Chapter 33 Mia
Watching them win was exciting. He looked happy.
They looked happy. I knew that Ava and Quinn were in the crowd somewhere — the entire college was in the crowd.
It was packed. Ava had pleaded with me to join them, but it wouldn’t have been right.
Ava and I had an awkward Wednesday night where we said little, which had never been us, and I resented the Devils more.
But when Jill arrived, it was as if we had hit pause, and we were back to us again.
After dinner, when I was sitting in front of the TV listening to Ava and her mom critique every football game played on Thanksgiving, it had almost been like the universe had pressed the “reset” button for us.
Now here I was, sitting in front of the TV, watching a football game.
I had never sat at home before and watched a football game willingly.
Ava had dragged me to home games in school and in college.
I didn’t follow the sport, but that’s what we did.
I went with her to games where she screamed and hollered all day, and then I dragged her to the parties afterward.
The reporter was on the TV, saying that the Cardinal Saints were in the conference championships.
I knew that was a good thing, and I was pleased for them.
When Gray came on to play, I had considered all of their mental health.
His hand was still injured, but it seemed quite obvious that his feet were not.
If all the games were as exciting as this one, I could understand why Ava loved it so much.
My phone rang, and seeing it was my mom, I braced myself. She had, as always, found an excuse not to visit, and she had jumped at the chance for me to spend the holiday with Ava and Jill here at school. Gloria did her own thing as usual.
“Hi, Mama,” I greeted as I sank back onto the sofa. I may have hated it at first, but it sure was comfortable.
“My check cleared.”
“I’m doing okay, thanks for asking,” I said as I inspected my toenails. Hot pink maybe wasn’t my color when my skin was so pasty white. “Thanksgiving was nice.”
“Why are you being dramatic?”
Said the actress. “How are you?” I asked instead.
“I’m going to LA.”
The perusal of my feet stopped. “What?”
“I got a job offer.”
“You haven’t auditioned in years.”
“Yes, well, some people recognize raw talent.”
Was she joking? Was I being Punk’d? “Mama?” I asked uncertainly. “Are you okay?”
“Oh, Mia, you’re such a negative girl.” I heard the disappointed sigh. “I have an amazing opportunity, and no doubt you want to complain about being abandoned or something equally pointless.”
Gloria Davis, everyone, aka Mom.
“I’m excited for you, but you just never said anything about working again.”
“I wanted to surprise you.”
“Well, it worked.” I laughed nervously. “So, tell me everything.”
My mother was packing up and moving to LA at forty-two years of age.
She’d read for a part on a new show, and they had liked her.
The role was a divorced mother of an ungrateful, troubled son.
I waited for the barb, but she managed to pass it by.
Filming started in two weeks, but she was moving now to settle into the apartment the studio was setting up for her and to see if she needed any work done.
“Wait a minute, they’re going to assess your face?” I asked incredulously.
“No, I am. I think I’ll have a little Botox, what do you think?” She sounded like a giddy teenager, and although I was happy for her, I was also trepidatious.
“You’re beautiful, Mama,” I assured her. “Don’t let them touch your face.”
She was silent for a moment, and then I heard her laugh. “Well, anyway, I know it’s Saturday, and I wanted to catch you before you girls go out.”
I looked at the empty space beside me and felt a pang of loneliness. I missed Ava. “I’m singing, Mama,” I blurted out quickly.
I heard the pause. “In public?”
“Yeah, in a bar with my friend and his band. It’s okay, Jill checked it out when she was here,” I assured her hurriedly. “I’m good, Mama.”
“Of course you’re good,” she said, almost in reprimand, as if my saying it meant I doubted it. “Just take my advice, Mia. Don’t sleep with the drummer, but have fun.”
“I would never sleep with Sticks,” I laughed.
“Good. Remember, babies ruin careers,” she advised, and I wondered if at any time in her life she knew how hurtful that was.
“I know, you tell me all the time.” I didn’t hide the bitterness in my voice.
“Ugh, and I’m the actress. Such a dramatic child.”
“Who’s my dad?”
My eyes widened at my own question, and I was scared to breathe.
“I’ll check in with you when I land, let you know how fabulous it all is,” she said breathlessly.
“Mama, just tell me.”
“Mia . . .”
“Mama, please.” I drew in a deep breath. “I won’t do anything, I just, I need to know.” I thought about Onyx knowing and not telling me. I thought about the way I had asked for their help, and while they were Devils about it, I knew I could have been better.
“You don’t. He’s nothing. A nobody. He isn’t worth your attention. Be better than him, Mia, be better than me.” She was going to hang up.
“Mom!” I surprised myself with how harsh I sounded. “I have a right to know.”
She was silent, and then I heard her clear her throat. “No. You really don’t. Knowing will change nothing about your life, Mia.”
“Does he know who I am?”
There was a long silence. “Yes. And he doesn’t care.” She hung up.
“Wow.” I stared at the phone and then tossed it to the other side of the couch. My mom was going to Hollywood to shoot a TV show. Was that real? I pinched myself and jumped when it hurt.
Onyx Santo knew who my dad was; I knew he did.
My mom refused to tell me. Well, there wasn’t anything else I could do about it.
I’d asked and been shut down. More times than I liked to admit.
I sniffed. He knew who I was and had never reached out.
I knew I had to let it go. I wasn’t sure when I became so obsessed with it.
I hadn’t been before. I let out a huge sigh.
Did it matter? I was who I was without knowing.
As I stared resentfully at the phone, I idly considered whether I would have been better off without knowing Gloria.
Snorting in amusement at my idle thoughts, I looked at my toenails again.
I could focus on what I couldn’t change, or I could focus on what I could.
My toenails, I could change, and they needed redoing.
Hot pink wasn’t a color I could pull off.
Halfway through my pedicure, my phone rang again. Seeing it was Bea, I answered.
“Mia, we’re getting very drunk!”
“Yay!” I laughed back. “Where and when?”
“Cedar! You coming?” she asked as I heard Wade and someone else in the background.
“Yup, I just need my toes to dry.”
“Also, I’m not supposed to tell you, but Shane is totally crushing on you.”
He was? Was that awkward? “Well, my mom just called, and she told me not to sleep with the drummer,” I told Bea with a light laugh.
“Oh hell no, you can’t sleep with Sticks!” She sounded horrified. “He’s into weird shit.”
I was actually intrigued, but it wasn’t worth asking. “How do you know?” I asked instead.
“Because he tells me!”
I started to laugh.
“Mia, it isn’t funny. He tells me all the weird stuff he does, and it traumatizes me!” Bea wailed.
“Oh gosh,” I giggled again. “You’re telling me tonight!”
“No! We’ll see you there?” Bea asked me. “We’re heading out at eight.”
“Absolutely, see you there.”
I finished my pedicure. My new shiny black polish looked good. With practiced strokes, I did my fingernails.
Checking the clock, I knew I had lots of time to get ready.
As I placed my hands under the nail lamp, I thought about what I would wear and what I could order for dinner.
Wanting something healthy but knowing I intended to drink and try to have fun, I ordered pizza.
I would eat salad all week to make up for it.
A few hours later, I was outside the house in Cedar, the music blasting, and I was shivering.
In black skinny jeans, with a black, off-the-shoulder crop top that showed a lot of cleavage and a lot of tummy, I was very conscious of my two slices of pizza when my stomach churned as I made my way up the stairs to the house.
My hair was loose around my shoulders, giving me some warmth in the cool night air.
When I got inside, I spotted Wade immediately and made my way over to them. Bea crowed over my outfit.
“You look like a slutty Sandy!” she declared, referencing Grease, her favorite movie ever.
“Wow, I don’t even know if you’re complimenting me,” I laughed as I hugged Wade.
“We’re doing tequila shots,” Wade told me.
“Already?” I asked and felt slightly nervous, remembering the last time me and tequila had a night. I didn’t want a repeat of that, and the conversation I had with Quinn came back to me. We’d both decided to stay away from the drinks we knew made us act badly.
“Yeah, stay here for shots, then we’re going to bounce to the football house.”
My stomach plummeted. “Really?”
“You serious?” Wade laughed. “They won, they’re in the conference game, that party is going to be lit.”
“And Ava will be there,” Bea said, oblivious to the fact that I didn’t want to see any of them.
“Yeah, she will.”
“You don’t want to go?” Bea asked me curiously. “Has something happened?”
“What? No.” I gave her my best smile. To heck with what I’d agreed. I needed that tequila if I was going to see any of them later. “Where’s those shots?”
Far too many shots later, which I had tried to dilute with three large glasses of water, I was very much aware that I was on my way to being drunk, but I was still in control, and that’s what mattered. Shane had given me his coat as the four of us had staggered to the football house.
Wade and I were singing, and Bea was laughing at both of us. At the foot of the path that led up to the football house, I slowed down. The music was playing loudly, and the party was in full swing.