Chapter Thirty-Eight—Meggie #2
Ransom laid his head on her shoulder. “It isn’t your fault.”
“It is—”
“I keep seeing all the blood squirting from Nyx’s head. Every time I try to sleep.” Ransom shuddered. “I can’t even eat red meat—”
Meggie pulled back to better look at her son and gripped his shoulders. “What?”
“Dad shot her, Mom.”
“I know,” Meggie said carefully, an inkling of Ransom’s problem dawning on her.
He bowed his head. “She was being so mean. I don’t blame Dad. I just wish…” His chin wobbled.
“Christopher shot Nyx in front of you?” She looked at Ransom’s tortured gaze and pale face, then narrowed her eyes and turned her focus to her husband.
He raised his hands, wariness replacing his accusation and anger. “Now, baby, I can fuckin’ explain. It was just reflex. I was on fuckin’ edge tryin’ to get here to see what the fuck was goin’ on.”
“You’re blaming me for Rule—which I take full responsibility for—and you killed a woman in front of our son who isn’t even twelve yet?”
Christopher started toward her, but CJ planted himself in front of her by sitting on the bed.
“It ain’t the same fuckin’ thing, Megan,” Christopher growled. “Ransom watch violent fuckin’ movies! So what if I shot that cunt in front of him?”
Meggie rose to her knees and placed her hands on CJ’s shoulders to balance herself. “It isn’t the same thing. Nyx was a flesh and blood woman, not a movie character.”
“Shut the fuck up! Don’t fuckin’ turn this around on my motherfuckin’ ass because you did every goddamn thing except get Rule help.”
“Uncle Chris, why don’t we go to the man cave and have a drink?” Diesel suggested from the doorway. “You and Aunt Meggie can cool off. Calm down.”
“You’re right, son,” Meggie said hoarsely.
Rebel glanced from Meggie to Christopher and back again. “How long did you know about Rule, Momma?”
“Exactly!” Christopher barked.
Even more shamed poured into Meggie. She sobbed again.
“I fuckin’ told you, shut the fuck up,” Christopher snapped. “You givin’ me a goddamn headache.”
“Then, maybe, you should do as Diesel suggested,” Rebel said tiredly. “Because, frankly, you’re giving me a headache, Daddy.”
“You were just on my fuckin’ side, Rebel. You can’t fuckin’ flip back and forth.”
“I was never on your side, Daddy.” Rebel pointed to Meggie. “She was sick. Recovering. What do you always tell us? Do as much as possible so Momma doesn’t worry. Well, genius, you should’ve taken your own fucking advice. You knew about Rule too, so fuck you and the Harley you rode in on.”
Discomfort hung in the air as they all looked from one to the other. But something in Christopher’s eyes extended beyond blame and pain, something he hadn’t yet told Meggie and had set him off flickered in his green eyes.
“Something’s wrong,” Meggie said, almost afraid to ask. “What happened, Christopher?”
He threw her a dark look. Though he didn’t answer, he didn’t rush to reassure her either.
“Is it Rule?” she whispered.
He kicked the pillow she’d thrown at him and started toward her, but CJ got to his feet.
“Just answer her question, Dad. Calm down and then you can approach her.”
“What’s wrong with Rule?” Rebel cried.
Christopher shoved his hands in his pockets, glanced away, then stiffened and narrowed his eyes. “Not a motherfuckin’ thing except what the fuck been wrong with him since he lost his goddamn mind.”
“This is difficult for us, too,” Meggie said, determined to stay strong for her family. “A couple of days ago, I thought about how simple our lives were right after Axel came home and all the kids were small. Diesel was still in high school, and CJ was my little buddy—”
“This your fuckin’ problem right there, Megan,” Christopher snarled, going off on her again. “CJ. CJ your goddamn whole motherfuckin’ problem. Your entire fuckin’ life about him and where the fuck I stick my cock when you know it ain’t goin’ in no other pussy but yours.”
“Ewww,” Axel complained as Meggie gasped and said, “that isn’t true! I love all my children.”
“Debatable,” he sneered. “Cuz, Megan, goin’ back to that fuckin’ time cut out Gunner and Jo, but no matter what the fuck you claim, you don’t want her.
You ain’t want her from the time you found out she was in you.
And Gunner?” He laughed bitterly. “That lil’ motherfucker always somewhere but with you lately.
You want me to exercise parental rights? I’m puttin’ Jo up for adoption.”
“What?” Meggie cried, unable to distinguish her children’s gasps. “I already said no.”
“I ain’t givin’ a good fuck.”
“You can’t…I love her. I love both of them. You misunderstood what I meant.”
“Fuck you. I ain’t lettin’ her in this fuckin’ house so you can ignore her—”
“No!” Meggie sobbed, jumping to her feet and running toward Christopher, but he backed away. “Don’t do this. You can’t. I would have to sign, too.”
“Not if I fuckin’ give her to a bitch who want her. Which ain’t you. I might give away Gunner, too,” he added viciously. “You don’t fuckin’ deserve them.”
“I’m sorry, Christopher,” she said, falling apart at the thought of losing her youngest children.
“If you give away Jo or Gunner,” Rebel bit out, “sleep with your motherfucking eyes open because I will cut off your goddamn hands and open your chest cavity to see how black your heart is.”
“Oh, cool!” Axel cried. “Could I watch?”
Arms wrapped around Meggie. “It’s okay, Mom,” CJ whispered, guiding her back to the bed, and hugging her tightly, then gently helping her to sit.
Ryder, Ransom, and Axel ran to her and hugged her, too.
Rebel engaged her daddy in a stare-off, while Diesel stood just behind Christopher, always his staunchest ally.
Christopher thrust his fingers through his hair. “All you get the fuck out. Me and your ma not finished havin’ a private conversation.”
“Not happening,” CJ said. “You’ve gone off your rocker, Dad.”
“Yes, my good man,” Axel added. “Maybe, if it was a private conversation, we’d agree. But I’m sure even Jesus Boy heard you and he ain’t even here no more.”
“We can’t call him that anymore,” Ryder reminded him.
“I object,” Axel said. “It’s a cool nickname.”
“Overruled, Ax,” Diesel said. “You can be sued for slander.”
“But I didn’t speak nothing false about him,” Axel argued.
“The capacity in which you use the term is slanderous,” Diesel explained.
“Can you recuse yourself? You’re prejudiced. When Rule is nice again, he’ll even laugh. Right, Mom?”
CJ blocked Meggie’s view from seeing Axel, but she didn’t know what to say.
She didn’t know if Rule would ever be the same again.
She’d never told Christopher about the day their son called her a cocksucker and the level of disrespect he’d reached.
She’d sincerely believed his resentment stemmed from teenage rebellion and not necessarily mental illness.
But it was easier. Torie had distracted her. The idea of her hysterectomy had consumed her. Rebel and CJ’s social lives—sexual lives—preoccupied her. Then, there was the club and all its problems, along with trying to get Christopher back to the place he needed to be.
“Daddy, go downstairs with your sons, so I can take care of my momma,” Rebel ordered.
Meggie bowed her head. “It isn’t your place to take care of me, love,” she said hoarsely. “And I’ve put so much on you and CJ’s shoulders. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t you shed another fuckin’ tear, Megan,” Christopher commanded.
“I’m sick of you fuckin’ fallin’ apart, showin’ how fragile you are.
As a matter of fuckin’ fact, I wantcha to gain a hundred fifty goddamn pounds and I wantcha to get your legs extended.
A motherfucker can’t fuck you up—I can’t almost kill my own fuckin’ son cuz you such a hardheaded lil’ motherfucker—if you not the fuckin’ size of a goddamn elf. ”
“You’ve lost your mind, Daddy,” Rebel yelled. “But a goddamn hit dog will holler, you miserable motherfucker. You’re screaming at Momma because of your fucking guilt.”
“Rebel, shut the fuck up,” Christopher barked.
“Make me. Rule isn’t here,” she cried, her own tears starting, “and it’s killing me, but he can come back.
You know it and I know it. If you’d shot him, though, there would be no possibility of him sleeping in his room ever again.
He’d be gone. That’s what’s killing you most of all.
And, yeah, you were fucking wrong to kill that cunt in front of Ransom, but that’s your goddamn fault, too, so shut the fuck up, go with Diesel, and leave my mother in peace, goddamn it. ”
“Megan—”
“Out!” Rebel spat. “And when she’s feeling better and punches the fuck out of you for tonight, I’m going to laugh in your fucking face.”
“Listen up, Rebel—”
“Nope. If we’re playing the blame game, you deserve a fair fucking share. Torie was your fault. Uncle Johnnie is your fault. Jo is your fault. She wasn’t made alone. Rule is all our fault, starting with Ryan, who I intend to punch the fuck out of the minute I have all my strength back.”
“How the fuck you figure Ryan got anything to do with this?” Christopher asked, calmer than he’d been since Meggie found him.
“He bullied Rule whenever he had the chance, Dad,” CJ said in a pained voice.
Rebel shoved CJ aside. “Move, doofus.”
“What’s that for?” CJ stood. “I’m on your side.”
“You have a cock,” Rebel retorted, sitting next to Meggie and hugging her. “That puts you squarely on Daddy’s side, so shut the fuck up and get the fuck out.”
But Meggie didn’t want to burden her daughter with adult problems. She’d go to her own bedroom, take a quick shower, and get into bed.
“I’m fine, sweetheart.” Meggie hugged Rebel tightly, threading her fingers through her hair, and revealed her plan. “So you get some rest, too.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive,” she said, forcing certainty into her tone.
“Don’t let Daddy get into your head. I don’t care what he says, you’re the heroine. You saved me.” Tears pooled in her beautiful eyes. “You saved Rule. And you saved you. Our family would’ve been destroyed. Even Daddy.”
Especially Christopher. Meggie kept that to herself. Rebel had just forgiven him after the Torie situation. Tonight was a setback.
“Christopher’s right about Rule—”
“No, Momma. No. You have to take care of us, the house, the business, the club wives, deal with those scheming cunts, deal with those disrespectful motherfuckers, keep Uncle Johnnie alive for whatever reason, and you especially have to look after that big manbaby.”
“I fuckin’ resent that, Rebel.”
“As if I give a fuck what the fuck you resent, Father.”
Christopher blew out a breath. “We back to this—”
“Keep it up, and we won’t be back to anything. I’ll stop talking to you again. Now, for the last fucking time, get the fuck out.”
“That’s my fuckin’ wife!”
Rebel gasped. Stiffened. Meggie tried to grab her daughter’s arm but she escaped, ran to her father and stomped his bare foot. Luckily, she just wore fluffy slippers. If Diesel hadn’t grabbed her, she would’ve attacked Christopher again.
“Listen up, jackass,” Rebel said, struggling in Diesel’s hold, “you have been screaming at her about ignoring Rule and you have the fucking, stinking, unmitigated, motherfucking gall to claim her as your motherfucking wife because I, her daughter who should be before you, want to protect her?”
“It ain’t the same fuckin’ thing, Rebel. Furthermore, you fuckin’ grounded. You ain’t hittin’ my ass and cussin’ me. You ain’t my motherfuckin’ equal. You my fuckin’ daughter. Further-furthermore, you can’t fuckin’ read me about almost shootin’ Rule. It ain’t your motherfuckin’ place.”
“It’s exactly my place,” Rebel yelled, red-faced and livid. “Your baby club members won’t do it. If you don’t pull rank as their father, then you’ll claim club business and explain they can’t disrespect a higher-ranking member or an officer.”
“You fuckin’ punished, Rebel.”
Meggie had always put up a united front with Christopher in front of the kids, but Rebel was right. It was them against Christopher and the boys, who’d close ranks and follow their father’s lead—or their club president’s.
Christopher was in pain and he always lashed out and acted irrationally in those times. Just like Reb. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
“No, Rebel isn’t punished.”
“What the fuck you said, Megan?”
“You heard me, Christopher. She isn’t punished.”
“She disrespected me!”
“And defended me. I will talk to her about how she spoke to you, but she’s the victim in this entire situation. Rule wanted her dead. All this is unnecessary. It’s very clear how you feel about the situation, so please leave me alone.”
She swallowed, determined not to cry again until she reached her bedroom.
“No matter how much I failed, I’ve always tried to put our family first.” Overcome with emotion, she blurted her next thought.
“You’re so lucky I love you with all my heart.
Otherwise, I’d divorce you since according to you, I’m such a horrible wife and mother. ”
He gave her one last inscrutable look and walked out.