Diesel #2
“You don’t get to be mean to Aunt Fee and desert Dad,” Ryder told him. “Not if you like living.”
“What the fuck does that mean?” Uncle Cash demanded.
“It means I’m building a bomb to blow you up,” Axel screamed, angry with Uncle Cash since the night they’d visited Winona.
CJ hadn’t foreseen such a virulent need for vengeance. Even after the vote that forced Dad to capitulate, Axel hadn’t said much as they’d listened to Dad and Diesel’s conversation.
“Diesel said I couldn’t bomb your house,” Axel continued. “He never said I couldn’t make you explode.”
“Fuck, Axel, that should be a given.” Diesel, the fuckhead, sounded amused. “But how do you plan to only bomb him? Explosions do a lot of damage.”
“Not if we tie Uncle Cash up, drag him to the yard, and stuff the bomb in his pants.”
Uncle Cash choked, while Uncle Val laughed.
CJ didn’t care. He didn’t want any of it, especially bombs. “You’re going to blow us the fuck up,” he complained.
“Nuh uh! I got the bomb recipe,” Axel said proudly.
“Irony is a motherfucker, huh, Cash?” Uncle Val chortled. “Imagine the bomb tech taken out by a fucking bomb he didn’t create.”
“This isn’t fucking funny,” Uncle Cash said.
“No, it’s fucking hilarious,” Aunt Zoann inserted. “Because, you, motherfucker, are a traitor. To Ophelia and Winona, but especially to Christopher and Val, so fuck you, and if you touch my nephews, I’ll bomb your goddamn house myself.” Sweeping them all with a look, she stalked away.
“You have a date, right, CJ?” Uncle Val asked.
“Yeah,” CJ said quietly.
“So do I,” Diesel said.
Uncle Val nodded to the Triplets. “Meet me at the house. I’ll let you in through the back gate.”
“I demand justice,” Uncle Cash said as Ryder, Ransom, and Axel walked off.
“Your woman and Outlaw demanded loyalty,” Uncle Val said with meaning, and then left, too.
“This isn’t the end of this,” Uncle Cash swore. “Those kids are out of control. They need discipline.”
“I’ll let Dad know, Uncle Cash,” CJ said politely.
Diesel studied Uncle Cash. After hearing about Mars’s scalping, CJ decided he was better off not knowing whatever torture Diesel contemplated.
“Everything’s fine,” Aunt Ophelia said.
CJ hated the panic in her voice, but it wasn’t fine. Dad’s sons wouldn’t ever forget or forgive his betrayal.
“It’s over.” For now lingered in the air unspoken. Diesel’s smile was chilling. “Just remember: you reap what the fuck you sow.”
Instead of returning home for a bit and then heading to the hospital, CJ ended up keeping his date with Ember. She’d offered him comfort when she’d found him in the cafeteria a few days ago. He hoped to find the same with her in the privacy of her home.
“I’m so glad you came,” Ember murmured once she let CJ in and guided him to her striped yellow couch, sitting next to him.
The living room was small and neat with a breakfast bar that separated her kitchen. Afghans, crochet dolls, pillows, and hats decorated the end tables and the matching chair. By the sheer number of pieces, he guessed she spent most of her free time crocheting.
“You’re an hour later, so I was expecting you to cancel.”
“I’m sorry,” he responded. “I had to take care of something.” Going into detail would ruin his mood.
The Triplets should’ve minded their own goddamn business, but Uncle Cash had lost his mind.
“Hey.” Ember laid her hand on his jaw, leaned in, and brushed her lips over his. “You’re so tense, CJ. I thought you wanted to visit so we could…” Blushing, she dropped her hand and lowered her lashes.
She’d started at Ridge Moore as a part-time teacher’s aide while still pursuing her degree. He’d been a student in her first class as a full-time staff member.
Taking her hand in his and tipping her chin up, he smiled gently at her, then kissed each of her fingertips. “I didn’t come here for sex. And you’re better than fucking every motherfucker who pays attention to you.”
He hated to sound preachy, but it was the truth.
“I don’t have a disease, if that’s the issue.”
Leaning in, he kissed her, something else he’d wanted to do again since their night in the restaurant. “It’s not, bae. Although that’s good to know. I’ve been warned to live by condoms.”
“Then what is it?”
Good question. Unlike Nyx’s initiation where most of the girls had had sex with more than one brother, Ember smelled fresh and clean. Her hair fanned around her shoulders and her eyes begged him to take what she offered.
“It’s the same thing,” he told her, a well of emptiness opening inside him.
“I want my first time to mean something more than…” He heaved in a breath, not wanting to hurt her feelings.
“I like you, but half the fucking time I still think of you as Ms. LeBan. The other half I don’t know how to think of you. ”
“As Ember,” she said softly. “That’s who I want to be to you.”
“That’s something you couldn’t ever be if you don’t want your life to blow up around you. At least, not in the foreseeable future.”
“I can find another job.” She shifted uncomfortably. “No one has even been as kind to me as you were that night in the restaurant.”
“Then you’ve been hanging around some shitty motherfuckers.”
Her giggle removed some of her sadness, but the moment passed too soon. “Diesel is included in that bunch.”
“Shocking,” CJ said, the word more biting than he intended. “I love my brother, but he isn’t…” What? Fuck, what? Sane? Kind? Worthy, especially of Rebel? “Diesel is a lot, Ember.”
“Are you?”
“I honestly don’t know what I am, but I know what I’m not. At the moment, I don’t want to use you or any girl just for sex.”
“A-at the moment?”
“Diesel wasn’t always a manwhore. Either that side lurked just below the surface and escaped at a certain point, or something happened that released the beast.”
“You aren’t like that—”
“That’s just the point, bae. I don’t know me. Here and now? I want…I want…” Harley.
She’d been a part of his future for so long, he still couldn’t imagine himself with anyone else.
It didn’t matter how much he missed Molly or how he’d give anything to see her again, it was still Harley he wanted most of all.
“It doesn’t matter. The point is my dick would be fully engaged, but not my heart and I don’t know if I could even talk to you again.”
“I understand,” she whispered, her nose reddening and her eyes watery. “I just wish it was different.”
“Me, too. I’m the last virgin amongst the cousins my age. Give it a few months and I’ll be the butt of their jokes,” he said grimly.
“I’m always here.”
“I know.” He thumbed the wetness on her cheeks, wondering when all the tears and pain would stop. “I didn’t come to hurt your feelings, Ember,” he whispered, brushing hair behind her ear. “I think you’re so fucking amazing and beautiful. You’re just not for me.”
The foundation his parents had set, the way Dad fostered how to treat a girl because of the way he’d always idolized Mom, wove into CJ’s soul. Dad’s genuine care and concern toward her made everything better not only for Mom but for all of them.
One thing she loved was dancing, especially with Dad, when she convinced him to do so to a romantic song. Mom taught Diesel, CJ, and Rule how to dance to slow songs, and Dad had taught Reb.
CJ wanted to go to the hospital, but he didn’t want to leave Ember so sad. He’d made his decision and it was final. “Do you like old songs?”
She nodded.
“Lolly loves them,” he said, not bothering to explain who that was. Maybe, she already knew since Harley had been in her class, too. “This is one of her favorites.”
Pulling up Just to be Close to You by the Commodores on his phone, he pressed play, got to his feet, and held out his hand.
Meeting his gaze, she smiled softly and placed her hand in his. She stood and stepped into his arms.
He kissed her forehead. “Follow my lead and just enjoy the song.”
“Okay,” she murmured, laying her head on his chest.
His sudden erection was regrettable, but she was pretty and he’d never forget her mouth on him.
Unfortunately, the pain of careless disregard of someone’s emotions also lived in his memory.
Jana held up her spoon of strawberry ice cream taken from the pint she held. “I can’t wait to meet Axel.”
Diesel accepted the sweet treat and swallowed it before offering her a spoonful of his butter pecan. “You’re going to love him.”
Somehow, Jana talked him into taking her to one of his favorite spots–the pedestrian deck on Turn Creek Bridge, a place he often went after school with his girlfriend of the moment.
Many nights, he spent time with his friends, smoking weed and drinking.
He’d capitulated as a reward for Jana’s good behavior over the past few days. Amy reported Jana hadn’t left the house and Diesel called or texted her every day.
“I prefer my ice cream,” Jana said, shoving another spoonful into her mouth.
“It’s delicious, sweetheart.” Diesel pulled her closer and kissed her, reveling in her sweetness, but he wanted to show her how much he cherished her. “Let’s go to Portland. I want to rent a hotel room for us.”
“You spend too much money on me. I’m not worth that.”
“You’re worth that and more,” he said sharply, ignoring his annoyance. Once she met his family, he’d get her into proper rehab. “I’m tired of telling you that how invaluable you are to me. Never mind. You’ll see.”
“I’m tired of my ice cream,” she admitted.
They’d opened their respective pints in his car, grabbed their spoons, then headed there.
The covers for the containers and the grocery bag had been left behind, but Diesel had enough, too.
He’d parked his Mercedes as far off the road as possible, but the area didn’t have a parking lot where his car would be completely safe.
“I don’t want to leave yet.”
“Okay, sweetheart.” After bringing their ice cream back to his cart, he returned to the pedestrian deck.
Jana leaned against the railing and looked into the black void of the water below.
“It’s so peaceful out here,” she said, sidling closer to him and resting her head against his chest.
Automatically, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “It is. Probably why I gravitated to it when I was younger. Here alone, I reconciled my two worlds. The abandoned kid and the lucky boy.”
She straightened. “You don’t think you should’ve been lucky?”
“I don’t know what I did to deserve it.”
“Oh.”
Fuck, he’d said the wrong thing.
“You did nothing, Diesel. You say I deserve to have the world at my feet—”
“Everything at my disposal,” he interrupted gruffly. “You warrant it all. And, fuck, I guess I sound like a jackass.”
“You do,” she said primly.
He laughed, bent, and pressed his lips against hers. “You are the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said when he came up for air.
“Second best. The Caldwells are the best. Without them, we wouldn’t have met.”
She was right. He wouldn’t have gone to college, so he wouldn’t have had a buddy who lived down the street from her parents.
“So you’ve told me about Axel, CJ, and Outlaw. Tell me about Rebel.”
Immediate tension settled into his body. Not only didn’t he want to talk about Rebel, he didn’t want to think about her.
“I think you said she’s blonde?”
Somehow, he swallowed his order to change the subject. Jana needed patience. If he snapped at her, she’d think him angry with her and hunt for drugs the minute he left her.
“Did I remember right?”
“You did,” Diesel said. “She has the most beautiful blue eyes of anyone I’ve ever seen other than her mother. Rebel is…she’s stunning. Spoiled as hell.”
“I’ll bet you’re as responsible for that as the rest of your family.”
“I am,” he said, ashamed of himself when Jana sounded so genuinely enthused.
“Is she shy?”
Diesel barked a laugh. “Call her many things, but never shy.”
“Will she like me? I can see us doing cool sister things.” When he didn’t answer, Jana wrapped her arms around his neck. “I want to make love to you.”
“Finally, she’ll give me some,” he teased, pulling her close and kissing her deeply. “I’ve only waited all evening.”
“We had a delicious dinner and great conversation. Now, we have the beauty of our surroundings as a backdrop.”
“I want us to go somewhere private,” Diesel said. “You don’t deserve a quick fuck in the back of a car.”
“We’ve fucked that way before. Tabitha and me have licked each other’s pussies in the back of your car.”
Regret welled inside of him, and he winced. “I’m sorry. That was unworthy of you. I should never have—”
Her slender fingers covered his lips. “Shhh, babe. It’s okay. As long as I was with you, I didn’t care.”
He pressed a kiss against her fingertips and moved her hand. “Do you care now? Or would it matter if you shared me?”
“Whatever makes you happy,” she said, not what he wanted to hear.
He wanted accountability, like Aunt Meggie demanded of Uncle Christopher.
Diesel didn’t consider himself romantic, but deep down he wanted what his parents had.
In quiet moments, when he was alone and his defenses were down, he didn’t care about a woman’s role or anything other than someone seeing past his flaws, his pain, and his anger.
He wanted a woman who saw the best in him, in spite of…not someone who tried to change him because of.
“Don’t get angry with me,” Jana broke in, “but I lied. I don’t want you to stop calling me or break our engagement. The truth is I’d prefer us to be monogamous. Marriage is different and—”
Diesel grabbed her and kissed her, overwhelmingly relieved. “Then that’s what you’ll get, sweetheart.”
“You’re so lovable, though. I’ll understand if there are girls you have to let down easily.”
His bubble burst. “Right.”
She grabbed his hand and tried to tug him away. “Come on. My pussy is soooo wet. You know how to kiss a girl.”
Instead of following her, Diesel dug his heels in.
“You don’t want me?” she pouted.
“Of course,” he said automatically, pulling his cell phone from his coat pocket. One swipe of his finger lit up the screen and broke through their pitch-black surroundings. “Do you know what I’ve always wanted us to do, sweetheart?”
“What?”
She sounded so excited that he couldn’t stop his smile.
He pressed play to Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran and pulled Jana into his arms.
“Dance with only the heavens looking down on us.”
“I love you so much,” she said, laying her head on his chest and allowing him to lead her to the beat of the music.
“Thank you,” he whispered, unable to respond in any other way.