Chapter Forty-Six—CJ
CJ made his way to Turn Creek Bridge, not ready to go home yet.
Dad insisted he go to school today, and Mom backed him up, though they were still barely talking.
Of course, she didn’t know that CJ disobeyed Outlaw, regarding Rory, so Dad switched up on him, adopting a parental mien to exert his authority differently.
Stalking up the bridge and frustrated to fuck and back, he set aside his woes at the sight of Rory, Ryan, Devon, Kaia, Bishop, and Grant.
CJ couldn’t see inviting Bishop but leaving Kaia out.
Kayce was with Coach Yancy, like the rest of the team.
Not practice but still football related.
Ryan should’ve been there instead of here, but CJ didn’t bother to ask.
After walking onto the pedestrian deck where the guys stood, he sat his backpack on the ground, leaning it against a concrete pillar.
“What’s up, C?” Bishop asked, chilling against that same pillar. “Your text sounded ominous. We pulling up on a motherfucker?”
CJ withdrew his pack of cigarettes from where he made an improvised pocket in the lining of his school jacket. It was a new pack, so he offered cigarettes to everyone.
Only Grant declined.
“You have to jump me, CJ,” Rory said woefully. “It’s been six days and Uncle Christopher hasn’t allowed me at the club once. I don’t want to be away from the club for a month.”
“You prefer me beating the fuck out of you?” CJ asked impatiently.
“Yes! I have over three weeks to go.”
“You shouldn’t be so impatient that you can’t sit your ass down and wait.”
Maybe Diesel was right, though. Convicted motherfuckers didn’t choose their punishment. Choosing an option that Rory found less pleasant would help him remember the lesson and never repeat the mistake.
“I wasn’t even there to watch the fucking video.”
“A fucking win for you,” CJ told him, wishing he could scrub those images from his mind.
“Suppose something else important comes up and Uncle Christopher still plays hardball?” Rory asked. “Then what?”
“I’m not hitting you for no fucking reason.”
“Yeah, dude, you are. If I can go to the club sooner.”
CJ squinted at him. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“No, cuck. What the fuck is wrong with you?” Ryan demanded. “You’re too much of a pussy to lead the club?”
Bishop stuffed his hands in his pockets and glanced away.
“You think I’m a weak motherfucker, too?” CJ asked, outraged.
“Not weak, bro,” Devon said. “Nice.”
“Yeah, and nice don’t get you respect.” Grant added his two cents at the worse possible moment. “Outlaw can be harsh sometimes but just think about how the brothers were acting when he wasn’t harsh.”
“Am I the only sane one around? What is wrong with everyone? Rory’s my cousin. He did nothing to me!”
“Fuck, CJ, listen to what the fuck you’re saying,” Ryan told him. “Why’d you turn your back on what we all know your mom wanted if you’re not going to fucking listen to Uncle Christopher?”
“What the fuck did you say to me, motherfucker?” CJ demanded, filled with outrage and guilt.
“You fucking heard me, cuck,” Ryan responded, standing his ground.
“CJ, niceness isn’t a crime,” Kaia offered.
“The fuck it isn’t,” CJ snapped, feeling as if a vortex had sucked him in and left him spinning out of control. He didn’t know up from down anymore. “Niceness doesn’t get you respect.”
Shaking his head, Ryan snorted. “It isn’t the niceness, beta boy.”
“What do you all want from me?”
“Nothing more than you want for yourself,” Grant told him. “We’re all here for you. We’re just asking you to be here for us.”
“And hitting Rory will do that?” CJ asked.
“Or coming up with a better reason not to do it,” Bishop told him.
“Yeah,” Ryan agreed. “Who the fuck can respect you when you say such dumb shit?”
A throat cleared, and they all turned to find Mattie and a stunning girl standing feet away. She was tall and golden, with honey color hair and sky-blue eyes.
Mattie indicated the stranger with a flourish. “Meet one of our newest members of the cheer team, since we’re, er…” She rocked on her heels. “One…er…two…er…” She flushed. “She’s taking Molly’s place.”
CJ glared at Mattie, taking an immediate dislike to the stranger because she wasn’t Molly. As Mattie greeted everyone except Kaia, CJ turned his back and stared out over the water.
“Don’t be rude, CJ,” Mattie said quietly, suddenly next to him.
“He can’t be any ruder than you, Mattie,” Kaia retorted.
“My little sister doesn’t like you, Kaia,” Rory said. “Deal with it.”
“At least greet her,” Mattie said, still ignoring Kaia.
“Hi,” CJ said without turning.
“You’re being mean,” Mattie whispered.
“Not. I didn’t ask for this invasion of privacy.”
“This is a public place,” Mattie said uneasily. “We didn’t know you’d be here.
CJ faced her. “Go, Mattie,” he ordered. “Take her with you. I don’t want to meet her. She isn’t Molly.”
Mattie’s shoulders slumped but she nodded and pointed to Kaia. “Hey, you. Walk my friend back to school.”
“You know my name.”
“Cheater?”
He stiffened, and drew in a breath, glaring at her. “For someone so incredibly gorgeous, you’re quite fucking evil.”
Mattie rolled her eyes, then nudged CJ. “Please, let me introduce you.”
“Then you’ll send her away, Mattie?” CJ gritted.
“Yeah. She’s a transfer and doesn’t know many people.”
Turning, CJ walked to the golden girl and held out his hand. “I’m CJ.”
She placed her delicate fingers against his palm and smiled. “I’m Skye.” Her voice was like the tinkling of wind chimes.
“Skye? That’s an interesting name,” CJ said, before he remembered he didn’t like her. Scowling, he snapped his mouth shut, ignoring how her face fell. “Take her back to Ridge Moore, Kaia.”
Kaia started down the bridge. “Skye,” he called.
“CJ, Skye—” Mattie started.
“Is leaving,” CJ inserted.
“Professor Billson told me I needed to talk to you,” Skye said nervously. “He…I…a big part of our grade is the science project and…and—”
“And nothing,” CJ snarled. “I told him I can do it on my own.”
Mattie inserted herself in front of CJ. “Text me your contact info. I’ll make sure CJ gets it, but it might be best if you go back to school for now.”
“Go with her, Mattie,” CJ said after Skye walked off. “CJ—”
“Molly’s coming back, Matilda. I’m not interested in befriending a new girl on the cheer team or partnering with her in Billson’s class.”
“Just like you didn’t have a choice in teaming with Molly for the science project, you don’t have a choice in this,” Mattie reasoned.
“Accepting another girl in Molly’s place means I’ve given up on her.”
“No, it means you recognize you can’t halt your life,” Grant told him. “You’re making your life harder and that of everyone else’s because you can’t accept that continuing your life isn’t giving up on her or even disrespecting her.”
“Molly wouldn’t want that for you,” Rory said.
“This bullshit right here is another reason people are doubting your ability to be in the fucking club, cuck,” Ryan spat.
“We don’t know where Molly is, CJ,” Mattie said softly, though she glared at their cousin. “The longer she’s missing, the less of a chance she’ll be found alive. If she isn’t already—”
For days, CJ had been on the verge of a breakdown, but this…? Mattie’s words undid him.
“She’s not fucking dead, Mattie,” he yelled, falling apart inside and out.
He picked up his backpack and threw it, blind to where, only wanting to destroy something. Mattie’s face blurred in front of him. Arms encircled him, but it wasn’t hers. Rory had placed himself partially in front of her.
Slapping the steel railing, he screamed at the top of his lungs and broke down in gut-wrenching sobs. His heart hurt so bad, he thought it had literally broken.
“CJ,” Ryan said, his voice shaky, his arms around him and holding him tightly, comforting him.
CJ didn’t care. He was worn out. Exhausted. He sagged against his cousin and wept. Accepting the unacceptable—the unimaginable.
Molly was probably dead. He had to stop waiting for her. He had to remember her as the sweet girl she was and move on with his life.
The roar of a Harley reached him. Fuck, if Bash was coming to fuck with him, he’d just surrender. Life was short and fragile. The hope of another day could end in tragedy.
Nothing was guaranteed, except death. Maybe that was the freedom he needed. He didn’t know who or what he was anymore. He missed his mother’s guidance but she saw him as Outlaw’s son.
CJ cried harder. Spurs jingled and broke through his tears.
Not Bash, but Dad, who took Ryan’s place.
“Molly’s gone, Dad,” CJ sobbed. “How did I get to live and she didn’t? How’s that fair?”
“Life ain’t fair, boy,” Dad said gruffly. “Life’s a game only the strong survive. You got to be strong, son. No matter the road you choose.”
“You know she’s dead, don’t you?”
“I ain’t able to find her. Unless she in Salt Lake City with Bash, yeah, CJ, she’s gone.”
CJ started shaking and his stomach twisted. “I…Jesus, she must’ve suffered.”
“You can’t think about that.”
“How can I not? She didn’t deserve what she got.”
“No, she didn’t,” Dad agreed. “But it ain’t your fault. Even if it was, you either die with her or you move on.”
CJ stumbled back. “You’re a hypocrite! You still can’t move on from what happened to Mom, and she’s fucking alive.”
“This ain’t about me—”
Growling, CJ punched his father’s jaw.
Surprise crossed Dad’s face for a moment, then he jammed a cigarette in the corner of his mouth, and clipped CJ’s chin.
Smirking, Dad blew smoke in CJ’s face, enraging him all the more.
He punched his father again, this time in the stomach, then shoved him back, barely moving him.
When he punched him a third time, Dad grunted, but blocked a fourth hit, balled his fist and socked CJ’s gut.
He dropped to the ground and writhed in pain.
Blearily, CJ watched his father flick the cigarette toward the creek, then walk over and crouch down. Grabbing a handful of hair, he dragged him to his feet.