Chapter 48
CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT
ADAM
Opening my eyes was a fight, and I was losing. They were heavy and gritty, and every time I tried to pull them apart, they seemed to flutter down on their own. My muddled mind couldn't comprehend why this was. Everything floating around in there seemed to be blocked.
"He's waking up." Ace's voice floated through to me, though I wasn't sure who he was talking to.
With as much will as I could muster, I forced an eye open long enough to see Ace holding a phone to his ear. When he met my eyes, he hung up the phone and leaned forward. "How are you feeling?"
I let my eyes fall closed again, not answering for a moment while I assessed. I couldn't remember what got me here. I finally settled on what I knew for sure. "Groggy as fuck." My voice was scratchy, and it reminded me that I could really use some water.
"It's the anesthesia."
I blinked a few times. "Anesthesia?"
His hand came out and squeezed mine for a moment before he released it. "You don't remember?" When I didn't answer, he offered, "Accardo is dead."
My heart suddenly was in overdrive, the monitor beating frantically. "Belle."
"She's—"
God. Don't say dead. Don't tell me I lost another wife.
"She's in rough shape. I won't lie to you, Adam. It's touch and go. She's lost a lot of blood, had a lot of transfusions. Her heart stopped. Twice. But for now, she's stable. ICU. No visitors, so Mercer is staying there stalking the nurses' station for updates."
My hand was shaking as I brought it up to rub at my sandy dry eyes. "Fuck." Then the thought occurred to me. "The baby?"
"She is in the NICU. Cesarean. The trauma from Accardo caused placental abruption. If they didn't remove her, they both would have died. She's early, but the doctor thinks she'll be okay. We can't see her without permission from you or Belle, but I got a glimpse as they wheeled her by. Her little body was covered in cords, and she was encased in a bubble and ... fuck, even then, she was absolutely beautiful."
"She's okay," I gasped out.
"Belle has a concussion. So many fucking abrasions on her perfect creamy skin that if Accardo wasn't dead, I'd kill him myself. Fuck. And you... how the fuck did you even snap your leg like that? Took too fucking long in surgery setting it. You're going to be in a cast for months."
"Worth it," I confirmed.
I'd do it all again to get that fucker's slimy fingers off my wife. I'd take the fall to put distance between him and her. Hell, I would have died for her. I still would. I forced my body to lean forward before grabbing the cords and tabs attached to my arms and yanking them off my body. The machines went wild, but I didn't give a fuck. I needed to see her. I needed to touch my wife. I needed to know that, at least for the moment, she'd be okay.
Two nurses rushed in before I could even get my good leg off the bed. "What are you doing?"
"My wife," I grunted as I tried to scoot forward toward the edge of the bed.
"You're not going anywhere. You just got that leg set. You're in no shape to just walk out of here." The plump, short one stood with her hand on her hip.
"My wife," I gritted out.
They looked at Ace, and he shrugged. "We can't see her or our child without his permission. He's legally her husband. You think I'd stop him?"
The nurse sighed and shook her head. "Fucking stubborn men." After she looked to the ceiling for a moment, probably trying to gather all the patience she could muster to deal with the likes of us, she demanded, "Keep your ass in place. I'll get a wheelchair."
When I didn't respond, she pointed at me, the sternest of looks burning in her eyes. "I mean it. If you fuck up that leg, that means another surgery, and we don't have time for that. I doubt you do either."
She turned and stormed away. The tall slender one walked to the machines, silencing the beeping as I leaned toward Ace and mumbled, "Did she just curse at me?"
"If that's the only thing she does to you tonight, you should be thankful." The tall nurse crossed her arms. "You get five minutes. You should be resting."
"I'll rest when I'm dead."
Probably a poor choice of words because the nurse snapped, "If that leg gets infected, you just might be."
"Tough crowd." Ace shook his head then stepped toward me, his arm under mine as he stabilized me. "We can do this later. It doesn't have to be now."
It did. It does. It should be right now. She was my wife, and I needed to see her, needed to touch her skin with my own fingers to be reassured. I saw her in the garden. I coated my body in her blood as I held her limply to my chest. Nothing but the feel of her steady heartbeat could reassure me she was okay.
The wheelchair came into the room, and the stern nurse returned with a scowl. "I'm urging you to rethink this."
"If you don't help me, I'll go myself," I admitted.
"That's what we're afraid of." She sighed before turning to Ace. "Be a strong boy and help us with your friend."
"Yes, ma'am."
There have been many humiliating times in my life. Ace had seen me through them. But never once had any of them required him to lift me up like a helpless baby. Was this a new level of friendship we crossed? I wasn't sure. Still, I was thankful to have him in my life. I'd be lost without him. I'd be lost without any of them.
When he settled me into the wheelchair, he went to pull away, and I grabbed his shoulder, holding him in place. His troubled eyes locked on mine, but he didn't speak a word. I could see it, could see the toll this whole thing had taken on him, read the worry and the fears he didn't dare speak. Was he thinking of her, too? Thinking of the last time he saw his sister before her body lay lifeless?
My throat felt clogged with emotion, the things I never said, but I should. I should say them every fucking day because we knew, probably more than any, just how precious our lives could be. "I… thank you for staying with me. I don't tell you enough or maybe ever, but without you, I don't think…"
Why were words so hard to speak when feelings were so easy to feel?
I tried to shuffle through my thoughts, even though my head still felt heavy, and I was already fading with the desire to sleep. Before I could come up with something, before words could leave me, his brows pulled together as he held my gaze. His words that blurted out both shocked me and soothed me.
"I love you. I don't know what that means. I just know it's true." He swallowed hard. "I always will. And it will always be us, the four of us… five, against the world. Do you understand? You, me, Mercer, Bellamy.Even the baby, we don't need anyone else but us."
I bobbed my head, the heaviness taking over as my words slurred slightly. "No one else but us."
His lips tilted a little before he stood and cleared his throat. "I can push him, if you'd like."
"Push him all you want, but there is no way we can let the two of you out of our sight. With the fights you both put up when you first got here, we'd get written up. And that's not even including your other friend, who damn near tore his way into a sterile operating room. Push away, but we will escort you."
Damn. I didn't remember any of that, but I couldn't argue with an escort. All I wanted to do was be with Belle. I'd follow any rules to get there. Whatever it took, I'd do it.
The hospital we were at was large, filled with winding hallways and multiple floors of sterile white. I hated places like this. Avoided them like the bubonic plague. If I needed medical attention, I usually paid extra for a home visit or stitched myself up without a doctor. Places like this brought back memories of losing Elizabeth. Memories of being bed bound while half my body was concealed with gauze. Memories that were hauntingly painful to let surface and entertain.
I breathed deeply and kept silent as we traveled through the hall. I knew my feelings would pass. Feelings always did. I just needed to see her. Hold her. Touch her warm skin.
Two floors down, we entered a set of double doors that required a passcode. Through the doors and down the hall, Mercer sat slumped in a chair, his eyes on a window, looking into a room. The squeak of the wheelchair alerted him to our arrival. When his eyes found mine, he jumped up, nearly stumbling on his long legs.
"You're here." He shook his head, looking toward the window. "It's... it hasn't been good. They won't let me inside because I'm not legally married to her. They didn't even want to let me into the unit, but I refused to take my eyes off her."
"Is he the husband?" The nurse, who sat behind a computer at a station a few yards away, called. She wasn't talking to us, only addressing the nurse I had with me.
"Refused to rest until he saw his wife," my escort confirmed.
"Name?" Something was typed into the computer as I answered her question. The nurse nodded at the screen. "Brought in separately."
"Just woke from surgery. He won't be long," my nurse confirmed.
There was a long pause as the nurses stared at each other, silently communicating, before Belle's nurse rose and walked toward the door. "She can only have one visitor at a time. If Mr. Ferrari approves, I can add someone else to the approved visitor list."
"They are her partners," I explained, and when the look of confusion grew too much, I clarified, "I'm her husband, but our relationship is nontraditional. She is our wife."
The nurse scanned her badge, and the door popped open. "I see." She could judge us all she wanted. It wouldn't change the fact that we were in this together. "Your wife, Mr. Ferrari, suffered significant blood loss and sustained a head injury. She's lucky to be alive. She almost didn't make it."
The wheelchair pushed through the door, and my chest tightened at the sight of her lying there, tubes hooked to her body as she slept peacefully. I was so utterly afraid of disturbing her, but all I wanted to do was touch her. I needed to touch her.
The wheelchair stopped right next to her bedside, and the nurses disappeared out of the room, leaving me alone with her. I reached out, my fingers lacing with her limp hand. "I didn't do enough," I admitted to her. "We were supposed to be stronger because you belonged to us together. Despite that, you lie here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't do better."
I brought her hand to my lips and kissed the skin.
"I was terrified," I exhaled as I confessed. I doubt she could hear me, but I needed to say it, anyway. "Terrified that I'd lose you too. I can't. You understand that, right? If we lost you, it would break every one of us. Look at us. We're all just men at your mercy. And parents? We have a daughter now to think about, Belle. None of us were equipped to be dads to a girl. No, we need you to boss us around. We need you there. We need you because we love you. I- I love you."
I rested my head against her arm and closed my eyes, savoring the nearness. Right before I drifted off to sleep, my wife's presence my only comfort, I could have sworn she squeezed my hand. Three quick squeezes, and I knew then we'd be alright. It was the only option.