Johnnie
As angry as he’d been with his son last week, and he still had instances of fury, Christopher still couldn’t believe…fuck, a lot. He couldn’t believe a fuckton of fucked up shit that shouldn’t have fucking happened.
He ached to hold his wife in their bed with everything fucking normal again. Sitting at his table in his nearly deserted clubhouse, nursing a bottle of tequila, Christopher didn’t feel like being bothered with anyone. He didn’t want to go home—Megan wasn’t there.
Rebel wasn’t there.
Rule wasn’t there.
Despite how he tried to fight it, despite his goddamn pussy-ass whining, his anger and failure shamed him. He was guilty of acting like a fuckhead, which led him to think like a fuckhead, especially toward his Megan.
He wasn’t a man who second-guessed himself or suffered regret for many things. It fucked with the psyche and weighed a motherfucker down. And he didn’t blame others for the consequences of his decisions, especially Megan.
Scrubbing a hand over his face, he flinched. The grief that almost brought him to his knees when he thought he’d lost Jo and Megan swamped him now. It colored his thinking and fueled all his other emotions.
He’d fucking failed his family. If Megan hadn’t gone to the natatorium when she had, Rebel would’ve drowned.
He’d failed…
Rule could’ve jabbed that ice pick into Megan’s throat, or heart, or eye.
At night, when Megan fell asleep, Christopher went to her bedside and watched her.
Just to make sure she was still there and hadn’t left him.
He’d fall asleep at some point, then wake up in time to go back to Rebel’s side of the room, still so fucking devastated and paranoid over Megan.
FUCK!
Even after a goddamn week, he still couldn’t understand why the fuck he’d listened to her about Rule over the last month. Now, he was hours away, and Christopher and the boys couldn’t even visit him.
And as much as he imagined chopping Rule into little pieces in his darkest moment, Christopher felt as if his boy wouldn’t have recovered if he’d killed Rebel or Megan. True, he would’ve been deader than fucking dead, but he would’ve been a tortured ghost, unable to find peace.
“You look worse than a fucking mangy dog abandoned by its owner.”
Christopher glared at Kendall. She gripped the chair Megan usually sat in, her brown eyes sad.
“You don’t look no better,” he grouched, nodding to the chair.
Snickering, she sat and beckoned the Probate behind the bar.
“Hey, Kendall,” the kid said, a dreamy smile on his face.
Kendall grinned, twisting her hair around her fingers. He followed her every move. “Do you know my little sister used to call me Kenny?”
His eyes bulged.
Waiting for the stupid fuckhead to notice him, Christopher resisted rolling his eyes.
“You know my name, Kendall?” Kenny breathed.
“Of course.” She beamed at him. “Kendall. Kenny. I would worry about my health if I couldn’t remember.”
He laughed nervously. “What can I get you?”
“As much as I’m dying of thirst, you should always ask your president first.”
He jerked, and his eyes widened. “Pr-prez, I-I-I…” The color leeched from him.
Admitting he didn’t see Christopher was just as bad as ignoring him.
Christopher glowered at him, and Kenny’s face crumpled, his throat working.
Kendall drummed her fingers on the table, a silent signal to ignore the disrespect for now. She’d borrowed Megan’s tactics.
“Don’t let it fuckin’ happen again,” Christopher relented. “Bring me a fuckin’ beer.”
“I’d like a vodka neat,” Kendall said. “You’re such a fucking barbarian,” she added after Kenny rushed away, almost tripping over his fucking feet. “Was it necessary to intimidate him so thoroughly?”
“Fuck yeah, so shut the fuck up.”
She rolled her eyes, not speaking again until after Kenny delivered their drinks and she’d taken a sip. “Why are you here?”
“This my fuckin’ club. Where the fuck should I be?”
“You are the most ill-mannered motherfucker alive.”
“Ain’t asked for your company.”
Her face fell, but she downed her vodka and stood.
Christopher sighed, catching her arm as she turned. “Sit, baby. I’m sorry. I…my mood just fucked up. I ain’t meant to snap at you.”
She didn’t fling a comeback his way. Alarming on its own. Then, she sat meekly and fell silent.
“Johnnie still actin’ like a fuckhead?”
Tangling her fingers through her hair, she nodded. “I’m so fucking furious with him. Maybe, if I understood why he’s so upset, I wouldn’t be as angry.”
“Hold on.” Christopher beckoned Kenny yet again and had the skinny little motherfucker bring a fifth of tequila and two glasses to the table. He filled both glasses to the brim then slid one to Kendall. “Johnnie’s nuts chafed cuz I ain’t went to him for assistance. I asked you.”
She was smart, so she must’ve known that. Kendall’s problem was she expected better from that motherfucker.
Kendall sipped her tequila. “Why did you ask me and not him?”
“You the attorney and I can’t trust that motherfucker.”
“If he’d helped you, you could’ve kept an eye on him. Kept him on the straight and narrow.”
“Here I was just fuckin’ thinkin’ you a smart bitch, but that’s the stupidest shit I ever fuckin’ heard,” he growled.
Narrowing her eyes, she stiffened.
“Not a motherfuckin’ word from you, Kendall,” he ordered, shutting her down immediately. “You know why I barred you in the first fuckin’ place?”
She opened her mouth, but mutiny still gleamed in her eyes, so he raised his hand.
“Think about what the fuck you about to say cuz you ain’t blamin’ Megan or me.”
She folded her arms.
“I barred you cuz I couldn’t trust you and I ain’t got fuckin’ time to babysit no grown motherfucker if it ain’t my girl.
I ain’t got time to babysit your motherfucker either.
Especially that assfuck. I shouldn’t have to, Kendall.
He either fuckin’ get trustworthy or deal with the fuckin’ consequences.
” Christopher gulped his drink. “He should be fuckin’ happy that you finally got what the fuck you wanted. Nosin’ the fuck around club business.”
She fingered the rim of her glass. “That’s one thing he’s most infuriated about.”
Finishing his drink, Christopher poured himself another one. Kendall followed suit and held her glass up.
Christopher grunted, hesitating. Kendall seemed down and he didn’t want alcohol to add to her depression. She wiggled her glass.
Fuck it.
He didn’t feel like arguing with her, so he filled her glass.
“You wanna bail outta helpin’ me? Probably the only fuckin’ way that motherfucker gonna be happy.”
“I do, but I’m not. I’ve even gone back and forth on whether to call you Outlaw again. It might soothe Johnnie, but I don’t want to insult you.”
“Baby, I ain’t givin’ a good fuck what you call me. Fuck, you call me whatever the fuck come to your fuckin’ mind anyway. If callin’ me Outlaw pacify Johnnie and make you happy, call me Outlaw.”
“Honestly, did you say I could call you by your given name because of you or because Meggie told you to do it?”
“Megan knew, but it wasn’t her idea. It was mine. Whatever the fuck else you say about me, my family important. My sisters, Bitsy and Fee.” He shrugged. “I see you as one of them. A lil’ sister, Kendall. You get the same rights as them.”
“Okay,” she whispered, tossed her drink back and forced a giggle. “The jury’s still out on what I’ll call you but I refuse to give up my opportunity to dip into club business.”
Snickering, Christopher shook his head. “You always been so fuckin’ busy.”
A moment later, her happiness fled again, the pendulum of her moods a little concerning. Hopefully, it was only because Johnnie was a confused, moronic, clueless, spineless fuckhead and not because she was still off her meds.
“Johnnie ain’t ever gonna appreciate you workin’ with me one on one.
He ain’t ever gonna like me and you bein’ friends.
It’s sendin’ him off the deep end,” he told her, hoping she got it through her head that Johnnie was close to the edge.
“You either got to be strong enough to withstand him bein’ a motherfucker to you or you got to walk away. ”
“I love my husband.”
“Only motherfucker ever doubtin’ that is that motherfucker. I know you love him. We all know how you feel about him.”
“Why doesn’t he? Why…he’s irrationally jealous.”
“He can’t get the fuckin’ concept that a man and a woman can have a friendship and don’t want to fuck.”
She flushed. “Not anymore,” she said sadly. “I guess that didn’t help the situation.”
“Fuck him. I ain’t ever wanna fuck you. Didn’t then.
Don’t now. Always thought you was one of the most stunnin’ bitches around.
Even when you was a psycho cunt, you was a fuckin’ beauty.
But ain’t a woman alive can replace Megan.
For me. I look at her and I see paradise.
So fuckin’ gorgeous my breath catch. No other girl compare then, now, or ever. ”
Fingering the edge of her glass, Kendall glanced away. “It used to piss me off so fucking much that you and Johnnie put Meggie above me, while still babying her and saying she was too fragile to fight her own battles or make her own decisions.”
“In hindsight, I understand a lil’ better how you felt. She wasn’t even fuckin’ legal to drink, so she ain’t had your life experiences, education, or knowledge.”
She studied him, then burst into peals of laughter. “You are so full of shit, motherfucker. Meggie told you that somewhere along the way.”
Christopher laughed. “She did. A few weeks ago. Months…” Blowing out a harsh breath, he scrubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck, I don’t fuckin’ know. She said it at some fuckin’ point.”
“Do you honestly agree or are you just appeasing her?”