Chapter 6 - Jasper
“This is a joke, right?”
Never before have I stood in front of my pack at a communal lunch, told them I had an important announcement to make, and it was actually a joke.
The fact that Dylan, my Beta, is asking me this proves just how comfortable my packmates feel with me.
“It’s not a joke, Dylan,” I respond.
There’s a heavy silence that settles upon the long tables in our canteen. People stop eating and stop drinking, and soon the place erupts into a symphony of anxious murmurs.
If I’m up on the podium, my shifters usually know not to speak.
Maybe they’re a little too comfortable.
I give them a few moments of grace, because hell, if I were in their positions, I’d probably be the same. Then, I tap my cup twice onto the wooden table in front of me, and they’re silent again.
“I know this comes as a shock to everyone. I understand how you must all be feeling, but my decision is final.”
I gaze around at my packmates, some of them actually look like they accept the idea of Tara coming to live with us, and others look like I’ve just lit their cabins on fire.
Dylan raises his hand.
“Permission to share my thoughts, Alpha?”
I nod. “Granted.”
“I respect your decisions as always, of course. But I don’t understand why you want to marry her? Wouldn’t it be better to marry a shifter, and then, well, keep seeing her on the side?”
To this, there are some resonant groans, outraged gasps, and from Dylan’s wife a look that could kill.
I find the humor in it, leaning back against the wall behind me with my arms crossed.
“Dylan,” I laugh.
“What?”
His wife’s death stare has the power to quieten him and force him to sit down. Dylan stares begrudgingly at the floor.
Another shifter raises his hand.
“Yes,” I point.
“To mirror what Dylan said, although in another way, how come you want to get married all of a sudden? I thought you said that you were waiting for the perfect shifter? That you hadn’t found anyone worthy enough yet?”
So here comes my alibi.
It is true that I’ve often told them that I’ve been waiting for the perfect shifter to come along. I’m a traditional guy, and I’ve been waiting for a traditional woman to seamlessly integrate within our pack.
I’ve had plenty of options, plenty of opportunities, but no one was right. I’ve been picky, and so what? It’s not like I’ve even had much time to date.
Marriage hasn’t been a big concern, not for me anyway, and it’s been better that way—I’ve been more focused.
But as fate would have it, here I am, announcing my marriage with a human of all beings. I hate that I have to lie to them, but it’s for their own good.
“Yes,” I declare. “You’re right, I was waiting for the perfect shifter, and then Tara came along. I know it’s a shock, it’s a shock for me too—I never thought that I’d fall for a human, ever. But that’s how I know it’s real, the fact that I’m willing to do this.”
“Does this mean that one of us has to marry a witch?” Someone asks.
I shake my head. “This is why the timing is actually perfect. I wasn’t going to marry Tara yet; we were going to take it slow, and I was going to have you all meet her gradually so that you could decide what you thought.
But now, with the looming pressure from the witches to form a marriage alliance to prove our ‘openness’, what better time?
Me marrying a human proves just how open we are, no witch alliance needed.
“We’re just lucky I found a human who I love so much,” I add.
Maybe some will see the truth behind mine and Tara’s arrangement, maybe they won’t. If I tell my pack I love someone, they’ll generally believe me, although perhaps some of them—the smarter ones—will be able to read between the lines.
There’s a silence that settles upon us again as they digest what I’ve just told them.
Some, mainly the children, have continued eating and drinking.
I want to give them the space they need.
“Feel free to get out all the questions and concerns you have,” I tell them. “She’ll be coming over this evening.”
What keeps me sane is knowing that I am doing this for the greater good. If this were a proper marriage, I would have had them all formally meet my bride-to-be many times before she moved in.
But this has to work quickly. The faster we get married, the faster we can get divorced.
“What are we supposed to do with her?” A shifter, one of our females asks. “Like during rituals, daily chores, and pack events. How are we supposed to include a human in all those things?”
I understand it completely.
And I can’t believe that I’m saying this, but “It’ll be a change and certainly a challenge, but she’s going to be my wife, so we’ll have to make her feel as included as possible. I’m sure we can find ways for her to get involved however best she can.”
After a few more questions, the protests fall silent, and my packmates nod and accept what I’m saying on the surface, but I know, deep down, they’re not happy. Most likely, a lot of them are probably afraid.
I don’t blame them; I’m not too thrilled about it either. But I’ve got it under control.
“Just know that I’d never do anything to put our pack at risk. If you trust me, I promise you this will all work out for the best.”
“We trust you, Alpha,” Dylan says.
I nod.
The room of packmates all raise their glasses, declare their allegiance, and soon get back to what they were doing before.
***
Tara stands awkwardly at my cabin door with a duffel slung around her body. One hand rests on the handle of a large suitcase, while the other holds a purse.
Then I notice there’s also a satchel across her body, flung in the opposite direction of her duffel.
I almost laugh.
She looks ridiculous.
“Are you sure you’ve brought everything?” I tease.
She doesn’t respond. It seems like she wants to scowl, but doesn’t quite have the energy to do so.
“Let me take something—” I go to help her, but she shrugs me off.
“It’s fine,” she says. “I’ve got it.”
I raise my hands in defense. “Okay, okay, suit yourself.”
Once she’s inside, she puts her bags down and follows me around as I give her a brief tour. I try to lighten the mood, but all I hear from her are unimpressed grunts in response. How am I supposed to be acting with someone who hates my guts?
This is difficult.
Allowing a human into my space, knowing that my pack is uncomfortable, and let’s face it, I’m pretty uncomfortable too.
But I’m trying.
And then there’s the fact that she still looks so good. Even though she was covered by large bags and not exactly dressed to impress, she still looked the way she always does. Beautiful and interesting.
My wolf’s sexual frustration isn’t helping.
Nor is the fact that I’m about to officially be a married man, and so cannot legitimately entertain a physical relationship with anyone else.
Not like I’d have the time for all that anyway.
“So, I’ll show you upstairs,” I tell her.
“It’s pretty straightforward, not much to know aside from the fact that you need to watch your step a little when you go up and down.
I’ve been meaning to get the stairs fixed; there’s a little chip that doesn’t affect me, but you being human and all, I don’t know. Might be a risk.”
“Chipped stairs,” she says. “Got it.”
I’m not sure whether I prefer her being loudly sassy or showing her disdain quietly, like she’s doing now. At least when she was calling me names, I knew what she was thinking and feeling.
I recall the way she slammed the door in my face and her insults after I kissed her.
Hm.
On second thought, maybe this is better.
We can just avoid one another and pretend we’re living alone.
Once we’re upstairs, I show her the bedroom.
“So this is where we’ll be sleeping. I usually keep the blinds open to wake up with the sunlight, but I understand that maybe being human-”
“Hold on, hold on,” she says, hands on her hips. “I think you accidentally said we.”
I roll my eyes around the room. “Yep, we. There’s only one bedroom.”
She scoffs. “Yeah, no, that’s not going to work. I’m not sleeping next to you.”
I exhale in frustration. “It’s not exactly a dream come true for me either, but we’re supposed to be a married couple, so it’s what we’re going to have to do.”
She shakes her head. “I’ll go somewhere else.”
“Tara, you can’t go somewhere else, do you know how suspicious that would look? Don’t be ridiculous.”
“I don’t care!” She yells. “I’m not sleeping with you.”
She steps closer to me, and my wolf instinctively sharpens his senses. He flinches, and I have to temper him down. That, along with her stubbornness, is pissing me off.
“There’s nowhere else for you to go,” I tell her, tightening my jaw as I feel a wave of frustration pulse through my whole body. No one else makes me feel this frustrated. No one else can get this reaction out of me within only seconds.
She steps even closer to me again, a raging fire burning in her woodland green eyes. They look greener than brown in this lightning, I don’t know why, but of all things, I’m noticing that now.
“Well, you should think of somewhere else I can go. I mean, we’re not technically married yet, so wouldn’t it be the traditional thing, not to sleep in the same place?”
I scoff.
“How very ignorant of you, Tara. Why don’t you impose your ridiculous human values on us some more?”
“Ridiculous?”
She’s so close to my face that I can practically feel her breath, and I can hear the agitated thump of her heartbeat.
Her pulse is rising like crazy.
Well, yeah, I’m pissed too.
“Yes, ridiculous,” I say. “When a mate moves into an Alpha’s pack, they stay with the Alpha. That’s how we do things around here, that’s what you signed up for.”
“I’ll sleep on the floor, then,” she mutters, gazing off to the side.
I shake my head. “You’re not going to sleep on the floor.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’re my wife,” I tell her, my voice raised as I stare deeply into those unbelievably visceral eyes. I fight the urge to hold her in place, but it seems as though the change in my tone has sparked her attention enough.
“Or soon-to-be wife,” I correct. “And you’re just not sleeping on the floor, okay? That’s just not acceptable.”
There’s a beat of silence, and through that silence a strange air settles upon us.
It’s hard to describe, but it feels unbelievably tense.
Like a guitar string about to snap. I can still hear her heart beating, I can see the steady rise and fall of her chest, the world is moving, but still, something has to break.
We’re at a stalemate.
Neither of us moves, and for a split second, I remember what went through my mind the first time I saw her at that bar.
I knew she was human.
I was about to leave, and then I froze. I just had to buy her that drink.
What an idiot.
I shake the thoughts away.
“Look,” I say. “This isn’t going to be easy, but I’m going to need you to cooperate with me.”
She takes a deep breath and shakes her head.
“You’re asking me to do something I’m not comfortable doing. I assumed that there would be a spare bedroom.”
“Well, there’s not,” I say, making my way to the back window so that I can take a normal breath. She’s being so unbelievably difficult. “This is the way we do things around here. What do you think I’m going to do anyway? What are you so worried about? I’ll keep to my side. I’ll be respectful.”
She laughs. A fake, I hate-you-laugh.
“You, respectful? Oh no, I don’t think those two words go together.”
“Can you trust me?” I ask her.
I get why she wouldn’t, but I’m putting my trust in her. That’s what happens when you make a deal.
“Look,” she says, eyeing the door. “Maybe this was a bad idea.”
Do I let her go? I think of the pack. What happens if this doesn’t work? Well, what happens is one of them will have to marry a witch. Not only that, but if Tara goes ahead and tells a bunch of people about our little deal, I’m pretty sure that we’ll be punished.
And hey, punishment for myself is fine, whatever, I’m sure I deserve it. But it’s not for my pack. They won’t suffer because of my mistakes.
This has to work.
“No, we’ll make this work,” I tell her. “I don’t want to argue. I’ll just sleep on the couch, okay? You get the bed. Does that work for you?”
Leadership can be the most frustrating thing at times. The ego in me hates to concede and give up my bed of all things, but it’s for the pack.
A deal’s a deal.
“You don’t have to do that,” she murmurs.
“Yes, but I am. To make you happy-”
“It’s not about being happy.”
Man, I don’t think I’ve ever dealt with anyone so stubborn.
“Do we have a deal, Tara?” I hold out my hand.
Something about that makes her flinch. She eyes my hand as though it's a dead rat.
She nods.
“Fine,” Tara grumbles. “It’s a deal, I guess.”
***
It’s been hours, and still, no sleep.
The couch is actually surprisingly comfortable. I’ve slept on here before, but not in a long while, so I genuinely forgot what it was like.
But it’s not the feel of the couch that’s the problem; it’s everything else.
My senses have gone wild.
It’s like I’m on a hunt, leading a surprise attack on the enemy or something, because I can hear everything.
Tara, I know, is restless too.
Any frustrated huff of breath—and there are a lot of those—any slight turn, every single goddamn beat of her heart sounds like it’s being broadcast through a ten-foot speaker. Usually, this only happens voluntarily, as mentioned during the time of battle, when I actually want to hear these things.
The only involuntary case of this is well…mating or imprinting.
And that’s not possible because Tara is human!
I run my hands over my face.
Yes, I’ve been drawn to Tara in the past, for reasons I can’t explain. Yes, I seem to be more in tune with the sounds of her body than anyone else’s.
Is it because she’s human, so she’s in some ways like prey?
But I’ve met other humans before, and I haven’t had this kind of reaction.
I groan.
Then I hear Tara sighing from upstairs. I’m about to lose it.
I sit up, staring at the dark room around me. With Tara here, every single thing has so irrevocably changed. There’s no going back. It's likely that I won't get a good night’s sleep for a while.
Was it a mistake to let her back in my life again?
I decided a while ago to keep her further than arm's length.
I scoff, look at us now.
At least, I suppose, we’re not in the same bed. If I thought her sounds were loud now…
I walk over to the kitchen sink, splash cold water over my face, then lie down on the couch.
No point overthinking this.
What I need is a clear mind and some sleep.