Chapter Thirty-Two—Diesel
Closing the door behind Axel, Diesel smiled at his little brother and led him to the kitchen, since he didn’t have much in the penthouse to keep children entertained.
He should’ve left Axel at the hospital while he confronted Tabitha, but Axel arrived from school just as Diesel was heading out and he didn’t have the heart to tell him ‘no’ when he asked to go with him.
But that lying cunt could’ve gotten him fucking killed. Was his behavior toward Rebel fucked up? He couldn’t argue that point. Was the desire he felt for her fucking shameful and disgusting? Another point he couldn’t argue.
He hadn’t fucked her, though. He hadn’t even kissed her.
Soon, with Jana as his wife, the memory of Rebel’s naked body would completely fade away. He’d love her as his little sister, protect her virtue until she was at least twenty-five, kill Kaia, and spend the rest of his life being the best big brother she could ask for.
Jana was manageable. If he didn’t leave her on her own, she took his advice and listened to him. Rebel was not. She was wild and untamed.
Jana calmed him. Rebel drove him up a fucking wall.
Jana needed him. Rebel wanted him. Needing his protection was so much fucking easier than wanting his heart. One would be grateful for what he gave her. The other? Rebel? She’d demand his fucking soul.
He could resist her now. Sobriety helped and she was underaged.
When she turned eighteen, though? He knew Rebel.
He knew that fucking brat. She’d convince him to ignore propriety, decency, morals, and common sense.
He’d forget the threat of death from Uncle Christopher and Aunt Meggie.
Whatever his other failings—and there were many—he didn’t want to disappoint them anymore.
Marrying Jana was for the best. He cared about her. Maybe he even loved her. He didn’t know, but he wanted to do right by her. He couldn’t annihilate other motherfuckers for using her while doing the same.
Her presence would also help him to do right by Rebel and their parents.
“What are we waiting for?”
Axel’s voice broke into Diesel’s musings. He glanced around, the deafening silence sinking in. Tabitha wasn’t home. Dejected, he pulled out his phone.
I’m at the condo. Get the fuck here now.
He should’ve sent the text before he left the hospital. Since the Tío incident, Diesel had avoided Tabitha. At first, he’d been angry.
Now, he felt nothing. He was just done.
His phone dinged and he smiled, pleased she’d responded quickly.
Uncle Christopher: Come to the club ASAFP. We watchin’ that fuckin’ video.
“I’m still hungry, Diesel.”
“I am too, Ax. We should’ve stopped and picked up a pizza.”
“Can we get one now?”
Tabitha: I’m heading home. See you soon.
Diesel held up his phone. “She’s on the way. Let’s find something here.”
“Fine.”
Diesel lifted Axel onto one of the stools at the breakfast bar, then walked to the refrigerator and opened it. Not much in terms of food. Or, at least, food Ax enjoyed. Tofu, vegan meat, oat milk, and yogurt.
“Do they got anything?” Ax asked impatiently.
“Do they have anything,” Diesel corrected. “And, yeah, yogurt.”
A heartbeat passed. “Yogurt?” Annoyance laced that one word. “Nothing else?”
“You like yogurt,” Diesel said. “Aunt Meggie keeps yogurt as a snack.”
“I like mango, strawberry, and peach,” Axel replied. “I don’t like no weird yogurts like blueberry mixed with grass.”
Diesel laughed. “There are no such flavors.”
“Uh huh. Aunt Kendall always try to give us off flavors. Mattie likes that shit, too. CJ always eats it ‘cause he’s CJ.”
Snatching two label-less glass containers of yogurts, Diesel shut the refrigerator door and walked to the utensil drawer. Once he got two spoons, he returned to the breakfast bar, sliding into the seat next to Axel.
“What do you mean because he’s CJ?”
Axel frowned. “Why does this have no flavors on the jar?” he asked, ignoring Diesel’s question.
He didn’t bother correcting Axel’s speech. “Tabitha likes to repurpose the containers.”
“Repurpose?”
“Reuse.”
“Well, she can do it after the yogurt’s ate. A man wants to know what he’s eating.”
“I’m sure it’s fine. When I lived here, she always got flavors I enjoyed.”
“That’s surprising. You said your woman is mean and evil, so she wouldn’t have no flavors just for you. You don’t live here no more, so she especially wouldn’t buy nothing for you.”
“She’s been asking me to come back home. Just try it and see if you like it.”
“But—”
“Since we got in the fucking car, you’ve said you were hungry, Axel,” Diesel said in frustration. “This is all there is to eat for now.”
“Fine,” Axel huffed.
Diesel opened the containers, then slid one to Axel. They picked up their spoons, took a hefty helping, and shoved it into their mouths.
The assault on his tastebuds kicked up just as Axel gagged and the yogurt flew out of his mouth in a burst of spit and outrage. Droplets landed on Diesel’s face. Somehow, he swallowed, unconcerned by Axel’s reaction.
He commiserated.
“Motherfucker, you tried to poison me,” Axel accused.
Diesel got to his feet and wet paper towels to wipe off his face, then brought some to Axel.
“I wouldn’t have eaten any if I wanted to kill you,” Diesel reasoned.
“Objection!” Axel slammed his hand on the counter. “You could’ve tasted it first and eaten from the same jar as me.”
Valid arguments. “Sustained,” he said with a small smile.
“Attempted murder is a big charge. I sentence you to death.”
“Goddamn, Ax. You won’t even let me off with a warning? It’s not a capital offense. Attempted murder is a felony with the potential for a long prison sentence. I was unaware of the jar’s contents, so I can’t receive a death sentence.”
“Ignorance is no excuse for breaking the law.”
A point he’d taught Axel. “Can I ask you something, little brother?”
“Yeah,” Axel grouched.
Smiling, Diesel leaned against the counter. “You want to be a prosecutor?”
“A defense prosecutor, but CJ said I need to think about something else in the law ‘cause we have a lot of them. You. Aunt Kendall. Brooks. Probably, Grant.”
Diesel couldn’t imagine Grant Harrington becoming a defense attorney. “There’s no such thing as a defense prosecutor, Ax. You either work to free a client or try to convict them.”
“If a motherfucker does something against me, I want to convict them. Otherwise, I want to get them off like you do.”
“Understandable that you want retribution, but that’s where the club comes in.” Diesel cocked his head to the side. “You do want to join the club one day, don’t you?”
“Of course! I want to go to college and be a football star, then patch in and join the firm.”
In other words, Axel wanted to follow in Diesel’s footsteps. The little boy’s admiration meant a lot to him. He hadn’t believed anyone could admire him. Axel’s love and adoration humbled Diesel. It was pure, unencumbered by anything else.
“Can we play a video game?”
Diesel straightened. “I don’t have a game console.”
“Okay.” Then: “Can we watch Tom and Jerry? Dad says Tom should’ve fucked up Jerry ‘cause that mouse was an annoying motherfucker. But me, Ran, and Ry think Tom was a mean assfuck and deserved everything Jerry did.”
“The TVs haven’t been set up.”
“Oh. Can we play dive bomb?”
“How the fuck do you do that?”
“We do it in Reb’s room. Or we used to. Since she got her pretty new room, she keeps her door locked.
We get as far away from the bed as possible, then run toward it.
We got to calculate how close to spread our arms out like an airplane before we make our dive.
Rebel caught us once and we started beating her ass. Until CJ found us.”
“You beat up Rebel?”
Axel nodded. “I was eight. No, seven. No eight—”
“It doesn’t fucking matter,” Diesel snapped.
“It was the last time we ever got the best of her. After that, she punched first and didn’t ask no questions.
CJ thinks she likes to start fights cuz she has him, you, and Dad to protect her.
It’s really cuz of us. We used to not give her no chance to even catch her breath.
” He smiled with pride. “She would cry like a girl but she never told Mom and Dad.”
“Or me,” Diesel said. “I would’ve beat your little asses. Why didn’t she tell?” he asked crossly.
Axel shrugged. “Probably cuz we’d threaten to tie her up and cut off her hair. Or shave it if she made us really mad. Girls like their hair.”
Diesel didn’t know how to respond, though he wanted to say something. “Where was Aunt Meggie and Uncle Christopher? They heard none of this? She wouldn’t have had to tell.”
“Mom was getting Gunner out of her the last time we ganged up on Reb.”
“And the other times?”
“Mom and Dad was in the den, during their alone time hour. Or they were already in bed after they tucked us in and thought we were almost asleep.”
“Where was I?”
Axel pursed his lips. “I think you were at the club and told CJ to watch us, but he was playing video games with Harley.” He lowered his gaze and began using his finger to make invisible circles on the table. “Rule took her in his room until you got back. Do you think Rule loves us?”
“Yeah, Ax,” Diesel responded. “Rule’s ill.”
“He tried to kill Mom and Rebel.”
“He’s ill.” Diesel didn’t know what else to say. A part of him still wanted to kill Rule. But Rebel wanted her twin helped. Despite what he did, she still loved him. “He’ll get help and return to us whole and healthy.”
“I miss him.” Axel squirmed, then raised his teary gaze to Diesel. “But why was he always praying and always being mean to Reb and Mom? He barely talked to me, Ran, and Ry. But I still know he’s not there.”
Diesel lifted his little brother into his arms, hugging him tightly, not interrupting while he sobbed against his shoulder.
Only when he quieted did he sit him on the breakfast bar and thumb his wet cheeks.
“Love’s a complicated emotion, Axel. It doesn’t matter the type, it has the power to destroy you. ”