Chapter Fourteen—Diesel
Glancing at his watch, Diesel tried to curb his impatience. He hadn’t accepted the invitation from Jana’s parents, but since she’d returned to Camas for him, he wanted to see her. He felt responsible for her, although he could no longer marry her.
He hated that thought. He hated the reason why even more. It made him feel like everything Uncle Christopher and CJ had called him. A creep. A pedo. A disgusting asshole that he would’ve taken pleasure in castrating.
But he couldn’t imagine how upset Rebel would be if he went through with his plans to marry Jana.
Rebel had been through enough. If he had to confine himself to looking after Jana as a friend, then he would.
Rebel and Jana didn’t live in the same city, which helped.
Camas was familiar territory to Jana, so he’d set her up in her own place and visit as often as possible.
Rebel would never know.
Yet, he worried something inside of him was wrong. Wanting Rebel was horrendous enough, but it concerned him that he might find another underaged girl desirable if she flaunted herself in front of him.
And why did he want Rebel? She was a child, his little sister, and so fucking spoiled she didn’t know life outside the insulated world they’d all created for her.
“Will you come soon?” Jana sat across from him in the hamburger joint Mortician once brought him to. She smiled. “To dinner. Mama and Daddy really want to meet you. They suspect it’s serious between us.”
It was. It had been. Regret filled him. Though he still had problems, he felt settled with his decisions and a future with Jana. He cared so deeply for her.
“What’s the matter?” she asked, happy, carefree, and unsuspecting of his changed plans.
Fuck, he hadn’t known his previous plans. Asking her to return, though, signaled a turning point in her mind. Lately, she drifted in and out of his life at her own discretion.
Leaning across the table, she poked him. “Cat got your tongue, mister?”
He forced a smile. “No, sweetheart. I…” He’d never been a lame motherfucker.
Or particularly romantic, but he had to cover up his fucked up behavior.
Before Rebel was released from the hospital, he’d see to Jana.
He hadn’t told her he intended to propose, so he’d lie and tell her he just wanted her nearby and intended to pay her expenses.
“You’re beautiful.” It was the truth, and the best he could do.
She laughed. “My beauty has enraptured you. Stolen your ability to speak.”
“Something like that, sweetheart.”
“When I met you, it was the luckiest day of my life,” she said softly, tenderly. “Mom and Dad will love you! Now that you’ve found your tongue, answer me. When will you accept their invitation?”
Diesel’s ringing phone saved him from a response. Axel’s name flashed across the screen, but he had to see to Jana before he could take care of his little brother. Ax had a lot more support than Jana and she was so much more fragile.
Forcing himself to focus on Jana, he took her hand in his and squeezed gently. “As soon as I can, sweetheart,” he promised. “As soon as Rebel is out of the hospital.”
He still hadn’t seen her. She was probably mad as hell, but he needed to get his head on straight. He didn’t want her to pick up on his fury toward Rule. For whatever reason, she’d always tried to protect that motherfucker.
None of them should’ve trusted him. CJ didn’t blame Aunt Meggie, but Diesel couldn’t understand why she hadn’t locked Rule in a mental institution and thrown away the fucking key. They should’ve insisted Rule attend the party at the club.
Speaking of…
Why the fuck had they gone through with Nyx’s initiation if that cunt got herself killed anyway? Diesel knew he should’ve killed her after CJ’s overdose.
“Your mind’s a thousand miles away,” Jana scolded gently, her clear gray eyes lucid, her blonde hair and golden skin fresh and clean. She offered an exaggerated yawn. “I’m getting tired anyway.”
Diesel smiled. “Little liar.”
She giggled. “Maybe,” she drawled, twirling her hair. “On the other hand, I need all the beauty rest I can get.”
“Then that’s two hours tops. You’re gorgeous.”
She beamed at him as Diesel’s phone chimed with an incoming text. It wasn’t Axel’s sound or any of his other family members, so he glanced at it, surprised to see a message from an unknown number.
We must meet immediately. You are a highly recommended defense attorney and have a tendency to go the extra mile for your clients.
I have been trying to get my brother out of jail since his arrest yesterday.
He has a lung issue and I am concerned about the quality of air.
He is very susceptible to pneumonia. Please help me, sir.
Scowling, Diesel glanced at his watch. Nearly 10PM.
He’ll last until tomorrow. I need information before I meet with you.
UNKNOWN: I can pay you. 20 bands.
That’ll last until tomorrow also.
UNKNOWN: What I am willing to pay will go down substantially.
What I am willing to do will become non-existent.
UNKNOWN: Please, Mr. Caldwell! I’m begging you. I can meet you wherever. Hand over what you’re owed and give you all necessary information. He can be home by morning. Please! I love my brother. If anything happens to him, I will never forgive myself.
Unless you’re responsible for his arrest, you’ll get over it.
Diesel wanted to see Rebel. He didn’t give a fuck about–
“Who are you texting?”
At the sound of Jana’s voice, he blinked. Showing her the texts was easier than explaining. He opted for transparency with her. She didn’t need to doubt him and worry that he’d lie to her. It wouldn’t help her trust in people, which fueled her drug addiction. He handed her his phone.
“No!” Jana slid the phone back to him and shook her head. “You should understand how they’re feeling.”
Rubbing his eyes, Diesel sighed, ignoring another text message alert.
“At least meet with them,” Jana insisted. “I can get an Uber home.”
“Jana—”
Standing she came around to his side of the table and pressed her lips against his. Diesel barely puckered. Okay, maybe, not completely transparent. Thankfully, she didn’t notice.
“I’m fine, Dee,” she swore, inadvertently using Rebel’s nickname.
Diesel clenched his jaw. He hadn’t thought about expressing concern for her. He’d been about to tell her he needed to get to the hospital and finally see Rebel.
“Please meet with them?” she pressed. “For me? I promise I’ll be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
She nodded.
“Okay. I’ll meet with them for you and also pay for your ride.
” He stood and dug out his billfold, removing the money he’d gotten out of the ATM for her.
He hadn’t had the chance to set up her debit card yet.
He forced himself to kiss her, sat back down, then folded the money and held it out to her.
“Five grand. You can give your parents rent money, purchase groceries and whatever else you need, sweetheart.”
She studied the money, then shook her head. “I can’t,” she whispered, raising suddenly tortured eyes to him. “It would make it too easy to use it for drugs.”
Diesel understood. Still, he wanted to see to her care. When he had dinner with her parents, he’d give them the money.
“Oh, right.” She snapped her fingers. “ I almost forgot to tell you the pregnancy test came back negative.”
A moment of silence dragged by because all he could do was fucking stare at her. “What pregnancy test?” Diesel finally managed, waylaid by the news. He refrained from asking how high the possibility it was his. Minimal at fucking best.
“The pregnancy test I took because I thought I was pregnant, silly.”
“But you’re not?”
“No.”
“And you’re certain?”
“Yes,” she said, still sweet and kind, missing his panic. “Are you disappointed?”
Diesel pretended she hadn’t shocked the fuck out of him, though he opted for honesty. “No. A pregnancy at this point between us isn’t what I want.”
Lifting herself and leaning across the table, she brushed her lips over his. “A baby would interfere with all of our hot fucking and you whisking me off around the world,” she said in a sexy little tone.
Chuckling, he grabbed her throat and pulled her closer, kissing her deeply. “I’ve become a bore if you can so easily figure me out, Jana.”
“You’ll never be a bore, Diesel Caldwell,” she whispered. “Now text that poor woman and tell her you’ll help.”
“It could be a man. The texter didn’t identify themselves.”
“Only a woman could write such a heartfelt plea. We’re gentle, family-oriented creatures.”
“Some of you.”
“Hey, babe. That was thoughtless.” She sat back down and leaned her elbows on the table. “I didn’t mean to touch a nerve.”
Diesel flushed, feeling like a jackass. “No, sweetheart. You don’t have to censor your words because I’m a miserable motherfucker. I shouldn’t allow that cunt’s actions to affect our lives. You don’t deserve that.”
She opened her mouth, then lowered her lashes and nodded.
“What, Jana? I know you want to say more.”
“It’s about your mother.”
Distaste rose in Diesel, but he shoved it aside. “I figured.”
“Have you ever considered her feelings?”
“Should I—”
“Her actions were so wrong. Detrimental, but what would lead a woman to abandon her own son? As much as she loved you–”
“Words that her actions didn’t back up,” Diesel snapped.
“For the first fourteen or fifteen years of your life, her words aligned with her actions. You cannot tell me something awful must’ve broken inside her to make her leave you, babe. Have you ever considered that?”
Swallowing, Diesel shook his head.
“You’re so much better than all the hate and anger, eating you alive. You love the family who rescued you. You’re kind, funny, and brave. Not a monster who wouldn’t stop to consider the full picture, especially since your father deserted you, too.”
“If she wouldn’t have–”