Chapter 34 Mia
Opening my eyes, I stared at the bucket that was inches from my face. Moving away from it, I groaned as my body protested.
“Easy.” I heard the voice and recognized his touch.
“Why am I in your bed?”
“Because this is where I carried you last night.”
I turned over, and my stomach protested. “Oh God, I feel bad.”
I heard the humorless laugh. “Yeah, you will. I think you were drunker than you thought.”
“Mm-hmm.” I sat up. No, that was evil. Upright was bad; my body ached. “I think lying down is better.”
“You were the one who sat up.”
Dropping my head into my hands, I tried to keep control of my emotions. “Can you not?”
“Fine.”
“Why am I in your bed?” I asked again.
“You wouldn’t sleep anywhere else.” He said it so confidently, like he expected it.
“You say that, but I don’t understand.” And then I remembered that I cried all over him. “Oh.”
The chuckle was low, and I blamed my messy head for my body’s reaction to the sound. “You sure you weren’t drunk?”
“I was really careful,” I told him as I lay back down again. “I just got overwhelmed, I think. How bad? No, don’t tell me.”
“Am I not to tell you, or answer?”
“Ugh, just lay it on me.” I swung my legs over the bed and stood. I quickly resumed my seat. “Wow. Stood up too quickly.” Taking a deep breath, I tried again.
“What are you doing?”
“Going home.”
“It’s four in the morning, and you’re not walking home alone, and I’m too comfy to get up.”
I looked around the room and realized what I had mistaken for daylight was his bedside light. “Oh.” Turning, I met his gaze. “I cried all over you?”
“Yeah.” Ash half sat up. “I’m used to women crying over me.”
I smiled at his complete preposterousness. If I could say that, I couldn’t be drunk. “I just said preposter . . . prospertousness . . . prepos—”
“Please, God, make it stop.”
“I said it in my head,” I told him stubbornly.
“I believe you.”
This felt too intimate and awkward. I closed my eyes. “Can I come back to bed?”
“Yes.”
Gently, I got back in, and he covered me up again. “Am I in jammies?”
“Yup.”
“What am I wearing?” I looked down but just saw black.
“My shirt, Quinn’s shorts.”
“Okay.” I closed my eyes. “Is this okay?” I snuggled under the blanket.
“Yeah.”
“Good.” I let out a loud sigh. “How long do I have before one of the twins throws me out?”
“You’re okay here,” Ash said softly. “I’m sorry about your mom.”
Pulling the blanket up higher, I nodded. I didn’t want to talk about it. Not at four in the morning. “I cried myself to sleep, didn’t I?”
“Yup.”
“Did you have a good party?”
“Didn’t go.”
“Because of me?”
“Nah, you give yourself too much credit.”
“Do you hate me?” My voice was a whisper as I lay there in his bed, in his shirt, in his room.
I heard the click, and the light went out. “I don’t hate you, Red,” Ash said quietly as he moved under the covers. “But I really don’t like you when you’re drunk.”
“I wasn’t that drunk,” I protested. “I remembered . . .” He wouldn’t understand my conversation with Quinn after the last time, and I definitely didn’t want to relive the sext conversation, so I shut up.
But that didn’t feel right either. I sniffled, but a tear broke free.
“I’m sorry. I think it’s just all been too much, and it got on top of me. ”
“I get it. You don’t need to apologize,” he murmured. “Try to sleep.”
“Okay.”
I lay in the dark, my eyes open, my body sluggish and heavy from all the bumps and bruises I could feel, and all I could think about was the amazing guy beside me. Who picked me up when I was a mess and didn’t judge me, well, not too harshly anyway.
“Ash?”
“Yeah, Red.” His voice was heavy with sleep. “What’s wrong?”
“I watched your game. You played well. Congratulations.”
I didn’t think he would say anything, and he didn’t surprise me when he proved me right. He reached over and took my hand, interlacing our fingers. Closing my eyes, I settled myself to sleep. I had so much to do in the morning, and I fell asleep beside him, holding his hand.
* * *
The strong smell of coffee roused me from my sleep. Slowly, opening my eyes, I stared up at Ava.
“Hi, sleepy.”
“I’m so sorry,” I burst out and started to cry.
Ava hastily put the coffee down and climbed onto the bed properly. “Have you and Ash had sex in this bed?” she asked me cautiously, studying the sheets like they would bite.
I laughed even though I was crying. “Not recently.”
She climbed under the covers with me, and I rolled on my back as Ava scooted down and rested her head on my shoulder. “You feel okay?”
“I think I’m a mess,” I admitted.
“Yeah, that was a major meltdown for you last night.” Ava linked our fingers together, much like Ash had done the night before. “I’m sorry it’s all been so shitty, Mee.”
I let out a sigh. “It’s been horrible for everyone. I’ve been selfish, I made it all about me.” I struggled to form the words. “I’m just so used to it being just you and me, you know?”
“Yeah, I do. And I know, it’s been a lot.”
“At least this time I didn’t verbally abuse Quinn. I really wasn’t that drunk, I was so careful, because of the last time with Quinn, and she and I agreed, tequila is not my friend. I was drinking water between every drink, and I switched to beer.”
Ava squeezed my fingers. “Hey, it’s okay. Quinn’s fine. She went out with the others to give us space.”
“I chased them out of their own home?”
“Meh, it’s not just their home, there are other people here.” Ava wiggled slightly and then cuddled into me. “I think we’re past a heart-to-heart, don’t you? Last night, seeing you like that, I think it’s time to let it all out.”
“I’m still annoyed they won’t find out who my dad is.” It annoyed me that this was the first thing I said, but I couldn’t take it back.
“It’s not for them to do that, Mia. If anyone is going to tell you, it’s either your mom or your actual dad.” Ava was quiet for a moment.
“I asked Gloria,” I told her quietly. “Yesterday. She says she isn’t telling me. She told me he knows about me, but that he isn’t interested.”
Ava let out a low whistle. “That sucks.” She was quiet for a moment. “But . . . why are you chasing someone who doesn’t want to know you?”
Trust Ava to just say it. I closed my eyes against the ache in my chest. “I know you’re right.”
“You don’t agree though.” Ava tugged at my hand. “Mee, you’ve always felt like this, what changed?”
“I think it was knowing that Onyx knows. I don’t want him knowing something about me that is something I should know.”
“Onyx is a dick. He is,” Ava spoke slowly as if she were weighing her words first. “But I’ve seen that man quite happily sit back and watch an eight-year-old drop a bombshell, and he laughed.
Like it was amusing for him. He gets a kick out of awkward.
” She rubbed at her forehead. “For him not to tell you, I don’t know, Mee, I think you’re better off not knowing. ”
“I suppose you’re right. It’s just poopypants.”
“It’s shitty, but you’re still you.” Ava chuckled. “What else is bothering you?”
“You like Quinn more than me.” I clamped my jaw shut as I blurted it out.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“You spend all your time with her.”
“Because I’m here, and Quinn went through something awful and had no one to talk to about it, and she needs friends. People she trusts.”
I felt a cold wash of horror crash over me. “They don’t think I would tell anyone?”
“No, God no.” Ava moved her head to look up at me. “Even though it’s a bit tense between you all, they know you are one hundred percent loyal.”
“Well, that’s something,” I scoffed, but I realized it really was. The Devils trusted me.
Ava nudged me. “What else?”
“I told my mom I was singing in a band, and she told me not to sleep with the drummer.”
Ava burst out laughing and then stopped abruptly. “Sticks? Oh my God, are you sleeping with Sticks?”
I laughed softly, but I didn’t feel cheery. “No. I told my mom that I am on stage, singing in bars, in a band, and she told me not to sleep with the drummer, because babies ruin careers.” I heard the bitterness and knew that Ava would too.
“Oh, MeeMoo,” Ava sympathized and turned on her side to hug me. “I love your mom for her flair, her ability to turn anything into a drama, but she’s the most selfish woman I have ever met.”
“She does her best,” I said as I hugged her back.
“She really doesn’t.” Ava and I lay curled up together. “So, what’s the new show?”
I ran through the scarce details that Gloria had shared with me, and when I was done, Ava was quiet. “There you have it.”
“You’re not alone,” Ava said. “You’ll never lose me. Quinn actually really likes you and wants to be your friend.” Ava pinched me lightly. “You just need to let her in.”
“I’m scared Gray might kill me in my sleep.”
Ava laughed so loudly that I jumped. She ended up having to sit up as she started to wheeze. “Oh my Lord,” she gasped, “funniest thing ever.”
“I’m glad my impending doom is amusing to you.”
“Maybe you should be an actress?” Ava asked as she sat up properly.
“Seriously, can you stop with all the silliness? And I know silliness is the wrong word, but I am never, ever, leaving you. Ever. You’re my MeeMoo and I love you.
I know I’ve been wrapped up in Jett, and spending time with Quinn, but that never means I was replacing you. ”
“I know. I . . . I really do know.” I was going to cry again. “I love you too.” I sat up. “I need the bathroom.”
“Okay.”
“And I need food. Please tell me there’s food to go with my cold coffee?”
“I can make you something,” Ava promised. “We’re going to be okay,” she said, but I saw the hint of worry in her eyes.
“Yeah, I’ve just been . . .” I looked at her and shrugged. “I’ve just been overwhelmed, and I’m really bad at change, and it all got out of my control.”
“It’s been a lot for everyone,” Ava admitted quietly. “We all could have been a lot better. I’m really sorry you thought you were losing me.” She pulled me to her and we hugged, and I felt better just having her here and listening to me.