CHAPTER TWELVE
Janice
J anice stood in line for dinner, even though she didn’t feel all that hungry. She looked at the menu board, the scent of roasting meat wafting from the nearby buffet tables.
The dining hall was a cozy space, with worn wooden tables and mismatched chairs. Janice eyed the spread before her—platters of fried chicken, trays of buttery corn on the cob, and bowls of tangy coleslaw. Chef Marco had worked wonders yet again, but even so, Janice didn’t have an appetite.
She glanced sideways at Rusty, who was just ahead of her in the queue. He seemed preoccupied, lost in thought.
"Rusty," she hissed, trying to catch his eye.
He couldn’t hear her.
“Rusty!” she hissed, louder this time. Oh, how she wished she could call him Daddy. She hated being secretive like this.
Rusty turned and saw her. Was that discomfort in his eyes? She saw him looking stiffly around to check nobody was looking at them, then he hung back a little so they could chat.
"Can we see each other tonight, Daddy?" she whispered.
He looked at her briefly, his hazel eyes cool and distant. "Sorry, Janice," he finally replied, his voice tense. "I've got some things I need to take care of tonight."
Over the past few days, she'd become increasingly attuned to his moods, and she couldn't shake the feeling that something was off between them.
"Rusty?" she repeated, reaching out a tentative hand to touch his arm. He flinched slightly but didn't pull away. The involuntary reaction deepened her concern, stirring up memories of their previous breakup and the signs that had preceded it.
Was he growing bored with her low self-esteem? Had he realized that being together wasn't quite as perfect as he remembered?
"Is everything alright?" she asked, her voice barely audible and laced with worry.
"Everything's fine," he insisted, though his expression remained guarded. "Just busy, that's all. We’ll talk more soon, I promise."
Janice nodded, though the gnawing uncertainty continued to plague her. As they collected their plates and sat down to eat, she tried to focus on the comforting flavors of the home-cooked meal, but her thoughts kept drifting back to Rusty and the chasm that had suddenly seemed to open between them.
With dinner over and her stomach full but her heart aching, Janice made her way to the Nursery, where she knew she would find comfort in the company of her friends Sara and Millie. The room was bathed in the warm glow of string lights shaped like stars and hearts, and laughter filled the air as Littles laughed and played, their worries momentarily forgotten. The comforting scent of fresh crayons and the softness of plush toys surrounded her, but still, she felt herself frowning with worry.
"Hey Janice, what's up?" Sara asked, setting down her coloring book as she noticed the worried expression on her friend's face.
"Can we talk for a moment?" Janice whispered, her voice wavering. Sara nodded and gestured for Millie to join them as they found a quiet corner.
Once settled, Janice fidgeted with her fingers and stared at the floor, struggling to voice her concerns. "I think something's wrong between Rusty and me," she finally admitted, feeling her insecurities bubble to the surface.
“Wait. Are you and Rusty an item?” asked Sara, her eyes wide.
Janice glanced at Millie, who was Chuck’s Little. She couldn’t risk news of their relationship getting back to him. He might throw her off the ranch if he knew she’d been having a secret relationship with a resident without informing him.
“Uh, no,” Janice said, her cheeks heating up. “Nothing like that. We just became friends again. Close . . . friends. But now he’s acting all distant. He flinches when I go near him. I can't help but wonder if it's my fault."
"Janice, don't say that," Millie urged gently, placing a reassuring hand on her friend's shoulder. "You're an amazing person, and Rusty would be lucky to have you as his friend."
“Or as more than a friend,” added Sara mischievously.
"Maybe I'm not good enough for him," Janice continued, her eyes filling with tears. "Or maybe he's realized that hanging out with me isn't as good as he remembered. Or maybe it is like he remembered, but he was hoping it would be different this time."
"Janice, listen," Sara said firmly, making sure she had her friend's attention. "We've seen how much you've grown and changed since you first came here. You're strong, kind, and so talented with the animals. Rusty would be a fool not to see that."
"Thank you, Sara," Janice whispered, trying to muster a smile. She tried to absorb their support like a sponge soaking up water. But deep down, she couldn't shake the feeling that history was about to repeat itself.
It was time to confront Rusty and discover the truth behind his withdrawal.
Deep breaths , Janice reminded herself. Stand tall. You got this.
Hugging both Little Miss Giggles and Little Miss Hug, she approached Rusty at the corral. His tall frame was outlined by the setting sun, his salt and pepper hair ruffling gently in the breeze. She took a deep breath, her heart pounding in her chest as she prepared to engage with him.
"Hey, Rusty," she called out, trying to sound casual despite the anxiety tightening her stomach.
"Janice," he acknowledged, before glancing around to see if anyone else was nearby. "What brings you here?"
"Thought I'd see how Snickers is doing," she replied, attempting to keep her voice steady. Her gaze remained locked on Rusty, hyper-aware of every nuance in his body language, searching for signs that he was pulling away from her.
"She's doing well," Rusty answered, gesturing toward the mare who was contentedly munching on hay. "I think she's enjoying the extra attention lately. The massage has worked wonders."
"Good, I'm glad," Janice said, forcing a smile. "Say, Rusty," she ventured tentatively, "have I . . . have I done something wrong? We haven't been talking much lately, and I can't help but feel like I've upset you somehow."
Rusty hesitated, his brow furrowing slightly before answering, "It's not you, Janice. It's just been a long week, and I've got a lot on my mind."
"Is it about us?" she asked, her fear of abandonment consuming her.
"Let's not talk about this here," Rusty suggested, quietly. "We can talk properly in a couple of days, okay?"
A couple of days?
"Okay," Janice agreed, her heart sinking. She tried not to look heartbroken.
Rusty sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m sorry for the awkwardness, Janice. I really am. I just need a little time, that’s all. I promise we’ll talk more very soon.”
She gave Rusty a weak smile before retreating, hugging Little Miss Giggles and Little Miss Hug close to her chest for comfort.
As she walked away, intrusive thoughts did everything they could to squeeze into her anxious mind. Was she about to lose Rusty again, just like she had ten years ago? What if Rusty was already plotting with Chuck to get her thrown off the ranch?
Try to relax. Try to not worry. Everything's going to be okay.
Little Miss Giggles and Little Miss Hug seemed to offer silent support as she walked away, their stitched smiles unwavering despite the tears that threatened to spill from Janice's eyes.
"Please don't let this be the end," she whispered to herself. As the first tear made its way down her cheek, Janice knew that she couldn't just let go of Rusty without a fight—no matter how much it scared her.
"Tomorrow," she promised herself, wiping away the tear with the back of her hand. "I'll try again tomorrow."