Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
ADAM
“How are you so relaxed?” I gritted out, speaking low to Mercer.
“How are you not?”
Was he fucking mocking me?
“It’s- she- we…” I stumbled over my words, not knowing how to put a voice to all my thoughts and feelings.
His hand came down on my shoulder. “It will be fine. Plus, I’m excited to see that little squiggle bean again.”
Belle walked up with Ace right as Mercer spoke. She rubbed the bump as she chimed in, “It’s a little more than a squiggle bean now.”
“Nonsense. It’s only been a few weeks.”
“Babies grow quick, Merc, and it’s been like what? At least twelve weeks since you first saw it.”
The best twelve weeks I’d had in years, now that I knew I’d be a father again. Now that I’d let myself feel the freedom of a connection again. Now that I’d begun to live again. I reached out, taking Belle’s hand, wanting the connection. No, needing the connection because sometimes I couldn't believe this was real and not some mental break I’d suffered from. Except I woke up this morning, with her palm against my bare skin, and I didn’t think I could recreate a feeling like that. It had to be real.
A door opened, and a male stepped out, a smile on his face as he looked around. “Bellamy Ferrari.”
She stepped forward, but I refused to let go of her hand. When we got closer, the guy looked around. “I’m sorry, only two can come into the room. Which one is the dad?”
“We all are,” I stated, daring him to challenge me.
“That’s…” He swallowed as I refused to blink, and I knew behind me, Mercer and Ace were using their size as their own intimidation tactics.
Defusing the situation, Belle leaned in. “Listen, I know there are rules and all and I’d never ask you to bend them. But is there maybe a bigger room we could use so they all could come? I’m okay if we need to reschedule, but I can’t pick one. You know how males are. It will become a competition.”
“I just don’t?—“
“Please.” Her voice broke, and when I looked over, she suddenly was sobbing, tears pouring from her eyes. She sniffed hard. “Don’t make me choose.”
Fury consumed me and I saw red. I wanted nothing more than to take the technician’s throat between my fingers and squeeze the life out of him. Maybe it was the tears, or maybe he sensed my anger because the technician cursed. “Just… give me five minutes, okay? I’ll see what I can do.”
The door shut, and I turned, fuming that he had the audacity to make her cry. But she only cleared her throat as she used her sleeve to wipe away tears. “See, that wasn’t too hard, now was it? Much easier than the macho shit you three were trying to pull.”
After gifting us with an eye roll, she turned and strolled back to the waiting area, taking a seat, leaving us all standing there in a mess of confusion. Had my wife… just manipulated… all of us? Fuck, I hadn’t thought the sweet thing had it in her. I’d seen nothing so fucking attractive.
Ten minutes later, we were in a room, Belle squirming as she cursed the stupid water she was forced to drink. “I’ve never had to pee so much in my life.”
“It’s fine, you’re okay,” I promised, even though I’d never been in her position. It couldn’t be that bad, could it?
“I literally could pee my pants right this moment.” She looked serious.
“It was only a glass of water.” Ace sighed.
“And the weight of this child’s ass on my bladder,” she whimpered.
“That’s like what, two pounds at most?” Ace tried to reason.
“We’re just going to get a few measurements, then I’ll let you use the restroom.” The tech sat on a chair and squirted some jelly onto her stomach. This tech was a girl. The male was probably too afraid to open that door and face us again. “And just so you know, boys, pregnancy is tough. Having to pee can be so unbearable.”
I held up my hands in surrender. “I believe you.”
Belle shot me a look because moments before, I had tried to lessen her suffering, but honestly, I was trying to convince her more than myself. I knew none of us could ever handle being pregnant, even if it were possible.
She winced as the lady dug the wand into her skin. “You’re hurting her.”
“Easy there, papa bear.” The tech laughed. “It’s uncomfortable, I’ll admit. But we need to make sure this kid is measured correctly.”
“Can’t you do it without hurting her?” I growled.
The tech’s lips quirked a little. “That’s up to your child. Seems like it’s as stubborn as its father.”
“Fathers,” Belle corrected as she blew a strand of hair out of her eyes. “All of them are as stubborn as hell.”
“I’m sorry.” The lady laughed. “Guess we can’t have it all, right? Good looks and willingness to bend are never in the same bodies.”
I fought the urge to bring my hand up to my cheek and cover the scar. Once I had good looks. Now, all I had was the memory and the fears it left me with. The deformity that made me stand out instead of blending in with men of my standing. Without me realizing it, Belle had grabbed my hand and squeezed.
“Holy shit!” Mercer blurted out and Belle’s hand dropped mine, instantly grabbing Ace’s.
“What’s wrong?” Belle whimpered as she looked at the screen, her fear clear as she watched.
But Mercer’s eyes sparkled. “Do you see it?”
I looked to the screen, not sure what I was looking at, but I saw the movement, the waves of limbs as the baby shifted and fought the pressure of the wand. “Yeah, I see it. Well, I think. There’s a lot of movement happening in there.”
Movement I was jealous of because I never had time to feel, but I wanted to. I wanted to feel it squirm under my hand and for it to know it was safe with us before it was even born.
“She.” Mercer smiled at the screen. “Not it. It’s a fucking girl.”
Belle’s head whipped toward him as her fingers squeezed Ace’s hand so tight, his fingers were turning white. “What?”
“There’s a burger!”
I had to laugh at that. “What the fuck are you even talking about?”
“I was reading up on it yesterday, anticipating our visit. I wanted to make sure it was safe for Belle. And that’s a fucking burger for sure. A fucking girl. Wow!” He blew out a breath before he looked at the technician, excitement literally radiating off of him. “Tell me I’m right. I know I am.”
The tech looked at Belle, waiting for her to confirm that she did, in fact, want to know the gender. “I want to know.”
“He’s right.” She punched a few buttons and typed in something, printing out an image. “It’s a girl.”
“I fucking knew it!” He whooped excitedly before grabbing Belle’s jaw and holding it tightly as he laid a kiss on her. His excitement was palpable, pulsing through the air, making it nearly impossible not to feel the joy.
And when the tech handed me the grainy photo, displaying what was definitely a “burger,” that’s exactly what I felt. Joy. Until the uncertainty rolled in, twisting my stomach with nausea, and making my legs buckle with weakness.
“A girl,” I whispered, clinging tightly to the image.
“I fucking knew it.” Ace leaned down, not caring that his hand would get the slimy gel over it when he rubbed the top of her stomach. “I can’t believe it.”
For the rest of the appointment, I felt like a statue at her side. My mind raced with thoughts. My heart ached with fear. Everything I had fought past in the years since my wife died had reared its way back into my mind, and I was scared. Terrified that history would repeat, and I’d lose them both just when I was falling.
“Hey.” Belle reached up, cupping my cheek as we waited on the curb, waiting for Ace and Mercer to bring the car around. She stood on her toes and kissed my jaw. “It will be alright.”
I couldn’t let her see my doubts, even though doubt was all I felt in this moment. Doom. The realization that this was all too real was finally hitting, and I wasn’t sure how to handle how I felt. I pushed it down, instead allowing myself the comfort of leaning into her palm. “A girl. I guess you were right.”
“I had no doubt.” She smirked. “Are you… okay with that?”
“You’d think I wouldn’t be?” I grabbed onto her hand, tilting my head to kiss her palm before placing it back on my cheek. “Baby, I don’t care about gender.”
“Mr.,” she deepened her voice, “’Mafia men don’t have daughters.’”
“Looks like these three men do.” I shrugged. “Besides, who else is going to keep Mercer and Ace in line, if not for a little female crooking her fingers?”
“But not you?” She brought her hand down from my cheek, then took my fingers and laced them in hers.
“Oh, I promise I’ll be wrapped around her little finger, too.” I bit my lower lip. “While her mom is wrapped around my cock.”
“Eww.” She punched my arm, and I laughed, enjoying the lightness in the action.
“I’m joking.” Sort of. “Do you think any of us could deny any little girl anything?”
“I just want to make sure you’re happy.”
“I’m happy,” I confirmed. And I was happy. So fucking happy that my family was growing and that we all were doing this together. It was never something I wanted until I had it. But seeing her with my best friends did something to my insides, something so fucking comfortable that I wanted to settle into the feeling and never let it go. But happiness didn’t evaporate my fears. It didn’t make me forget my past. It didn’t make me stop questioning everything.
“What you are is annoying,” she huffed as the car pulled up, flanked by both Max and Drew driving their own separate vehicles. “If something is wrong, please tell me. I can tell your mind is turning.”
“It’s just thinking about when I could get you pregnant again, is all.” That wasn’t a lie. This look on her was the hottest thing I’d ever seen. One day it would be our DNA — Mercer’s, Ace’s, Mine — that swelled her stomach, and I couldn’t wait. Couldn’t wait to make it happen, couldn’t wait to have all the children stumbling around our feet and running through Belle’s rose garden. Couldn’t wait for the house to officially feel like a home.
Our home.
“It’s a kink.” she whispered under her breath.
“So be it.” I smiled as I pulled open the door. “And I can’t wait to discover all the little things that get you off. What are your kinks, little Belle?”
Her face reddened, her cheeks the prettiest pink as she scooted into the back seat. I followed her, sitting next to her on the soft leather before shutting the door and tapping the headrest, alerting Ace to drive. “Well?”
She turned her head toward me, her eyes fire. “Apparently having three men fumble over my affection.”
“Hm.” The sound was low in my throat. “You like that, baby?”
She hesitated for a moment before nodding, “I do.”
“I do, too,” I admitted. “Too fucking much.”
A few hours later, Belle was in our bed, and I walked upstairs with my boys, taking in the improvements. She’d initially resisted the thought of moving our quarters up here, but I thought she’d love it if given the chance. Our room was close to the library she was obsessed with, and I’d made some alterations to the space that I hadn’t discussed with her previously.
“This really will make a perfect nursery for our girl.” Mercer was standing, arms crossed, as he looked over the room that was just off the master suite.
Our girl.
I still couldn’t wrap my head around it. We were going to be girl dads and hell, how the fuck would any of us ever get any sleep again? Not with worrying about our little girl and their safety. She would never date. I’d not allow it. Especially when I knew what men like us did to disobedient little things, and she would be disobedient. With a mother like hers, it would be hard for her not to be.
Sure, Belle seemed compliant most of the time. But it was the times she showed us her fire that I knew we were fucked. When she finally let loose, and I knew she would, there was no way our hearts would survive without some delicious damage done.
“Are we painting it?” Ace observed the space. “Pink?”
I thought about it. I truly did. I’d love to see this room dripping pink and accented in jewels, made into a little girl’s dream. “I was thinking a cream. That way when she moves rooms, we’ll just have to redesign the furniture and décor.”
“Yeah, but that’s some time away. Surely, we can just repaint it,” Mercer suggested.
“We could,” I agreed. “I want Belle pregnant again this time next year. Repainting just seems like senseless work in that time frame.”
I didn’t know why I was admitting this to them. We’d never really talked about things we liked, desires, plans that didn’t involve the business. But fuck, if we were all doing this together, we might as well go all in. They needed to know that this little girl wasn’t a one and done. We’d have as many as this house could fit if I had my way.
When Elizabeth was pregnant, I liked it. There was something so hot about knowing my child was growing inside of her and I was a part of that experience. Belle’s child wasn’t mine, technically. But that allure was still there. Maybe she was right? Maybe it was my kink, an insatiable fetish that I couldn’t control, but fuck, I wanted it.
The silence that followed my statement was heavy and when I dared to look at my friends, they were looking back at me. “What?”
“Does Belle know this?” Mercer asked.
“I’ve discussed my desires a little,” I confessed.
Ace cleared his throat, “Then cream it is.”
I turned my back toward them and walked through the door. “This is the master.”
They knew that. How the fuck could they not? They were here when I built this property. They could have gotten their own places. Hell, they still could, I supposed. But they claimed all they needed was a room and didn’t care about the rest.
“We’ve seen this before,” Ace pointed out.
“Yes,” I agreed, while walking to the furthest wall, to a door hidden behind a bookcase. “But you’ve not seen this before.”
I pulled open the door, exposing an extension to the master bedroom that was nearly finished. It was large, large enough to fit a bed big enough to fit us all, if that’s what they wanted. The custom bed frame was already taking shape, and I knew my men would catch on quickly to my wants. “You can still have your rooms, of course, either downstairs or up here with us. But I thought maybe…”
“Maybe you’d create a giant fuck pad?” Mercer stared at the space, his mouth hanging open.
“I figured we could turn the other part of the bedroom into a sitting room. I mean, if you want me to move forward with it.” I don’t know why I was so nervous to show them the shared space I was creating. We wanted this, didn’t we? I knew I did.
“You’ve turned your master into a… into… our master?” Ace observed.
“It’s not official.” I rushed the words out, already afraid of the rejection that I felt coming. “It just seemed easier. If she was ours, we wouldn’t have a fight over who gets her this way. No passing her from room to room, space to space.”
“And you’re sure this is what you want?” Ace spoke slowly as he looked around, walking toward the sliding door that led to a second bathroom. “She’s your wife, Adam. Your fucking wife.”
“You think I don’t know that?” I growled, and then I instantly regretted it. This was my best friend. We’d always had each other’s back. I wasn’t mad at him. He was only bringing up a valid point of concern. I inhaled slowly before continuing. “I will not change my mind. If anything, seeing you two with her brings up desires I hadn’t known were buried.”
“Desires?” The way Ace looked at me, fucking knowing even as he pretends not to, was unnerving.
“I said what I said.”
“But you didn’t answer the question I was asking. What type of desires?” he asked again.
“I’m not into you sexually, if that’s what you’re worried about.” I don’t know why I felt so defensive. Maybe it was the way he was looking at me, almost watching me differently.
“I wasn’t worried.” He pulled open the bathroom door. “I’m not a prude, and I think I can speak for Mercer when I say he sure the fuck isn’t.”
Was he saying…
“Don’t look at me like that.” He disappeared through the door so that all I could hear was the echo of his voice when he said, “It’s whatever she wants, ultimately.”
I had put little thought into my best friends sexually until now. All I knew was that I really enjoyed watching them, watching her, watching the people in my home love each other. I followed him toward the bathroom, walking in as he ran his fingers over the fixtures. He turned toward me when he heard my steps. “You know, we have way too many bathrooms and bedrooms in this place. Your kids will get lost.”
“Nah.” Mercer came up behind me. “More places to explore.”
I took a deep breath before speaking. “They won’t just be mine. I- I don’t care whose child she is carrying. In fact, I don’t want to know. Let them run around with blue eyes like Mercer. Or devilish green like their mom. Black hair like you, brown like me. I don’t give a fuck. They are all mine in the end. Ours.”
He looked pensive for a moment before he spoke. “People will judge us all.”
“They do anyway,” I reminded him. “I saw her yesterday with Mercer. The sounds she made were so fucking sweet, I escaped to my office the first chance I got to jack off like a fucking teenager. And they hadn’t even fucked. If people judge for the wrongness of it all, fuck them because something that feels this right can’t be wrong.”
Ace’s eyes fell on Mercer. “You had sex with her? For him to watch?”
“We didn’t fuck.” Mercer laughed, and I knew he was thinking of the memory of it. “I sure as hell wanted to, though.” He leaned against the wall, crossing his ankles to balance himself. “Tell me, did she smell like me as you sat next to her at the dinner table? I wish I could have been there, knowing damn well she didn’t have time to wash my cum off her creamy skin properly.”
Ace’s eyes were wide. “You didn’t.”
“She asked for it.” Mercer shrugged, and she sure the fuck did. She had to know what was coming when she dumped a bowl of popcorn over his head.
Ace only shook his head, and he left the bathroom and walked toward the opening behind the bookcase. “If this is what she wants, I’m in. Only if it’s what she wants. I’ll keep my room downstairs. No need to make other arrangements.”
When he was completely out of sight, Mercer turned to me, trying not to laugh. “He wants to fuck that girl so bad, he can’t stand it. It’s like he’s seventeen again and afraid the girls are going to reject him.”
“He doesn’t see what we see,” I confirmed.
“He will.” Mercer clapped me on the shoulder. “He will. Let’s go. We’ve got plans to make and girly things to buy.”
“Girly things?” I questioned.
“That nursery will not decorate itself, and what’s the point of a surprise if you don’t go all in?”
He had a point. We were always all-or-nothing type men.
“Let’s go pick some pink shit then.” I stepped through the room, turning once to view the space that was about to become the center of our family. “And look for a big enough bed to fit three grown ass men and a wisp of a woman.”
Ready or not, this was happening. This was us. This was ours.