Chapter 15 Ash
My phone had been vibrating for about five minutes continuously, it seemed, but I hadn’t answered it. Lying on my back, staring at my ceiling, I went through the runs of today again. Had I dropped the ball, or had the tackle caused the ball to loosen?
I didn’t know. I hardly ever dropped the ball, and I was pissed off that today had been the day. Fucking ’Bama of all teams. Then Kentucky won, so now the Saints and Kentucky were both on two games lost.
We didn’t play them again — we played Texas. We had to win against Texas. Gray needed to be ready to play that championship game if we got there.
My cell started to vibrate again, and I closed my eyes. It would be my cousins looking to see if I was okay and where I was. It wasn’t like me to ditch them, so when we got off the bus, I had made an excuse that I needed the doc. Coach had heard me, and we had walked together to the stadium.
Coach wasn’t a bad guy; he was a hell of a coach, and he never gave me too much shit because I was all about the team game.
He also enjoyed silence, so we walked together quietly.
When I got to the sports sciences building, he had told me not to worry about the result and to let him know what the doc said.
I had waited for him to go into the stadium, and then I had turned around and walked back to the house. My SUV was parked at the edge of the driveway to the house, and I simply got in and drove the long drive home.
When I got there, the house was empty, and I checked the kitchen calendar.
Mom and Dad were out, and Tilly was at a sleepover, so I had the house to myself.
Unlike Aunt Sable, my mom could cook, and I was happy to find some food in the fridge.
Gathering it all up, I had gone to my room and ate all the food Quinn denied me.
And that I denied myself.
After eating, I lay back on my bed, and then twenty minutes later, I threw it all up. I then spent some time hiding the evidence, and then, completely drained, I lay back down again.
The guilt at losing the game was running through me, the guilt at eating the food was chasing it, and the guilt at making myself sick was coming in hot as a third-place podium contender.
My phone vibrated again.
Squeezing my eyes shut, I reached out for it to switch it off of vibrate.
Tossing it on the floor, I tried to relax my mind. I had to breathe. I could feel myself spiraling out of control.
A voice penetrated my solitude, and then my bedroom door opened.
“Hey there,” my Aunt Sable said softly.
Opening my eyes, I saw her look around my room and notice my phone. “Aunt Sable?”
“Hey, champ, your cousins are freaking out.” She looked me over closely, and then with a sad smile, she came and sat beside me. “What have you done, my sweet Ash?” A cool hand reached out and stroked my forehead, and I shrugged as I looked away. “Did you eat?”
My head jerked once, and I heard her sad sigh. “I thought you had control of things? Did the game trigger you?” she asked me gently.
“Maybe.” I closed my eyes again as she continued to stroke my hair. “No? I dunno.”
“Okay, you want to talk to me about it?” I felt a gentle prod to my side. “Your mom’s going to be home soon if you want to wait?”
I shook my head as I pushed myself up into a sitting position. “You feel like lying?”
My aunt gave a light laugh and clasped her hands in her lap. “How much did you take out of the fridge?”
“All of it,” I answered honestly.
“Okay.” She hesitated. “Is it all gone?”
“Depends on your definition of gone.”
“Oh Ash.”
I dug the heels of my hands into my eyes as I drew my knees up. “I know, I self-destructed.”
“You can still win,” she said cautiously. “And even if you don’t, there’s next year and senior year. You’re only sophomores, you put so much pressure on yourself.”
“And the twins don’t?” I snapped angrily.
“Of course they do. You are all as bad as each other, you play like every game is your last.” I heard the frustration in her voice, and I waited for the lecture that I knew was coming. “But they don’t hurt themselves, Ash.”
Didn’t they? Gray fought with anyone who looked at him wrong, and Jett slept with anyone who smiled his way. My cousins self-destructed in their own way. Rolling my head on my shoulders, I opened my eyes to look at my aunt.
“It’s not a big deal, it was a one-off,” I assured her. “Why are you here?”
Aunt Sable huffed out a laugh. “Well, my sons are apparently tearing up Cardinal looking for you. Onyx suggested you may be home.” She handed me my phone, her eyebrows rising in surprise when she saw the number of missed calls.
“I didn’t think they would notice I was gone,” I admitted as we shared a look.
Aunt Sable stood, but she bent down and kissed my head. “Then you’re more off than I thought. You know they would always notice.”
Grunting in acknowledgment, I got off the bed too. “They’re just too scared they’re missing out.” I tried to keep my tone light.
“You’ll be okay? You want to come over to ours? Kerr is in his office, but I can drag him out and we can watch a movie?”
“Let me deal with your sons first,” I said as I opened the phone, and then I hesitated. How many times had they called? Then I saw the messages in our group chat.
Gray: Need you at the apartment
Jett: Did you get Gray’s message, call me
Gray: Ash, get your ass home
Jett: Ash? You okay?
Gray: Where the fuck are you?
Gray: Answer the fucking phone
Gray: I swear I will break my other hand on your face
Jett: Ash, you okay?
Gray: I will kick your fucking ass — answer the fucking phone
Jett: Need you here cousin, shits gone down
I had a separate text from Queeny.
Quinn: Before they start killing people, can you please call them or me? Please.
I heard my aunt tell me she would be over at the house, and as she left, I dialed Gray.
“Where the fuck are you?”
“I’m at home, what’s happening?” I said as I reached for my jeans.
“Home? The football house?” Gray asked in bewilderment.
“No, your mom told me you were looking for me.”
“My mom . . .” I heard the stillness. “You went home?”
“Yes, I just told you that. Now why are you blowing up my phone?”
“You need to get back here, we need you.”
I heard his pissed off tone and knew he was closing down on me. “Gray, just tell me now. I’m going over to Aunt Sable’s to watch a movie.”
“Are you deaf?” he snarled down the phone at me. “Get your fucking ass in that car and get here. Now.”
He hung up.
Asshole.
A few seconds later, I answered the phone to the calmer of the twins. “Jett.”
“Someone broke into their apartment, completely trashed it. Your room’s . . . Yeah, you need to come back.”
“Is Red okay?” I asked as I pulled my jeans on and shoved my feet into my sneakers.
“Yeah, she’s, um . . . Can you just get back?”
As I jogged down the stairs, I waited. “Just tell me,” I snapped.
“Just get here, okay? Campus police are here.” He lowered his voice. “Tell me there was nothing on your laptop.”
“I’m not stupid.”
“Okay, we’ll probably be back at the house by the time you get back.”
“Fine.” I went to hang up.
“Ash?”
“Yeah?”
“Next time, answer the fucking phone.”
I hung up.
Pausing at the foot of the stairs, I thought of my options. Aunt Sable would want to know why I was heading back so late. She wasn’t stupid. I wasn’t as good a liar as my cousins.
Shit.
Taking my phone out of my back pocket, I called Quinn.
“Ash? You okay?” Her warm voice calmed me more than I would like to admit.
“I came home,” I told her. “Aunt Sable found me, and I’m supposed to be heading over there now to watch a movie.”
“Okay.” I heard Quinn hesitate. “You need a lie.”
“A believable one.”
I heard her moving, and then it was quieter. “Tell me why you went home.”
“Needed some space.”
She waited.
I waited longer.
“Ash, don’t do this.”
“I needed space.” Resting my head against the front door, I sighed out loud.
“You eat?”
“Yes.” Clenching my jaw, I screwed my eyes shut.
“You throw up?”
“Queeny . . .”
“Okay.” Her voice was soft, caring. “Tell her that Coach called an early practice tomorrow. He wants Gray to practice without the splint, and you need to be here to stop Gray from being stupid.”
“Did he?” It wouldn’t surprise me.
“Not that I know of, but it’s believable.”
“Okay, um, thanks.”
“We can talk when you come home,” she said quietly. “I won’t tell them,” she added hastily when she heard my breath catch. “You know I wouldn’t.”
“Thanks,” I murmured. “Hey, is little Red okay?”
“Yeah, she was with Denzel, he stayed with her.”
My head snapped off the door as I straightened. “She’s with who now?”
Quinn’s peal of laughter sounded down the phone. “Come back now, but don’t be reckless. Drive safe.”
* * *
It was nearly two in the morning by the time I got back. What I hadn’t needed today was a seven-hour round trip home and back again. I was wired, though, and wanted to find out what was happening.
Pushing my bedroom door open, I stopped short when I saw her lying on the top of my bed.
Closing the door, I put my overnight bag down and crossed the room to look at her.
She was curled on her side, with her red hair spilling around her shoulders, one hand under her cheek as she slept.
She looked like a freaking Disney princess lying there.
If Disney princesses wore shorts and football jerseys.
My football jersey.
She looked small and helpless. I was familiar with those curves, but in a way, not familiar enough. Picking up the comforter, I draped it over her. The room wasn’t cold, but she would sleep better if she were warmer.
Red didn’t stir, and quietly I left my room.
I hesitated and then knocked on Gray’s door.
He opened it immediately, and I braced myself for the rage, but instead, he stood back, and I entered the room.
Quinn was still dressed and sitting cross-legged on the bed.
Jett was on his phone, lying across the couch, but he sat upright when I came in.
“Ava?”
“Sleeping,” Quinn told me. “You okay?”
“What happened?” I asked as I took a seat beside Jett.
“Mia decided to go to a party, because she was left alone,” Gray snapped.
“And if she hadn’t been alone and stubborn, she would have been in the apartment on her own,” I countered.
“Or,” Gray growled at me, “you would have been with her, and they may not have broken in.”
“To break in another day, you mean?” I snarked back at him.
“He’s right,” Quinn cut off Gray’s retort. “They’re probably watching. We need to assume they knew she was gone and Ash wasn’t around.”
“Is all my stuff gone?” I asked as I held Gray’s glare.
“Laptop is, everything else is trashed,” Jett spoke beside me. “Please tell me all the backups are here.”
I turned to him in surprise. “You haven’t checked?”
“Of course I checked, I just don’t know if you make copies.”
Scratching my head, I nodded. “I do, but they’re not accessible.”
“Which means what?” Jett asked me curiously.
“Onyx has them,” I told him.
“Oh, right.”
“I also have decoy laptops, the one that was there is completely blank. It has one document on it, and it’s Red’s assignment.” Leaning back, I looked between the three of them. “Why was she with Denzel?”
“Who cares?” Gray bit out. “Why were you at home?”
“I wanted a break,” I told him easily.
“From?”
“Here.”
“You are so full of shit—”
“Did you relapse?” Jett asked me quietly, cutting his brother off.
“I just wanted to go home.” Standing, I paced a little. “I’m tired and I wanted my own bed.” They both stared at me, and I struggled to meet their questioning gazes. “Will you both quit it?”
“You don’t need to be ashamed.” Jett watched me closely, and I knew these stubborn bastards wouldn’t stop.
“Yes, okay? Fine. I binged, I ate the contents of my mom’s fridge, including Tilly’s chocolate milk, which she will not forgive me for. Then about twenty minutes later, I threw it all up. You happy now?”
Quinn got off the bed and stretched. “Okay. Downstairs. We need to put something in your stomach.”
“I don’t want to eat,” I protested sullenly.
“Which is exactly why you will eat.” She held her hand out like she had so many times before, and I reached for it automatically. She glanced at the twins, and her look was stern. “Back off, get ready for bed. Ash is here and he’s fine.”
Two identical stares watched me before Jett nodded slightly. “We’ll see you in a little bit,” he said quietly.