Chapter 13 #2
"You were absolutely lurking."
Bozo walks over with drinks. "Heard you and Diesel got into it."
"He called," I say. "We talked."
"And?"
"And he's not happy, but that's not my problem."
"Bold words for a man dating the VP's daughter."
"They're true words."
Bozo studies me. "You're really doing this."
"Yeah, I am."
"Good. Everly deserves someone who's not going to run when her dad gets pissed."
"I'm not running."
We talk and drink and the clubhouse energy is good. I'm aware of eyes on us but I don't care.
Let them look, let them see that I chose her and I'm not hiding it.
Some asshole prospect walks by and says something crude under his breath about Everly.
I don't say anything, just look at him.
The look is enough. He pales and immediately apologizes.
"Sorry, Rush, didn't mean anything by it."
"Keep walking."
He does.
Everly touches my arm. "You didn't have to do that."
"Yeah, I did."
"I can handle assholes."
"I know you can, but you shouldn't have to when I'm sitting right here."
She kisses my jaw. "My protector."
"Always."
Ciara's across the room talking to Enya and I see her glance over at us.
She smiles and waves, friendly and warm.
I wave back and pull Everly closer.
Ciara looks genuinely happy for us. She's always been supportive like that.
Good friends are hard to find and I'm lucky to have her.
Later that night, we're back at Everly's flat. We're on the couch and she's curled against my side.
We're not doing anything, just being close.
My hand is in her hair and she's tracing patterns on my chest through my shirt.
The TV is on but neither of us are watching it.
"You're quiet," she says.
"Just thinking."
"About?"
"This, you, how different it feels."
"Different good or different bad?"
"Different good."
She tilts her head to look at me. "Yeah?"
"Yeah. I feel grounded for the first time in a long time. Like I'm not just surviving anymore."
"That's good."
"It is."
She sits up and shifts so she's straddling my lap, her hands going to my face.
"I'm glad you stayed," she says.
"I'm glad you let me."
She leans in and kisses me, slow and deep.
My hands go to her hips and I pull her closer. She makes a sound against my mouth and it goes straight through me.
When she pulls back we're both breathing hard.
"We should probably slow down," she says.
"Yeah."
"Or we could not."
"Everly."
"I know, I know." She rests her forehead against mine. "I just really like kissing you."
"I really like kissing you too."
We stay like that for a while, just breathing together, being close.
This is intimacy without sex, connection without escalation.
And it feels right, feels like we're building something instead of just consuming each other.
"Tell me something," she says.
"Like what?"
"I don't know, something about you that I don't know yet."
I think about it. "I used to draw when I was in juvie."
"Really?"
"Yeah. It was something to do with my hands, helped me stay calm when things got bad."
"What did you draw?"
"Mostly just random shit—patterns, faces, whatever came to mind. Sometimes I'd draw what I remembered of Ruby, so I wouldn't forget what she looked like."
"Do you still draw?"
"Sometimes, when I can't sleep."
"Can I see?"
"Maybe."
She smiles. "That's not a no."
"That's not a yes either."
"I'll wear you down eventually."
"Probably."
She kisses me again, and this time it's softer, sweeter.
"I like this," she says.
"Like what?"
"This, us, just being together without it having to be anything more. Just existing in the same space."
"Me too."
We settle back into the couch and she curls against me. My arm goes around her shoulders.
I feel different—not at peace exactly, but something close to it.
Something I haven't felt in years.
I'm almost asleep when Everly says quietly, "My dad called me today."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. He wanted to know if I was serious about you."
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him I was and that he needed to back off."
"How'd he take it?"
"Not well. He's going to push back hard. Probably fly out here to intimidate you in person."
"I know."
"You ready for that?"
I think about it, really think about it.
A few weeks ago I would have panicked, would have used Diesel as an excuse to run.
But now I just feel determined.
"Yeah, I'm ready. Your dad doesn't get to make this choice for you."
"No, he doesn't."
She sits up to look at me. "You mean that."
"Yeah, I mean it."
"Even if he makes it hard?"
"Especially if he makes it hard."
She kisses me hard and deep. "Good, because I chose you too and I'm not backing down either."
I leave around midnight. Everly walks me to the door and I pull her close one more time.
"See you tomorrow?" she asks.
"Yeah."
"You're not going to panic overnight and change your mind?"
"No."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
She smiles. "Okay, I believe you."
I kiss her one more time and then I leave. The ride home is cold and fast.
My mind is quiet, no spiraling, no second-guessing.
The streets of Dublin are empty at this hour and I make good time.
When I get home, I lie in bed thinking about everything that's changed.
I think about the way Everly looked at me tonight, the way she fits against my side, the way she believes in me even when I don't believe in myself.
I think about Tank's words about growth, about standing instead of running.
I think about Ciara's friendship, uncomplicated and easy.
And I think about Diesel and what's coming, the test I know is inevitable.
But for the first time in eight years, I'm not afraid of what's ahead.
I'm not at peace, not healed, not fixed.
But I'm choosing to live instead of just survive.
And that's enough.