantage of me.
“You wanted this!” she yelled.
I threw a throw pillow across the room in a fit of rage when I saw our clothes scattered across the floor, both of us naked and not a condom in sight.
“Fuck that!” I screamed back. “I was fucking drunk, and you took advantage of me being broken and missing Amber.”
“It’s always about her!” she shouted, throwing up her hands. “Why can’t you just see what’s in front of you, Eddie? I’ve loved you since the day I met you. I’ve been here for you through everything, and you treat me like I don’t exist. Now we finally fuck, and you’re saying it was a mistake?”
Why was she looking at me that way? She knows I don’t love her.
I may have thought I had feelings for her at one time, but that was before I met Amber.
Now there’s nothing there but platonic feelings.
“A big mistake! Biggest mistake I’ve ever made.
I swear, Pippa, if you so much as tell Amber, I’ll—”
“You’ll what? Hurt me? That’s not what you do, Eddie. You don’t hurt women, remember?”
Searching the ground, I look for any sort of rubber, but see none. “Did we even use a condom?”
She shook her head. “No, we were too into it.”
“Get fucking dressed,” I ordered.
“What?”
“We’re going to the pharmacy.”
“For what?” she asked in shock.
“The Morning-After Pill. There’s no fucking way I’m gonna take the chance of you getting pregnant.”
Her smile etched into a scowl, brow furrowing, fists clenched by her sides in pure hatred. “You can’t force me to take that stupid pill.”
“You don’t have a choice, Pippa. You either take the pill or consider this friendship over.”
Her bottom lip quivered. “You’d throw out six years of friendship over sex?”
“For unwanted sex, absolutely.”
She grabbed the first hard thing from off my dresser and hurled it at my head. I ducked to avoid it just in time. “Why am I not good enough for you, Eddie? Why can’t you just love me the way I love you?”
My eyes narrowed at her, my adrenaline rushing through my veins like venom. “Because I’ll never love anyone the way I love Amber, Pippa. Not even you.”
She gave up fighting with me after that, reluctantly taking the pill even though she assured me she was on birth control.
I made sure she swallowed it too. Sure, it was majorly fucked up for me to force her to do that, but so was her taking advantage of me the way she did.
I didn’t feel right when I woke up in the morning, and it reminded me of my night with Jinafer.
That loosely drugged type of feeling. I hated it.
There’s being drunk… and then there’s being drugged. I definitely felt drugged.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Amber observes.
“Sorry, just got lost in thought. Did you find something for your mom?”
She holds up a bag and smiles. “Yeah, I went to the cool Earth store over there. It had some really cute incense burners.”
“Does that mean you’re ready to go?”
She shrugs. “Yeah, I guess so.”
My phone chimes in my pocket. I look down to see a text message from Pippa.
Pippa: Hey, this is the third weekend in a row that you haven’t been home. I was hoping we could talk about what happened. Are you free?
I quickly shoot a text back.
Me: I’m busy.
Pippa: Eddie, we need to talk about what happened. What time will you be home?
My gaze darts over to Amber who’s discussing something with Wesley, Rich, and Poppy. Our eyes meet, and she smiles, melting me like ice.
A thundering drum kick starts my heart, and I can’t help but look away, unable to hide the attraction and love I feel for her. I’d do anything for her, even put my phone away.
“Everything okay?” Amber asks when I rejoin them.
“Yeah, everything’s cool. So, who’s riding with who?”
They all glance at Amber. There’s only enough room in my truck for one person, and she knows it.
“I can ride with Rich and Wesley if Amber’s okay with it,” Poppy offers.
“That’s fine,” Amber says shyly. “You okay with me riding with you?”
“Absolutely,” I say quickly. “I mean, sure… that’s fine.”
She giggles.
Once outside, Rich and Wesley take off with Poppy, leaving me alone with Amber. There’s a strange silence that falls between us as I open the door to my truck and let her in. She eyes the dent on the side and gives me a sideways look as I close the door.
“What happened to your truck?” she asks when I open the driver’s door.
Shrugging, I slide into the driver’s seat and turn toward her. “Want the real reason or a fake answer?”
“I guess the real reason…” She eyes me curiously.
“The night you told me you cheated on me; I took a bat to it. Gave her a little makeover in the process. It cost me a taillight and a headlight.”
“Oof, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be, Beatrice can take a hit.”
Amber looks out the window as I start up the truck, pulling out of the parking lot a few moments later. She’s very quiet, and all I want to know is what she’s thinking.
“You okay?”
She gives me a weak look. “Not really.”
“What’s up?”
Her hands wring in her lap as she fights with whatever she’s about to say. “I guess I just miss you, that’s all.”
Relief washes over me. “I miss you too.”
Our eyes meet when I pull up to the stoplight. She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. “I really am sorry, Eddie.”
“Don’t be. We both said a lot of things that day we’d like to take back. I’ve thought a lot about our fight since then. You were right, I don’t take care of you the way I should. You really put a lot of things into perspective for me. Things that I need to work on.”
“Like what?”
“Like putting your needs before my own. Showing you that I love you instead of blindly saying it like it’s just another sentence.”
Her head rests against the back of my passenger seat and she sighs. “I wish I could take back everything that happened in Vegas. I never meant to hurt you, Eddie.”
“I know, Amber. I’m sorry for being a hypocrite.”
She nibbles on her bottom lip for a few seconds before speaking again. “Do you think it’s too late for us to mend things?”
If you knew about what happened with Pippa, you’d never forgive me. The thought stays in my head, even though I so badly want to come clean. This is one secret even I’m not brave enough to admit.
“I don’t know, Amber. A lot has happened. I love you, I don’t know if I’ll ever stop, but we break up so much it’s become exhausting.”
“I know,” she whispers. “I wish it wasn’t that way.”
Chuckling, I pull onto her street, unable to hold back the thought that pops in my head. “You know, my mother predicted we’d break up at least four times before we finally got the hang of this.”
“Really? I thought you hated when your mom reads you?”
“I do, but she didn’t give me a choice. She grabbed my palm, spit in it, and then read my love lines.”
“Gross.”
“She at least gave me hand sanitizer afterward, but yeah, pretty gross.”
“Four times, huh?”
“Yup,” I say, drawing out the P, just as my truck pulls up to her curb. Wesley and Rich have already dropped Poppy off and are pulling away. “So, basically we’re destined to break up again if we get back together.”
She slinks lower in her seat. “That’s disappointing.”
My hand finds hers across the center console, and our fingers intertwine until we’re holding hands.
“I’m willing to try again if you are,” I admit.
Her eyes brighten with tears. “Really?”
“Amber, I don’t know what it is about you, but when I look into your eyes, hold your hand the way I am now, or even kiss your lips, I just feel at home.
I can’t shake you no matter how hard I try.
I know it’s a bit toxic to always come running back to you the way I do, but I truly feel like you are meant to be with me. ”
“Me too,” she says quietly. “I haven’t even canceled the venue yet.”
Now it was my turn to be shocked. “What?”
“Yeah, I just didn’t have the heart to cancel any of our reservations. The wounds were too fresh.”
Nodding, I hold her hand even tighter. “Do you want to still marry me after everything that’s happened?”
She glances up at me and sniffs. “I’ve never wanted anything more, Eddie.”
Before I can rethink anything, I’m across the seat, our lips melding together in the perfect weld of bliss and hopefulness. She still fucking loves me, and that’s all I needed to hear to keep fighting for this.
“Marry me,” I whisper against her lips. “Let’s not cancel anything and see this through. I know we can work through anything if we try.”
She nods. “Okay, but on one condition.”
“Anything, baby. Just tell me what you need from me, and I’ll make sure to fulfill your every wish.”
“No more lies, okay? From either of us. I can’t take it anymore, Eddie.”
My gut plummets.
“From here on out, I just want the truth. No more lies. No more cheating. I just want this to be about us,” she adds, taking my hands.
“I need more from you, Eddie. I need you to prove that you love me, to put my needs before yours, to stop being so selfish in the relationship and realize there’s another person that’s a part of it. ”
Emotion clogs my throat. She has no idea what she’s asking of me. If I tell her about Pippa, all this fake happiness will wilt away. I don’t want to break her again. Not after we’ve been through so much.
“I promise I will try, Amber. The best I can.”
“That’s all I ask, Eddie. We have two months to try to piece this back together before we say I do. If you’re down to put in the effort, so am I.”
Our lips meet again, and I can’t help but feel like I’m gambling with our relationship by agreeing.
I’m going into this holding back a huge secret that could really break us up for good.
But as I look into her ocean-colored eyes, swirling with a mirrored desperation to fight for us, I can’t help but eat the secret like I’m swallowing a key that will never resurface.
As long as Pippa keeps her big mouth shut, Amber and I should be fine.
The secret dies today.
Nobody needs to know.
Not Amber.
Not Rich or Wesley.
Not even Poppy will find out about what happened with Pippa that night. I’ll make sure of that myself if I have to.
All that matters to me is keeping Amber and I together—forever this time.
“I’ve got you, Amber. I promise this time will be different.”
She smiles, her neck careening into me as I caress her face and go in for another kiss, this one stealing my breath away.
“I love you,” she murmurs, tears falling down her cheeks in streams.
I do my best to wipe her tears away, but I can’t keep up with them. “I love you too, Amber. I’ve never stopped.”
She rests her head against mine before pulling away. “You want to come in?”
Glancing up at the house, I see a silhouette of someone standing in the window. Arms crossed, a ready to fight stance evident in the way she’s glaring through the winter-kissed glass.
Pippa.
“I think I should probably head home, but I’ll call you when I do, okay?”
She nods. “Okay.”
Jumping from the truck, I open the door for her, the hinge giving the familiar squeal as I wrench it open.
She giggles. “I’ve missed the old girl.”
Before her feet have even touched the ground, she’s in my arms, my lips pressed firmly against hers, and I’m holding her so tightly I’m afraid I might break her back.
But the thought of letting her go hurts even more than the idea of watching her walk inside where the enemy lurks. I’m praying Pippa doesn’t say anything to her. Not when Amber and I may finally be heading in the right direction.
That’s all I can hope for in this moment, because I feel it deep in my bones, if I erase her smile for a fourth time, it will surely kill me.