Chapter Thirty-Two—Diesel #3
“Well, they didn’t love you for one year if they left you, stupid. They didn’t just leave you, they left you by yourself and made you live on the streets.”
“I just want to know why my mom…Theresa…left. Maybe, if I knew that I wouldn’t feel so lost and unwanted.”
“You don’t want to know why your dad left?”
“I already do. It was because of her.”
“He still could’ve stayed.”
“You’re a child. You don’t understand, so this conversation is done. I don’t know why the fuck I entertained you.”
“I understand better than you,” Axel retorted. “Moms and Dads supposed to work together. If a mom can’t do it, then a dad should. If they both don’t want you, then they’re both to blame.”
“A woman carries children and gives birth to them. It’s her responsibility to nurture and protect them.”
“Dad says a dude makes the babies. He puts his cock in a girl. Without a dad, a mom wouldn’t even have children, Diesel.”
Not wanting to lash out at Axel, Diesel gritted his teeth. “Do you still love Rule?”
“I don’t know. He hurt Mom and Reb, but he likes to pray and talk to invisible people. Maybe, they told him to hurt our momma and sister.”
“You’re offering him the benefit of the doubt, why can’t I do the same for my father?”
“Did he like to pray and talk to people you couldn’t see?”
“No.”
“Then that law doesn’t apply.”
“It isn’t a law, Axel,” Diesel growled in frustration. “It’s a principle.
“You told me a principle was a law. Or a rule for law.”
Fuck. Uncle Christopher was right. Diesel needed to shut the fuck up about the legal profession to Axel. He scrubbed a hand over his face.
“It is—”
“Then you can use it in this case.”
“No—”
“You can’t get around this verdict, Diesel. You’re guilty.”
Diesel glared at Axel. “Of?”
Undeterred, Axel glowered back. “Of not blaming your dad when he was as guilty as your mom. No wonder you don’t like girls.”
“What?”
“CJ treats girls really nice. Even Harley. He tries to help them and he opens doors for them and he’s just nice.
But all the club girls talk about how you just want to fuck them and drink with them.
You don’t open doors for them or nothing.
It’s ‘cause your mom left. Your dad did, too, bozo. No matter what you say. And just ‘cause those motherfuckers left don’t mean you have to be so mean to Mom and Rebel and us. We never left you. You left us, even though we all love you. Even the club girls try to figure out how to soften you up ‘cause they think you’re beautiful.”
“One day you’ll understand.” Diesel couldn’t think of anything else to say. Axel had just read him the riot act. “You’re too young now.”
“Nope. I won’t ever understand another man moping over mean motherfuckers or blaming girls when a man is guilty, too.” Axel snorted. “If Rebel was Mattie and liked you the way she does, I’d tell her to get with you just to beat you up.”
“If a cousin liked me instead of a sister, you’d want her to kick my ass?”
“Not a cousin. Mattie. Do you know how many cousins we have?”
“Most of them aren’t related.”
“And most of them are dudes. That’s not the point. We still see them as cousins. Family.”
“The meaning is watered down when you apply that word to everyone.” Resentment curled around the words. “It just proves my point.”
Another moment of consideration before Axel said, “Context clues tell me you mean because we call other people family like we do you, you don’t think we mean you’re part of the family.”
The way Axel put it made Diesel feel like a jackass.
“Isn’t your last name Caldwell?” Axel demanded.
“You know it is,” Diesel snapped.
“Then, motherfucker, that makes you our family. Our brother. Anyway, do you know how many other motherfuckers we know? A lot and not everyone is our family. Only those we really, really like.”
“I’m honored,” Diesel sneered.
Scowling, Axel kicked him again. “Know what I think?”
“I’m not interested in hearing.”
“Don’t care. I’m telling you anyway. I think you don’t want to be our family.
Otherwise, you wouldn’t keep saying we don’t love you and we don’t think you’re our brother.
‘Cause, motherfucker, I’m tired of explaining the truth to you.
So…context clues again…you cry sheep ‘cause that’s easier than admitting you would leave us in a minute if your real mom and dad came back. ”
“Cry wolf. That’s not true.”
“Cry sheep.” Axel’s little voice had a distinct snarl. “Cry wolf means a lie. Cry sheep means you don’t want to admit the truth.”
“That isn’t an expression.”
“It’s my expression. Don’t matter if no other motherfucker uses it. I don’t need nobody to agree to make it real, jackass.”
“Of course you don’t. You’ve only ever had the world handed to you on a platter. Your outlook would be different if you grew up wondering where your next meal came from. Wondering why you weren’t good enough.”
“Were you grown when Dad brought you home?”
“You know I wasn’t.”
“Then you didn’t only grow up without a platter.
You got one, too. When Dad took you and made you a Caldwell.
Mom still gives you money. I know because it was a big thing when you told her to give half to CJ.
She was going to split it between all of us.
I think she did for awhile, then Dad told her to save whatever you didn’t accept.
So, motherfucker, I’m a poor man. I order you to stop taking Mom’s money if you don’t see your platter. ”
“It’s not an actual platter.”
“The world can’t fucking fit on a platter, Diesel. I know it’s not a real platter. I’m just saying what you said.”
“I appreciate Aunt Meggie’s generosity. Let me point out our differences right there. She’s mom to you and Aunt Meggie to me.”
“’Cause that’s how you wanted it.”
“Uncle Christopher told me to call her and him aunt and uncle.”
“Maybe, ‘cause they didn’t want you to be upset about your real parents. And, maybe, if you told them you don’t think you’re a Caldwell ‘cause you can’t call them Mom and Dad, they’d let you call them that.
‘Cause you hurt Mom’s feelings a lot. She saved Rebel and herself.
She saved Rule, too. We got to cherish that woman.
In a different way than we did. Dad wants her to be his sweet angel, but I like her as our Blonde Warrior.
” He wagged a finger in front of Diesel’s face.
“By the way, since you don’t like girls, you can’t be with Rebel. ”
“I don’t want to be with Rebel. She’s our sister. You’ve just spent a fucking hour saying we’re family. Now, you’re telling me to commit incest.”
“Incest?”
“Like Oedipus Rex.”
“You like Mom, too?”
“No, not in the way you mean. Just forget it.”
“You can be our brother and Rebel’s husband.”
“Uncle Christopher would kill me,” Diesel blurted. “That relationship is still weird. As you, Ransom, and Ryder pointed out several times.”
“It is, but if that makes Reb happy, then she can have you. She almost died, and I don’t care if she loves you as long as she’s alive. I don’t even care if she marries Kaia and he’s the most annoying motherfucker ever.”
“An emo.”
“What’s that?”
“I’ll explain later. In the meantime, let me point out that Rebel may find someone else.”
“We’ll never allow it. CJ vetted Kaia, so he passes the test. Bishop would, too. Possibly Grant. We won’t let no other motherfucker get close to Reb. Dad and CJ will either beat them up or kill them. You would, too.”
“True. Neither Aunt Meggie nor Rebel will go for that.”
“They won’t know.”
“One’s the Blonde Viper and the other’s now deemed the Blonde Warrior. They’ll figure it out.”
“Special operations, Diesel, and you know why.”
“I do,” Diesel said, sighing. “Kaia and Bishop are easier to control and intimidate.”
“That’s why I said possibly for Grant. Lolly would kick our asses, so he might not be in the running. He likes Brynn Mason anyway. Kaia is stupid and Bishop would do anything Rebel tells him. He likes her the way Grant likes Brynn.”
Anger surged into Diesel. He’d suspected that motherfucker wanted Rebel.
“Don’t tell Bishop I told you—”
Diesel didn’t respond.
“A man’s word is his bond. Remember?”
“Fine. Your secret’s safe. How do you know anyway?”
“’Cause he paid me ten bucks each time I told him how Rebel was when he was banned from talking to her. A motherfucker don’t pay no other motherfucker to find out about a girl if he don’t like her a lot.”
“Does Rebel like Bishop?”
“Not as much as she likes you.”
“And you know this how?”
Axel rolled his eyes again. “Our cameras. You’re getting senile like Dad. I just told you we spy on her and you’ve forgotten already.”
“She talks about me?”
“She used to. She wants to marry you and stuff. Have your babies. Does that mean you got to put your cock in her? She wants to build a big house with you,” Axel added without missing a beat, as if he hadn’t asked a question that brought unwanted images to Diesel’s mind.
Before either one of them said anything else, Tabitha swung the door open, strutting in and wearing a fur coat with a matching hat.
Her gaze traveled from Axel to Diesel. “To what do I owe this pleasure?”
Diesel’s intentions had been to bring Tabitha to the bedroom, fuck her, and warn her if she ever spouted such fucking lies about him or Rebel, he’d fucking kill her.
He’d wanted to describe how Shine begged and pleaded for his life, then screamed in agony for a split second.
But he was hungry, exhausted, and needed to head to the club.
Besides, none of what he wanted to say to her mattered.
Diesel just wanted peace. Fucking Tabitha wouldn’t change anything.
She might end up pregnant. She’d believe he couldn’t do without her.
He was done with the fucking games. If he wanted to be worthy in Uncle Christopher and Aunt Meggie’s eyes, he had to act like he had fucking sense.
“Why the fuck did you tell Johnnie I’ve fucked Rebel?” Diesel demanded.
She smirked. “I didn’t think he’d actually believe it.”
“That’s Uncle Johnnie,” Axel blared. “He believes all idiots ‘cause he’s a fucking idiot.”
“Are you calling me an idiot, Axel?” Tabitha screeched.
“Do you know anything about context clues?” he asked.
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“Obviously, you don’t,” Axel grumbled. “Not if you got to ask me that question.”
“You’re a child—”
“I’m Outlaw’s child,” Axel countered. “Just like Diesel, so if you lie on him or me or any of us, Dad won’t like it.”
“Are you threatening me?”
“I don’t got to threaten you. I can tell Ransom and Ryder if Dad’s busy and we will get you.”
“Enough, Axel,” Diesel warned.
Axel’s words angered Tabitha. Diesel didn’t need her going off the deep end toward his little brother.
“She’s my wife. I will handle her.”
Tabitha glowered at Diesel. “I’m your wife again? News to me.”
“You’re taking too long,” Axel said. “And I’m hungry. She’ll go back and forth with you forever. I’ll end up just a skeleton ‘cause all the meat will be starved from me.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Tabitha hollered.
“I can tell Mom and she’ll order you dead,” Axel declared.
Tabitha snapped her mouth shut.
“Be mean to me one more time. Tell another lie on my sister and brother so Dad’ll get mad at Diesel, and me, Ryder, and Ransom will kidnap you and stuff you in one of Uncle Mort’s acid vats.
Or we’ll tell Mom, and Dad won’t have a choice but to fuck you up.
A happy wife is a happy life. I got personal experience with that.
When Mom was mad at Dad, none of us was happy. So if you like living, back off.”
“Fine,” Tabitha gritted.
“Why’d you lie on Reb to Uncle Johnnie?” Axel asked.
“I’m mad at Diesel. He was with his bitch. Now, he wants a divorce.”
“That don’t give you a right to lie on our sister, stupid,” Axel said.
“I can do anything I please. Hurt people hurt people.”
“Stupid saying,” Axel grumbled, then huffed. “That means ‘cause you’re hurt you want to hurt Diesel?”
“Exactly.”
“What did Rebel do to you?”
“She doesn’t like me.”
“Mom doesn’t either. If she knew you lied on Rebel, she really wouldn’t like you.”
“Please don’t tell her, especially now when I’m so worried about her.” Tears filled Tabitha’s eyes, and she rushed to Diesel, throwing her arms around his neck. “Please don’t give up on us.”
Diesel yanked out of her hold and opted for gentle words. “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” he said quietly. “We shouldn’t have married. Don’t take out the anger and hurt you have for me on Rebel. She doesn’t deserve it.”
Wrapping her arms around her waist, Tabitha broke into loud sobs.
“I’m sorry,” Diesel said again, lifted Axel from the counter, and left his wife in tears.