33. Luna
33
LUNA
I paced back and forth in my room, so much so I was surprised I hadn’t created an indented pathway with my feet.
It had been hours since Valentino brought Giulia and me home. The man was currently guarding us from outside the house, along with a dozen other men whose names I didn’t know, and Giulia was in one of the spare bedrooms.
I had checked on her fifteen minutes before, and though she looked to be fast asleep, there was this restlessness to her that made my heart pinch. It was going to take us a while to get over what we saw tonight.
So many dead bodies.
I had never seen so many dead bodies in my entire life. And Matteo…
He could have been hurt trying to protect us.
And the scene of Massimo breaking the neck of a man right in front of me, reminding just how ruthless and cold my husband could be when it came to human life.
For a moment, I had been scared of him.
That was why I hadn’t run to him when Giulia did. I didn’t know what to think.
But then he shot me a look that reminded me so much of my Massimo, and I…
I could accept what my husband did… who he was.
I could accept it all as long as I got to stay by his side and never leave. But it had been hours since we left the warehouse, and Massimo still wasn’t back. I could feel my mind slipping into that dark place that I didn’t want to go into.
I needed him.
I looked out the window.
The moon was shining brightly through the open curtains. I didn’t have the lights on. I didn’t know why, but the thought of turning on the light while I was alone was almost too much.
I let out a small sigh and looked around. My eyes had long ago adjusted to the dark, and I could make out just enough to see the furniture in the room.
How long was it going to be until he came back to me?
I just…
I took in a deep breath.
It wasn’t working. I needed… something.
Anything to keep me calm, but there was nothing for me to hold onto, and I was?—
Arms wrapped tightly around me from behind. I froze as the familiar scent of him invaded my nose and calmed my heart.
“Tighter,” I choked out. “Hold me tighter.”
I felt him tighten his arms around me. “You’re okay. I promise. You’re okay. I won’t let anything happen to you.”
I shook my head. “What if something happens to you? I can’t—” Tears clogged my throat. I pressed my hands against his arms. “Nothing can happen to you. I won’t be able to handle it.”
“It’s okay, baby. Nothing is going to happen to me.”
“Promise me,” I demanded.
“I promise.”
I shook my head. He didn’t know that and didn’t know what could happen in the future, so why was he making me a promise from a lie?
“I need you,” I said.
“I know.”
“I love you. It’s your fault for making me fall in love with you.”
“It’s my fault,” he agreed softly.
“So you don’t ever get to leave me.”
“I won’t ever leave you.”
“You don’t get to die.”
“I won’t die.”
I knew he was only saying those things to placate me, but it was helping.
I turned around, seeing the moonlight catching in his eyes. They flashed with something primal. Something raw and unexplainable.
“I was so worried when I didn’t see you in all the chaos,” I said.
“I know, baby. And I’m sorry you were put in that position. It’s my fault.”
I shook my head. “Will it always be like this?”
He hesitated, telling me enough.
“I can’t promise that we’ll have peace. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but I can promise you that I will always try my damndest to come back home to you.”
It should be enough, but I didn’t want him to try. I wanted the reassurance that we would be able to grow old together, even if I knew that wasn’t possible. No one could have that reassurance, not even couples who weren’t involved in this world as we were.
“I never had a reason to live for,” he said as if he could sense how much I was trying to keep from breaking. “My entire purpose had been to ensure my siblings were safe. The rest just didn’t matter, including my own life.”
I let out a choked breath at his words. He pulled me in closer to him.
“I do now,” he said softly. “You made my world explode in beautiful colors, Luna. You make me care about more than just my responsibilities. So I will always try to get home to you, understand?”
Tears streamed down my face. I tried to speak but couldn’t, the words firmly lodged in my throat, making it painful just to swallow, let alone speak.
So I kissed him instead.
I kissed him until I could feel my muscles relaxing. Until the lodge in my throat didn’t have me in such a chokehold. Until everything was calm and quiet once more. Until I didn’t have to focus on anything but the fact that I was in his arms, feeling his solid form beneath my palms, his breath against mine as we shared the same air, and he was here with me.
“I love you,” I said, pulling back.
“And I love you,” he answered. Like I knew he would. Like I knew he always would. “Now until forever.”