Chapter 1 Quinn #2
Our relationship was rocky; everyone knew it.
Ash believed his cousin took his side when I broke it off with him.
Gray had never spoken up in my defense. And why would he?
It wasn’t like he told them he was the one who told me to end it.
It wasn’t like he was going to turn around to his family and tell them he had fucked me in the girls’ bathroom not fifteen minutes after I confessed to Ash I’d cheated on him.
He knew I would never tell them either. I was already public enemy number one at that point; no need to drag him down with me.
Because for all the resentment I held for Gray Santo, the truth was simple.
I had been a willing participant. I had crawled onto his lap half-naked and begged him to touch me.
He hadn’t, but had he shown less restraint that night, I would have cheated on my boyfriend.
I would have, and the fact that I had the intent to cheat made me just as guilty as if I had actually had sex with someone else.
Not someone else.
Gray.
As I walked back to my dorm, my mind was on the past. There had always been something between Gray and me, a pull, a . . . bond? No, not a bond; that was too . . . binding. An attraction?
The very first day I met him, he called me stupid and a chicken. No, attraction was definitely not the right term. Yes, he was gorgeous, but they all were. It was more of a . . . challenge? Yes. He tested me and questioned me on every goddamn thing. Always pushing me. Always fighting back.
He argued over every single thing. Even when the fucker agreed with me, he would twist it so he looked like he didn’t. It was frustrating. He was frustrating. It was a constant fight, a struggle, a seemingly never-ending wrestling match. One where I would not be beaten, and he would not give in.
Gray was exhausting, it was true, but he was addictive. I craved him like he was a drug. When he turned away from me, I had never felt so empty. So alone.
Jett had stepped back for a few months to give Ash time to accept the breakup, which meant he watched his cousin sleep with anything in a skirt. Gray, to the best of my knowledge, kept his thoughts to himself. Was it guilt that stilled his tongue? Or his usual indifference to human emotion?
I laughed lightly as I climbed the stairs to my dorm suite, my harshness toward him lightening my mood.
I had a reasonably sized one-bedroom apartment with an adjoining bathroom and a separate living space.
I shared a kitchen and larger common area with three other girls, but they were clean and tidy, and I hardly ever saw them.
I knew they were all friends and hung out, but the offer was never extended to me.
Why would they?
I was Quinn Lawrence. I was friends with the Devils, and I was not known for being overly friendly with anyone else. Yes, I had female acquaintances, and there were lots of people I talked to, but I rarely spent time with them outside of campus hours.
Ava was the closest thing I had to a girlfriend, and she was wary of me, as well she should be.
I hadn’t given her a warm welcome. True, I’d thought she was a conniving snake trying to ruin my best friend’s career, but even though I was the cheating bitch in our group, I was still one hundred percent loyal. You did not mess with my boys.
I thought Ava was playing Jett, so welcoming I was not.
When I found out what had actually happened and knowing Jett would blame himself, I had made it my personal mission to befriend Ava.
In truth, as I got to know her, I liked her.
She was funny, open, and so genuinely honest I wanted to wrap her in cotton wool so she always stayed so guilelessly innocent.
Ava took everything at face value, and I truly wondered if her naivety was what drew Jett to her. Even though she had a sharp tongue and she spoke without thought, she wasn’t malicious. She wasn’t insincere. She wasn’t fake.
She and Jett were perfect together. Her wholesomeness was exactly what he needed to keep him centered.
Adding on to that, she was almost as obsessed with football as he was; she was the perfect partner.
It had been a few weeks since the incident with Derrick, and I think we had all accepted pretty quickly that Ava wasn’t going anywhere.
Slipping off my sneakers, I put them in the bedroom where I dropped my book bag. Walking back into the living area, I dropped ungraciously onto the couch, and as I closed my eyes, I heard the ping. I could ignore it. A minute later, it pinged again as a reminder that I had a message.
With a low groan, I pushed myself off the couch and went to the bedroom. I was pretty sure I knew who it was.
Gray: You back?
I contemplated ignoring him, but he would just message again. Control freak bastard.
Me: Yes
Tossing the phone onto my desk, I lay back down on the couch again. He wouldn’t text again. Knowing I was back home would be enough.
How did we ever become this? All those years ago, when I met them the very first day, how did we become four awkward kids to this . . . mess that we were now?
Onyx, the twins’ older psychotic brother, had told them when the three of them were twelve that I would either break them or make them. I hadn’t understood what he meant then, and I wish I didn’t know now.
My actions had only made them stronger. Lonely and unsure and so pathetically desperate to be seen by them, that I was a girl just like the girls they were chasing, I had let Ash kiss me. It was a mistake that should never have been repeated. But repeat it, I had.
To Jett, I would always be a sister. He saw me as nothing more, and weirdly, I had absolutely no desire for him to see me any other way. He was attractive, he was funny, he had a mean streak, and he was a shit hot quarterback, but all I ever wanted from him was his friendship.
Ash had been almost the same, but Ash said pretty things to girls to get kisses.
I knew he didn’t mean them, but Ash never looked at me the way he did the other girls, and it pissed me off.
When I told him that it did, he had laughed, and then he started to whisper pretty things in my ear, and his quiet words had made me blush.
Jett hadn’t paid attention, but it wasn’t Jett’s reaction I was looking for.
Gray had noticed, and it thrilled me that he did. Where Jett could be mean, Gray was cruel. Where Jett had a quick temper, Gray was explosive. Where Jett would be confused and would ask, his brother would become still and silent. And patient.
As Gray waited silently, watching and waiting for me to fuck it up, I made a mistake because I’d forgotten.
Forgotten that he was the most dangerous one of them all.