Chapter Thirty-One #2
“You like pretending you’re in charge,” I whisper as I slide down the bed, lips ghosting over his stomach. “But we both know who’s really running the show.”
I let my tongue drag from base to tip, slow and deliberate, the torture intentional and teasing. He groans louder this time. I pause, pull back, and look up at him with a smile that tells him I could ruin him if I wanted to.
“You want to come tonight?” I ask softly. “Then you’ll do exactly what I say.”
He swallows hard, Adam’s apple bobbing nervously.
“Fuck, Amber.”
“Beg for it,” I whisper. “Tell me how badly you want me.”
“I want you,” he says, his body shuddering as my teeth rake down his length until I’m choking.
“Tell me you fucking need me.”
He hesitates. Then my grip tightens, threatening to stop, keeping him right where I want him.
“Fucking say it! Tell me you fucking choose me,” I shout. Emotion clogs my throat as Eddie’s face flashes to the forefront of my mind, silently wishing it was him hovering above me.
“I choose ya,” he grits out.
I smile triumphantly, forcing myself on top until I’m straddling him and dragging the head of his cock through my slit without letting him any further.
His hands find their way to my hips again, in a desperate attempt to guide me and take over.
I slap them away.
“You enter when I say you enter.”
He lets out a groan and looks at me like I’m both his punishment and his reward. He’s not wrong.
I grind against him, my clit catching just enough friction to make my eyes flutter. I keep him right at the edge, rocking my hips back and forth as I tease him with my wetness until his head falls back, and he’s cursing me through his teeth.
“Please,” he whimpers. “Let me in.”
I lean down, my lips brushing over the cusp of his ear. “That’s more like it,” I whisper, my voice husky and drenched with lust.
His eyes explode with rapture as I sink down inch by painful inch, watching the way his mouth falls open as I take him fully inside me.
“Fuck, ya feel so good.”
His eyes pop open as I drag my nails down his chest, breaking skin, marking him as mine.
“Now be a good boy and fuck the shit out of me. Because good boys get fucked,” I whisper against his lips. “And you’ve been a very, very good boy.”
His mouth crushes mine, a mix of hunger and challenge, his tongue claiming me like he’s trying to brand me. I push back, biting his lip hard enough to taste blood, and he growls, lifting me until I’m on my back and pinned to the bed.
“You think ya can fight me?” he rasps, grinding his cock against me. “Ya forget I already know how to break ya.”
I arch into him, nails digging into his shoulders. “Break me, then,” I hiss, “if you think you can.”
He thrusts his hips forward, making sure I feel every inch of him. My body betrays me, heat pooling low as he spears me hard.
“Christ, you’re soaked,” he murmurs against my neck, teeth grazing. “All this for me? Don’t bloody pretend it’s not.”
I claw at him in desperation, slightly furious with myself for wanting him this much. “Shut up and fuck me, Ryder.”
He slams into me without warning, filling me so suddenly I gasp, the stretch delicious and brutal. His hands grip my thighs, holding me open, forcing me to take him deep as he drives into me with raw power.
Every thrust is punishment, every snap of his hips a reminder of what I once let myself have and shouldn’t want again. And still, my body betrays me, trembling around him, begging for more.
“You fuckin’ love this, don’t ya?” he groans, forehead pressed to mine, sweat dripping along his jaw. “Ya love my cock splittin’ ya open. Say it.”
I shake my head, biting back the cry threatening to escape, but he angles just right, slamming into that spot that makes me see stars. My scream rips out before I can stop it, nails dragging red lines down his back.
“Say it,” he growls. “Say ya want me. Fuckin’ tell me ya need me.”
As the pressure builds, my body spiraling toward release. His thumb finds my clit, rubbing ruthless circles that push me higher.
And then it happens.
The orgasm tears through me. It’s violent, uncontrollable, making me scream without warning… “Eddie!”
The name explodes from my lips before I can stop it, shattering the world between us.
Ryder freezes mid-thrust, his entire body going rigid, breath slamming out of him like I just gutted him. His eyes widen, fury and heartbreak flashing all at once.
But I’m still pulsing around him, still riding out the waves of release, shame already crushing me even as my body trembles in bliss.
His voice is low, dangerous. “You didn’t just…”
I can’t look at him. I can’t breathe.
The damage is done.
His whole body goes rigid inside me, our intense moment shattered by the name I screamed instead of his. His eyes snap to mine, fury burning hotter than his lust. For a second, I think he’ll pull away, leaving me gasping and trembling on the edge of my mistake.
But instead, his jaw clenches, and a dark, guttural sound tears from his throat. His thrusts turn brutal, punishing, a savage rhythm that makes my head slam back against the headboard.
“You’re thinkin’ of him while I’m inside ya?” he snarls, teeth bared. “Fine. But don’t forget who’s fuckin’ ya right now.”
I whimper, every nerve blinking out of control, caught between shame and ecstasy as he pounds into me harder, deeper, determined to brand me from the inside out. My body betrays me again, tightening around him, dragging him closer to the edge.
“Say it again,” he demands, one hand tangled in my hair, yanking my head back while he forces me to look him in the eye. “Say his name while I finish inside ya.” The other wraps around my throat, threatening for me to repeat myself and suffer the consequences.
“Ryder,” I choke out instead, my voice breaking, because I can’t repeat the mistake, not with him looking at me like this—like he’s seconds away from murdering me while I moan.
That’s all it takes. With a roar, he slams into me one final time, spilling inside me, his seed warming my womb.
His release floods me like a broken dam, savagely claiming the moment I’ll never be able to wash away.
He collapses against me, both of us slick with sweat, our huffing breaths the only sound besides the TV that plays in the background.
He doesn’t say a word; he doesn’t have to because I know I fucked up, and the silence that stretches between us after is deafening.
My body trembles, my heart breaking all over again. All I can think about is how fucked up this is. I shouldn’t be here. Not when I still love Eddie. Ryder deserves more than being my mistake; he deserves a girl that has her head on straight and not blur the lines between two men.
The room is heavy with silence and the lingering scent of sex. My thighs ache as my chest heaves, and every pulse inside me reminds me of my heart that only beats for Eddie. Yet here I am, staring into the damning green eyes of the other man—the only one I’ve ever let between my legs besides Eddie.
“Say something,” I whisper, my throat raw and scratchy.
His jaw ticks, every exhale like a switchblade. “What the fuck was that, Amber? You screamed his name while I was inside ya. You know what that did to me?” His voice comes out more like a growl; it’s lethal and a bit scary.
My head starts to feel fuzzy as shame takes over. “I didn’t mean to. It just… slipped.”
“Slipped?” His laugh is bitterly cruel. “That’s not somethin’ that slips. You were thinkin’ about him while I was fuckin’ ya. Christ almighty.” He drags a hand through his damp hair, pacing away from the bed in naked fury.
Tears prick at my eyes, voice shaking as I regretfully say, “You don’t understand—”
“Then make me understand,” Ryder snaps, spinning back toward me. “’Cause right now, all I see is a woman who used me to get over some bloke she’s still hung up on..”
The words cut deep because they’re true. But I can’t hold it in anymore. The alcohol, the sex, the months of heartbreak… it all comes pouring out of me at once.
“I left him before the wedding even started,” I whisper, my throat tightening. “Not long after you left. It was after finding out he slept with Pippa… my best friend…”
Ryder’s gaze goes from deadly to concerned.
“They only did it once, right after he found out about you and me. We were broken up, so he didn’t exactly cheat, but he did keep it from me and lie about it. I couldn’t stand at the altar and say yes to him after that. Not when every time I looked at him, all I saw was them together.”
Ryder’s anger falters, his shoulders dropping, though his eyes are still sharp.
“So you legged it?” he asks quietly.
I nod, pressing a fist against my mouth to stifle a sob.
“I ran until my shoes were broken and that string between us was broken. I still hate myself for it. It’s not like I didn’t cheat on him too, it’s just different…
” My voice cracks. “You’re the only person who helps me forget, Ryder.
You bring me peace in a world of chaos.”
Ryder stares at me for way too long before exhaling, pinching the bridge of his nose like he’s trying to rein himself in.
“Amber,” he says finally, voice softer but still rough. “Don’t ever fuckin’ do that to me again. Don’t put me in his shadow. I’m not Eddie. I’ll never be Eddie. But if ya give me a fair go, I’ll never do ya dirty like that. Not with ya mate, not with anyone.”
His hand finds my chin, tilting my face up. His eyes are still stormy, but there’s a steadiness there now too, something that makes my chest ache.
“You hear me?” he murmurs, grip firm under my chin. “I’ll fuck up, sure. But not like that. I’ll be the one bloke you can trust.”
I swallow hard because the promise sounds so good—so tempting. But trust is exactly what shattered me in the first place.
“I don’t know if I can believe anyone anymore,” I admit, voice breaking.
“Then let me prove it,” Ryder says, thumb brushing away a tear. “One day at a time, love.”
The room is quiet again after Ryder’s speech. It’s still heavy, but softer, as if the storm between us has finally settled. At some point I drift off, tangled in sheets drenched in our sweat, my body wrecked and my mind too overloaded to stay awake.