Chapter Eleven—CJ
“When is Diesel coming back, C.?”
Axel’s little voice, filled with sadness and misery, touched CJ. He wanted to comfort his little brother, despite his own fatigue, trauma, and heartache.
Yawning, CJ halted, forcing Axel to stop, since he held his hand as they walked through the forest on the way to Uncle Cash’s house. He could’ve curled on the ground and slept for hours.
Until recently, CJ couldn’t remember so much activity crammed into one day.
Maybe he’d never paid attention. Or, maybe, Mom had shielded them by limiting their club time.
Not only her sons’, but Dad’s. Most of the time, Dad left at eight in the morning and returned home no later than six, almost as if he had a normal job.
Dad spent half a day on Saturdays at the club, then came home to spend the evening with them.
On Sundays, the entire family went to the club.
Mom scheduled monthly barbeques that served as a celebration for whoever had a birthday.
Of course, the holidays were endless rounds of parties and gift-giving, but she made sure the family socialized at the house.
She insisted CJ and his siblings enroll in school activities.
She’d always been more lenient with bedtimes than the aunts.
On weekdays, the younger kids had to be in bed by ten.
On weekends, she allowed an extra hour. During the rare times Rebel went out with someone from outside the club, such as her date with Kaia, she had to be home by eleven.
Unlike his siblings, CJ didn’t have a curfew. Oldest child privilege, he supposed.
No matter what time their children went to sleep, though, Mom and Dad usually managed to score hours alone.
Whatever went on at the club, Dad discussed it with Mom during their daily private time.
Life had been simple, structured, and not as exhausting.
Days filled with hours of activities never felt like a chore because it was all fun and games.
CJ had been awake since early. Instead of looking forward to turning in and resting, he had another problem to solve. Diesel dropped him off at the house because he had somewhere to go and he couldn’t bring Axel. It probably meant sex, although CJ kept that to himself.
“Can we call Diesel?” Axel pressed. “When is he coming back?” he demanded again.
“Soon.” CJ hoped he spoke the truth. Diesel wouldn’t put anyone else’s needs above his own, even Axel’s. If that meant staying out all night, he’d do so. “Until then, I’ll hang out with you, Ransom, and Ryder, when we get back to the hospital.”
Sniffling, Axel hugged CJ. “Call Diesel. Tell him to come and get me.”
Admittedly, CJ felt a way about Axel’s preference for Diesel. On the other hand, Diesel humored their little brother more, talked about the law, which Axel loved, and taught him about the Crusades. CJ usually tried to corral Axel’s mischief, and didn’t indulge his whims half as much.
“I want Mom if Diesel won’t come back,” Axel whined. “Why do we have to see Winona?”
“Because she’s upset over Rebel. Aunt Fee asked us to come and talk to her. Besides, don’t you want to see Gunner?”
“Why?” Axel wailed. “He don’t even feel like my brother no more. I rarely see him. M-m-mom is always trying to die.”
Pain hit CJ in the center of his chest. As much as he wanted to dispute Axel’s words, he couldn’t. Not about Mom trying to die. CJ knew that wasn’t true. About Gunner. Over the past few weeks, the kid was hardly ever home.
“Gunner probably misses us, Ax.”
“If I don’t know him and he’s a bitch-ass baby, then he don’t know me.”
Shaking his head, CJ laughed. “Just because you all found out I said that when I was a little kid, you don’t have to use that term.”
“But it’s cool,” Axel said in a watery voice. “You don’t want me to be like you?”
Axel sounded hurt, which alarmed CJ. He didn’t mean to make his little brother feel bad. Besides, hadn’t he just felt something over Axel’s preference for Diesel? What the fuck was wrong with him?
“Of course I do! Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”
“I want Diesel.” Axel’s little shoulders shook. “And Mom.”
CJ thumbed away Axel’s tears. “We won’t be long. You’ll see Diesel soon. I’m sure Dad’s almost ready to go back to the hospital.”
If he wasn’t, CJ was. Then again, now that Mom was in Rebel’s room, he wasn’t sure where he’d sleep if Dad wanted to be in the room with them.
It would be hard leaving Mom after he’d kept vigil for almost three days.
CJ just wanted to get to the hospital, say hi to his sister, and find out the new arrangements, so he could try to calm down and forget Rule’s sobs and screams. CJ’s anger at Rule’s actions hadn’t disappeared, but the cold fury he’d felt towards his little brother had lessened.
“Why couldn’t Mom talk to Winnie? Me and you haven’t even seen Rebel,” Axel complained, sounding more like himself.
CJ grabbed Axel’s hand, and started off again. It was still cold, though less frosty than it had been just a few short weeks ago. The forest was silent, though, except for the distant sound of animals and the rustling of leaves. “Mom isn’t there.”
“Is Uncle Cash there?”
“I guess,” CJ said, noncommittal. He hadn’t gotten over his uncle aligning with Uncle Johnnie in front of a shitload of out-of-town members. “Why? You need to see him?”
“I don’t got nothing to say to that shiesty motherfucker. He’s against Dad, so I’m against him.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” CJ said irritably. “And even if I did, you don’t have shit to say to him. That’s between him and Dad.”
“You’re a lying motherfucker cuz you were there. It was the day Dad shot Uncle Johnnie. I’m Dad’s son, not his. Any motherfucker got a problem with Mom, Dad, or my other family, then I got a problem with that motherfucker.”
Annoyed, CJ jerked Axel to a stop. “Behave, Ax,” he warned. “I mean it. We’re going there to help Winnie, not to engage with Uncle Cash. Understand?”
“I want Mom,” Axel reiterated.
Spring would soon be upon them, a time of rebirth after such a long, dark winter. “I do, too, but since she isn’t ready to come home, we have to intervene.”
“Like mediate?”
“You know that word…? Never mind.” Axel would go on a tangent about the law that CJ was in no mood to hear. “Uh, yeah, big head.”
“Cuz Dad’s mad at Mom cuz of Rule or cuz Mom’s mad at Dad cuz of Nyx?”
CJ had thought it was his imagination or a figment of his fatigue. “Why would Mom be angry about Nyx?” he asked, not touching on Dad’s anger.
“Cuz Dad shot her in front of Ran.”
CJ stopped so suddenly, Axel stumbled. “The hell you say! Who told you that?”
“Ran. He’s barely sleeping or don’t hardly want to eat nothing, so we asked him why and he told me, Ryder, and Diesel. So which is it? Cuz I hope it’s Mom mad at him.”
“I don’t want either one of them mad at the other, Ax.”
“Well, if he’s mad at her, it’s usually cuz that motherfucker lost his mind and she ends up mad at him and us.”
“That only happened once. Mom’s not a villain.”
“Once was enough,” Axel said impatiently.
“I’m going to say that until you and Diesel make Dad understand.
Cuz, C., if his woman was a dragon rider, she would’ve torched him and us cuz of our association.
” He wagged a finger in front of CJ’s face.
“Mom isn’t the villain. Dad isn’t either. He’s just stupid.”
“Dad’s very smart. And you said he makes her mad because he loses his mind not because he’s dumb.”
Axel swiped his arm across his nose and sucked in snot. “You’re stupid, too, cuz you’re not hearing me.”
“Then explain it to me.”
“That would take more fucking breath than I got. When you figure it out, let me know.”
“Fine, Ax.” CJ started off again. “I still can’t believe Dad killed Nyx in front of Ransom,” he grumbled.
“So that means we have to do an interception cuz he’s mad at her.”
“Intervention.” Curiosity got the best of CJ. He needed to know what Axel saw for him to be so convinced of Dad’s anger. “And why do you think he’s mad at her?”
“Are you brand new, CJ? Dad would be with his woman and let you be with Reb. He goes to her room for five fucking minutes, then leaves.”
“He’s worried about Rebel.”
“Nope, he’s mad at Mom. When you got all those drugs in you, he wouldn’t leave her side until he heard you’d be okay, then he went hunting. When she was in the hospital to get Jo out, he didn’t even come home. He didn’t sleep or nothing. He’d worry about Reb from Mom’s room if he wasn’t mad.”
“You see more than I give you credit for.”
“Am I fucking blind?” Axel huffed. “Of course I see.”
CJ laughed. “It’s an expression, Axel.”
“Okay, I’ll ask you about it later. I don’t feel like learning nothing new.”
“You haven’t learned anything at all. None of us have been to school in days.”
“What do you mean us? You haven’t been to school longer than that.”
“I know,” CJ said morosely as they reached the short pathway that led to Uncle Cash’s front door.
“Don’t you miss it?”
“No,” he lied. If he admitted how much he missed school and the football team, it might get back to Dad. “I want to join the club.”
“You can’t join the club anyway right now, stupid. You might as well make use of your time and go to fucking school like the rest of us.”
“You don’t understand. Dad can teach me what school can’t.” If his father could focus.
“Yeah, how to piss off his woman. That’s about all he can teach you now. You’re not eighteen, so shut up until then. No matter what that motherfucker teaches you, you can’t join the club.”
CJ gritted his teeth, not wanting to lose his temper with his little brother. Reaching the entrance, he rang the doorbell and waited.