CHAPTER EIGHT
Janice
" H ey Janice, you gonna eat that chocolate pudding?" Sara asked, eyeing the untouched dessert on Janice's tray.
Janice hadn't made much of an impact on the food on her plate. Her mind was a million miles away.
"Uh, no," Janice admitted, pushing it toward Sara. "I’m not really hungry." Her stomach churned with anticipation as she pushed her food around her plate.
"Thanks!" Sara said, grinning as she plucked the pudding away from Janice, and dug into the sweet treat.
How was she meant to eat anything after what had happened this morning?
She'd actually spent time with Rusty. Good time. Quality time. And she'd enjoyed it.
Rusty was the same, but different. Still confident and quiet, but so much wiser and more mature than he had been. He'd really put careful thought into doing something special for her, and it had left her feeling stunned.
It had been a long time since someone had taken such an interest in Janice’s wellbeing. Since someone had really looked at her, really listened to her, really . . . liked her. Not that Rusty like liked her, obviously. But he did tell her he hoped they could be friends. And he did seem to care. Maybe he just felt guilty for the way he left her. But if guilt was all he felt, then why did he suggest spanking her?
God, it was all so confusing.
At first, Janice had been shocked when Rusty had said he'd like to spank her. When they were dating, he had never even suggested anything like that. Now and then, when they were roleplaying, he’d given her corner time or told her she couldn’t watch cartoons if she’d been naughty, but he’d never smacked her ass. Nothing more than a playful slap during sex, anyway.
Janice couldn't deny the thrill that coursed through her body at the thought of having Rusty's strong hand on her backside.
"Earth to Janice!" Sara's voice snapped her back to reality. "Are you okay, hon?” She had chocolate pudding smeared around her lips.
"Sorry," Janice mumbled, feeling her cheeks grow warm.
"What’s on your mind?" Sara asked, licking away the sticking pudding.
“I’m meeting Rusty tonight,” Janice said quietly, feeling herself blush even more fiercely.
“Interesting,” said Sara. “Tell me more.”
Janice twirled her fork in her cold mashed potatoes. She sighed and pushed her plate aside. "I'm just . . . nervous," she confessed. "I know I need to be careful around Rusty, but when I'm with him, I feel these flutters in my tummy."
"Sometimes you have to follow your heart, even if your brain says something different," Sara said with a smile, her blonde hair bouncing as she nodded. "And remember, I'm here for you if you need me.” She nudged Janice. “By the way, if Rusty does anything bad, I'll get the Mischief Makers to play pranks on him every day for a whole week. And if it’s really bad, a month . I’m not just talking little pranks either. I’m talking top-tier ones. Like, horse poop in his shoes."
A giggle bubbled up from deep within Janice, escaping her lips before she could suppress it. Just then, a realization hit her—she hadn't giggled like that in years. The lightness of the moment settled around her like a comforting blanket, easing the tension in her shoulders.
"Okay well that's the cutest laugh I've ever heard," Sara said, smiling.
"Thanks you," Janice whispered, feeling grateful for her new friend's support and understanding.
"Promise me you'll take care of yourself, okay?" Sara said, squeezing Janice's hand reassuringly.
"I promise," Janice replied, her voice steady and determined. She knew that reconnecting with Rusty would be a delicate dance between past and present, but she felt more grounded and confident with Sara's support.
"Good," Sara said, releasing Janice's hand and giving her a warm smile. "Remember I’m right here if you need me.”
Janice spotted Chuck across the dinner hall, his bearded face a picture of concentration as he discussed something with another ranch hand. Taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she excused herself from Sara’s company and approached him, her heart racing with anticipation. She had to make the most of this opportunity if she wanted to stay at Littlecreek Ranch.
"Excuse me, Chuck?" Janice asked, her voice wavering slightly.
Chuck looked up, his expression softening when he saw her. "Ah, Janice. Glad to see you've been settling in so well. How can I help you?"
"Can I have a moment of your time to discuss working here at the ranch? I'd love to make myself useful.”
Chuck smiled. “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better, little one. What kind of work did you have in mind?”
She took a deep breath. “I want to work with the horses.”
Chuck scratched his chin. “We already have a stable hand. Silas and Duke are riding instructors. And, as you know, Rusty is our resident wrangler. I’m trying to think what else we need.”
Janice bit her lip. She noticed that it was trembling. “I want to give the horses massage therapy.”
"Massage therapy . . . for horses?" Chuck's brow furrowed in confusion, clearly unfamiliar with the concept. "I don't know much about that, I’m afraid. But I guess you can start by helping muck out the stables if you like."
"Of course," Janice replied, disappointment flickering through her chest, but she quickly masked it with a smile. "I appreciate the opportunity, and I will give it my all."
"Great," Chuck said, clapping her on the shoulder. "You can get started tomorrow morning. Millie, our stable hand, will show you the ropes."
"Thank you, Sir," Janice said, her determination renewed. If she could prove herself useful around the ranch, perhaps she'd have a chance to integrate her other skills later down the line.
"Alright, Janice," she whispered to herself, her eyes shining with resolve. "You've got this. Just take it one step at a time."
And with that, she turned her attention to the evening ahead, her heart fluttering at the thought of spending more time with Rusty.
Sunset cast a golden glow on the sprawling pasture as Janice made her way back over to Snickers at the stable. Rusty was there, leaning against the doorway, looking in the other direction, lost in thought.
"Rusty," she called out softly, his name still feeling odd on her tongue. A name she had tried not to say aloud for so many years.
Rusty turned toward her. He had changed clothes since this morning. He was wearing a blue plaid shirt, jeans, and cowboy boots. The brown hat he wore emphasized the warmth in his hazel eyes, making Janice's stomach do somersaults.
"Hey, Janice," Rusty greeted her with a smile. "You're right on time."
"Of course," she replied, trying to keep the nervousness out of her voice. "I wouldn't want to miss spending time with Snickers."
And you.
Rusty’s gaze lingered on her for a moment before returning to the mare. "Snickers is looking forward to our reading session."
They sat on the soft grass together and Rusty pulled out a book.
"Ooh, Daddy's Desires!" Janice said. "Sounds good."
"No comment. Mind you, Snickers seems to like it." Rusty cracked the book open. "Alright," he said, grinning playfully, "Are you ready for this?"
"Absolutely," Janice replied, feeling a flutter of excitement in her stomach.
“How about I read Cade’s lines and you read Isabella’s?”
“Okay,” said Janice, swallowing nervously. “Sounds like a plan.”
Rusty cleared his throat dramatically, then adopted a deep, melodious tone that sent shivers down Janice's spine. "Cade strode into the room, his eyes dark with desire as he gazed upon Isabella's trembling form."
Janice felt her cheeks flush at the intensity in Rusty's voice but steadied herself to respond in kind. "Isabella met his gaze, her heart racing as she felt the heat of his stare sear through her defenses."
Their eyes locked for a moment, then Janice looked away.
Rusty continued. "'Isabella,' Cade's said, his voice rumbling with desire, 'I can't hold back any longer. Your touch drives me wild.'"
Janice blushed fiercely. "'Cade, my rugged cowboy,' Isabella breathed, 'take me now and never let me go.'"
"Isabella's soft lips beckoned him closer,” read Rusty, “and Cade's resolve crumbled like dust in the wind. He captured her mouth in a searing kiss, claiming her as his own."
As the words hung heavy in the air between them, Janice felt a surge of longing unlike anything she had experienced before. She shifted uncomfortably, trying to ease the building tension within her. But it only seemed to grow stronger, leaving her restless and yearning.
"Rusty, wait," Janice interrupted, her voice shaking slightly as she set the book aside. "I need a break from reading."
"Of course," Rusty agreed, his face flushed as well.
Desperate for a distraction, Janice turned her attention to Snickers, who stood nearby, grazing quietly. The mare's coat shimmered in the fading sunlight, and Janice couldn't help but admire the gentle creature. With a newfound determination, she decided to approach Snickers and try her hand at massaging the horse's tense muscles.
"Wait, Janice," Rusty cautioned, reaching out to stop her. "I’m not sure Snickers is ready for close company."
Ignoring his warning, Janice pressed on, moving slowly and deliberately as she approached the mare. She stopped a few feet away, avoiding direct eye contact so she didn’t intimidate the horse.
“Hey, girl,” she said gently, “I’d like to make that neck of yours feel a little better. How about it?”
“Her neck?” Rusty asked behind her, puzzled. “Is something up with it?”
Janice didn’t reply, because she wanted to give Snickers all her focus. She took another step forward, very slowly extending her hand with her palm facing downward. She let Snickers sniff it, and then took another step.
“What do you think, sweetie?” she asked the mare. “You want me to make you feel better?”
Ever so gently, she reached out and stroked the horse’s neck. Snickers flinched, but didn’t walk away.
“Good girl,” said Janice, aware her heart was thumping in her chest. Whether it was from the steamy words she’d just read with Rusty, or the proximity to Snickers, she wasn’t sure.
She carefully placed both hands on Snickers' neck now, tentatively feeling for areas of tension. The mare flinched again, but as Janice continued to gently massage her, Snickers began to relax, closing her eyes in contentment.
As Janice worked on the mare, Rusty remained quiet behind her, but she could tell he was watching her intently. Knowing that made her all the more determined to do a good job. She carefully worked her way along Snickers’ musculature until she was sure she’d worked on as many knots as she could, then, she gave Snickers a gentle pat and some soft praise, and backed away respectfully.
"Wow," Rusty murmured, clearly impressed by Janice's skill. "I didn't think you'd be able to do that."
"I wasn’t sure if it’d work," Janice admitted, smiling proudly at her accomplishment. "But it seems like it’s helped her."
"Where did you learn to do it?"
Janice shrugged. "Well," she said, "when I was living with my father, I used to try to help his overworked horses. I watched some online tutorials and just kind of picked it up, learning about their muscles and how to relieve tension."
"Remarkable," Rusty said, shaking his head in disbelief. "You have a real gift, Janice. Look at her, she's so happy!"
Snickers moved easily from side to side, and even though horses can't actually smile, she seemed to be giving her best shot at it.
"She does, doesn't she."
"Totally! Look at that grin."
Janice blushed, her heart swelling with pride. It felt good to know that someone appreciated her talents. "Thank you," she murmured.
"Hey," Rusty suddenly suggested, his eyes sparkling with excitement. "Why don't we celebrate this little victory? I haven't eaten dinner yet, and I know of a great spot by the lake for a picnic."
Janice hesitated for a moment, her thoughts racing. A picnic with Rusty sounded wonderful—intimate and fun—but would it be appropriate given their shared history? As if answering her question for her, Janice's stomach growled loudly, reminding her that she had skipped food in her nervous anticipation of spending time with Rusty.
“That sounds lovely," Janice agreed, smiling warmly at him. “I am kinda hungry.”
"Great!" Rusty enthused, his face lighting up with delight. "Let me go grab some food and we'll head down to the lake."
As he turned to leave, Janice couldn't help but feel a flutter of anticipation in her stomach. This evening might not have been what she had initially expected, but it was shaping up to be something truly special. And as she watched Rusty stride confidently toward his cabin, she couldn't help but hope that their shared journey of healing and growth had only just begun.
The lake looked beautiful in the evening light. The sun was beginning its descent, casting a warm golden glow over the clear blue water.
Janice sat on a blanket Rusty had laid out, looking out at the shimmering expanse before them.
Rusty opened up a wicker basket filled with all sorts of goodies. "I hope you like sandwiches and apple pie," he said with a grin.
Janice's eyes lit up at the sight of the food. “Who doesn’t?”
“Don’t think I ever met anyone who doesn’t like apple pie, now that you mention it. And as for my homemade apple pie . . . well, you’d have to be crazy not to love it.”
Janice giggled. “I remember your apple pie very well. I’ve missed it, actually. I’ll probably need to eat at least three slices to make up for lost time.”
“You’re gonna need a lot more than three slices to make up for the last ten years, darlin’. I’m gonna have to hook you up to an endless stream of intravenous apple pie, I think.”
Janice giggled again.
Rusty, who was in the middle of pouring lemonade out of a thermos, stopped what he was doing and stared at her. “Damn, I missed that laugh, Janice. The most beautiful sound in the whole wide world.”
Janice bit her lip. “I haven’t heard it much lately, either.”
“Well now, that just ain’t good enough,” Rusty said, his jaw tightening. “We’re gonna have to get you hooked up to an IV of jokes, too, to get you giggling from morning to night.”
Janice giggled a third time. “Apple pie in one arm, jokes in the other. Now that sounds like the kind of prescription I could really get behind.”
They ate the delicious cheese and ham sandwiches Rusty had made and drank cool homemade lemonade in companionable silence, then Janice helped herself to a slice of pie.
“Oh my,” she said. “It even smells the same as it used to.”
“That’s because of my secret ingredient.”
“Which is. . . .?”
“I’ll never tell,” said Rusty. “I never told you when we were together and I’ll never tell you now.”
Janice felt herself blushing again at the mention of them being together. Images entered her mind of her and Rusty naked in bed, kissing and making love after a dinner of roast chicken and apple pie. They had the same routine every Sunday, and it was Janice’s favorite day of the week.
“What are you thinking about?” Rusty asked. “You’re looking at me funny, Janice Jameson.”
“I’m thinking about roast chicken and apple pie,” she said quietly.
Rusty nodded. “I still remember that combination. And I remember tasting your lips, after.”
Janice looked away, suddenly trembling.
“Shit. Sorry,” said Rusty. “Forget I said that. Just lost myself for a moment there. Let’s talk about something else.”
The breeze picked up around them, and Rusty packed away the remains of the sandwiches while Janice tried not to think about Sundays anymore. Tried and failed.
So,” said Rusty, clearly trying to steer the subject in a safer direction. "How did you know Snickers needed a neck massage?"
"It’s the way she was holding her head, tilting it ever so slightly to one side. I learned all kinds of tells about how sick animals hold themselves while working on my father’s ranch. There are a lot of uncomfortable animals on his ranch, unfortunately.”
"I can tell you have a talent for it, Janice," Rusty said sincerely, glancing at her with admiration. “I’d like to tell Chuck about it, if you’ll let me.”
Janice blushed at his praise, feeling a warmth spread through her chest. "Thank you, Rusty. Yes, I’d love you to tell Chuck. I don't want to feel like a spare part at the ranch. And helping horses like Snickers is something I'm truly passionate about. She deserves a good life."
Rusty reached out and gently squeezed her forearm—the one she hadn’t injured. “So do you, Janice. You've faced so many challenges, yet here you are—strong and resilient."
Janice looked down at her other forearm, still covered by a bandage. "I still have a long way to go,” she admitted. “Just like Snickers."
"We all have our own paths to travel," Rusty replied gently, his hazel eyes filled with understanding. "The important thing is to keep moving forward, one step at a time."
Janice gazed out over the lake. The view spread out before her was pretty as a picture. She took a long, deep breath, soaking it all in. The picturesque surroundings. The peace and quiet. The good people.
“I hope I can stay here permanently. I think I’ve already fallen in love with the place.” She looked at Rusty. “As long as you don’t mind, Rusty. You were here first. It must be strange having me turn up.”
“Strange isn’t really the word, Janice,” said Rusty tenderly. “More like . . . confusing.” He paused. "Y'know, I couldn't eat dinner earlier, either," he confessed, his hazel eyes locked with hers. "I was too excited about spending time with you again."
"Really?" Janice's cheeks flushed a rosy pink.
Rusty nodded. Then he looked away, and took a swig of lemonade before passing it to Janice. Their lips touched the same spot on the rim. Something about that made Janice's heart race.
"Remember that time we went frog hunting down by the creek?" Rusty chuckled, his eyes lit up with amusement.
"You were so determined to catch the biggest one," Janice giggled, her own eyes sparkling with delight.
"I did catch a big one!"
"Rocks don't count!"
"Never saw a rock that looked that much like a frog. To this day, I maintain it was a frog. A very still, cold, rock-like frog."
"It sank when we put it in the water," Janice snorted, her laughter ringing through the air.
"Not all frogs can swim."
They laughed together until Janice's belly hurt, and then, without thinking, she said, "It's moments like those that I've missed the most." As soon as she said the words, she regretted them. They felt like she was admitting to too much. Rusty had left her, after all. She didn’t want him to know how much that hurt. She had to keep guarding her own heart.
And yet, the way that Rusty was looking at her now, his brown eyes blinking at her with such kindness, she couldn’t seem to help herself from opening up around him.
"I miss those moments too," Rusty said earnestly. "More than you could know, Janice. I never thought I'd get to share those moments with you again."
Janice gritted her teeth. “I guess we never will. Everything's so different now."
“It’s not completely different,” said Rusty. “Some things feel just the same as they always did. Better, even.”
Janice tried to concentrate on the view of the sunset. Anything to avoid looking into Rusty’s eyes and feeling the feelings she still had for him. "Look at that view," she breathed. "Isn't it beautiful?"
"Almost as beautiful as you," Rusty murmured, his hazel eyes locked onto her.
"Rusty. . . ." Janice whispered, her cheeks flushing. “Don’t.”
"Janice," Rusty replied, hesitating for a moment, searching for the right words to say. Then, with a sudden burst of courage, he found them. "I've missed you so much."
Janice frowned at him. “Then why did you leave me? Not that I care or anything, I just . . . think I deserve an explanation.”
Rusty cleared his throat. “I want to tell you, Janice. I want to tell you everything. And believe me, if I could, then you’d know how difficult this whole situation has been for me.”
Janice sat up straight. “Difficult for you ? You walked away from me, Rusty. Setting up a new life on a paradise ranch doing the job of your dreams. If you’re asking me to feel sorry for you, then—”
“I’m not,” said Rusty. “I’m just asking you to believe that . . . that . . . that I care about you, Janice Jameson.”
Janice’s heart was pounding in her chest. "I never thought I'd see you again. You know? But now that we're here . . . together . . . it feels. . . .”
“Like destiny?” Rusty asked, reaching out for her hand.
Janice felt a crackle of electricity on her arm where Rusty’s fingers had touched her. “I should be avoiding you after you broke my heart—"
“Janice, what happened between us was—”
“It was soul-crushing, Rusty,” said Janice. “Leaving me like that without saying goodbye. You didn’t just break my heart, you trampled all over it. I never fully recovered.”
Rusty rubbed his temples. “I had my reasons, Janice. I had no choice in what happened with us. And I feel bad about it every single goddamn day.”
Janice frowned. “You mean . . . you didn’t want to break up with me?”
“No,” said Rusty. “I wanted to spend my life with you, Janice. But I couldn’t. I can’t.”
“Why not?”
He looked agonized. “I wish I could tell you. But I can't.”
Janice frowned. “You’re just making excuses. You stopped finding me attractive and you didn’t want to tel—”
“Janice, you’re the most desirable woman in the entire fucking universe,” Rusty said ardently. He tentatively reached out to touch Janice's face. His calloused fingers grazed her cheek, sending shivers down her spine. “I wish you could see yourself like I see you.”
“How do you see me?” she whispered.
“Like a goddess,” Rusty replied. “Impossibly gorgeous, impossibly sweet, impossibly wonderful. You have this aura, darlin’. Like there’s this blazing white light of goodness around you. Like you’re a damn angel or somethin’.”
“Then why don’t you want to be with me?”
“I do,” Rusty said sincerely, then looked away. “But I can’t.”
Janice felt a teeny, tiny spark of naughtiness rise up in her. “What about kissing?”
Rusty’s head snapped around. “What?”
“What about kissing? Are you allowed to kiss me?”
“Janice, I don’t think that’s a—”
“Prove to me that what you’re saying is true. That you still find me attractive. Please," she croaked, her breath hitching in anticipation.
Rusty’s faze flicked down to her lips. “Holy shit,” he said under his breath. “I want to kiss you so damn much, little one. But I’m worried that once I start, I won’t be able to stop.”
Janice knew she shouldn’t be saying this, but she heard herself say it anyway: “Then don’t stop.”
With a groan, Rusty cupped her face with his large palms. He put his arm around her lower back, pulling her in close to his broad chest, and then he crushed his lips against hers, kissing her hard and without restraint.
In that instant, all the years of separation melted away, leaving only the raw passion that had always burned between them. Rusty’s mouth felt just the same as it always had—even tasted of the same apple pie.
It felt like coming home.
Rusty kissed her without holding back. His tongue led the dance between them, his lips sought to fuse with hers. He pulled her closer and closer to him, until her breasts were squashed up against his chest, and when she reached down to squeeze his muscular thigh, she felt something warm and hard that she knew instantly wasn’t his leg.
Oh, shoot. I just felt his hard-on.
Her hand recoiled and as they pulled apart, breathless and flushed, Janice couldn't help but smile. For the first time in a long time, she felt truly alive.
"Sorry about that," she murmured, her eyes shining with happiness, "Anyway, I believe you now. You are still attracted to me.”
“Stop talking, Janice,” Rusty ordered her, taking the lemonade out of her hand and setting it down on the grass. “And start kissing me again.”
Janice squealed with delight as Rusty pushed her back onto the picnic blanket, lying over her and pressing his warm, heavy body against her, kissing her and kissing her until there were no words left in her head at all—just the buzz of lust and pleasure.
Of course, deep down, she knew she shouldn’t be doing this. But she would worry about that later. Right now, this kiss was everything.