Chapter 13 Gray
Driving in silence, my head was a jumble of words and confusion, and twice I had to straighten the car as I drove on autopilot and didn’t pay the right attention to my surroundings.
I knew Jett was behind me, keeping his distance but close if I needed him, and I didn’t know if I needed him or needed her.
God, she tasted like I remembered, of sin and temptation. Her soft curves were mine to claim, and I knew how soft she was. She bruised so easily; she’d have marks on her skin tomorrow from where my fingers dug into her flesh tonight.
Two of the times that we had been together before were both hard and fast. The third time .
. . I exhaled as I thought about the night we spent together, where I’d stripped her bare and fucked her all night, her cries of pleasure fueling me.
My intent to leave my mark on her backfired in the worst way possible.
I had more than left my mark. I had gotten her pregnant.
And she never fucking told me.
I had no explanation as to why she never told me, and as I drove, I realized I had never asked. Too angry, too consumed with revenge on the people who had hurt her, I hadn’t asked her why she never told me.
Is that why? Did she think I wouldn’t care? Or was the thought of my baby so abhorrent to her that her only logical solution was to give it away?
Didn’t I have a right to have an opinion?
Didn’t I have the right to have a say? I knew all the arguments, and I agreed it was her body, her choice, but didn’t I, too, get a chance to be heard?
She would never have been alone in this, whatever she decided.
Didn’t she know that? As I drove through the blackness of the night, I realized maybe she didn’t.
Maybe she really thought she had been alone.
Alone and scared.
A small snort escaped me as I thought about how much we had in common, which is why she pissed me off whenever it came to us. She had chosen wrongly so many times, and the consequences of her actions affected us both.
Now look at us. Too jaded and wounded to be anything more than what we were.
Broken.
My head tilted back against the leather headrest as I stared at the road in front of me, my brother’s headlights a distance behind me. Always there, always ready for when I may need him.
With a sharp turn of the wheel, I pulled onto the shoulder and got out of the car, resting against the hood as I looked up at the night sky. Moments later, Jett’s stupid, flashy car was pulling in behind mine. He left his lights on low behind my car as he got out and joined me.
“I told her she needs to stay away.”
Jett was silent for a long time before he nodded. “Okay, do you think that’s for the best?” he asked quietly.
“Yes,” I answered sharply.
“Okay.” We stood there, and I knew he was giving me the space I needed. If I wanted to talk, he would listen.
“She never told me.”
“I know.”
“She never told me she was pregnant, and she never told me she was giving it away.”
“I know.”
I heard the heaviness in his own voice, and I knew he was having his own struggles with her decision.
“She called you that day. Not me.”
Jett straightened slightly beside me as I remained with my stare on the stars. “She did. I’m not defending her, but given what we now know, she must have thought I would be the easiest one to tell.”
Shaking my head, I turned to look at him. “It’s always you she goes to first.”
Jett met my stare, and I didn’t need to see the challenge in his eyes, daring me to argue with him. “She’s my best friend, I tell her everything, and until that day in the hospital, I would have said the same about her.”
“I’m your brother.”
“I’m aware.” His voice was dry, and even though I couldn’t see him clearly, I knew the eyebrow would be raised.
“She didn’t tell me.”
“What are you angrier about?” he asked me, and I looked at him, not understanding.
“Is it because she told me tonight, are you pissed that she called me from the hospital, are you angry she was pregnant in the first place, or are you mad she never told you until she had no choice but to tell us both?”
I thought about it. “All of it.”
I heard his quiet scoff. “Or should you be angry that the girls we’ve seen on those delivery beds could have been her? That she was so scared of our reaction, she panicked and thought she couldn’t tell anyone, not even me.”
“We let her down?” I asked skeptically.
“We failed her, and I think we should remember that. We failed her in every way possible, and I don’t think it’s you who should be telling Quinn to stay away from us,” he finished quietly, noticing my wince when he said her name.
“Maybe you’re right.” I shrugged. “But that doesn’t change that I feel like this and that I could still happily wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze.”
Jett gave a humorless laugh. “I don’t need to know your kinks, little brother,” he said quietly as he nudged me with his shoulder.
“Did she tell you why she never told me?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t make me fuck up my other hand, Jett,” I warned.
“She said she saw you in Dustin’s pool house with someone else, she left for the family skiing weekend, and when she came back, you were in a relationship.”
“What the fuck is she talking about?” I asked in confusion. “Who?”
Jett looked at his boots. “I think it was one of Onyx’s friends.”
And I remembered. Closing my eyes in resignation, I let out a long sigh.
“I didn’t fuck her,” I growled, pushing myself off the car angrily. “I told her to get out. I was trying to sleep. I was drunk.”
We’d all been at Dustin’s end-of-school party that he held before graduation.
Quinn and I had been with each other a few days before, but she had been more aloof and distant than usual after it, and I’d given her the space she seemed to want.
I’d gotten wasted at the party, relieved school was over, and I had a few weeks to enjoy summer before training started for college football.
After graduation, Quinn was so scarce, I hardly saw her at all, and then Jett came home one day and told Ash and me that he’d spent the day with her in the hospital and was taking her to the cabin.
Quinn had miscarried, and he said she was acting off.
On top of everything, he said she was too jumpy, as if she was scared of someone.
Quinn Lawrence had never been scared in her life, no matter what names I called her.
I’d waited until Ash had asked his questions and Jett had told him what he knew. He looked devastated, as did Ash. But I kept it all inside. Ash asked how many weeks she had been pregnant, but Jett didn’t know — she hadn’t answered him when he had asked her.
I thought she’d fucked someone else.
I thought it was someone else’s kid.
And she let me think it.
I didn’t begin to suspect it was mine until I saw her on her first day of school at college. Her hair was longer, she’d lost weight, her skin lacked color, and she couldn’t look at me when she spoke to me.
I watched her for a week, and so did Jett. By the end of the week, Jett had been busy. He was sure there was something else. He thought she was scared of the guy who had gotten her pregnant. She answered a few questions from him in the beginning, and then she clammed up.
We never expected to uncover what we did.
The more we dug, the more we found. Progress was slow, though, and it had only really been the last few months where we were getting anywhere.
The first time we saw that film, I remember how sick I felt. That could have been her. That could have been her bleeding out on the table as they ripped her baby, my baby, out of her. It was horrific. Then they walked out of the room and left the girl dead on the table.
Forgotten.
I couldn’t forget.
It consumed me. I saw Quinn on that table every time I closed my eyes. The need to know if it was mine ate at my insides. And she didn’t see it. She didn’t see the damage she was doing by keeping her silence.
Or she didn’t care.
The night Jett texted me to say she needed me, I’d held her as she cried, and as she clung to me, I knew with no more doubts that it was mine.
And still, she didn’t tell me.
When she stopped crying, she pulled that fucking mask she wore so well on, thanked me for the comfort, and then held the door open and asked me to leave.
I could have challenged her, to be fair. I could’ve quite happily shaken her until she told me everything, but instead, I had walked out and left her. At her request.
I didn’t know who was right, but I knew we needed distance from each other now.
“Are you okay?”
His question brought me back to the side of the road, both of us standing in the dark, cool Tennessee night.
“No.”
Jett reached out and clasped my shoulder. “I’m truly sorry.”
My head hung low as I bowed my head, and I felt an emotion other than rage. Sorrow. My eyes squeezed closed as I fought it back. If I let myself feel it, it would consume me.
“I know,” I told him as I raised my head and looked at him. “It’s good she has you.” I hated it. I had always been jealous of their relationship, but in this moment, I was glad she had someone, even though it wasn’t me.
“You can’t do this anymore.” Jett’s hand dropped away from me. “This recklessness. Onyx is involved now, and we both know that’s dangerous.”
“He’s on my side.”
“We’re all on your side,” Jett snapped. “But we’re in the middle of something huge, and we would be stupid to think this is for us to fix.
” At my glare, he held his hands up in acceptance.
“I know. I know, I thought we could do this, but whoever came for Harry tonight, they aren’t fucking about.
They were happy to leave him for dead in his basement. ”
“Maybe we should have left him,” I grunted. Rubbing my head, I looked over at my brother. “What else did he say? Did he recognize her?”
“I don’t think so,” Jett answered carefully. “He didn’t tell us any other names, but you think you know one of the guys who came tonight?”