Chapter 23 Quinn
My dad looked at me in the kitchen, and I waited quietly before he gave me a curt nod and went to his study. I wasn’t offended, as dad kept things tight to his chest, a bit like the other man in my life.
“Can I make you anything to eat?” Anne asked me as she stood to the side, and I recognized that I had hurt her too by not telling her. Embracing her, I felt myself relax a little in the tight hold she held me in. “I’m so sorry, Quinn, I’m so sorry you went through this alone.”
And I had gone through it alone, and I had foolishly thought that I had to. I had support, I had a family that loved me, and I had chosen to keep them all out and keep my pain to myself.
“I think I was numb,” I admitted as I drew back a little.
“I didn’t know what to do, and my options seemed so limited, but now, when I realize what I could have had, they weren’t.
Gray would have accepted me and the baby with no hesitation.
Dad, well, he wouldn’t have been delighted being a grandfather so early, but he would never have cast me aside, nor would you.
It wasn’t the best situation, but I would have and could have made it work.
I was just too blind to all of that because all I had was my fear. ”
“Adoption is a big step,” Anne said carefully. “I mean, it’s not like you would have been able to hide the fact you were pregnant.”
“I know.” I gave a rueful shake of my head. “And I never really thought about how I was going to discuss this with . . . anyone really.”
“Did Gray know?” Ava asked from where she was standing in the kitchen. She was leaning against the counter worktop, and there was no judgment in her face or her tone.
“No.” I took a deep breath. “I never told any of them. All they knew was that it happened.”
“He’s so incredibly protective of you,” Anne murmured as she walked to the fridge. “I don’t think he would have supported your decision for adoption. I mean, I know he would have, because of how he feels about you, but he wouldn’t have been happy.”
The laugh that burst out of me had too much emotion. I could feel the pain and the hurt, and also the genuine humor at the fact that Anne was so incredibly right. “I made such a mess of everything, I don’t know why he loves me.”
It was Anne’s turn to chuckle. “Because you’re amazing,” she said. “I don’t care if I’m biased and you don’t listen, you are. That boy’s loved you for years.”
“I dated Ash,” I said as I stared at the floor.
“You were seventeen. You’re allowed to make the wrong choices.” Anne poured herself a glass of wine and then looked at us both before she pulled two more glasses from the shelf. She poured us each a glass and handed it to us. “I think we all need this.”
Ava murmured her thanks and took a sip.
“I guess you girls want to be alone.” Anne gestured to the door and sighed. “I need to check in on your father. He doesn’t show it, but this will have rocked his foundation a little.”
“He’s disappointed,” I said sorrowfully as I placed my glass on the counter.
“I think he’s hurt that you went through this on your own. He won’t understand why you didn’t tell him, and honestly? I think he’s going to blame himself that you couldn’t tell him.”
“It wasn’t, I didn’t mean . . .”
“I know,” she said as she reached over and squeezed my arm.
“I know, Quinn. I’ll go explain to him and let him come to terms with it all.
” She walked to the door and then turned back to look at me.
“I’m sorry you couldn’t come to me with this.
I feel like I failed you as a parent, and I know I’m not your mom, but I should have never allowed you to think I wasn’t here for you. I love you very much, Quinn.”
The tears I had been holding at bay spilled over, and I nodded at her as my capacity for words had left me. When she was gone, I looked at Ava, who wordlessly closed the distance and pulled me tight into her arms and held me while I cried.
Cried for the loss of my baby and for the hurt I had caused my family because I didn’t think about them and how my actions hurt them too.
It wasn’t intentional, and I think I knew that when I made up my mind to keep my baby, they would have supported me.
I just didn’t give them the choice to help me heal from my loss.
I kept it all inside, and all I had done was hurt myself more and the people I loved.
“I love Gray,” I whispered into Ava’s shoulder.
Her snort of derision was loud in my ear. “Duh, really? I never would have guessed.”
“He loves me,” I said to her as I stood straighter.
Ava squinted at me as she looked me over. “Is this a newsflash to you?” she asked me curiously. “’Cause the whole damn world can see that the guy adores you. I mean, he doesn’t hide it.”
“But Ash . . .”
Ava nodded thoughtfully before she looked at me and the wine glasses. “I think he knew. I never understood the animosity toward you, and it felt off. It was more like a disgruntled friend than an ex, if you know what I mean?”
“I didn’t physically cheat on him,” I blurted out. I needed her to know that. “But I would have had Gray said yes. And I know that makes me a horrible bitch, and I understand if you judge me. I judge myself every day.”
Ava picked up the two wine glasses before she placed them down again and, opening the fridge, pulled out a bottle of wine, which she handed to me. “Snacks?”
“Top cupboard.”
As I watched her stretch for the chips, I stepped up behind her and took them off the shelf for her.
“Thanks.” She grinned, and then, picking up the chips and the two glasses, she looked at me. “Lead the way,” she said with a smile. “We have the wine, the snacks, and you need to purge your soul.”
“Purge my soul?” I asked as I started to leave the kitchen.
“Yup, get it all out. Every bit of angst and drama and Devils needs to come out. I’m here for it. I think we may need more wine, but fuck it, I can always make Jett run out and get some.”
She was so refreshingly honest and uncensored that, despite the awful day, I laughed. “I’ve never purged my soul before,” I told her as we headed to my bedroom. “It sounds painful.”
“Oh, it totally is. I hope you have tissues; we’re going to cry a shitload of tears.”
Pausing, I looked back at her, and she half shrugged. “I’m just being honest. If you don’t cry it out, you’re not doing it right.”
As I climbed the stairs, I thought about it. “You’re odd,” I told her offhandedly.
“Says the girl who only eats things in twos and hates green Skittles,” Ava mocked behind me, and the ridiculousness of her statement had me chuckling as I entered my bedroom.
We spent the next few hours just talking, crying, and drinking wine. A lot of wine. Anne made us sandwiches and sat with us for a while as we talked. Well, I talked. It was nice, and Ava was right, I felt lighter after it.
I didn’t tell them what the guys had been doing for the past year.
I trusted Ava, but I thought the fewer who knew about their revenge plan, the better for everyone.
Selfishly, I think I would have preferred not knowing.
I can’t say I blamed them, and the more I mused on it, the more the burning rage within me began to grow.
Gray was right. They were all right. The agency couldn’t get away with this. I had been lucky in my escape, and just that thought alone made me realize how fucked up everything was that I considered myself lucky to have escaped them, considering what it had cost me to do so.
Jumping to my feet, I staggered slightly. Ava was dozing on my bed, and Anne had long since left us. I hadn’t a clue what time it was, but I needed to see him. I needed to tell them I was all in.
Running down the stairs, I ran to their house, my desire to let them know I was no longer hiding burning within me.
Seeing the back lights still on, I headed to the kitchen and burst through the patio doors like a woman possessed.
Gray was on his feet instantly, and I didn’t even register the full table of occupants.
“Jett!” I called out, and Jett was suddenly beside his brother. “You’re right — you’re absolutely right — I need to tell you everything. We have to stop them.”
“We will,” Jett said as he walked around the table to meet me. “You okay?”
“Yes. I’ve plurged my soul.”
I saw him glance to his side, and then I saw him fully. Gray. He was grinning at me as he walked toward me. Lord, he was hot. “Are you drunk, Queeny?” he teased me as I reached out to him eagerly, stumbling a little as I did so.
“I think I am.” I nodded emphatically. “We have to stop them, Gray.” I wrapped my arms around him and looked up at him, my eyes wide.
“I know.” He dropped a kiss on my nose and then turned to the others in the room. “I think I may need to take her home.”
Looking around, I saw them all. Kerr, Kage, Jett, Ash, and Onyx.
Onyx.
“Why do you hate me so much?” I blurted to him, and I saw him assess me before he dismissed me. “No.” Pushing away from Gray, I marched to the table and poked him in the chest. “You’re always such a prick to me, why? I did nothing to you, ever.”
“I don’t like you, it’s that simple.” Onyx leaned back out of my touch, and I wasn’t having it.
“But why?” I staggered a little as I stood straighter, but I wasn’t willing to let it go. “You have no reason to be such a complete dick to me.”
“Okay.” He shrugged, and I narrowed my eyes at him, or at least I think I did.
“You’re a dick.”
“You’re a bitch.”
“I am a bitch,” I agreed as I nodded. “But that’s no reason to hate me.”
I heard the muffled snickers, and I looked around the room. Kerr and Kage were watching me, both trying to hide their amusement. “Oh, I forgot you were here.”
“Thanks,” Kerr said dryly.
A warm hand tugged at mine, and I turned to look at Gray. He was so beautiful, my hand reached out to touch his face. “Hey,” I said quietly.
“Hey.” He tucked my hair behind my ear and pulled me closer. “Do you know you’re in your jammies?”
Looking down, I saw my sleep shorts and camisole top. Oh. “Um . . . no.” Looking up at him, I bit my lip. “We had wine.”
“You don’t say,” he laughed. “C’mon, little lush, let’s take you home.”
“Jett!” I called out, my hand reaching out for him. “You have to let me help.”
He nodded, but even in my confused state, I saw him glance at his dad. “Oh shit, um, I mean with an English paper.”
Ash snorted, and I looked at him as he rubbed his forehead. “Good thing they already know.”
“Oh.” That wasn’t good, was it? “Oh . . . um.”
“Please stop talking,” Gray urged me as he pulled me to the patio doors.
“Okay,” I mumbled as he led me outside. When we were around the side of his house, I pulled him to a stop. “Hey, do you remember the night we had sex here?”
He turned back to look at me, and I saw the sudden hunger in his eyes. “I do. You scratched the fuck out of my back.”
Pulling him toward me, I leaned against the wall, the stone hard on my bare back. “You held your hand over my mouth the whole time to stop me from screaming.” I tried to sound sexy and husky, but I wasn’t sure it worked, because Gray was grinning widely at me.
“Queeny, are you trying to seduce me?” he teased.
Was I? Damn right I was. “Is it working?”
“No, babe.” He chuckled as he took my hand and pulled me off the wall.
“Why not?” I heard the whine in my voice and flinched at how needy I sounded.
“Because you’re wearing your PJ’s, you’re freezing, you have no shoes on, and most importantly, you’re shitfaced drunk.”
I considered his words as I followed him back to my house. “Which one is the turnoff?”
Gray laughed in the dark, a loud unrestrained, burst of sound. “It’s a toss-up between you turning blue and being too drunk to know what you’re doing. I prefer you sober.”
“Huh, not many people can say that,” I muttered as I entered my kitchen. I went willingly into his arms when he pulled me close.
“Are you okay?” he asked me as he wrapped his arms around me.
“No,” I answered as I looked up at him. “But I think I will be.”
“I’m here with you. I’m going nowhere.”
“You’ve always been here.” It was true; I may have had more wine than I intended, but it was true, and I knew he could hear the truth in my words.
“I really wish you were sober right now,” Gray groaned as he pulled me into his embrace quickly before pushing me away. With no effort, he picked me up bridal style and carried me to my bedroom.
Ava was sound asleep on one side of my bed, and I heard Gray’s huff of amusement as he took in the disarray in my bedroom. The empty wine bottles, the glasses, and the dirty plates.
“Jesus, you girls don’t mess around,” he commented as he dropped me gently onto my bed. “Go to sleep, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Stay?”
“Your dad’s already close to killing me; let’s not sign my death warrant.”
“Daddy will be fine. He knows how much I love you.”
Gray’s breath caught, and then he looked at me so fiercely I thought I had said the wrong thing. “You don’t get to say that to me drunk. Tell me tomorrow when you’re sober.”
“It won’t change,” I promised.
“It better not.”
He kissed me swiftly, and then he was gone.
Sighing, I turned onto my side and faced Ava, who was looking back at me. “You did the drunk emotional feelings thing,” she said with a heavy sigh.
“I did.” I nodded as I placed my hands under my head.
“You’re not so scary after all,” she muttered.
“Not even a little bit,” I agreed.
“Still weird.”
“You’re weirder.”
We fell asleep grinning at each other like idiots.